We've run into a problem. We have a diagnosis, a horrible one, that we are trying to undertand, face, and stare down as a family. It first started the other day, we first witnessed it in Nora. We thought it was nothing.
We were wrong.
There she was, a dark red color in her face. Head thrashing, limbs stiff, back straight as a board. Immobile, her whole body jerking exhaustingly. We couldn't believe it - our sweet-faced little girl. Her body was out of control, her features unrecognizable.
We consulted experts. We sought advice. We read up.
There's nothing to do. She's a sufferer. We're sufferers.
We watch our little girl lay flat on the ground, twitching and bright red. The sounds coming from her mouth gutteral and vicious. She becomes somone else, trransformed into something almost feral. We clear the area around her so that she can't hurt herself and wait for it to subside.
We take one look at her, her confiscated toy that she has stolen from her brother dangling helplessly in our hands. She thrashes, she jerks, she screams. We walk away to show we cannot and will not help her.
Nora has discovered temper tantrums.
-H.
PS-I should potentially hit my 25,000th comment today. That seems like a big number to me. That's a big number, right? So, if you make the 25,000th comment then I'll...um....I'll respect you in the morning. And I'll tell everyone you made the comment and that you're my new best friend. And you'll be rewarded in some way. I've not worked out what that way is yet but there'll be something.
Posted by: Super Sarah at February 19, 2009 09:52 AM (0TP8F)
2
Ah yes, the temper tantrum. My toddler stood next to me today and screamed her little head off because I said 'no'. I swear, I could almost see her insides her mouth was that wide.
Posted by: Veronica at February 19, 2009 10:14 AM (l5geK)
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Oh boy... the temper tantrum... that's heavy... but has she got 'Stranger Danger' yet?
Oh.My.Word I'm nannying for a few weeks and I have been put through the ringer with that... Finally... after 4 weeks and HOURS of screaming we appear to be through the worst... but, man, it's a killer...
Posted by: Deeleea at February 19, 2009 10:22 AM (IphB3)
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Ah, the tantrum days. I remember them well. And they come back in teenage years too! Just a little different, they are verbal. Not sure which is worse!
Posted by: justme at February 19, 2009 10:22 AM (RZW65)
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Oh God. Nora's been texting Harry. Obviously. I saw him preparing notes for Tantrum Master Classes 'Show 'Em Your Teeth' & 'Manage Your Headbanging Effectively' last week, but I didn't know who was the lucky recipient.
We took Harry to Tesco's cafe for my desired birthday chip buttie on Sunday, and left in a profuse sweat. It had taken two able bodied adults Everything They Had in order to restrain Harry from wrecking the place and assaulting the other - well, let's call them diners, shall we? And he still ended up stood on the table at one point.
Let the good times roll!
Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family at February 19, 2009 10:34 AM (lpNi6)
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Oh heck! Temper tantrums! My niece has some crackers! Very impressive when she gets going but seems to stop as suddenly as she starts!
Hope Nick doesn't join in any time soon!
Posted by: Suzie at February 19, 2009 11:02 AM (zJPh8)
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I recognized the symptoms immediately! My son is a bit younger than your two so I'm ummm proud at how advanced he is! Yeah, that's it, I'm proud! I've decided it's genetic since I've seen similar symptoms from his dad on occasion! Good luck!
Posted by: Vicki at February 19, 2009 11:59 AM (2VoLW)
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The joy of reading your blog is more than any of us could want for a reward...
P.S. Some days I want to throw tantrums myself....
Posted by: Mitzi at February 19, 2009 12:11 PM (JooGi)
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Ooh, sounds fun. Good luck with that! Maybe it's just a passing phase? Isn't that how that works?
Posted by: Erin at February 19, 2009 12:50 PM (IPMSz)
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We discovered the joy of tantrums a few months ago. Some days I just want to stab out my ear drums with a fork.
Posted by: Dotty at February 19, 2009 12:52 PM (0hLIO)
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I remember the first time my youngest sister had a temper tantrum (or the first one I remember vividly, anyway.) She wanted a candy bar when we were going through the grocery line, and my mother said no. She started whining, Mom still said no. Then my sister started shrieking and threw herself on the floor in the cash register aisle. My mother told the people in the other lines and behind us that she didn't want to give in to my little sister and reward her for the tantrum, because she'd be worse next time. They all nodded their understanding, and my mother kept loading the groceries on the register belt over my sister. Then my mother calmly paid for her groceries, and turned to my still shrieking sister and said "we're going to the car now, you can come or just lay here on the floor. " My mother and the oldest three of us walked out, and two minutes later my sister came out looking pretty sheepish.
