1 It is absolutely wretched to go through a premature delivery. The darkness, the utter terror, the hospital with all the 'normal' babies and the mothers in their perfectly matching pajamas. The pumping, the pain, the empty arms and foggy nights. The helplessness, the tears, the smell of the nicu, the confusion, the feeling like nothing will ever be good again. Two years later it still makes me a bit shaky to type that. But...it gets better. It becomes amazing. Wondrous. Miraculous. I send all of my warmest wishes and fervent hopes. (Yahoo! groups has a preemie chat group with lovely people that have been through it all...) Leanne PS. (I am a regular reader of your blog, but have only commented a few times.)

2 Dearest vicky, I just went through a scary delivery about 5 weeks ago. My baby wasn't premature but it was long, complicated, required a surgical team and my baby also ended up in the NICU. It was scary and it sucked...I understand all to well what it's like to not have the delivery you planned and hoped for. But the light at the end of the tunnel is that they (in your case there's more than one) are finally here...and even though it wasn't ideal ...they are here...there will still be rough times, but it will get better. Please know that there are several of us who understand (at least partially, because every birth is different and I suspect that a preemie chat group would be great) and are here for you to vent, gush, or whatever else is needed. Love and peace to you and your family and I wish all of you a speedy recovery period. And congratulations on your arrivals.

3 i dont have premature babies but i just want to send vicky a hug and some encouragement - i have been through very dark times before when it seemed like there was no answer, no solution, no hope. But that is so untrue, you can go through the deepest abyss and still come out. you only have to take one hand that is holding out for you, one friend who is there for you.

4 I have no words of wisdom but I am sending all my encouraging thoughts her way. I hope she gets to hold or at least touch those babies soon.

5 No advice, just *hugs* for her. ♥

6 I don't have any personal wisdom on premie babies, but a very close friend had a terrible time of it during her pregnancy. She had large ovarian cysts removed during a long and complicated surgery when she was 14 WEEKS PREGNANT! The rest of her pregnancy was tough on her and her baby and she delivered her son 6 weeks early by emergency c-section. She was knocked out for the duration and although she feels sad she missed out on those precious memories, she treasures the fact that her husband had time to bond with his son. She is such a trooper and has really bounced back despite the huge cross shaped scar she now bears on her belly and seeing her and her baby boy together now reminds me that no matter what we all go through to get here, becoming a parent has been a blessing above everything. I will be hoping and praying for Vicki and her new precious babies.

7 While I don't have preemie experience, I do have the complete and utter terror of delivering a child only to have her whisked away to NICU, not able to do much more than hear things from other people as to how she's doing. And, being an unmedicated bipolar at the time all that is happening skewed my outlook even more. It sounds like crap, but it WILL get better. You may be in hell for a while, but looking forward to the moment that you can hold your children, on your own, without hovering medical staff is something that I held onto with every shred of my being. Eventually, this will happen, and it will make EVERYTHING worth the hell that is happening now.

8 Hey, I read your blog every day and I do just that, read. I've never felt the urge to comment until today. Vicki has been through so much to get to where she is. Now is the time to start living. Her babies need her. The sad feelings and pain she's having will pass with the help of good drugs, humor and courage. This pain will be nothing but a distant memory when she's watching those babies take their first steps. In time wounds can heal, in time. Hugs to you Vicki.

9 As a mom whose body wasn't built for having children gracefully, I've been through the preemie thing twice, the second time with twins born 11 weeks preterm. As I've said before, those twins will be 11 this July. They are happy, healthy, obnoxious and normal children. LOL What she really needs to remember is that nothing she did caused this to happen. It is in no way, shape or form her fault. I had the most awful time with guilt. She also needs to remember that as soon as she and the babies are able the cuddling, bonding and all the other newborn stuff will happen. It's awful to work so hard and wait so long for an event that turns out scary and invasive, instead of peaceful and happy. In spite of the circumstances, she, her husband and their bundles of joy will bond, love each other, and be the family she dreamed about. That's a very hard thing to keep in mind while you are lying in a hospital bed and your children are wards away surrounded by strangers and monitors. It eventually does happen, though. I can vouch for that I as I juggle schools, sports, activity schedules and sleep overs for a very active (9 weeks preterm) 12 year old and very active (11 weeks preterm) 10 year olds.

