Dear Helen,

Hi, it's Me. The older Me, looking back at the younger You. I'm just writing a note to you, to tell you some things that might be useful. You probably don't want to listen. No-scratch that. Knowing you the way I do, I know you won't listen. But on the off-chance you pull a Doc Back to the Future moment and tape up this letter after ripping it up in disgust, I want to lay some things out for you. Here goes.

That photography class you dropped out of? Stay in it. Buy a decent camera. Take many pictures of your life, to look back on, a physical reminder of a leaky memory.

He's not right for you. He's really not. But don't listen to others and dump him-you stay with him until you want to end it. It's your life. There will be a long string of boys that are not the right one, but you need to get to know how to pick them out of a lineup, you need to know what the wrong kind of relationship is like. It will hurt, but you need to be that kind of hurt, you need to know the sharp pointy part of the stick of a break up, that ache that the wrong boy brings. Don't leave someone until you are ready to leave them.

Oh-but there will be one that hits you in the middle of the night and throws you outside naked. Grab your keys and your purse. Drive away and leave his ass and never look back or speak to him again. Don't even think about staying.

Eat your vitamins.

Keep all the things that you love and value and will want forever in a small box. Keep that small box with you. Some things are going to happen, you are going to lose everything and you will lose everything more than once. You will want a few things from your childhood and of your choice (other than the two things that will somehow come out the other side with you. It's a hint. The Doggy Blanket and Pink Baby will be fine).

The perm? Seriously. Walk away from it and don't look back. Perms are good for some but you have a face like a dishplate. You will look like a Brill-o pad, and not in a good way. Just move on and deal with the straight hair-it will become cool in the late 90's, so you don't have too long to wait.

Keep playing the flute.

Learn how to repair cars. Practical skills are sexy. You don't want to have to be the chick that can talk Medieval literature but doesn't know how to turn off the boiler.

Call your grandparents more. Call your mother less.

Take up yoga as soon as you can. That way, I will already be a pro at it and won't be forced to take classes with that kiss-up bitch. I'll thank you for it later, I promise.

Wear more sunscreen. Don't look at me like that. I know you hate it. Don't argue with me, just wear more sunscreen, ok?

People will tell you that you're stupid and ugly. Don't believe them. You aren't stupid. And you're no Miss America, but you're no pug dog either. Stand up straight and know that you don't send people screaming with your looks (psst-unless you got that perm, that is, then all bets are off).

Keep practicing your French and Russian.

Live on your own a bit more. You'll have a period where you are perfectly content with your life and live in a little house with two dogs, where Sundays are lazy and designated with a bagel and the newspaper in bed. Don't feel the need to cast the net out and find someone. Just be alone. You're going to love it, I promise.

Two words: Benefit and Stila. Learn it, be it, love it.

Say "I love you." more. Sometimes, they might not love you, and sometimes they might not love you as much as you love them. That's just life, and who gives a toss about pride anyway. You'll never, ever regret saying it. But you will regret not saying it.

When you say goodbye to him take a video camera with you. Record the last 12 hours you had with him. Your memory, it's not so good. Someday you will want to look back to see what his face looks like, because you will hate yourself if you begin to forget it, and you already hate yourself for enough things you don't need to add this to it, too.

Wear your retainer. Your front teeth and I will thank you someday.

Don't stress so much about the Master's Degree. You won't need it anyway. Take it someday when you want to, when you feel ready.

Everytime you take to your bed, crippled, and think: This is the worst thing ever. I just don't know how to get past this, then know this-it's not the worst thing. Things can-and will-get worse. Things will fall apart in ways you could never anticipate. But the amazing thing is, you will learn that you are a bendy toy inside. You can take it. You can deal with it. Life isn't a pretty party most of the time, but I've seen you with rope and crampons, I've seen you scale mountain walls of failure I never even knew existed. You will have some bloodied elbows, a bruised heart, a fractured soul, but you will be fine. Believe in yourself.

Never in a million years will you guess what's ahead of you. It's better than you think. It's worse than you think. Buckle up. Be tough. Don't take it all and blame yourself all the time, don't internalize it all. Try to smile more.

It's the getting there that wil be the adventure, babe.

I promise.

I love you,
Helen

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 04:09 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
Post contains 1002 words, total size 5 kb.

