. I've known April for a while now, and am very happy for her and her family. She's been so ready for so long now, and I know that feeling of "Please take this child out of me, I'll even whiz by KFC to get you a spork to take it out with!" that she's had.
It's a strange feeling - I've thought a lot about her in the past 36 hours, thoughts of a mixture of hope, understanding, smiles, and - believe it or not - envy. I'm actually slightly envious. She's at the beginning of it all now, and when I look back on my own beginning on the 3rd of October 2007 I see so many things I would do differently. I spent most of that afternoon and evening passing in and out, unable to confidently hold the babies. I don't remember that much of the delivery. It seemed to have taken 5 minutes, when I know it was over an hour.
I remember some bits so clearly, and others are a haze. It's a haze, and it was so important. I wish I could remember better, remember more. I wish I could lock up every memory and hold it inside of me, to warm me on the colder nights.
There are so many things I would do differently, and so many moments that I would lock inside of my mind. I can never go back again and I know that, but the majority of my early days with my children reign high in beautiful moments for me. I guess it's true - I've become one of those who sit here and write about her preshus babeez. And my babies, they are precious. They're also little hellions on occasion, so don't get me wrong, my kids aren't preparing for sainthood.
Nick and Nora turn 7 months old tomorrow. 7 months. It seems like yesterday, and it seems like 7 years ago. I am enjoying them more and more as time passes. They're brilliant fun and have real personalities now, and even better they light up now when they see me. At almost 7 months old we're still way behind - size-wise we're now in size 6 months, and the babies cannot roll over and cannot sit up unaided. I don't worry about it all that much, they'll do it when they're ready, and at least my babies have truly been babies longer than most.
I read that at some point their little bodies will no longer mold against mine, will no longer curl into my shape. Sometime soon they'll be independent, they won't need me. I think of moms with their new bundles of warmth and I worry that the day is coming sooner than I can handle it, that day of independence.
So I guess what I'm looking for is reassurance that kids need cuddles well into childhood, that they need me and will light up when they see me for a while to come. These are the only children I will ever have and this is the only time they will be one day shy of 6 months old. I can handle them growing up, but growing away hurts a lot. If I can just know that it doesn't all end tomorrow or on that day their bodies no longer mold to mine when we sit, I think I'll feel that much better.
-H.
1
That yearning for independence came way too soon for me. I can't even hold my 10 month old until she is extremely tired. It's the only time during the day that she'll sit still and snuggle with me. I'm so sad!!
Posted by: Dotty at May 02, 2008 06:08 PM (Njk30)
2
If it's any comfort, I still need my father. 27 years old, and I love when he hugs me and whispers that he loves me before letting go.
Posted by: Angela at May 02, 2008 06:16 PM (DGWM7)
3
At 3 (almost 4--they'll be 4 in July), we still have at least two double cuddles a day (where we all pile into the rocking chair and cuddle of 10+ minutes while we quietly talk or just rock silently). They also will sit down in my lap while they're playing or just come by and give me a hug and kiss. It's not like it was when they were really little and soft and cuddly, but it is still so good. Especially when I'm holding both of them at the same time.
Posted by: Mel at May 02, 2008 06:18 PM (TfUkt)
4
They will still need you. My daughter is 9, and loves nothing more than to cuddle up when we are watching tv.
Posted by: Andria at May 02, 2008 06:42 PM (Oo4k1)
5
My son is four and he's always asking for huggies and kisses and climbing all over me. It's funny because I'm not an affectionate person by nature - I don't remember being that way with my parents - but of course, I don't discourage this cuddliness at all. I love it! I'm very lucky. Some kids just aren't cuddly.
Posted by: paula at May 02, 2008 06:45 PM (jh9Oj)
6
Girl, I am 43 and I still need you, every day! You are so sweet it makes my heart squeeze, you are the best mom those little tykes could have and I am sure they will adore you till the day you die and then some.
Posted by: Cheryl at May 02, 2008 06:53 PM (082BT)
7
I rarley comment here, I am a lurker!! But your post moved me to write to you! I have two big-ish kids, a 5 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. And they like nothing better than to cuddle up to mom and dad at the end of the day! True, they are busier than when they were young, now they have school work, sports, friends... but I know they need to have that close snuggling time! The years go by fast, but your kids will ALWAYS be your babies. I look in at my beautiful children EVERY night after they fall asleep to make sure they are covered, make sure they are okay, or just to watch them sleep for a bit. They are even MORE beautiful to me than when they were young. I have all those memories in me and that adds to the love I feel for them. You think you can't love your children more than when they are tiny babies, but that is just the beginning of it. I fall in love with them more each day with the little things they say or do. And their bodies still mold to mine, we just take up more room on the sofa now! ;-)
Posted by: Bonnie at May 02, 2008 06:53 PM (ri1ak)
8
They'll always need you.