10 Vicki! You are going to get through this and you WILL bond with your babies and they WILL love you back so so much! You are not alone at all; your husband is there for you, your loved ones, your friends...lean on their strength. Believe in your babies; you will bond with them and them with you; they will love you and you will love them forever. Now the hardest part is done; you did it; you've had them and they're going to be fine, healthy, wonderful. Never ever worry about that. Yes, this is a rough time right now but the worst is over, you will only get better here on out and your little ones will be in your arms very soon. Trust in that, it's the truth. {{{{{big hugs}}}}}

11 Vicki— my first nephew was born with physical difficulties so severe that they estimated he would die within months. He's now sixteen. A terror and a delight to his parents. Those were tense times, those early days in the hospital, but understand that though this may not have been the ideal birthing situation, this will pass and you will have many good times and bonding with your sons. P.S. Not your fault.

12 No words of wisdom from me, but best wishes and another virtual hug to add to the list. The bad stuff will become a distant memory, and good times will come.

13 I have no experience with twins or premature infants, obviously, but, the low feeling, I definitely do. The thing that matters most is that her babies are here and that they're doing everything they can to keep them healthy. In time, this will be a distant memory. There was nothing she did or didn't do to cause this, and the sooner she can get past it, the stronger she'll become. I know it's hard when you're in pain and nothing went according to plan.

14 Vicki, I cannot relate to anything other than your c section, but I can relate to feeling like shit because of the fear of the unknown, hormonal craziness, feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It is temporary in the bigger scheme of things. Tomorrow, the sun will still shine, the wind will still blow, the tides will rise and fall, and you will feel a little better. And the day after that, better still. And then one day, you will look around and realize that this too, has passed. Be patient, good things come to those who wait. Hugs to you, and kisses to the babies.

15 I had planned to have an unmedicated vaginal birth, and ended up delivering my twins via c-section at 36 weeks, 6 weeks ago. They both went to NICU for nearly two weeks. I felt so frightened, and every time I looked at them with their many tubes and wires, all alone in their plastic isolettes, I was overwhelmed with guilt and misery. But it wasn't my fault, and it isn't your fault, either. Today they are both home and healthy, getting fat and fussing to be snuggled all the time. It will happen for you too. Even though the bad time seems to stretch on forever, it will pass. Please e-mail me if you want to vent or ask questions or anything at all: ucc3llina@gmail.com.

