Years ago there was a foreign film they showed when I lived in Sweden. I don't remember much about it, except for the concept that when we die, we get to relive one day again and again. Each person chose their day based on their lives - one person, I remember, chose a day as an infant, to enjoy the closeness of a mother and child, to feel the skin on skin.

We leave at some ridiculous time tomorrow morning for the States, where we'll spend New Years' with my father, stepmother and grandma, and then all of us (Angus, Lemonheads, Melissa and Jeff and my family) are off to Whistler where we've rented a condo. We're flying to Seattle via Amsterdam, which will make a change although the direct flight would've been easier (but was £800 more, so you can see why we chose the path we did).

14 hours on airplanes.

With two infants.

One of whom spent the entirety of the day before today screaming (no really. It was the whole day.)

Like I said, I worry we're going to be forcibly ejected from the plane. If you see a news clip containing the words "12 week old infant" and "mother suffering from sleep deprivation on levels previously seen in torture experiments" then just assume this blog will go quiet forever, yeah?

I will have access to the web until we go to Whistler but I wanted to sum up my year before then. You know. As you do.

2007 saw so much happen. Work sucked great big donkey balls, then I bailed off a project that saw me blowing hooved animals to work I enjoyed more, even if the prestige was gone. The last time I saw the work machine go by it promised great things. I'm hopeful.

The house extension plans were granted and work commences after the New Year. I shudder at the cost and mess we're going to hav, but the bathroom and bedroom situation is dire, so I also look forward to it.

My beloved happy cat Mumin died. I don't talk about her much but I still miss her, and nothing is as sad as telling someone that you still miss your cat, the one who used to sit on your lap, the one who purred so loud you couldn't miss it, the one who died 6 months ago.

I travelled - Mexico, America, Canada, Scotland (twice), Iceland. I broke my cardinal rule, which is to see two new countries a year. This year I managed only one new country. I tell myself that this cardinal rule was made to be broken, and I almost believe it.

We bought a Wii. Worth it, every single pound.

We got a new (company) car. Worth it, every single mile.

Something else happened...something else...what was it?

Oh wait.

I know.

On January 5th, while in Whistler, I started injecting myself in the stomach everyday.

On October 3rd, two perfect little beings were sprung from the sunroof, the result of all those days of needles.

I could recap my year or I could give you this - one of the memories that I have which will never, ever leak out of my Swiss cheese memory is this: on the night of Boxing Day (December 26) I was trying to soothe an upset Nick. I went into the conservatory of Angus' brother's home and rocked him to sleep. Then I rocked me to sleep. The nighttime room dark save for candlelight, the windows laced with frost, and I was on my side laying on the couch with Nick curled in my arms like a stuffed teddy bear. His head was under my chin, his arms on my neck. I fell asleep sniffing his head and hearing his gentle snoring and feeling the pulse in his soft spot, his little fingers on my skin. The world went on by us, the house full of people and dogs and children and cats and noise and Christmas, but Nick and I curled up asleep under the blankets from our beloved Auntie Teresa, and we stayed there for a long while.

That foreign film owned and consumed me that night, as I thought about the laughter of the family, the happiness, the sparkly eyes...they would all be complete when I added falling asleep with the tiny form of my infant son in my arms. When I die someday, if I have managed to not wreck my karma completely, I hope I will be allowed to relive that moment of sleeping on the couch with my baby again and again and again.

I give you that moment as my recap of 2007.

2007 was many things - I laughed, loved, fought, hoped, fucked, cried, wrote, and lived every minute of it. I have nothing to give you but that bubble, which will live with me forever, and I want to give it to you, too. I hope you like it. Sniff the top of it, you won't regret it.

Happy New Year.

I'm glad you're here, and I mean that.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:38 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment
Post contains 860 words, total size 5 kb.

1 Happy New Year to you and yours too! x

Posted by: Lee at December 28, 2007 09:08 AM (rz/qM)

2 Helen, This post touched me and made me cry. It made me think of holding one of my own babies, who are still in the NICU. These moments are so special and so fleeting. Thank you for sharing... I hope 2008 continues to bless you and your family with many more moments such as the one you described in your post.

Posted by: stacie at December 28, 2007 09:28 AM (dZ+qK)

3 happy new year, I hope you have a fantastic time, and that nora discovers that airplanes are really really soothing...

