We were watching a news clip this morning about how much neighborhoods have changed here in the past 50 years. They showed children skipping rope, playing games, throwing a ball around in the street while mothers chatted and rocked baby prams from side to side.

"Wow," I said, shifting Nick to the other side of my lap. "Things sure have changed."

"How's that?" Angus asked.

"The kids are skipping rope in the street. That'd never be ok. A child could die of strangulation."

"And there's a kid sitting on the garden fence there. He'd not be allowed to sit on that in case he fell."

"There would be no throwing the ball around, either. Could hit someone in the head. Not to mention that ball games where you choose teams are exclusionary and damaging to children's self-confidence."

Things used to be much simpler. OK, we never would've been allowed to play in a bomb site, but still. Kids would entertain themselves with whatever they had to hand. And if they had nothing around to mess with, they'd make do with using each other as platforms in which to launch themselves of. This is what kids used to do - they'd dick around. Someone might get hurt, but then we'd learn not to do that kind of thing again.

I remember summers when I'd roll out of bed, throw on clothes, gulp down a bowl of cereal and then hurtle outside. I'd drag myself home around lunchtime, and then again for dinner, but in general I was out and about on my bike. What the hell I did during those days, I have no idea, but I remember being reasonably entertained.

I remember sitting in the car, waiting for my mother while she ran errands. Hell, Angus remembers he and his brother sitting in the back of the car, armed with two Cokes and a packet of crisps, while his folks went to the pub, which he said based on the number of kids in the backs of other cars meant it was pretty normal in the 60's. These days you can get arrested if you leave your sleeping child in your line of sight and step out of the car for two minutes. Leave a child in the car, even if you're only yards away and it's not boiling hot outside? Better have bail money ready.

I remember rolling around on the backseat without a seat belt. While I do advocate everyone in a car wearing a seat belt these days, I think it's wrong to dictate that children up to the age of 12 must be in a car seat, as is the new law here. Gives a whole new meaning to that "Mom, don't let my friends see me strapped into my car seat!" embarrassment.

It's all gone a bit mad. One of my co-workers attended his daughter's school pageant last year. She was in Snow White and the Seven Defenders of the Forest, because "dwarves" was ruled poticially incorrect. The nursery rhyme "Baa Baa Black Sheep" in banned here, you get "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep", which makes no sense as black sheep are real - they do exist! Why not talk about them? They even get three bags of wool, why not include them?

I get it that nursery rhymes are a bit much, but that's just it - they're nursery rhymes. They're old fashioned but pretty much not nightmare inducing. Why change the endings, then, as is happening everywhere? Shall Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf sit down and talk animal conservation and how the Wolf might profit from a vegan diet? Shall Sleeping Beauty be changed to handle a sensitive portrayal of a woman with narcolepsy and a high IQ, as beauty is more than skin deep? Will Rapunzel not let down her golden hair in case it is viewed as objectification and, potentially, abuse of women?

I think back to being a kid, and I never viewed the nursery rhymes as being anything other than they were - fantasy. Beans don't grow into stalks that lead to giants and talking harps. Rapunzel wasn't objectified or abused by the chap who climbed her hair, she was just a dumb whore in need of a haircut, maybe some layers added to give it some movement. Women don't get identified based on shoes they left behind (unless they're like me, in which case they're shod in shoes the sizes of life rafts and can easily be picked out of a line-up of cuter, smaller sizes). The tales just were. Sure, some of them are definitely inappropriate (Little Black Sambo comes to mind, and some of the Uncle Remus tales maybe need to be explained to children carefully), but in general I don't think having those stories read to me colored my perception of people. Rabbits are silly, bears get stuck, and children the world over make mistakes.

I know a lot's changed in life. I know times are more dangerous, that more can go wrong. I know that handling children needs to be far more sensitive than people used to think it was, that damage can be done without the slightest provocation. Believe me - if anyone knows that you can fuck up your kids easily, it's me.

But at the same time, I guess I'm sad that we're losing the capacity to pick teams for dodgeball. Yes, it sucked to get picked last. Yes, it sucked to get pegged in the head. But it was also childhood, and let's be honest - for one gym class it felt kinda' nice to aim a ball at someone and not get in trouble for it.

I'm not sure I'm angry that we've become so sensitive and paranoid, or angry because so much has happened that we had to become so.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go see how much of Aesop's Fables are inappropriate, see how much blacklisting is being done there.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:22 AM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
Post contains 1005 words, total size 6 kb.