No more public tantrums, although there were more at home. Thank goodness the doors were built well.
Good luck!
Posted by: Genie Hughes at February 19, 2009 01:03 PM (6zvrq)
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Our son had it once. My husband lay himself down on the ground and screamed like mad similar to the little one and then we went off to the kitchen and ignored it.
He never did it again.
And to the "mine" and "yours": every person needs his/her own personal things. What if you gave both of them a little box where they put a few personal toys in and can say "This is mine!"
Posted by: Paula at February 19, 2009 01:08 PM (Nm4nm)
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Ooo...that scared me there for a minute!
Ugh, the tantrum - we have them over here too. My favorite new trick is when he goes stiff as a board while I am in a parking lot somewhere, trying to buckle him into his carseat. Good times. Shrieking and stiff as a board and wailing like he is being tortured...and I am sure some day a passerby is gonna call the cops.
Sigh.
Posted by: Kate at February 19, 2009 01:12 PM (hAQtj)
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Ah yes. Justme nailed it.
The teenage tantrums are worse IMHO. I was always more amused than anything else by the toddler tantrums.
Posted by: ~Easy at February 19, 2009 01:29 PM (IVGWz)
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Tantrums are like the flu. If you catch it and address it immediately, you can shorten the duration drastically. : ) But if you just let it run its course unchecked, it can go on forever and make you miserable. My encouragement (and what we've done with Angel3) is to find out what they like the least and do it. If it's time-out, spanking, walking away, or something else, do what will stop the tantrums.
Otherwise what should be a mildly unpleasant 2 to 8 week training period can turn into the terrible twos and trying threes. You can't stop every tantrum, but you sure can help avoid future tantrums with a little patience, consistency, and perseverance. As a friend of mine always says, "Learn to expect the behavior you're willing to tolerate." Good luck...to both of us.
Posted by: Solomon at February 19, 2009 01:39 PM (T4HxB)
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My mom swears by putting the tantruming child (me) into the shower and turning the water on cold.
Posted by: Marian at February 19, 2009 02:21 PM (ZD4nv)
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Comment Lotto. A fun game all can play. Hope you survive the tantrums, but you still have the "terrible two's" to survive through. Enrolled my oldest for high school last night, those milestones just keep coming at you.
Posted by: Matt at February 19, 2009 02:29 PM (/n9kT)
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The early toddler tantrums are at least rational. You can understand why she's upset when someone takes her toy. When they get a little older and more independent, they will decide things need to be done a certain way, their way, but they will not inform you and will pitch a fit when you get it wrong. Hope you've been working on developing ESP. Good thing they're cute! Even red-faced and screaming. I second the carry-on-as-if-nothing-is-happening advice.
Posted by: a at February 19, 2009 02:30 PM (bRiGr)
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Phew, I was panicking there for a moment. Good to know it's "only" temper tantrums, haha.
We are experiencing tantrums beyond your wildest dreams right now. They are obscene, and the most exhausting experience I've ever had. The other day The Dude was ready to get rid of her - he didn't even need money. Sigh.
Posted by: MsPrufrock at February 19, 2009 02:37 PM (37O6C)
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25,000.. your my hero!
Posted by: Tracey at February 19, 2009 02:41 PM (jgdKP)
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Your description was hilarious once I discovered you meant temper tantrums instead of some dreaded siezure inducing disease. Holy cow. Now - next time, take pictures - discreetly, of course, because the walking away and not engaging is the important part and you've got that nailed. Something about having the pictures to show your grandchildren one day - or at least know that you can if you want to.
Posted by: Lisa at February 19, 2009 02:43 PM (YEsan)
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My son had one of those once. I laughed uncontrollably - what? It was funny . . . and then, he was embarrassed that I was laughing and he stopped. We've never had one again. Whew! Once? Funny. More than once? I'd have been suicidal.
Posted by: oddybobo at February 19, 2009 03:07 PM (mZfwW)
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I think the prize should be the Aubergine!