Posted by: thalia at December 28, 2007 09:51 AM (dJRXk)

4 Have a good time up there! I'll wave at you when you fly over my Amsterdam house tomorrow!

Posted by: Vita at December 28, 2007 11:51 AM (sQEH6)

5 Happy New Year and safe trip back to the good 'ol U. S. of A. Catch up on those bowl games

Posted by: Ernie E at December 28, 2007 12:21 PM (RqFDR)

6 Have a wonderful time with your family, and a happy (safe) holiday. My ovaries twinged just a little bit as you described falling asleep with Nick. That is a great moment, and I can understand why that would be your repeat. Best wishes.

Posted by: Angela at December 28, 2007 12:39 PM (DGWM7)

7 I hope you have a great trip. And I hope The Lemonheads sleep the entire flight for you. Also, I hope the Jeff and Melissa situation improves. All my love.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at December 28, 2007 01:31 PM (+MvHD)

8 Happy New Year to you too!

Posted by: Heather at December 28, 2007 01:31 PM (s0rhn)

9 I'm glad you're here, too. I learn a lot from you. Happy new year and wishing you safe travels stateside with minimal stress...

Posted by: nikoline at December 28, 2007 01:55 PM (OCmQ1)

10 A very happy 2008 to you and your, Helen. My fingers are crossed that your flight is uneventful!

Posted by: Lisa at December 28, 2007 02:06 PM (IEbUi)

11 I am glad you are here. Happy New Year to the whole family. Oh, and don't forget to root for Ohio State! Jilly

Posted by: Jilly at December 28, 2007 02:18 PM (vy163)

12 Try to enjoy the vacation, and remember that the cabin doors are pressure sealed so they CAN'T throw you off the plane in mid-flight.

Posted by: ~Easy at December 28, 2007 02:28 PM (WdRDV)

13 Helen, Have a safe trip, and a joyous new year.

Posted by: Camino at December 28, 2007 02:30 PM (97jrp)

14 Happy New Year- Happy Travels!

Posted by: Laura at December 28, 2007 02:30 PM (U1yF0)

15 Happy New Year - enjoy yourself Helen. We'll miss you on this side. P.S. I'm making a present for you and I'm alllmost done.

Posted by: Jen(aside) at December 28, 2007 03:21 PM (cm+fA)

16 Happy safe travels to all of you! I hope this trip is filled with nothing but good times for you all. Thank you for sharing your "bubble moment" - it smells like heaven. Happy 2008 - I hope it brings many more good things your way. I'll miss you while you're not able to update us - that is much more lame and inexplicable than you missing your cat.

Posted by: Lisa at December 28, 2007 04:01 PM (EcHBm)

17 Happy New Year!! Few things can compete with a sleeping baby. I love letting Angel3 fall asleep on my chest on the couch. Then I fall asleep too. It sounds like 2007 had some monumental highs and lows. I hope 2008 has a more steady routine of pleasant highs and very few lows. I hope that for everyone, not just Helen. A happy and joyful New Year to you all.

Posted by: Solomon at December 28, 2007 04:08 PM (al5Ou)

18 Hope you all have a fantastic holiday and a great 2008. The Nick moment was lovely, it felt like I was in the room with you both. ....and finally, thanks for being there for me this year, you've helped keep me sane! Take care

Posted by: Becks at December 28, 2007 04:32 PM (+F4jH)

19 Why is it you can make me cry??Happy New Year and I love reading your blog...Have a safe trip.

Posted by: Erica at December 28, 2007 04:41 PM (AZFra)

20 With tears rolling down my face I say to you: The world is definitely a better place because you are in it. If you happen to be on the dry side of WA state. . .? You know how to reach me. Love love love you, girlie girl,

Posted by: Margi at December 28, 2007 05:08 PM (KF0g8)

21 No fair..making me cry at the thought of your snuggle with Nick. Oh how I miss those days... Thanks for sharing your life ... looking forward to 2008. Have a wonderful vacation, I hope Nora pleasantly surprises you during the flights!

Posted by: Steff at December 28, 2007 05:30 PM (dicdr)

22 We loves you too Helen! Have a great trip...dont fret about the plane...even if she does go nuclear...she wont be the first...and she wont be the last....:*) Shit happens and then there's wine to make you forget all about it...:*) Lots of love to you and your whole family and I wish for you the very BEST that life has to offer in 2008.

Posted by: wn at December 28, 2007 06:02 PM (zh/oU)

23 You made me a little teary, there. Happy New Year to you, too. The trip will be fine...remember, "FUCK 'EM ALL"! Practice glaring like a Momma Tiger.