1 I think about this kind of stuff a lot. I do not think it is a more dangerous world. I think we are just more aware. I also think we are more paranoid. Some parents take this way too seriously. You have to let go sometime, children need a little independence it is just hard as a parent to decide when and where.

Posted by: Judi at May 07, 2008 11:28 AM (1Y+4Z)

2 hehe Some of this PC stuff just makes me laugh. I mean, Snow White and the Seven Defenders of the Forest? I blame the whole thing on Global Warming.

Posted by: ~Easy at May 07, 2008 11:28 AM (XD24A)

3 I'm not actually sure times are more dangerous. Or if that's just what the media would like us to believe!

Posted by: Dotty at May 07, 2008 12:02 PM (rydMD)

4 I don't know what type of sheep they're breeding in the UK but I know here in Canada there are no Rainbow sheep. I'm sure the black sheep grazing in my back garden would be terribly offended that they are no longer refered to.

Posted by: Anita at May 07, 2008 12:16 PM (pQ32H)

5 I agree 100% - life is way too PC - try living it in a country like South Africa with human rights issues and it becomes rediculous - who wants to be known as a previously disadvantaged alternatively sexually orientated person?

Posted by: Cat at May 07, 2008 12:31 PM (+f0nX)

6 I'm pretty sure that the nursery who tried the Rainbow Sheep version got slammed in the press and gave up on it. I confess I change the fairy stories when I retell them - my princesses are always in charge rather than mere decorative objects and are never ever blonde.

Posted by: Betty M at May 07, 2008 12:52 PM (q0m9f)

7 Puts me in mind of a story recently about a Mum who let her 9 year old kid travel home on the NYC subway. He asked if he could, she took a leap of trust both him and the people he would meet doing it and said yes... Needless to say it has sparked a whole raft of controversy... and actually a new organisation of parents who want to raise 'free range' kids. Interesting and challenging on many levels, but the freedom I had as a kid makes me really interested in ways to give the next generation some measure of that too.

Posted by: deeleea at May 07, 2008 01:04 PM (IphB3)

8 I too think the world is more dangerous in some ways, and a lot of it does have to do with the media, for example the exploitation and sexploitation of young girls (Miley Cyrus anyone). But that is a topic for another day. It does sadden me to think that my kids won't be able to play over at the school across the street on a hot summer's day the way I did until mom rings the bell for dinner, but from some of the weirdo's I have seen over there(and a one I had to actually call the cops on), I really wouldn't feel comfortable letting them wander on over there alone. At the same time, we live in a world where even in my religious, conservative, small minded town I can go online and find at least 6 sexual offenders within 1/4 of a mile of the elementary school. Sure, when I was a kid there was probably just as many living around here, but we didn't know about them. Sure, you might've stayed clear of the weirdo on the street who always wanted to "hug" the kids, even though he was single and had none of his own yet a yard full of toys, but as much as knowledge is power it also makes the world a lot scarier. As far as the whole car seat thing, and leaving kids unattended, etc-it really burns me up. Yes, it is better we as a society help each other out and keep an eye on each other's kids-I mean I am not going to call the cops the first time I find my neighbor's 4 year old riding her bike down the sidewalk alone, way further then her mom usually lets her. Every afternoon, wearing the same stained clothing and tangled hair and no shoes, in cold weather? Yeah, that would be a different story. But get too heavy handed with laws and where is the parental responsiblity? When is it too much? The whole PC thing kills me too. As I said, being in a Christian Reformed small town means we have not been assed with a lot of this mumbo jumbo, but some of the shit I read-whoo boy. Rainbow sheep? Hell no, as a knitter that is just wrong. I could drone on and on about this, but you said it much better. Fables are fables, not word of truth. I see everyday how fast kids are made to grow up. I don't think you can point the finger at just one thing, but I wonder all the time what has led us to this place. And it makes me sad.

Posted by: Teresa at May 07, 2008 02:06 PM (45dnt)

9 Two words: Lawn Darts.

Posted by: Ms. Pants at May 07, 2008 02:27 PM (+p4Zf)

10 My goodness, car seats up to age 12? My husband was already more than six feet tall at age 12. I think it has all gone too far. Of course we need to protect children from some dangers that weren't there as much years ago, but I got to play in the yard when I was little and my kids will too.

