There are a lot of ways that I can describe how being a mother is to me, and many more times over I can tell you that I lack the vocabulary to make a single constructive sentence about what it's been like. Ups and downs don't even begin to describe it. Every moment has had some kind of feeling and meaning, and by the end of the day the exhaustion I have from experiencing a day full of babies correlates to me being pretty worn out (and, more than occasionally, wondering if I should go with a red or a white or just settle for whatever won't require me getting the corkscrew out).
The babies are moving into the next stage, which is where you can interact with them and enjoy them. I thought I loved the newborn stage the most, and I do, but I also love this stage the most. Maybe this is what it's like - you have a "bestest best" phase and head into another "bestest bestest best" phase.
Once you have babies your grammar, it really goes out the window.
Nick is the one I have two nicknames for - one is a deviation of his name and the other is "Bean", and if you can work out why I call him that then you will be the owner of my respect. And no, it's not because of this guy. I fucking hate that guy with a pathological hatred usurped only by my loathing of electric can openers, men that believe that they really are ribbed for her pleasure, and those Hostess snack cakes that are highlighter-pink rubbery half-domes that contain no trace of coconut or, while we're at it, chocolate.
Nick is a card. He's usually grinning or looking around and he kicks his little legs in excitement at the slightest provocation. Sometimes I pop him in a car seat and put him on the middle of the kitchen table (relax, I never leave him there alone or perch him on the very edge to test that little thing called Fate). We keep each other company, and last night I turned on the TV above the table to see his reaction. He went absolutely mental with delight over this show, and I plan on repeating the experience for Angus to see tonight. I was so overwhelmed by his happiness at the program that I teared up - it's so amazing when they're happy, and you find for the first time in your life you mean it when you say "I'm happy if you're happy". Worth every minute of it all.
(Yes, that would be me allowing my 16 week-old to watch 20 minutes of TV. But it was on CBeebies, which I think is some form of baby crack because as an adult I can tell you that a lot of those characters wig me the fuck out. And I don't feel bad or guilty about it because they do not get to watch TV, because CBeebies is designed to be educational for young children, because he can't really see the TV so well still and because what I saw of this programme made me believe it was sweet and kind and I like those values. Screw it, enough apologizing. He can have his 20 minutes of CBeebies as he's so delighted by it. Enough said.)
Nora has two nicknames as well. I call her My Little Sparrow, which is confusing as sometimes I call him that as well. Mostly I call her by a male variant of her first name combined with the last name of a childhood book character I loved dearly. I know that's confusing, but I can't give you much more than that because then you'll work out her name and she likes to roll incognito.
Both babies got their shots and weigh-ins yesterday. Suffice to say the vaccinations went ok - Nora screamed bloody murder until I had her bundled up in her clothes and winter coat again, then she stared at all of us as if to say "There, now try getting the needle through all this kit, I dare you!" Nick stuck his lower lip out and let it tremble, which earned him enormous hugs from three different nurses.
My boy, already a flirt.
The babies were on the small side before, in the second percentile. The last time they were weighed was 6 weeks ago, and in that time we've gained only a kilo (2.2 pounds), bringing Nora to 4.5kg (9.9 pounds) and Nick to 4.6kg (10.1 pounds) and both should be somewhere around the 6kg (13 pound) mark. This means we've tumbled from the 2nd percentile to the lowest of the low, the 0.4 percentile. I'm not 100% sure on how percentiles work, but the midwife explained it thus: of 100 babies, the idea is that x amount of babies should weigh x weight at x age. It's a lot of xes, especially for someone like myself, who lacks The Math Gene. Basically, if you have a baby in the 90th percentile then out of 100 babies 90 of them should be that weight, which doesn't necessarily make sense as what you're supposed to aim for is 50th percentile, aka "Hi, I'm Average". But my 0.4 babies are really scraping the bottom. I don't understand how you can have 0.4 of a baby. And as I have two of them maybe I qualify for 0.8, or a "Supersize Me!" sticker or something. I dunno.
The midwife looked at me.
No, I'm preparing them for heroin chic. Ribcages are the new black.
(No you cannot see their ribcages. They have round tummies and are even getting that perfect ideal of babydom known as chunky baby thighs.)
"Yes, they eat 5 times a day, 150mL a time. I'm happy to feed them as much as they want, they just aren't interested."