*hugs*
Posted by: Amanda at May 02, 2008 07:21 PM (ay+rD)
9
It's sad to see babyhood slipping away. But one of my favorite things is when Bridget comes up to me and holds up her arms and says "Up Mommy!" She still wants me to hold her and if she wakes up in the middle of the night, it's me she wants.
They won't always be this tiny but they'll always need a hug from their mother.
Posted by: donna at May 02, 2008 07:32 PM (Yg10E)
10
They will always need you-just in different ways at different times.
I am thinking maybe you are a little bit like me. Although my relationship with my mom is a little less complex then yours with your mom, I still have some major issues I have to/have had to deal with. You and I don't really 'need' our mom's-haven't for a long time, so it makes it hard to envision children, even our own, needing us beyond the basics of feeding and clothing. But we are different and more importantly better then our moms-and our kids will know they can always trust us without ever having to think about it. Because trust is what I think it all boils down to.
Posted by: Teresa at May 02, 2008 07:36 PM (ddXOy)
11
I can't believe they are 7 months already...seems impossible.
I am loathe to give up the preshus moments, and will hold on to them as long as I can into childhood. I have found that an enormous toddler of 2.5 years still fits into his mother's curves in the pre-dawn dark after a nightmare. Fits differently, but still perfectly.
Posted by: amishpromqueen at May 02, 2008 07:47 PM (OUTBp)
12
So true! Growing away. Nathan is already so independent, but in the perfect way. When he is sleepy or ready to nurse he goes back to the little infant I remember. 7 months! Yours tomorrow, mine on Tuesday! Another happy birthday.
Posted by: Christina at May 02, 2008 08:04 PM (J6Yo6)
13
If it makes you feel better, I'm 21 with an 18 year old sister and an 11 year old sister and my parents and whoever happens to be home (I'm away at college and the 18 year old will be soon too) all pile together onto the couch every evening to snuggle and watch TV. You never stop needing cuddles from your parents.
Posted by: Meredith at May 02, 2008 08:17 PM (jXuSj)
14
They may surprise you when they get older. Even when my kids started their pre/early teen years there were times that they still wanted to be close and cuddle up with us. Especially on weekend mornings, when my wife & I would sometimes wake up and find them all over our bed, trying to find which parent had a free arm to draw them close with. Luckily we were pretty good about keeping SOME clothing on at night, to avoid any embarrasing situations.
What I wouldn't give to have those days back. Those were the good days before they got seriously fucked up.
Posted by: diamond dave at May 02, 2008 08:27 PM (xOzxi)
15
I don't know all that much about motherhood, but I do know my best friend's daughter is 3 and when they cuddle it always seems that her little body still curls perfectly into her mom's. I also know that I have never (in my 25 years) grown out of "needing" my mom. When I'm sick, sad, or hurt..... she is who I need. They'll never fully grow away. Things will simply just be different. Not good or bad. Just different. Good luck adjusting!
Posted by: Jessica at May 02, 2008 08:40 PM (sm5Ac)
16
*sigh* my heart aches reading this. i can relate, word-for-word, to so many of your thoughts in this blog. i can't beleive my little guys is on the cusp of 7 months. where are the breaks on this ride?! how can i possibly freeze him and this fascinating age of discovery, play, personality, and need? i held my friend's 1 year old daughter, and after a quick moment, she pushed away for her independence so she could go play. she's not even my child, and my heart broke a tiny bit.
okay, now i'm seriously tempted to wake caleb up for a snuggle...
Posted by: kellyangelo at May 02, 2008 10:15 PM (x4u1e)
17
My son is 3 now and I don't get to 'hold' him like an infant (I have a hard time remembering when he fit just across my chest - he's so big!) but when we sit and watch Curious George he lets me sit right next to him and hug and kiss him. he wants hugs all the time from us. and on rare occasion he lays his head down on my shoulder and it just makes me melt. So the infant days change - but they still want mom.
