Yesterday Nora and I trooped into London for a Mommy-Daughter day. We had one Christmas present left to buy - something for my step-grandma Nobu, the tiny little Japanses one who you could fit into your pocket (although we don't do that, as that would be mean). Nobu has a deep, inabiding fondness for one shop, for one place that would mean one of us would have to go into the Big Smoke.

Like most tourists - and more to the point, like most Asians - Nobu loves Harrod's.

Harrod's is a shop famous for being able to get you anything. If they don't have it, they will find it (I'm assuming that this does not include illegal things. One would hope, anyway). It's a luxury department store run by an Egyptian (whose son was the boyfriend of Princess Diana, the one killed in Paris with her) that the UK government will not give citizenship to, and he's notorious for being mean to his employess.

And Harrod's is very big with the wealthy jet set. Very big. It would explain why they have Versace, Armani, Escada, Valentino, all of them in the shop, and they're not the knock-offs you'd see. They sell the stuff you see on the stars at awards shows. And, in fact, I saw a breathtaking orange Roberto Cavalli dress* that I am desperate for. I want to get married in it (please, as if I could get married in white. I'd burst into flame at the sheer heresy.)

I remember last year I had to go to Harrod's to buy my parents some Christmas ornaments. There I was, buying two ornaments (£10 each! For a bloody Christmas ornament!) in the massive Christmas section when a stick thin Russian woman with a bodyguard came in, waved one hand to the suited Harrod's chap at her side, and said in that rich throaty Slavic accent "I vill haf one of each. Of all of deez decoration."

Gee. And I was just buying two ornaments.

Harrod's has a road nearby that is exclusively for the use of the chauffer-driven luxury cars. They keep the engines idling, which hey, might be a wee bit environmentall unfriendly, yeah? - and the chauffers all wear better clothes than I do. Harrod's doesn't appeal to me at all. It's nice in a touristy kind of way, but I always feel very Gap Girl in there. The only part of Harrod's that I like is the food hall - I love the food hall. I want to masturbate in the food hall. If there is a food in the world then the food hall - clean, sparkly tile, sky-high ceiling, pure extravangance - has it. You want fish you've never heard of? They have it. Blueberry tea? They have it. Marzipan carrots***? They have it.

Nora and I went together as Angus, newly returned and utterly knackered, probably could have done without the afternoon Nora screaming session. Nick stayed behind (although in hindsight I should've taken him, as apparently he went on a bender yesterday afternoon) and Nora and I caught the train.

And Nora, she was popular. Slung in the Baby Bjorn she had her big blue eyes wide open, and openly flirted with everyone who passed. You could hear the ovaries of the women throb. Top it off with the fact that I had her wearing a hat in the shape of a Christmas tree and she was irresistable.

Harrod's was chock full of tourists of all nationalities, and I noticed the Arabic and American tourists were the ones most likely to run over and want to talk to the baby. She obliged everyone, and amazingly didn't go into a screaming session once. She had her diaper changed in Harrod's baby changing station, which was perhaps the poshest diaper experience either of us has ever had, and we bought Nobu a small Harrod's cosmetics bag and left.

The train home was packed and we were sat next to a chap so cranky that the Ghost of Christmas Past would no doubt be stopping by later, and then we made it home.

Today the babies and I are off to the movies again, then off to see Angus' Mum. She's desperate to see the babies, I want to go to Sugar and Spice, and everyone's a winner. It's freezing outside, so I'll be dressed up warm. Luckily I'm wearing a thick turtleneck, not only because it's cold but because Angus accidentally left a lovebite the size of Montana on my neck.

I'll let you know how it goes.

-H.

* As though I could afford a Roberto Cavalli dress. I'd have to sell a baby to pay for that**.

** Some days (see: collicky screaming days), the thought has crossed my mind.

***I detest marzipan, so I'd probably skip the carrots.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:57 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 824 words, total size 5 kb.

1 you must have deemed it prudent to edit out whatever you wish to do on collicky screaming days ...