Posted by: Jen at May 07, 2008 02:28 PM (FYm8s)

11 Do you know that here now, you can't sit Indian style anymore at school? It's called Criss Cross Applesauce. I realize that it's not PC to refer to Native Americans as Indians. But honestly, don't people in India sit on the ground with their legs crossed? So isn't it still Indian style? And I agree with some other posters. I don't necessarily think the world is all that much more dangerous, we are just more aware of it. Back when we were kids, we didn't discuss sex offenders and pedophiles on the nightly news. Now it's something we are all hyper-vigilant about - who is around our children when we aren't there? Or even when we are there? In some ways, we've changed for the better but we do take it too far. But I also hate that my kid will miss out on so much stuff in the name of safety.

Posted by: donna at May 07, 2008 02:29 PM (Yg10E)

12 Are they as crazy in the UK as they are in the states when it comes to food allergies? That's the thing that drives me crazy over here. Especially now that I've read several articles that state there is now proof that we are basically breeding food allergies in kids by being overprotective of them when they are babies (or something to that effect).

Posted by: amy t. at May 07, 2008 03:10 PM (3dOTd)

13 Most of us have this cool thing called common sense and use it when raising our children. Yeah, there are people out there who really ought to read a book on how to raise a child. Like the mother who lets her 3 year old daughter drive her Power Wheel Barbie Jeep down the middle of a rather busy street past my house on a daily basis. Frak, I've forgotten what else I was going to say. The Toddler just brought her entire "pants" drawer to me so she can put as many pairs on at once as she can. I think what I was getting to is that I am sick of the rules constantly changing so our children are brought up in little bubbles. Once they get into the real world they're going to get kicked in the shins over and over again and now know how to react. I think I get so upset over all of this because I see how it's made my 9 year old into a person who is afraid of everything and still has no idea how to ride a bike because she's afraid of falling. My mother in law put her in that bubble and I've been working for years to figure out how to pop it. Life is gonna suck and little songs we sing are really about the plague. ... and we all fall down.

Posted by: Michele at May 07, 2008 03:11 PM (h1vml)

14 I think it's that we're more aware too. Plus, other people are more aware of us, thanks to thinks like blogging. If I put pics up of my kid, and talk about what school she goes to, or what activities she's involved in - it's feasible that some sick bastard could show up there. I had the same kind of childhood you did. Most of the moms in our neighborhood were home - but in the summer, I saw her for meals and after the street lights came on. At which time she promptly told me to bathe and go to bed! It was great. The one thing I will say was different for me was that beans DID grow into beanstalks. If you squinted at the willow tree JUST RIGHT, it was a perfect beanstalk. I was a giant, and one of my friends was Jack, and we used our imaginations all damn day long. No video games, just playing! We played house and war and cowboys and indians. And I grew up with no prejudice toward cowboys, native americans, OR people from India. Just the French. I don't like the french. But that's due to experience, not fairy tales.

Posted by: Tracy at May 07, 2008 04:18 PM (sGr7w)

15 If you haven't read them yet, I highly recommend the Politically Incorrect Fairy Tales/Bedtime Stories series of books. It takes today's ridiculous concern about everything and modifies the tales appropriately. While the results are ridiculous, I believe that they're quite indicative of where we, as a planet, might be headed. I too remember staying away from home all day playing, running, whatever. When I was 10 years old, I walked 2 miles -each way- to the library to work on a school project. No one thought anything about it. Now, I don't let my children out of my sight for a second. Kind of sad, really. My son and daughter will only be familiar with an overly protective society, and I think that's just too bad.

Posted by: physics geek at May 07, 2008 04:40 PM (MT22W)

16 Hell I remember my mom would leave my brother and I in the car for an hour or more while she would go grocery shopping across the border in the U.S. and we would be left to entertain ourselves. And this was in the early 90's! Then again you could enter the U.S. (from Canada) without documentation for an afternoon of shopping with your kids and not be assumed to be kidnapping them.

Posted by: Sk at May 07, 2008 04:48 PM (Hpefv)

17 I distinctly remember going to a massive flea market with my mom and being allowed to run all over the place, unattended, without a cell phone...with strangers walking around...without knowing where, specifically, my mother was. I also remember climbing ropes in gym class...without mats beneath. And going to the mall on weekends, without supervision. I cannot even fathom doing those things with my future children. Sad, isn't it?

Posted by: Lauren at May 07, 2008 04:55 PM (iUfJz)

18 There's a great blog that started up here in the US called Free Range Kids that I've come to love for this exact topic.