Abs x
Posted by: abs at February 19, 2009 04:00 PM (HeMyj)
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I was scared there at first. Not that temper tantrums aren't scary. How did she get old enough for a temper tantrum?
Posted by: donna at February 19, 2009 04:24 PM (xSk7G)
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Oh dear... good luck! We still have them occasionally, usually when she's overtired or overhungry. I got BITTEN ON THE THIGH as I was hauling her tantruming ass to time-out on Tuesday.
For your amusement:
f l i c k r . com/photos/sarahmichelef/210559402/
(really? I can't post links to F L I C K R? sigh.)
Posted by: Sarah at February 19, 2009 04:24 PM (D37sb)
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Please, please don't say that this is the inevitable fate we are going to suffer with my sweet-faced baby niece?!?
Posted by: redsaid at February 19, 2009 04:53 PM (A1CeF)
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we'll see if i can make a comment without too many typos made by the 8 month old on my lap.
megan (another one of those 8 month olds) started throwing tanturms at 3 months. we're in for it with her, i can tell.
i hate to break it too you, but like justme said, they never stop. the tantrums take on different forms. i'm sure you've witness the pouty stomp off with melissa, we've seen it a lot in emma (the 10 year old) lately.
i wish you and angus well while suggesting you buy ear plugs in bulk.
it all reminds me of a video i once saw on america's funniest home videos (oh yes, i watch that show, i have no shame!) of a toddler having a tantrum. he would stop when he noticed his mother was out of the room and then started looking for her. once he found her he threw himself down on the floor in a very dramatic way and started all over again.
kids r fun
(damn spammers keeping me from commenting?!)
Posted by: Michele at February 19, 2009 04:56 PM (rXEzC)
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Man, you really had me going with this! Now I've never been a parent before but that must've been a moment you'll never soon forget.
Did I get 25,000?
Posted by: Ernie E at February 19, 2009 05:02 PM (1EvX5)
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I agree with Solomon. I have found that the best way to end a tantrum is to remove the child from the situation. Take them to a safe place where you can deal with him/her one-on-one in a calm way. If you let them scream it out or ignore them it just adds fuel to their already burning fire. If that means leaving the store with a full cart - do it. If that means carrying the child out of a restaurant and dealing with them in the car - do it. If you let the behavior continue, it will because they think it's the best way to 1) get your attention, and 2) get their way, even if it isn't the best thing for them.
My daughter once went ballistic in Applebees when my parents were with us. She wanted a balloon and I wouldn't let her have one because we were just served dinner. To get back at me, she took her kids basket and flipped it over on the table. I picked up the food, put it back in the basket, and took my daughter to the car. I told my parents to take their time and continue their meal, to get my food boxed up. My daughter and I went out to the van where she proceeded to scream for about 20 minutes. I held her and talked to her quietly and when she calmed down, I told her why we had to leave the restaurant. She didn't get her balloon and she learned why she had to listen to mom.
She still had her tantrum, but it was in a safe place and she learned that she can't use public places, intimidation, and embarrassment to get her way. Plus, the other patrons in the restaurant didn't have their meal ruined because of a screaming child.
Consistency is the key when dealing with tantrums.
Posted by: Trainy at February 19, 2009 05:28 PM (/0a60)
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I dunno - as long as she isn't still throwing full blown temper tantrums as an adult (there is a viral video email thing of a grown woman doing just that) I suspect that this trying time will pass - and some day you will look back on it and smile. My Gameboy used to run as fast as he could toward a wall (or door) stop short and gently bop his head on the wall (or door). It was quite the dramatic display & I am sure we were supposed to think he'd done it all with the speed & ferocity of his run. Thankfully, at 16, he's finally outgrown this
Posted by: cursingmama at February 19, 2009 05:37 PM (PoQfr)
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OMG .... the worst thing must be that she is so bloomin cute she can get away with anything!!
Posted by: moira at February 19, 2009 05:51 PM (UGBIN)
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Tantrums are evil, but they do pass. Although my oldest is 18.....
Ok, maybe they don't pass. But one can hope, right?
Posted by: grace at February 19, 2009 06:36 PM (8OGiU)
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You comment-whore. She said sweetly.
You panicked me for a moment there about Nora. I thought the poor lamb had developed epilepsy or something.
