One would think it would be easier living in England as opposed to living in Sweden. Not only is the climate a little friendlier (5 hours of daylight a day in Winter sound attractive?) but the products are more familiar, we all used to be neighbors and buddies about 300 years ago, and you can fall into the Gap on either side of the Atlantic. It might also be assumed it's easier to live in England than in Sweden, since in Sweden at some point you really do have to learn Swedish, whereas in England they speak the same language as the Americans do.

And on that assumption, one would be wrong.

While-for many reasons-it is easier to live in England, the same language isn't one of them. We don't speak the same language. Close, but no cigar. Honestly.

One of the more interesting things about the United Kingdom is that even though you could fit the whole thing into Texas and have a little room left over to sell to France, there are more accents on these islands than in any other comparable land area I have ever been on. Within these islands you have a London accent, Scouser, Manchunian, Liverpuddlian, Yorkshire, Irish (of the Kerry variety), Irish (of the Belfast variety), Scottish (Highlands versus Lowlands), Glaswegian, Birmingham, Southern English, Cornish...the list goes on and on.

And the regional accents really do sound very different. Some of the accents make you want to give them a cuddle (I work with a guy from Scotland, and I just want to give him a copy of War and Peace and have him read to me while I play with my special toy, the one equipped with two double-AA batteries. Scottish accents are lovely, eh Amy?). While other accents make you have to squint your eyes to try to figure out what the hell they are actually saying.

Once Angus and I were sitting in a pub and I overheard a man talking on the phone. I wrinkled my forehead. "What language is that?" I asked him, biting my lip. It sounded so familiar.

"Um...that's English babe." He replied. Huh. No wonder it sounded familiar. Only it sounded like he was choking. "That guy's from Newcastle." Angus explained.

Ah.

But above all, accents aside, they use a lot of the same words. As a linguist nut, I love learning about the words they do and don't use, but I absolutely hate being the brunt of constant jokes because I refuse to use some of the words here.

However, I have adapted and taken on some words, while there are others I will stand my ground on and use my sloping American accent on. Often, it's not just the word that is different, it's the pronunciation. Some words just slay me everytime an Englishman says them, while others I have taken on the English pronunciation, simply because it's easier. That stupid song "Lets' Call the Whole Thing Off" (You say to-may-toe, I say to-mah-toe) really takes on a whole new meaning to me since I started living over here.

I am absolutely not saying anyone is wrong here-the cultures and the languages are just different. Since I chose to live here, like living in Sweden, I have to learn to talk like the natives, walk like the natives. It has been both fun and frustrating learning the lingo here, and I am still learning as I go. Here's just a short list of some of the differences from what I learnt (or is that learned?) as an American. The list is far from exhaustive.

Trust me.

Day to Day

- In Europe it's called petrol. Or, if you're Angus, it's called by its full title of petroleum distillate. In the U.S. it's called gas, which over here only refers to natural gas or the stuff that seeps out of your ass after eating too many onions. So you don't go to a gas station, you go to a petrol station. Except for me, as I feel like a dick saying "petrol", like I have channelled Julie Andrews or something, so I still fill 'er up at a gas station.

- A truck is called a lorry, which is unfortunate if your name happens to be Lori. Seems a little unkind of the parents.

- You don't go to the hospital, you just go to hospital. There's no "the" there. For some reason, this makes me think of weeble wobbles but I don't really know why. And you don't go to the doctor's office, you go to surgery, which is somehow much more thrilling and dramatic to say-I have an appointment at surgery today. No no, nothing serious, just a minor amputation.

- A TV is called a telly, which you can add the Savalas after if you want.

- A vacation is called a holiday.

- A line is called a queue. Pronounced like the letter "Q", not the Spanish "que", which is what you use when in holiday (vacation) in Spain and the waiter is trying to explain the specials to you.

- A wench is a spanner.

- You don't have a hug, you have a cuddle, which somehow seems far better to me than just a hug, especially when it's directed at your knees by a 3 year-old with chocolate around her mouth.

- If something is "twee" here then it means quaint (I think twee sounds pretty damn twee myself, but maybe I am missing the point).

- Apparently, you are British if you were born in England and can trace your ancestry back a ways. If you can't do that, most people tend to call themselves English. Unless you're Welsh, Irish, or Scottish, in which case calling one person from that group by another ethnicity is a serious slap in the face and is likely to get ugly, resulting in a trip to hospital (bypassing even the surgery). Someone tried to explain it to me once by saying it was like me getting called Canadian, but that doesn't really stress me out, so the comparison was lost.

- Women's underwear are called knickers. Men's underwear are called pants. Those long-legged things you tug on over your pants are called trousers. And what men keep under the trousers and pants can be called a trouser snake. Really puts the whole Adam and Eve fable into perspective.

- There is a whole version of language here called cockney slang, whose goal is to indicate a noun by creating obscure rhymes. Sometimes you have to sit there and try to work it out, and if I talk to a real Londonner, I am often a few sentences behind in the conversation trying to figure out what the hell they are being Dr. Seuss about. Examples:

whistle and flute = suit
Ruby Murray = curry
dog and bone = phone

- A German Shepherd is called an Alsatian.