Posted by: amber at May 07, 2008 05:05 PM (HCbA1)

19 Amber, that's an awesome blog. Thanks for sharing. And seriously, what the hell is wrong with people? Kids need unreality. That's how they learn right from wrong. Sheesh. If you never give a kid a chance to decide for themselves what they think, they'll never learn to THINK. I could go on and on. And car seats for 12 year olds? Seriously? Here in the states it's either age OR weight and size, so bigger kids get out of the seats when they no longer need them..... although the NC rules would still include my graduate advisor, except that she's, you know, IN HER 40'S... ARRRRGGGGH.

Posted by: caltechgirl at May 07, 2008 05:16 PM (IfXtw)

20 Great post, Helen, I totally agree. Parents UNITE! Don't let your kids be overprotected wussies. *makes fist of solidarity* I remember telling Lucy (and later, Ray) to stay away from the swing when someone was swinging. I kept running after them and moving them away and one day I didn't get there in time and WAP! The feet of the swinging kid hit them in the head and knocked them flat. They cried loudly, had a bump and never walked in front of a swinging kid again. But they took all the swings down at the parks now, so... Damn sad.

Posted by: The other Amber at May 07, 2008 05:28 PM (zQE5D)

21 They don't have to be in a car seat up to 12, mine is 8 and can legally travel without one now because he's reached the qualifying height (although he gets to sit in the seat anyway because I Say So) There was a whole generation of us left in pub car parks with a coke (in a glass bottle) but I never got the crisps. Deprived, that's me. I let my son walk from the school gate to meet me. It's not much more than a hundred yards, no roads and I can see him the whole way along. One of the other mums told me that she didn't think it was safe although she couldn't actually say what dangers there were in a short supervised traffic free walk. When I was his age I walked a mile home from school and crossed three roads doing it. We all did, it was the accepted norm. It's one of those areas where what is socially acceptable has changed in less than a generation.

Posted by: Caroline M at May 07, 2008 06:29 PM (x3QDi)

22 Michele— for some reason, I was one of those kids that had trouble learning to ride a bike until about eight or nine. What my parents did is got me a new bike with a banana seat, lied through their teeth and told me they couldn't put training wheels on it, and ran next to it, holding on, while I learned to balance it. And then my Dad showed me his empty hands. Try it, it might work. Especially the "lie through your teeth and say you can't put training wheels on." To everyone, they've done studies and shown that, statistically, it's not a more dangerous world in the least. We just hear about it so much more that we're hypersensitive on the subject. After all, twenty-five years ago one of my brother's classmates WAS actually killed by a stranger, and you can bet that we all learned the "stranger danger" techniques. But... it hasn't happened again to my knowledge. In 25 years, sure, there have been deaths of kids reported, but it's more of the usual suspects (drugs, gangs, domestic violence.) Nothing quite so memorable as a child predator. (Not exactly reassuring, was that? Ah, well. Life is full of nasty sharp edges, and quite honestly, the closest I ever got to permanently damaging myself was on a school playground, not in what could be considered more dangerous circumstances.)

Posted by: B. Durbin at May 07, 2008 06:39 PM (tie24)

23 Unfortunately what it sounds like is you got a bad case of Nanny State working overtime on your side of the Atlantic. It's almost, though not quite, as bad here. We're being forced to raise our kids pussified. I remember when the parents could cut us loose in the neighborhood all day with only the admonition that we'd be home in time for dinner, or before dark. We could roam the neighborhood, play in the woods or the creek, walk to the corner store, etc. Oh yeah, if we started trouble we'd get called down by someone else's parents, who'd tell OUR parents and then our asses would get beat. Good way of teaching some personal responsibility and accountability.

Posted by: diamond dave at May 07, 2008 07:28 PM (xOzxi)

24 B. Durbin: We started trying this lie last year. She was determined to learn how to ride that bike, but soon fall hit and school started. She's started again just recently (we live in northern Minnesota and haven't had a good Spring yet). It's a combination of lack of balance and fear. It's like trying to tell a toddler how to sort out if they have to use the bathroom. All you want to say it "you just know" but that's not the answer they're looking for. Incidentally, we're also trying to potty train our 2 and half year old with the incentive of getting a trike if she can follow through on the whole thing. Not only am I a liar, but a briber too!

Posted by: Michele at May 07, 2008 08:10 PM (h1vml)

25 I so agree. I, too, remember waiting in the car while my parents grocery shopped. I, too, wandered the neighborhood all day long and played with the neighbor kids. I even rode my bike clear across town to go to the swimming pool and walked home from clear across town after band practice at the high school when I was in 5th grade... after dark! It was even safe.

Posted by: sue at May 08, 2008 03:49 PM (WbfZD)

Hide Comments | Add Comment