Posted by: Jennifer at May 02, 2008 10:25 PM (6JvP5)
18
You don't stop missing that, even while you still have it. My youngest, now 19 and 6 ft was the most cuddliest of the babies. He remained that way for a long time, preferring to be carried when he could have walked, sitting on our laps to watch a movie. I knew he would be our last so didn't mind lugging a thirty pound toddler around Disney!. Enjoy your babies. The awareness of how fleeting this time is is just a response to your knowledge of how short it really does last. It does come back, when they are tired, sick, or just need their moms, so it never really goes away.
Posted by: Melissia at May 02, 2008 11:07 PM (mJWbf)
19
While they do yearn for independence, they also need reassurance from Mom. My 13 year old still sits on my lap. I bought a king sized bed so that the 12 year olds and 13 year old can all come cuddle me at the same time. I haven't hit the point, yet, where they don't want hugs, loves and kisses from me anymore.
Posted by: malenkka at May 02, 2008 11:47 PM (97wlj)
20
P has recently taken to putting her arms around my neck completely and pulling me close to her. Sometimes it makes me tear up, it feels that wonderful.
Posted by: MsPrufrock at May 03, 2008 12:15 AM (1NDGw)
21
The Mini still reaches out for me when he cries at night. And he prefers to rest his head on my shoulder when he's upset and spread his arms out around me, as far as they'll go. I to take advantage of that as much as I can.
Posted by: statia at May 03, 2008 03:26 AM (5IjqH)
22
Baby snuggles are fantastic . . . but there is something equally fantastic about your toddler coming up and VOLUNTARILY snuggling in next to you. And saying, "Mommy" for the first time, which I just experienced this week.
It just gets better from here, no worries, dear Helen. Nope, you can't go back and make them little again, but there is SO much to look forward to as they grow!
Posted by: Heather at May 03, 2008 03:36 AM (kq0uE)
23
Helen,
My 16 month old still loves to sit in my lap, lean against my chest and read books, or watch tv. He still loves to climb up in my lap and lay his head on my shoulder. It feels so good.
My 11 and 13 year olds, still like to squish against me on the couch and watch tv, or better yet they love to lay their heads in my lap and have me rub their backs or run my hands through their hair.
The age Nick and Nora are now is the beginning of such a great time. Have fun with it.
Posted by: the mother hen at May 03, 2008 05:25 AM (AvESZ)
24
i still like hugs from my mom. they won't necessarily outgrow it.
my little one is just over 5 months. he's still a snuggle bug. i do want it to continue. it has such healing powers for me.
Posted by: becky at May 03, 2008 05:54 AM (l2sRt)
25
Wow I can't believe it has been 7 months! How time flies....but they are getting cuter and cuter :-)
Posted by: Lucy at May 03, 2008 08:25 AM (M350D)
26
My babies are now 11 and 8 and they still need hugs and snuggles with their mom. Granted, it's not the same as it was when they were little, but it still warms my heart when they come to me at the end of a busy day and want to be snuggle on the couch or get tucked into bed.
Posted by: Trainy at May 03, 2008 10:36 AM (vd8uz)
27
My nineteen year old son is 6'6"....he is in the Army...he still wants hugs sometimes from his mom.
Posted by: Mitzi at May 03, 2008 12:20 PM (cB5ML)
28
The snuggles are just less frequent that is all. At 5 my boy still curls into me and we snuggle all the time. He "saves room" on the chair or couch for me to sit with him and snuggle while we watch tv. He still wants to share a milkshake or hold my hand at the store. This morning at 6 a.m. while all the boys were preparing to go fishing, he remembered that he neither told me good morning or goodbye. Crying woefully, he ran up the stairs and threw himself into bed with me sobbing. I told him I'd be here when he got back and to catch a big fish for me. He smiled and went on his merry way. He still wants and needs his mama even when he doesn't think he does and it is wonderful!
Posted by: oddybobo at May 03, 2008 01:05 PM (Obmvy)
29
My boy (who just turned 2) is very much a cuddler. He loves to wrestle and tackle his dad, but if he gets hurt, he wants me. This morning we turned on The Backyardigans and he sat on his dad's lap, then noticed me sitting up on the couch and said "I want Mommy!" and proceeded to climb up on my lap.
I don't want this to end and i'm afraid it will eventually, but at 2, he still wants and needs cuddles.