Posted by: mei at December 20, 2007 11:05 AM (/4LKv)

2 Marzipan... eeeew. I can imagine Nora being all happy, nice and warm in the Bjorn, thinking of the day she can go out and try on designer dresses with her girlfriends. And then leave for H&M. Your Russian lady reminds me of a Dutch tv show I saw last week. There's a street in Amsterdam where Chanel, Prada, Versace, D&G etc are located and the tv presenter walked through this street asking people what they were up to. A posh lady and her son answered they needed a second winter coat for the son. The poor lad only had the mink lined coat he was wearing and they needed something equally furry. Were they on a budget, the presenter asked and the mother explained that it was only a second coat, so 800 euro (571 pound/ 1152 dollar) max. The teenager, pimples, expensive haircut and all stared at the ground and then followed his mum to the Armani store. I guess he'd much rather be at Gap anyway. I know I would :-)

Posted by: Vita at December 20, 2007 11:22 AM (yK+2t)

3 Harrod's is so famous that it's crossed the pond, at least in fiction. It's like Nordstrom's squared and times a Nieman Marcus. Sometimes I think, If I won the lottery*, what would I buy? Generally I think that my clothes purchases would go up in price— but only because I'm hard to fit, so I'd get somebody to tailor my jeans instead of buying them off the rack. 800 pounds for a second coat? Think of all the cows you could buy for families in poor countries... *Since I don't play, this is a safe fantasy.

Posted by: B. Durbin at December 20, 2007 01:52 PM (tie24)

4 I would be very. very uncomfortable in Harrods, let me tell ya. I am more of a Resale Shop kind of girl myself. Marzipan-yuck.

Posted by: Teresa at December 20, 2007 02:04 PM (RhDZH)

5 What mei said. And I guess I'm the only one who loves marzipan...

Posted by: Clancy at December 20, 2007 02:07 PM (X+xFB)

6 I KNEW IT! Miss Nora is a People Person! My not-so-little anymore Babylove is a people person. If he started screwing up his face, we'd get out the stroller and he'd be all smiles. He still is like that. My R was like that too - although he's 17 now and surly - he didn't know a stranger when he was a toddler. And yes, I watched him (and now his lil' brother) like a HAWK when out in pub-lick. As for me? I'm sure the "Under 50,000 Dollar A Year Alarm" would go off if I set a single foot in Harrods. But it's awfully neat-o. I admit. Touristy wish. Just to say I've been there.

Posted by: Margi at December 20, 2007 05:44 PM (KF0g8)

7 Your post brought back fond memories of my 5 weeks in Cambridge at University, when more than one weekend was spent traipsing around London. We of course made it to Harrod's, and I remember being in awe of the enormity of it. But I LOVE to "window" shop, and wandering around Harrod's was a thrill. I bought a few things, none of which I have anymore, and I hope one day to return... Sounds like an all around enjoyable afternoon!

Posted by: kim at December 20, 2007 06:00 PM (AYKVy)

8 i hate marzipan too.

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 20, 2007 06:50 PM (hQNjm)

9 mmmmmm marzipan.....PUKE! Does Harrod's have Peach Tea? Peach Flavored Ice Tea is my favorite

Posted by: Heidi at December 20, 2007 07:30 PM (8VNcU)

10 mmmmmm marzipan.....PUKE! Does Harrod's have Peach Tea? Peach Flavored Ice Tea is my favorite

Posted by: Heidi at December 20, 2007 07:33 PM (8VNcU)

11 I haven't been able to comment from work for some odd reason so hence my late request. Could you allow me access to your flickr too?

Posted by: minawolf at December 20, 2007 10:25 PM (Ysm6Z)

12 I think I would like to visit Harrods. I mean, I would, if I actually had money to buy stuff.

Posted by: Veronica at December 21, 2007 12:09 AM (pUom5)

13 It's good to see that you can be quite humorous about Harrods and not at all be impressed by it. Good that you had a nice time out with Nora and that she was so charming to the populace at Harrods. I don't like marzipan either.

Posted by: Irene at December 21, 2007 01:31 AM (RL+iu)

14 I would give anything to see a pic of Nora in that hat! Sounds like the cutest thing ever!

Posted by: Erica at December 21, 2007 01:35 AM (D6tE/)

15 I LOVE MARZIPAN! In fact its actually a commodity in our family, we trade each other at christmas. Cleverly I married a man who hates the stuff so I always get his share. Our wedding cake was a massive compromise, I HATE fruit cake but agreed to a fruit cake layer so long as the icing and marzipan was two inches thick! I lived in London for seven years and never went to Harrods. My Mum emails me this morning and she has scored some ridiculously cheap deal for accomodation for our trip in January, guess where, yup, down the road from Harrods!

Posted by: Super Sarah at December 21, 2007 03:01 AM (JDMhD)

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