I remember my niece doing the roaring, sobbing, thrashing thing, and then STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE TO LOOK AT US AND SEE HOW WE WERE TAKING IT. We promptly peed ourselves laughing. So Minx bit me next time. Talk about upping the auntie.
Posted by: May at February 19, 2009 06:56 PM (3jesX)
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Oh man, you scared me for a sec there, I was sure there was some life threatening illness!
Posted by: Amanda at February 19, 2009 08:09 PM (Lcghc)
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am I your best friend? am I??? am I??
ps... love how you describe the tantrums, cant wait to hear how his higness copies her
Posted by: stinkerbell at February 19, 2009 08:28 PM (O3iDX)
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greetings from a long time lurker in indiana!
Posted by: jennifer at February 19, 2009 08:33 PM (CWX/k)
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its just gotta be me!! I need a new best friend!
My old best friend Jack Daniels has gone away to find a new best friend
He ran off, and now has a coke problem....
*sigh* time for a temper tantrum!
hugs! (loved the cyprus adventures by the way!)
annie
Posted by: Annie at February 19, 2009 09:02 PM (mxAK2)
38
You scared me crap out of me...I thought you were going to say she was epileptic. Comparatively, that makes tantrums sound much better. On the other hand, I don't have a live-in-baby, just nieces and nephews who I can pawn off when they get annoying...or remind them that when I was young, their parents liked to hang me upside down from my ankles, and I have no qualms about paying them back through a new generation (which is both untrue and physically impossible as I have no upper arm strength, but they don't know that).
I'm probably late on the 25,000 thing, but do I get something if I'm like the 25,012nd comment?
Posted by: D at February 19, 2009 09:44 PM (2Q9WD)
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Abigail does it. I locked her outside once. She didn't like that at all and stopped quite quickly. Next time, however, she didn't.
Her favourite thing to do is to rip her shoes off her feet and hurl them - so if you're quick, and anticipate, you can beat her to it. She doesn't like that much
Posted by: melanie at February 19, 2009 10:11 PM (9jW6T)
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Callie started with the tantrums months ago - she breaks out what we call "the devil voice" - starts speaking in tongues. It's lovely.
Posted by: Carol at February 19, 2009 11:15 PM (Dx6hu)
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Ok so for some reason on my bloglines at work I only get the first few lines, and our web blocker won't let me view your site so I've been super stressed out at what was wrong with Nora!!! Phew. Glad to know she's just joined the ranks of toddlerhood!!!!
Posted by: kim at February 20, 2009 01:47 AM (lWjPZ)
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Another stuffed eggplant would make an EXCELLENT comment winner gift!
oOo, also, your entry about your trip rocked. Maybe the same "narrated by a veggie pillow" style would work well for a kids' book?
Posted by: Meg at February 20, 2009 01:47 AM (75WzH)
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Congrats on the comment milestone! It is a big number and it's impressive.
If only each commenter had left you $1
Posted by: ig at February 20, 2009 03:07 AM (fCvsS)
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Hell if it's me you don't have to respect me in the morning. Just link to my blog.
Posted by: Siera at February 20, 2009 03:30 AM (ZrQDr)
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How do you count your comments?
I'd be honored to be your 25,0000ish person!
Posted by: kenju at February 20, 2009 04:58 AM (shDit)
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I admit it. I panicked at first. Thank goodness Nora is only has the Terrible Twos in her sights. heh Good luck with that one!
P.S. Why can't I post the URL of my blog? It doesn't like squarespace!
Posted by: Ice Queen at February 20, 2009 05:11 AM (nqxVT)
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Holy Cow! 25,000 comments? If that isn't a testament to your writing, I'm not sure anything is!
I sort of freaked a little when I read your first paragraph. Thank goodness it's "only" tantrums. Welcome to the terrible twos! I'll be joining you shortly, I'm sure. Sigh.
Posted by: Stacie at February 20, 2009 05:47 AM (p6L8W)
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tantrum? When she's 15 and calls you fucking bitch, give me a call. I'll come over with martins.
Posted by: vodkamom at February 20, 2009 11:14 AM (BlI+x)
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Holy freaking cow, I was too tired to see it coming! I'm glad it's nothing that another 23 years won't cure. (I've determined that children finally realize at about age 25 that their parents are worth knowing again.)
Hang in there! It can make for a wild ride. :-)
Posted by: Tonya at February 24, 2009 06:09 AM (CruUo)
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