Posted by: The other Amber at December 28, 2007 06:33 PM (zQE5D)

24 Oh and the movie is called "After Life", Japanese. We loved it too. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0165078/

Posted by: The other Amber at December 28, 2007 06:39 PM (zQE5D)

25 I'm crying again.....thanks. You and your babies are just wonderful. You know that, don't you?

Posted by: kenju at December 28, 2007 07:32 PM (yvCMb)

26 I loved that movie, too. Happy New Year! I enjoy reading your words. Your honesty is beautiful.

Posted by: jill at December 28, 2007 10:43 PM (zbbET)

27 Have a fabulous trip! The twins are beautiful enough to outweigh any colicky-ness from Nora. You will make through this and all the other hurdles. Your grace under pressure amazez me. Travel safely, Wanna come to Houston?

Posted by: sophie at December 29, 2007 01:44 AM (AY+fk)

28 Happy New Year, Helen, may it be bright and beautiful and filled with good things. Hopefully you get your moments filled in heaven on this earth now.

Posted by: Irene at December 29, 2007 05:09 AM (RL+iu)

29 Happy New Year! May 2008 bring an end to the screaming.

Posted by: Veronica at December 29, 2007 09:54 AM (ck3u0)

30 When I grow up I want to write like Helen

Posted by: kim at December 30, 2007 02:09 AM (m+kW/)

31 Happy, happy New Year to you, A and the Lemonheads~

Posted by: Poppy at December 30, 2007 04:25 AM (lsD4e)

32 You know what, it smells bloody amazing! You rock my world! Happy New Year!

Posted by: Super Sarah at December 30, 2007 09:41 AM (hPp72)

33 This post is exactly why I read you religiously, Helen. Such a vivid, sweet memory of Christmastime. I adore your writing - it always touches me deeply. Your photos of your sweet babies and of your life in England (so far away to me!) have provided me a distraction in what has been a tough year for my family. Thank you for that. I lost my sweet girl, a husky-mix to cancer at almost 14. This Christmas made me so sad that she wasn't here. When you lost Mumin earlier this year, I cried. Not only for you but knowing that my Andie was starting to lose her battle. May your beautiful family's 2008 be blessed! Molly in Ohio

Posted by: MJ at December 30, 2007 04:10 PM (4rqWv)

34 Happy New Year (and belated Christmas)! That is a lovely memory, something to hold onto whenever life starts beating you down. I have a few like that, and sometimes it's just easier to live inside my head and in my memories for a little while rather than dealing with a nasty present. Might not be the healthiest way to deal with life's catastrophies, but better than crawling into a bottle again. Well, here's wishing you (and Angus and the Lemonheads) all the best for coming year -Maolcolm ps - I'm glad you're here, too.

Posted by: maolcolm at December 30, 2007 06:59 PM (UXsL6)

35 Beautiful. Happy New Year! I hope you all have a wonderful trip. Enjoy BC, I am stuck in Alberta for the holidays and miss the mountains dreadfully!

Posted by: Laura at December 30, 2007 07:51 PM (eiagc)

36 I am at my mom-in-laws, and our internet has been knocked out for awhile at home(thanks to a nasty snow storm) but I just had to wish you a Happy New Year and safe travel. What a rollercoaster 2007 has been. Here is to a fabulous and exciting 2008. ps-the image of you and Nick curled up under the blankies-*sniff*- I loves it!

Posted by: Teresa at December 30, 2007 09:52 PM (sR7ME)

37 Happy New Year to you, too, and I'm glad you're here.

Posted by: diamond dave at December 31, 2007 03:35 PM (jNT0K)

38 Happy New Year to you and your family. And I too am glad you're here.

Posted by: diamond dave at December 31, 2007 03:38 PM (jNT0K)

39 That painted the most beautiful picture. Have a wonderful vacation (provided you survive the flight, and suspect you'll do just fine) and a very happy new year!

Posted by: Mallory at December 31, 2007 04:09 PM (nvu+Q)

40 We are so very glad YOU are here, too. Love to you and yours and a very happy New Year.

Posted by: sue at December 31, 2007 04:49 PM (WbfZD)

41 Happy New Year, Helen.

Posted by: physics geek at January 03, 2008 01:55 AM (vKMFv)

42 Happy New Year to you as well!

Posted by: beagle at January 03, 2008 01:10 PM (m7WB0)

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