Last night I went back into therapy. Courtesy of raging London traffic, I got there half an hour late, which is just lovely having to pay for therapy time when what you're really doing is screaming and raging at the asshole drivers on the roads. I got there in the end (vowing that from now on I'll be taking public transport and not trying this driving into London bit again) and made my way into a familiar house, up familiar stairs, onto a familiar couch.

We talked.

I cried.

He cried. He's emotional like that. I think it's what helps me - having a therapist who is not passive and impartial, but who has his own emotions that enable me to work out what the hell it is that I am feeling.

He's agreed to take me back on as a patient. As he said, people with issues have layers. Some of these layers can be solved in one go. Some people need to take a pause, then go back. Still others find that where they thought things were resolved, it was just some elements of a person, and an event or memory can kick-start the need to go through more of you.

He believes the arrival of Nick and Nora triggered something in me, something unresolved. I think it's that, combined with the tough time Angus and I have been having as a couple for the past 6 months. Some changes were made here and some of the clouds have lifted, but I think we're both feeling pretty fragile. Add my general anxious behavior and my constant drive to take on the world (I'm looking at working on my master's degree now, because, you know, I don't have enough to do) and I'm someone who needs help.

He wants to see me more than I'm able, not because he's in it for the money (because he really isn't like that) but because he says I'm vulnerable. Time and finances are an issue, though, and so once a month is what our schedule will be.

When I left I had a migraine. I felt exhausted. I felt worn out.

And I felt relieved that I had gone.

-H.

PS - Long weekend here, so I'll be back on Tuesday next week. Have a nice break, all.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:40 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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