Further discussions reveal the likely causes to be colds both babies have had, as well as the supplemental formula we had to use in the States - I had my math wrong and hadn't brought enough formula with me, so we used an SMA-Enfamil blend that their stomachs didn't appreciate (think melted butter. Think green medlted butter. Now put that visual in a diaper and you'll see where I'm coming from. Fun times, man. Fun times.)
We're on a monitoring program now, and we go back in two weeks to see if their weight has improved. The midwives aren't too worried as she examined them and they were happy and healthy (really they were, even when they were naked as jaybirds on the midwife's butcher scales which would have affected me greatly-I'd have lain there thinking: Are people looking? Do I have a crusty fanny right now? Is there a draft in here?), as if their weight is still too low in two weeks we'll investigate other formulas that may be more calorie rich. The midwife was impressed that at 16 weeks they sleep 10pm-8am every night, which I'm pretty happy about too, I can assure you.
I headed home with my little bird-like twins and we settled in.
One more change to our routines is that I no longer sing them "their song", that Josh Groban song Lullaby that I used to play them, that I used to sing and hum to them while holding them close, that prompted images in my head of me singing, my hair flowing loose and me dressed in a white gossamer gown. Only my hair is short now, and white gossamer, I'm thinking, would show the period stains in a bad way. Now when I want to reassure and comfort them, I sing a new song that they both love, that they both will (sometimes) stop crying just to listen to. I'm not sure what made me think of this song, but it works, so even though I feel ridiculous we go with whatever will head off the screaming.
And so it goes that during diapering (the times Nora hates most), you can hear the sound of their vegetarian mother's voice throughout the house singing the following song:
-H.
1
Are you kidding, that song still makes me stop and listen.... And I hate bologna!
Cheers to the bestest best!
Posted by: Angela at January 25, 2008 11:13 AM (DGWM7)
2
I love starting my day reading about yours, Helen. You crack me up!
Hugs to you all.
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at January 25, 2008 01:32 PM (+MvHD)
3
My bologna has a second name, it's MAYER
I too sing this to Graeme all the time along with ...
I wish I was an Oscar Mayer weiner
That is what I'd tru;y like to be
'Cus if I was an Oscar Mayer weiner
Everyone would be in love with me!
Posted by: Anita at January 25, 2008 01:41 PM (hhckZ)
4
You are priceless! Did you know that?
Posted by: kenju at January 25, 2008 01:42 PM (yvCMb)
5
Mr. Bean makes me shiver. In a bad way.
Posted by: Dotty at January 25, 2008 01:46 PM (KJE2B)
6
The Oscar Meyer song is much better than my son's "sit up and listen" song - which was "Walk This Way" the Aerosmith version and when I got to "just gimme a kiss" I'd smooch him on his belly and he'd smile and babble.
Posted by: oddybobo at January 25, 2008 02:28 PM (mZfwW)
7
Man, the infant days are hazy for me now. I mean, I loved it, and hated it. They say the first three months is the hardest. Fuck that, I say the first six and then it gets hard in a different way, but also more fun, which makes up for the fact that oh yeah, I remember now how it took me 90 minutes to change your diaper and how I lost 47 pounds in the process.
I can see where that amnesia comes from.
And don't for one second feel guilty about TV. We get half an hour of pure unadulterated peace from his dearly beloved Baby Signing Time DVD's, every.single.day. And I don't feel one bit guilty about it. He's learning, and I have some peace and quiet to start dinner, or whatever else I need to get done. I know he won't budge within a 2 foot radius of that TV when I have it on.
Posted by: statia at January 25, 2008 03:07 PM (lHsKN)
8
Our's were:You are my Sunshine...or the Oscar Mayer weiner song.
Funny what babies like to listen to!
Posted by: Kristen at January 25, 2008 03:51 PM (d/RyS)
9
I've taken to calling Nina (my bug-eyed-kittenface) Bean as well. A friend of mine used to call all people Beans. (Human Beans) It became her term of endearment, so I kinda like that Nick is a Bean. :-) And I think I know what first name you're calling Nora, but I can't figure out the last name.
My mom used to car-seat me on the kitchen table too so I could watch everything that was going on. Don't sweat it.
Posted by: Ms. Pants at January 25, 2008 04:39 PM (+p4Zf)
10
I think you got a bad explanation of percentiles. If a baby weighs in the 90th percentile, that means he weighs more than 90% of babies in his age range. NOT that 90% of babies should weigh that much! So if your babies are in the 0.4% range, that means that four out of 1000 babies weighs less than they do.
