Last Tuesday the builders showed up and dropped off scaffolding. Our builder - who we call The Cowboy - grinned.

"Welcome to the building site!" he said, waving his arms at our house.

And he was right.

This was the front of the house last Wednesday:

That big green thing on the right is the shipping container which is currently storing most of our household things and everything in our garage. It's not as unattractive as we thought it would be, but it's still not the kind of thing you want on the lawn for long. Behind it is the scaffolding they started bringing. This is basically what the front of our house looked like (although I photoshopped out the name plate on the front - our house has a name, not a number - because I'm kinda' private like that).

The front of the house now looks like this:

There's a giant skip in the front for the rubbish the guys get. We have boards everywhere for the wheelbarrows to go on. During the day the builders' trucks take up the parking spaces. There is the ever present Gorby, checking out progress as he does. And Angus is taking look at the sign our builder left there as advertising (I've blacked out his name and address, I promise we haven't been busy spray painting).

And that massive mound of dirt? That's our back porch.

This is what the back used to look like:

It's a bit of a wreck because we were hurriedly carrying things into the shipping container, but we wanted to get a few photos of the back before it all started. That blue tarped thing is Seymour, my outdoor table. Gorby is also in the picture, naturally.

And everything else started to go as of Thursday last week when the men came through the back.

Work stopped temporarily over the weekend, as the snow fell.

And now the outside looks like this:

Foundations are getting poured today.

Overall, it's a huge bit of work these guys have been doing. The Cowboy prefers to deal with Angus. It's clear that in their books, I'm A Woman. Women don't understand building things. Women don't get foundations and rebar and scaffolding. I always feel like A Woman when talking to them, and I'm not sure if this should bother me or not. On the one hand I'm an engineer and a feminist, I feel I should break the mold and get the men to work with me and overlook the fact that I'm A Woman. On the other hand, I don't have a fucking clue what they're on about when they talk about purlins and RCDs and RSJs then I glaze over. I don't know what they're talking about, but even more than that, I also really, really don't care. I couldn't be less interested in the details if you stuck a cover on it and called it "Modern Wigwam Watching". I have lots of opinions on the finishing detail and layouts. I don't have opinions on what kind of joist to use. So the message here is "I should try to break down barriers, but I can't be assed".

When we got the diagrams back from the structural engineer, I had to go put my head between my legs. Lemme' give you an example of what one equation looked like:

fbc=6.43x10 to the third/74.6=86n/mm squared.

See? What the hell? Is this code? If I decipher it using my decoder ring then do I get a temporary tattoo of Lucky the Leprechaun? Easy, are you here? Do you understand this stuff?

I also think the builders think I'm a bit posh, which is anything but the case. I know they kept looking in the window on Friday, probably not understanding why I spent the day on the couch, sleeping. What they couldn't see was me dragging myself to and from the toilet to puke my guts up, but I didn't feel it was necessary to point that out. I am usually a few sentences behind when they talk to me, simply because of their accents. They're real East London lads, of the "Corr, fuck me blimey" kind, and keeping up with their fast speech and cockney accent does my head in. I think they think I'm judging them when they're talking to me, when the truth is I'm simply desperately trying to decipher what the hell they've just said.

The Cowboy runs his company with the help of his identical twin sons - and no, we can't tell them apart and you might be saying "But you have twins, shouldn't you be able to tell twins apart?" to which I'd respond "Yes, but ours aren't identical, how should we know other people's kids?". Angus did ask The Cowboy how to tell the boys apart. The Cowboy told Angus that he can see the difference when they have their shirts off. Angus replied that he doesn't usually go around looking at other men's racks.

The Cowboy also employs his cousin, whom we've nicknamed Red Bull. Red Bull just keeps going. He doesn't stop talking, he doesnt' stop working, he doesn't stop moving. He goes. We think he's a few bricks short of a wall, but he's nice enough and he loves to work.

The team attack things with gusto. They take sledgehammers and just go to town. The take shovels and dig away. We have a lot of time for people who do stuff like this, although we do wish their coffee breaks weren't quite so long.

So far the impact inside the house is minimal, and we hope that continues for a while. We had an attack of ants on Sunday, as they were driven inside from the digging and the snow, but that's been dealt with now. The house is an absolute wreck inside but we no longer care - we spilled wine on the living room carpet last week, and we simply blotted it up, not caring about the stain. The carpet has about a week and a half left to live in this house, I'm not going to waste the stain remover. We're living on a real building site now, although they haven't yet come through the walls. When that happens, it will be hell.

And I leave you with a photo of the boys, who cannot resist sitting on machines pretending to be builders.

-H.

PS-many thanks to a fabulous geek. I got this book on Thursday and can't wait to read it. Thank you so much!