1 Can I hire you to write MY younger self about the perm? I lost . . . I lost almost a decade to the perm. Some days I am okay with it, but then some I'm not sure I'll ever really be over it. Evil, wicked, nasty perm. I love this post so much.

Posted by: ilyka at July 19, 2005 09:22 AM (qKsBT)

2 Helen, this is ace. I imagine it is quite a catharsis (sp?) to write too. I am with you on the Benefit! Abs x

Posted by: abs at July 19, 2005 09:58 AM (+gJH8)

3 Very very beautiful. Can you please write my eulogy?

Posted by: Mr Singapore at July 19, 2005 10:01 AM (Yt1ot)

4 What, no sex tips. Imagine how much better younger you could've been in bed! Great post. Imagine if you'd read this before that night. The turnaround has been amazing and gratifying to watch. Oh, and good chance I'll be in London in mid to late August.

Posted by: Simon at July 19, 2005 10:01 AM (UKqGy)

5 Awesome, awesome, awesome. I still have chill-bumps running up and down my arms. Oh, how I wish I could write a letter to my younger self with even half the knowledge you're passing back to the younger Helen.

Posted by: scorpy at July 19, 2005 12:11 PM (LBSAm)

6 Can you also add to your letter that you should seek me out and let me know the Mets win the 86 world series and I should place a heavy bet in vegas on this (or at least my parents since I would only be 14)

Posted by: drew at July 19, 2005 01:37 PM (CBlhQ)

7 Another amazing post! It must have been difficult to write, but also gratifying. I, too, wish I knew then what I know now. But, then again, the ride wouldn't have been half as much of an adventure, right?

Posted by: Ice Queen at July 19, 2005 02:35 PM (Ct/0E)

8 Thank you. I needed to read this today. Peace, Odd

Posted by: a-bit-odd at July 19, 2005 02:54 PM (C1IIN)

9 thanks helen... wonderful to read. i can already hear myself writing to my younger self... and the perm's on my list too (the first one was a horror story, even if the others were actually ok). but the thing is... what i really need is a letter from my future self to me NOW.

Posted by: reflectionary at July 19, 2005 03:23 PM (4deqU)

10 Ugly? People told you you were ugly? I know this sounds really strange coming from the ether of the Internet, but I can't look at your pictures and think of you as ugly. Not for one single minute. Of course, that smile is simply stunning. A good smile makes everyone prettier.

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 19, 2005 04:52 PM (BYAj2)

11 Dude, you're so NOT ugly at all. Personally, I always thought you looked very similar to Bebe Neuwirth (and I can't believe I got her last name right on the first try), and I think she's stunning.

Posted by: sporty at July 19, 2005 05:10 PM (NsnoE)

12 Great post Helen! It screams Happy Monday to me even if it is Tuesday. BTW, I love Benefit and Stila as well.

Posted by: Marie at July 19, 2005 08:12 PM (1y+xE)

13 Funny, but most of this is what I would have written to me as a girl, as well. (I know you're NOT shocked, huh? :grin This most especially: "Don't take it all and blame yourself all the time, don't internalize it all." Oh, how I wish I had learned to do that a LONG time ago. Here's another bit of hope for you, H. The older you get, the more you: a) Don't give a shit what people who don't matter think about you; and, b) Realize exactly who is to blame -- and a goodly portion of the time it ain't YOU. You know, there ARE advantages to being older. You see things more and more clearly. :giggles:

Posted by: Margi at July 19, 2005 08:44 PM (nwEQH)

14 OK This made me cry. Sniff.

Posted by: Ari at July 19, 2005 10:37 PM (PCRbg)

15 That was simply grand. Now, are you going to be able to apply this lovely advice to yourself going forward? Can you look back in a week and still make some use of it? I bet you can.

Posted by: RP at July 20, 2005 03:46 PM (LlPKh)

16 Can the older you do one for me too? Please?

Posted by: Rebecca at July 20, 2005 08:57 PM (ZHfdF)

17 today's my birthday. i won't say which one, but it's a milestone that ain't 21. thanks for the birthday present. it was just what i wanted.

Posted by: deborah at July 20, 2005 08:58 PM (GOFVL)

18 I've tried this exercise a thousand times. And ripped every one of them up. I could never say all the things that needed to be said, without judging myself horribly. You did it justice. To both of you.

Posted by: Jennifer at July 21, 2005 03:23 AM (ydXhk)

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