We've had both kids visit us recently, both of them seperately. Melissa and a friend of hers (whom we really liked, actually, and whose father is friends with Al Gore.) were here a few weeks ago. It was an interesting time, and I'm left wondering how to survive these teen years (and it is teen-related, I know. I remember being a stroppy teen myself. All those hormones with no place to go, you know?)

Last time Melissa was here she asked to have all of her clothes washed because she wanted her clothes to smell like our house. She asked this the day she left which, because we don't have a dryer, makes life difficult. I went ahead and washed all of her clothes only to find, after she'd left, that she had a massive pile of dirty clothes left behind that she thoughtfully piled up on the windowsill in her bedroom.

New rules this time - any clothes left behind on any flat surface of her room would be washed and given away to charity. I wasn't kidding, either, and I had Angus' backing on this one. He even left notices around the house that her clothes would be donated to charity if she left them lying around. When she left she didn't leave any clothes lying around.

She did, however, leave a whole bunch of clothes in the dirty clothes basket.

Melissa went through - I exaggerate not - no less than three pairs of knickers a day. Now, I'm a woman. I wear panties. Unless I have pariod overspill or something, though, I only wear one pair a day. I'm struggling to see how to get through three.

Some laws are going to be laid down on the laundry front. I'm so over doing her laundry at the rate in which she goes through clothes. I was doing the family's laundry when I was 12. She's almost 17, she can wash some damn clothes. Melissa is a pretty lazy kid, actually, and has been for a long time.

Melissa is showing signs of being a stroppy teen, too. She wasn't feeling well and I made breakfast, including sausages and eggs. When I plated her up, she looked at the dish.

"In future, Helen, I want my eggs sunny side up," she said snottily.

"In future, Melissa, you can make your own fucking eggs," I shot back.

Angus quickly swirled her out of the house.

Since turning 16 she seems to forget the basic rules of the house. She bought some rugby cleats for use at home, and at one point I heard her walking upstairs in said cleats. On our brand new oak floors. In our house, which is and has always been shoe-free.

"I know you're not walking around upstairs in your rugby cleats!" I shouted up the stairs.

"I'm just going from one room to another!" came the shouted reply.

This wasn't the last infraction. On the day she was leaving, she got ready in a massive haze of cologne (she doesn't wear perfume, she wears men's cologne. A lot of it.) And I could hear her walking around - once again - on our brand new oak floors in boots.

Angus asked her to remove her boots, please.

She ignored him.

I asked her to remove her boots, please.

She ignored me.

I asked Angus to intervene. He did, and she shot back that she didn't think he was serious. He intoned that he was, so she took the boots off in a strop.

She's a good kid and I love her a lot, but I can't wait for her to not be a teen anymore.

And of course, as soon as she's done being a teen he heads straight into it.

Jeff arrived on Saturday night, and he's been in great spirits. During the day he and Angus are slaving away at building the deck. The deck has become an urgent issue as it's just been a big pit out the back of the house, and the babies falling into the pit has been a concern. Angus has designed and built the foundations for the deck himself, and Jeff was clear he wanted to help.

Angus has talked to him about home a bit. Things aren't exactly wonderful - Jeff is constantly treated like a kid, like he knows nothing. He's 12 years old so he's not perfect, but he tries very hard. He says he wants the opportunity to read a map while the Swunt drives, but the Swunt won't let him as she says he's too young and doesn't know anything. The Swunt has Melissa read the map and, according to Jeff, Melissa and the Swunt spend their time screaming at each other.

This isn't the first time this has happened - Jeff did a lot of research on TVs when the Swunt used her massive tax refund to buy all new furniture for their new house. When the time came to look at TVs, Jeff was summarily dismissed and told "What did he know, he's just a kid?". Yes, he is a kid, but in order to grow he needs to be heard.

We've asked to have him stay with us for the summer. The Swunt is apparently all for the idea - this way she can spend her time with her horses. Jeff is all for this, but worried that maybe we don't really want him. He asked me about it last night as I drove he and I to the movies (we saw Monsters versus Aliens - 3D. And no one collected our 3D glasses after the film so Jeff and I made out with some fab glasses).