Posted by: Tif at May 03, 2008 09:14 PM (7AIVm)
30
I have a 7 and 6 year old. They still cuddle. Yesterday morning the youngest woke up as I was leaving and ask "Can I have a long and hard hug?" I obliged.
Posted by: Amy at May 03, 2008 09:16 PM (2BV6j)
31
Yep - my 14-year-old still mashes herself against me any chance she gets. There is NO concept of personal space for me where she's concerned, and I don't mind it much. Except when she's squishing me. I see other moms whose kids "hate them" and won't give them the time of day without an eyeroll and a heavy sigh, and I feel quite lucky.
And, last night I got to cuddle my friend's 3-week-old baby. Sometimes, getting a "baby fix" from somebody else's baby is good enough.
Posted by: Tracy at May 03, 2008 10:22 PM (sGr7w)
32
Hey, now. They only get better, these baby things. Trust me. I can only speak to boy-type babies because I never raised a girly-type child but --
It took Babylove until he was almost two to learn my "name." He had "Daddy, Dah-ee, Da da" down pat very early on. I can only assume that it was my ubiquitous presence that kept him from learning "Mama" - becuase hell, I was never far enough away for him to have to call out for me.
They will go through the time where they're "too cool" for kisses and hugs -- but that's a long way off. And around the time they're 17 or so you'll not WANT to kiss them becuase they're so full of shit (thinking they know everything and GAWD, MUD-THER, YOU'RE SO STUPID.) so there's that.
But truthfully? And between us - when my cell rings and it's my 20 year old calling from college - and he says to me "Hi, Mommy," (because he still does call me that) I get all misty.
As I tell my boys: you'll be my babies until your 80 - and beyond.
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at May 03, 2008 10:24 PM (jAhxp)
33
So what I MEANT to say is:
Wait until you hear your first "Mama!"
or when the babies learn to wrap their little chubby arms around your neck and kiss you back.
(Babylove does "MWAH" and it just totally gets me right there, you know?)
Posted by: Margi at May 03, 2008 10:26 PM (jAhxp)
34
You still have time. Just keep cherishing it.
Posted by: Waiting Amy at May 03, 2008 11:41 PM (ecQ9f)
35
Hearing Amy say "aluboo mummy", more clearly now "I uve you mummy" and come rushing over to plant a big sloppy kiss on my lips, makes the growing up thing alright, even if its just for a brief moment!
Posted by: Super Sarah at May 04, 2008 10:01 AM (d7dEB)
36
Both of my boys 11 and 5 need hugs,cuddles on a daily basis!
Posted by: steff at May 04, 2008 03:57 PM (xYc0a)
37
I have a 14 yr old daughter who (like someone else said) has no concept of mom having any personal space. My 3 yr old son who is rowdy and rough 99% of the time still has to sit on or next to me any chance he gets. What's even better is I now get declarations like " I wub you mom you are the best mom and I will neber leabe you"
Posted by: Fawn at May 05, 2008 02:51 AM (4VYNU)
38
My daughter is 17, nearly 18 and will come and sit next to me on the sofa and snuggle. She still wants cuddles from her mom so I wouldn't worry overly much - you have years to go until Nick at least says " aw mom don't kiss me in front of the guys" lol.
Posted by: lostdawill at May 05, 2008 09:21 AM (nTIlC)
39
My girlies are 10 and 13 and they still like to snuggle.
Posted by: ~Easy at May 05, 2008 11:31 AM (XD24A)
40
So I guess what I'm looking for is reassurance that kids need cuddles well into childhood, that they need me and will light up when they see me for a while to come.
Helen, my children are 5 and 3 and they ALWAYS come running to wrap their arms around me when I get home from pretty much anywhere. Last week, they each had activities in their classrooms at the same time. The two of them actually fought over the right to have me go to their parties. We ended up splitting me a la Solomon; I spent the early time with my son and the later time with my daughter.
I miss, a bit, the days when I could hold my children in the crook of my arm, but I wouldn't change today for anything. Watching my children's faces light up when they see me makes all of the ills of the world simply vanish for a while. So don't fret: you have joy beyond your imagining still to come.
Posted by: physics geek at May 05, 2008 01:58 PM (MT22W)
41
I'm going with the notion that it never completely goes away. I still have days when I'd like nothing more than to curl up in my mother's lap. Of course it's not really possible any more - but it comforts me to know that I still have those feelings - it means that maybe my babies will always feel that way about me.
Posted by: Carol at May 08, 2008 07:02 PM (PGzrn)
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