16 Vicki- I know that there are no magic words to make things "all right", but I will tell you something someone said to me after my c-section. I was feeling so low, so depressed, so much a failure for not delivering my babies vaginally. Now, at the time they told me I would be having the surgery, I was all for it; 24 plus hours of labor and 3 more of unsuccessful pushing I was ready to have that baby anyway they could get her out. Afterwards though I was angry. I was out cold when they bathed her, weighed her, gave her the first feeding. Everyone and their brother held my baby before me. It was the next afternoon-24 hours later-before I got to hold and clearly see my daughter. I was at rock bottom. I knew there was so many things I should be happy for, but I could not get over the anger of having a c-section. I was feeling really blue when a friend of my came to see me. I was not up to talking about how I felt, but she could tell I was bummed about having to have surgery. She didn't say much about it, but before she left she leaned into me and said "ya know, I want you to remember that on her first birthday, she will still get a card from me-I just can't get her one of those cards that say 'Happy Vaginal Delivery Birthday!'. I smiled at her weakly, but it was a slow beginning of healing for me. What I found and soon realized is my feelings were real, and more importantly I was not alone. Many women whom have had sections felt the same way I had, and it was valid. But I promise you this Vicki: it will get better, and while it may not seem like it now you will find a place for those feelings and what happened to you and your boys, and they will be part of you and them forever. You will own those feelings-they won't own you. Promise. I also want to let you know that my second child, a son, wasn't a preemie but he did spend some time in the NICU. I knew I was going to have a c-section with him, and I was OK with that, and looking forward to the fact that I was going to be in better shape afterward and would be able to feed and hold him afterward. Well, as nothing ever goes as planned, he wasn't getting good oxygen, had a high white blood cell count and fever, and had to go to the NICU. I know having a c-section makes it worse, because at the hospital I delivered at the NICU was two floors down-which meant everytime I wanted to go see him I had to call for a nurse, and then wait for them to wheel me down. Not only was it painful to sit in that chair, but having to wait for someone else was a pain in the ass. Then the NICU itself could be so depressing and scary-windows full of tiny sick babies, some of them barely breathing and fighting for their little lives-I could not handle it. I also felt that I couldn't bond with him. However, once we were home, a week or so later, all those worries melted away. I don't really have many comforting words to say-it isn't easy to deal with-but we came out of it on the otherside, and I met some women who really helped me understand everything I dealt with. I hope you are able to find some type of support group, or at least one other person who you can share what you are feeling with. Sometimes just knowing you are not alone, even if you feel it, helps tremendously. The world seems to go in slow motion for you, and as you look out the window it seems that the world is right for everyone but you and your babies. Please know that is not true. You will be amazed at how strong you were and are. You never get over something like this, but it just becomes a part of you as well-and that isn't a bad thing either. I am sending you good thoughts and lots of warm wishes to you and your family. Hang in there, and know that you aren't alone-and more importantly you don't have to be. Teresa ps-I love both of my children fiercly. While I still flinch a little when I look at those first pictures of my daughter and know I was not a part of those things going on, I can accept it. She will be 10 this year, my son 7, and each day just gets better and better. Like most moms, I feel I love my children more than any parent could love their child-and they love me unconditionally. It doesn't matter to them if me or the man on the moon first fed them, or if I couldn't hold them in my arms until they were a week old-they love me for being their mom. It is all that matters to them.

17 Having a baby in the NICU is one of the scariest things, ever. It gets better - it might take a hell of a long time, but it gets better, and eventually it will be a distant memory. Vicki, you WILL get through this. You will - I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will. Helen, I don't know how early/small her kiddos are - I'm a mod for a micropreem mailing list and we'd be more than happy to welcome her if they qualify. In any case, please feel free to pass on my e-mail address if she wants contact info for folks who've been there.

18 No real 'advice' to give . . . just a lot of love and positive energy coming your way from Atlanta, Georgia (US). I'm thinking of you and your beautiful boys, Vicki, and wish you all well!!

19 I have b/g twins that are going to be 6 this summer. SIX! The days have been long, but the years have flown by. I barely remember now that my daughter spent her first week in the NICU. We were not able to hold her. I was not able to breastfeed her. It was very scary, isolating and not at all what I had envisioned. But we live in an age where modern medicine is an amazing thing. Soon you will be home with your babies. Soon youÂ’ll be consumed (for better for worse) with mommy-hood. Soon youÂ’ll be sending them off to kindergarten. Soon youÂ’ll have to look at pictures to remember exactly how this all began. Hang in there and just do the best you can. Accept the support thatÂ’s offered to you and best wishes!!!!!

20 Vicki, it's ok that things didn't start out how you planned. You have all the time in the world, and nothing to do but love your babies to make up for it. I wish you the best, and I am thinking of your little family and praying for you all.