"Are you really sure you want me all summer?" he asks, looking at his hands.

"Of course I am," I reply casually. It's important to get the tone right with him. "It's not all fun and games, you know. We have to work, so during the day you will need to entertain yourself."

"That's fine!" he says hurriedly. "I'd have to do that in Sweden anyway! But here maybe I can make some friends, or take some classes or something."

"That's a good idea,"I reply calmly.

And now it looks like Jeff will be with us this summer.

Today he's working on the deck with Angus, using power tools under supervision. He's had a say on various aspects of the deck and he's highly motivated to get it done. During bits that only Angus could do over the weekend Jeff would come inside and play on the teeter totter with the babies.

Yesterday he told Angus that he thinks I'm a good mother.

I try hard, kid. I try hard.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:39 AM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
Post contains 1127 words, total size 6 kb.

1 Yes, teenage girls are hard. You can say things until you are blue, and they just don't get it lol. I have one that was pretty easy. My second, not so much. She makes me want to rip my hair out most days. I should send you pic's of her room. It would probably make you feel better. I am hoping that boys are easier (people keep telling me they are)as my son is just hitting the beginning of his. Please Oh Please let him be easier. I like the idea of sending the cloths off to charity! I have gotten my daughter to stop leaving them all around the house.(I would scoop them up and keep them for a while until she was looking for some of them then ask her if she remembered were she last left them, took her a bit but she did catch on) For the most part they are just all over her room. occasionally the bathroom. Having Jeff for the summer sounds like it could be fun. And he can really get to know his little brother and sister, and them him.

Posted by: Justme at April 07, 2009 10:27 AM (8elqF)

2 Sounds like he's a smart kid! How sweet!

Posted by: Vicki at April 07, 2009 11:48 AM (HsOD+)

3 His life will be immeasurably better for having you in it - and I am happy to hear that he will be with you for the summer.

Posted by: kenju at April 07, 2009 12:53 PM (hMUhQ)

4 An alternative for the leftover clothes...use the appropriate items (t-shirts, etc) as household cleaning rags. But only when she visits. Then she can get all kinds of irritated when she sees a favorite item being used to scrub the sink. It may make her a little more cognizant. Sounds like you're doing well with them, though. Jeff appears to be a typical youngest child. I'm almost 40 and still everyone in my family dismisses my opinion, because I'm the youngest. Kids grow up to be capable in spite of that sort of treatment. It's frustrating. I didn't really pay any attention to it until I was in my 20's, because I spent my teen years trying valiantly to avoid my entire family. Guess that's why they weren't able to damage my psyche! A summer with you may help do that for Jeff.

Posted by: a at April 07, 2009 01:05 PM (bRiGr)

5 That warms my heart. Not the stroppy teen bit, but Jeff bit.

Posted by: donna at April 07, 2009 01:27 PM (uJ7AG)

6 I'm with you on the stroppy teen bit. My daughter, who is otherwise a very good kid, tends to be a total slob when it comes to clothes and throwing away trash. I swear, if you want to find her, just follow the trail she leaves in her wake. She's eighteen and never has seemed to learn the purpose of a trash can, or a clothes hamper. And I'm always happy to hear the progress you've made with Jeff. You & Angus seem to be the only sources of stability the poor kid's got. And at his age it's important to give him responsibilities and treat him as a growing, learning kid, not a helpless toddler. He's going to need that stability when he hits full-blown adolescence. Good to hear you get the summer with him.

Posted by: diamond dave at April 07, 2009 01:40 PM (RIYji)

7 Sounds to me that Jeff is a good kid! And you are a good mum - stroppy teens and all.

Posted by: oddybobo at April 07, 2009 01:55 PM (mZfwW)

8 Jeff sounds awesome.

Posted by: Hannah at April 07, 2009 02:44 PM (V2CrS)

9 Aaah, I remember how obnoxious I was at that age, and my sisters... something to look forward to will all kiddos. Sounds ike youare handling it very nicely though. On a different note, I don't have a flicker account so I couldn't comment there, but the pic of Jeff on the rocking horse with Nick is just soooo sweet! He looks like a wonderful big brother.