Posted by: Annika at January 25, 2008 04:43 PM (sOoJe)
11
I call Veronica "Peanut". Always have-always will. Scottie is my "Beezo"-the nickname his big sis gave him.
As for percentiles-don't sweat them. The way they always explained it to me was when Scott was in the 46th percentile, in a room with 100 other babies 54 of them would weigh more then him, and 46 would be the same size or smaller. In the end, all the doctors and I really cared about is that they were thriving, and not staying in the same percentile for too long.
And is it wrong that I like Mr. Bean? Probably, so don't answer that.
Posted by: Teresa at January 25, 2008 05:01 PM (UcI3n)
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Do you call him Bean because he's gassy?
Posted by: Sarah at January 25, 2008 05:33 PM (ifhg+)
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The nurse was being unecessarily confusing. What the centiles mean is that x% of babies weigh this much or less. So the 50th centile is where 50% of babies weigh more and 50% weigh less. 90th centile, 90% of babies weigh less, 10% weigh more. 0.4 centile, 0.4% of babies weigh less, 99.6% weigh more. Are they looking at the twins corrected age or their age from birth? That would presumably make a big difference.
Posted by: thalia at January 25, 2008 05:41 PM (IGlgm)
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That was an adorable post. Yes each new phase is the bestest best.
Posted by: the mother hen at January 25, 2008 06:31 PM (6ooUu)
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I really enjoy it when you write about the babies and I am well past the baby stage myself. I am not a sentimental woman, but your descriptions of your babies antics do bring a smile to my face. I can see how you love them very much and that no matter what happens in your life, the babies will always be a great wonderful thing. I am very happy to see how strongly your maternal feelings developed so quickly and fully. Every word you write about them speaks of love.
Posted by: Irene at January 25, 2008 06:35 PM (RL+iu)
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you will always find something great about each "phase"... it's called being a Mom!! Lovely post. (I laughed at the new song!)
Posted by: sue at January 25, 2008 09:08 PM (geYhK)
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Max is in the 3rd percentile -- which means as other commenters have said that 97% of babies are bigger than he is. I am always worried about it but the pediatricians keep saying that to have an average, you need small babies like Max and big babies like his best friend who is at the 95th percentile. Anyway, what is really important is that babies grow along the curve. I have posted the curve on my blog if you are curious about it. Max has been growing right under it BUT he is growing. It would be bad if your babies' growth suddenly plateaued. I am sure they will be fine once their cold is over.
Posted by: marie baguette at January 26, 2008 12:00 AM (BNqmF)
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Don't feel guilty about the TV; not everybody has nearby grandparents to take shameless advantage of. (My mother got to raise the first three pretty much All By Herself in one strange town after another while my dad was in the Air Force. She's ecstatic that we don't have to do that.)
Posted by: B. Durbin at January 26, 2008 03:41 AM (tie24)
19
Please explain to the non-British
... why is the midwife taking care of the babies' well-baby check ups and not the pediatrician? Typically I understand the British terminology since I work for the European branch of my company but don't understand that part... Thanks!
Posted by: Michelle at January 26, 2008 04:13 AM (9DCVU)
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I recall an alternate verse....
"Oscar Mayer has a way of Screwing up your DNA."
Posted by: LarryConley at January 26, 2008 02:01 PM (TkiHb)
21
hello, i have 2 sets of twins, and we have had all this about babies weight for each individual one of them. my eldest twins are now 8 and they are normal size kids now, it gave me the confidence to not allow my newest set of twins to be weighed at all, well since they've been 6 weeks old anyway, and i know they are still smaller than some (they're 2 yrs 3months now) but they are just right for their frames. making you worry about your babies weight is bad news, if they were born smaller than average which twins often are then you wouldnt expect them to have put on massive amounts of weight suddenly, and if they did you might worry then as would that then carry on and you have an obese child. i dislike all this need for us all to be average. good luck with your babes, they grow fast.
Posted by: carol at January 26, 2008 04:18 PM (f5Gva)
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Helen, not assuming you don't, but just to be sure, please strap Nick into the car seat. My friend's infant twin, keeping dad company in the kitchen, actually managed to strech himself, rock the seat, and take a rather scary trip to the floor. Fortunately he was uninjured save a tiny bump.
Thankfully, the rest of his new tricks were much less scary and way more fun....
Posted by: Suze at January 26, 2008 04:34 PM (ZgwzU)
23
Thanks for dropping by my place. Always nice to see another friendly ex-pat around with wee ones. :-)
I love your wee ones' names, Nick and Nora.