21 Babylove was only a month early, so he didn't really qualify as very much in danger but he did have blood sugar issues and hadn't learned to suck yet, and I was listed on his records as having IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) so yeah, the guilt was intense. As if my Baby Motel was somehow not good enough. Give yourself time to grieve for the way you wanted things to go and then realize that really, honestly and truly? Your babies are in very good, very warm and competent hands. That having been said, once you're feeling up to it, it DOES do you good to be involved, as much as you can, in the babies' day-to-day care. The nurses won't be offended at all and in fact, the good ones will help you learn how to do what needs to be done. Don't forget to be kind to yourself - I cannot imagine how difficult just getting your bundles of joy was, but I do know how overwhelming it is to find yourself on the NICU rollercoaster. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. It's not ANYONE'S fault, really. It's just life - you can do it!! xoxo

22 No advice, just prayers going to Vicki and her family.

23 Vickie, most of the really wonderful things in life do not turn out as we expect. Hang in there. We are all pulling for you and your boys! You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

24 I'm not a mom to a preemie (or a mom at all, yet), but I do want Vicki to know I'm thinking of her and her sweet sons. They'll be in my prayers, as I hope they all heal and recover quickly from this too early birth and are able to go home soon.

25 Vickie, Just a big hug and prayers for you and your family. Love, Dee

26 Dear Vicky, My twins came six weeks early via emergency c-section. My daughter was tiny but stong, my son, bigger but with RDS. He spent two weeks in the NICU, part of that time on a ventilator. I wasn't allowed to see him until nearly 24 hours after his birh, and had to rely on my husband and the doctors to give me information, which was never detailed enough for me. My week in the hospital with them was surreal, both dealing with two babies in two different parts of the hospital and with my own miserable recovery. The worst was going home on the fifth day with no babies in my arms. I felt like a fraud when they wheeled me to my car, like I didn't really belong stacked up with the other mothers who were holding their infants on their laps. BUT, both my children DID come home - and only two weeks after the whole experience I had my two darlings in my arms, on my own bed. It was not as I had planned, but it was everything I had hoped for. Nine months later, I still can't believe they are actually mine, and I thank God every night that they're here, safe and thriving, even if we had a rocky start. Please find some strength in knowing that you are not alone, and that in this case, it really is the destination, not the journey, that matters. Be well, Jeannine

27 Vicki, I just want to reach out and give you a big hug. Lots of them, actually. I think I can understand what you are going through, and I am so sorry that you are experiencing what you are. If you are feeling the way I did, it feels like the joy of having your children was taken from you--I still feel a little cheated today. I delivered twin boys at 28 weeks and 3 days (after 3 years of infertility and two miscarriages). I had ruptured one of the twins at 26 weeks, so by the time the boys were born, we all had a very serious infection. They were whisked away to the NICU, and I was pretty ill for a week. So ill, in fact, that I didn't see the boys for several days. My boys spent 13 and 14 1/2 weeks in the NICU. I know a lot about the roller coaster ride that the NICU brings to a new family. Please, if you ever want to talk to someone who has been there, who can listen, and who can give you support, email me. My address is sltomes@gmail.com. Anytime. I just want to leave you with two thoughts. 1) Congratulations on the birth of your babies. It wasn't how you expected it to be, but it is a miracle none the less. and 2) You will be able to face whatever lies ahead...trust in yourself. Much love, Stacie

28 I'm a mom of preemie twins born at 31 weeks gestation after being diagnosed with preeclampsia, one baby weighing only 3.30 lb and the other one only 2.12 lb. and was in the NICU for 7 weeks. Now, they're 3 mos. old, super smart and very healthy babies. Sending thoughts and prayeres to your friend Vicki. God Bless. btw, your twins soooo cutie mwaaahhh!

29 I am holding Vicki and her family in my thoughts. Sending love and best wishes, Sophie

30 Vicki, Things seem a little off, but just hold tight and take it one day at a time. Those little ones will be in your arms soon and your health and emotions will even out. Sending warm love your way to embrace all of your family. Cathy

31 Vickie, Know that you'll be in my prayers and thoughts. I, too was a mom of a premie and we weren't even in the same hospital for several days. I know it is rough. Just hang int htere. It is worth it. Honest.