Posted by: stephanie at April 07, 2009 03:00 PM (paCk2)

10 I'm not one to cry while reading blogs, but Jeff telling Angus that you are a good mother. That made me tear up. You've made definite progress with Jeff.

Posted by: Tif at April 07, 2009 03:11 PM (fPmeR)

11 Lovely compliment from Jeff and sounds like you needed to hear it. You ARE a good mom.

Posted by: Marian at April 07, 2009 03:17 PM (ZD4nv)

12 I really do love that kid, just thanks to your words. I'm SO GLAD he's going to be with you guys for the summer; I think it will be very good for him and hopefully for you guys, too.

Posted by: Sarah at April 07, 2009 06:20 PM (D37sb)

13 Dont you love that teenage entitled to their own way in everything phase. I dont envy you that.

Posted by: Betty M at April 07, 2009 07:16 PM (15c14)

14 Very impressed at your handling of the household. You're managing beautifully, much better than I would in that situation. Kudos for keeping your cool on the laundry front. I've been doing laundry since I was 6. I'm the youngest of 5, and we had a LOT of laundry. Little Miss should wash her own frikin knickers. Bet she'd be down to a pair a day then

Posted by: Jungletwins at April 07, 2009 09:14 PM (wyPEC)

15 I think if someone ever invents a drug to cure teens of being assholes, they'll win the nobel prize.

Posted by: D at April 07, 2009 09:26 PM (2Q9WD)

16 This makes me so sad and so happy at the same time. I'm sad that his mother can't be bothered to know what a great kid she has. I'm happy that you recognize it and are nurturing him. He will appreciate it a lot later in life.

Posted by: the mother hen at April 08, 2009 04:25 AM (r8Zhu)

17 As I believe I've said before, if children came out of the womb as teenagers, parents would drown them at birth. We had a worse laundry problem. Our teenager wasn't putting away her clean laundry. As a result, sometimes it ended up mixed on the floor with the dirty laundry. So sometimes I'd be loading the washer, and find a nicely folded shirt in the basket. Just awesome. Oh, and our solution for clothes/coats left laying around is to toss them out the back door. This is most fun when it's raining or snowing.

Posted by: ~Easy at April 08, 2009 12:40 PM (IVGWz)

18 I was a bit of a jerk as a teen, I admit it. Thankfully we out grow these things, well most of those tendencies anyway :-P So, this is my over active optimism as usual, and I don't mean to jump the gun.... but, do you think if Jeff stays with you for the summer, the discussion might/could turn to staying permenantly?? Even if it doesn't become permanent, staying for the summer might be the best thing in the world for him right now, with two people who don't dismiss his opinions and thoughts simply because he's "just a kid". Sometimes just having someone who listens can be the greatest gift. I'm excited for you, I hope things work out.

Posted by: Angela at April 08, 2009 12:41 PM (DGWM7)

19 I was a bit of a jerk as a teen, I admit it. Thankfully we out grow these things, well most of those tendencies anyway :-P So, this is my over active optimism as usual, and I don't mean to jump the gun.... but, do you think if Jeff stays with you for the summer, the discussion might/could turn to staying permenantly?? Even if it doesn't become permanent, staying for the summer might be the best thing in the world for him right now, with two people who don't dismiss his opinions and thoughts simply because he's "just a kid". Sometimes just having someone who listens can be the greatest gift. I'm excited for you, I hope things work out. The spam filters are going crazy- I hope this doesn't re-post.

Posted by: Angela at April 08, 2009 12:43 PM (DGWM7)

20 I feel for your struggles with Melissa. Thank goodness they usually grow out of it... eventually. What a nice surprise that Jeff will be there for the summer. I'm surprised his mom let it happen. After all, he'll be under YOUR influence. It sounds like it will be a wonderful thing for him. You really ARE a good mom, y'know?

Posted by: sue at April 09, 2009 06:47 PM (0K+AI)

21 Instant parenting to a teenager must be pretty difficult - my hat is off to you.

Posted by: Katie at April 09, 2009 11:48 PM (UaL+O)

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