I think your midwife mis-explained the growth chart. My littlest monster, the 10 month old, like his brother before him, sits in the top 2% of the chart, which actually means he's bigger than 98% of other babies his age. But, also like his brother before him, I suspect he'll start sliding cocmfortably down the chart a bit during his first year....
I wouldn't worry too much about your twins' size at the moment. First of all, they're twins! which means they started out a bit smaller than most (else you would have exploded!); their size should be 'expected due date' corrected on the chart which will move them up it a bit; and, well, they're going to grow. A lot.
And then you'll be wishing they were a bit smaller as you try to lug two little lovely monsters about. ;-)
Posted by: ewe_are_here at January 27, 2008 01:43 PM (+Tzor)
24
Suze-Les Bebes, they are always strapped in, even if they're just in their bouncy chairs on the floor. I've been paranoid about that since they arrived, even strapping them in when they were newborns and unlikely to go anywhere.
Thalia-They're always calculated from their EDD, so all of our statistics are based on them being 12 weeks old, instead of 16.
Michelle-I think that's just the way it's done here, or at least here in our county it is, and Angus says it was this way in Sussex, too. We don't really have pediatricians, and the only time we saw one was when Nick and Nora were in the hospital. If there is a problem we go to our GP but generally, for most weigh-ins, wellness visits, vaccinations, etc, you go to the health visitor, who is a midwife.
Posted by: Helen at January 27, 2008 02:22 PM (Qu0sb)
25
Oh foo on the explaining things away and apologizing. I *know* you're trying to stave off the "you should" type of people but THEY SHOULD know you're careful, loving and no harm will come to your babies in your presence if you can humanly avoid it.
Thank you for sharing your emotions and your days with your little ones.
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at January 28, 2008 07:09 PM (IYBY1)
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I forgot to add: please don't worry overtly about the growth chart. It's just a "tool" that the professionals use. What they don't realize is that they help give birth to eating disorders. (I say that only half in jest. . .I still worry about my little one if he has a day when he's not voraciously hungry.)
Your babies are doing FINE. I guarantee you that one day you will look at a very healthy, hale toddler (or two) and marvel that they were ever this little.
*smile*
Seriously. They'll get over the formula changes and grow like little weeds. Promise!
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at January 28, 2008 07:12 PM (IYBY1)
27
OMG. You're just NOW getting to a new song? I can't even TELL you all the things "mama's gonna buy" that I made up during the nights my daughter was NOT sleeping all night. Some of them were somewhat...ahem...inappropriate. But I don't think she remembers, so it's ok. I sang every song I could come up with, including Barney songs, and commercials, and...well...everything. You can't hold it against somebody with a baby when trying to get the kiddo to go back to sleep.
Posted by: Tracy at January 29, 2008 01:49 AM (869MS)
28
My daughter was a champion spitter-upper and therefore didn't gain anywhere near the weight she should have. This all changed once solid food arrived. Also, the diapers changed, for the worse I might add. But such is the life of a parent.
Speaking of food, we made all of our own baby food. It was cheap, easy to make and store, it tasted better than the jarred crap and the kids loved it. If you think that you might be interested, I'd suggest
Homemade Baby Food as a good place to start. My wife and I used to whip up a week or two of food for the children on Saturday or Sunday, freezing it little ice cube trays before bagging the food cubes. Just nuke/thaw and serve. Really easy, very healthy and-did I mention?- inexpensive.
Oh, and for the record? I've loved every age so far. My guess is that you will as well.
Posted by: physics geek at January 29, 2008 02:43 PM (MT22W)
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Such cute baby stories
I'd be picking the ever-so-smart & small Bean from Ender's Game for Bean... He was always my favourite character!
Posted by: mph at January 29, 2008 06:45 PM (AFtpu)
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I realize I'm late to the party, but wanted to echo the comments about percentiles. Being in the second percentile would mean that 2% of all babies that age are lighter and 98% are heavier.
My twins were born weighing in the 10th percentile (not adjusted because they were over 37w gestation), and my little mouse has had trouble keeping up. What I've been doing is boosting her EBM with a little bit of powdered formula to up her caloric intake because I can't get her to drink more. The same can be done with formula. You just mix the desired amount of formula, then add 1tsp powder per 90ml fluid. It adds about 4 calories per 30ml. This has helped keep her on that 10th percentile curve.
Posted by: Tinker at January 30, 2008 11:28 PM (rU3SM)
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