PPS-our ebay auction is ongoing for our charity drive to help Calliope fund a round of IVF. There are some spectacular things for bidding, including a duplicate of a necklace that I have and love (you can see photos here and here, and on the lovely Stella Dolce (who has also kindly donated her fabulous photography services for the charity) here). Please consider donating or bidding here or here (we've started an ebay.com site, too)!

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:14 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 1181 words, total size 8 kb.

1 Wow - looks choatic! Of course, it always does before it all starts to come together. Hope it doesn't impact on the inside of house too much to start with. I'm with you on understanding what the builders are talking about! I just walk away and let the husband deal with it all...and I don't care! Leave it to the boys! Keep smiling, Helen and imagine what it will be like when it's done!

Posted by: Suzie at April 08, 2008 10:56 AM (weSjv)

2 Yes, I'm here. Some of what you describe is familiar, some of it sounds familiar, but there may be different terms for the same thing in play. As you know, they don't speak good english over there. I can read a blueprint, but the equations are a different story. I have no idea of what they mean, but they should be there in support of whatever's been drawn up. All I ever worry about is that our engineer and their engineer agree on the numbers, then I just go by the pretty pictures. Sounds like you have a good crew, but then they all talk a good game the first week. The site pictures are great. I love this kind of stuff. I hope that the picture of the foundation site is not what it looked like when they placed the concrete. The excess water should have come out, and I would have thought that there would be some reinforcement in there.

Posted by: ~Easy at April 08, 2008 12:55 PM (IVGWz)

3 Lord have mercy! It's not even my house and my inner neat freak is...freaking out. I wish for a swift build for you all so you can return to normal!

Posted by: Dotty at April 08, 2008 01:21 PM (Njk30)

4 Looks like life is treating you well, Helen. As it should. I hope you enjoy the book. Even if you don't, I've always liked the quiet comfort of sitting in my overly large chair when the children are asleep, with 2 or more cats nestled up against me. Even reading an ehh book gives me great pleasure.

Posted by: physics geek at April 08, 2008 01:55 PM (MT22W)

5 Umm, keep those 100 bottles of wine handy. Good luck.

Posted by: Laura at April 08, 2008 02:00 PM (U1yF0)

6 Oh, my goodness. That looks like a lot of work and disruption is going on there. You are all welcome to come stay at my house until it is done. Of course, I am a bit far away...

Posted by: Jen at April 08, 2008 02:06 PM (FYm8s)

7 I'm seconding Easy about the foundation... there are typically forms or other reinforcements used before & during the concrete pouring... It looks like Gorby is giving Angus instructions on what to do next :-) Is there a betting pool going on about how many bottles of wine will remain after the construction is completed?

Posted by: Angela at April 08, 2008 02:51 PM (DGWM7)

8 Been there, done that. Here's keeping my fingers crossed it all goes smoothly and the time goes quickly for you! I'm with Suzie... remember how great it is going to be when it is done.

Posted by: sue at April 08, 2008 03:19 PM (geYhK)

9 I'm now going to be singing "Bob the Builder" all goddamn day. I'd love to help translate for you with the work boys, but I fear that if I walked onto the scene, there wouldn't be much talking to be heard.

Posted by: Ms. Pants at April 08, 2008 03:26 PM (+p4Zf)

10 Wowza... it definitely does look chaotic. I think my OCD would be in overdrive, and driving me to the brink of insanity. It's gonna look great when it's all done and over with though!

Posted by: Andria at April 08, 2008 05:02 PM (Oo4k1)

11 Wow, it all looks very dramatic! I can't wait to compare the before and after's. I bet you can't wait either!

Posted by: Super Sarah at April 08, 2008 10:56 PM (d7dEB)

12 It will be brilliant when it is done....although I am sure there will be days when you are asking yourself if it is really worth it. I understand about the whole Woman thing. I am not good at all with computers and electronics in general, and when hubby goes off trying to explain How Things Work I really intend to understand but find myself thinking about how ragged my nails look or how I really need to touch-up my roots. I feel guilty because I do like to know about things I work and play with, but I can not, for the life of me, pay attention. Although my husband gets the same glazed look in his eye when I talk about my knitting/sewing/jewelry making, and I don't judge him and think "must be A Man thing"-so I really don't feel so bad after all.

Posted by: Teresa at April 09, 2008 01:36 AM (ymF2s)

13 I understand completely. My dad bought the house next door to use (we live live an hour south of Houston) and he live in Virginia. That leaves me to handle the contractors, many of whom are Hispanic and will not make eye contact with nor take direction from a woman. As much as it kills me I must play the " this is what my father has instructed me to do"role, whereas, truthfully, he just told me to fix everything! Your renovations look very exciting, please keep us updated.

Posted by: Melissia at April 09, 2008 04:15 AM (mJWbf)

14 Hooray- it's begun! (Sooner started, sooner done?) Remember, y'all have a place to crash in Chicago if you just get f-e-d u-p Hope you feel better

Posted by: Elizabeth at April 09, 2008 01:16 PM (DyeGv)

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