- If you're meeting someone at 6:30 you're going to see them at half-six. This always makes me pause and think: Right. Does that mean 5:30 or 6:30? Either way, I'm probably going to be late, as I'm always running late.

- An airplane is called an aeroplane (which lands and parks at an aeroport), terms I refuse to say as I feel like a real asshole saying them.

Children

- A stroller is called a pram here, which is short for parambulator, which to my mind is something you either do to coffee or in physical therapy.

- A diaper is called a nappy.

- A slang for the word children is sprogs. They don't call them kids here, maybe there's angst about relating them to baby goats, I don't know.

- A woman falls pregnant here, she doesn't get pregnant. I'm not sure which is worse, the idea of tripping over a crack in a sidewalk (called a pavement here) and standing up, realizing she's pregnant, or taking a number and finding out, at the window of the shop, she's been knocked up while adding up her grocery list in her head.

Food

- Candy is called sweets. Just as cookies are called biscuits, except the chocolate chip cookies which appear to have retained their hallowed status as bonafide members of the cookie category. Crackers are also lumped into the biscuit category, which I think is pretty damn unfair. Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Ho-Hos, in a slight to the whole Hostess dessert cake category, don't exist here.

- Dessert is called pudding, even if you're not having pudding, you're having cake.

- Dinner is often called tea. So if you watch British television and hear that children are being called in for tea before bed, they are getting a wee bit more than just tea. Hopefully.

Pronunciations and Spellings

- It's not a controversy here, it's pronounced "con-TROW-versy", which sounds even more shocking. I don't pronounce it that way, but I do get a grin out of it when people say it. It just sounds so dire.

- Buffet is pronounced "BOOF-ay". It's like an explosion from the mouth, which is indeed often the case if it's an All You Can Eat.

- Take those nasty z's (called zeds here, not "z") out of the words! They're dangerous! They have pointy ends! So aggressive! We use s here instead of z, so we can be more civilized. Oops, I meant civilised.

- And just for measure, add u's to some words. Gives them more colour.

- If you see a "-ham" at the end of the word, it's not pronounced "ham", it's pronounced as an "um". Like Birmingham. It's pronounced "Birmingum". They love to have a go at the American Birmingham, Alabama.

- Same with "-cester" at the end of the word. It's not "chester", it's "-ester". So the very scary Leicester isn't Leichester, it's pronounced Lester. I know. Bear with me.

Body Business

- A mouth is called a gob, in slang. You can be called a gobshite, which I guess roughly translates from English to English as "shit mouth". You can be gobsmacked, which is a less gentle term for speechless. Makes more sense if you remember Roald Dahl immigrated to the UK and coined the beautiful term Everlasting Gobstoppers.

- A hooter is a nose here, which is possibly why the popular chain of chicken wing providers doesn't exist here.

- A fanny is the anterior of a woman's reproductive genitalia here. Or, to be more blunt, a fanny is a beaver. In the U.S., the fanny referrs the butt (which is called a bottom here. Or an arse.) Imagine the looks of surprise you get here when you hear older American movies threaten to smack youngster's fannies. Which is why I don't understand why Fanny is also a female name here, it seems even more unkind than naming your child Lori.

- Sex still means sex, although there are kinder, gentler ways of saying it, too. "Rumpy-bumpy" is one. "How's you father?" is another one. You can also "try it on" and if you are trying to get lucky, you are "going on the pull".

There are so many constant examples of differences in language. It's a day of constant pitfalls for me, and some of them make me laugh, others make me cringe. I love living in the south of England, where it sounds like everyone has been part of the filming of Masterpiece Theatre (including my lovely Angus who has a posh accent), complete with velveteen slippers, a roaring fire, and a book that not a single person out of an E.M. Forrester novel has heard of.

I absolutely love living here, and while I am able to understand the language, it still doesn't mean I speak it. Maybe I never will. I meet people from other cultures that have lived here so long that they sound English, whether by habit or from the constant tearing down of not pronouncing things the same way here, but to be honest, I would rather retain parts of my strange bastardized American accent (I moved to Europe nearly 6 years ago, and I stopped talking like a Southerner a long time ago. I think I had it beaten out of me).

Either way, I have my stake in the ground. I may call it petrol, but I will never call it an aeroplane. An aero is something you have for pudding here. I mean dessert. I mean it's candy-er, I mean a sweet.

Ah fuck it.

You can see why my head often hurts.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:37 AM | Comments (45) | Add Comment
Post contains 2102 words, total size 12 kb.

1 I'm looking forward to Helen to feeling so acclimatised that she feels comfortable enough to tell a neighbour “I will knock you up at eight tomorrow” or ask a stranger “Can I bum a fag off you?”.

Posted by: Angus at January 07, 2005 12:37 PM (k78uM)

2 It's acclimated, darling. And I'm riding you like a pony tonight.

Posted by: Helen at January 07, 2005 12:41 PM (QL3eA)

3 I practiced law in London with an English firm some many moons ago and I can add two legal language differences: 1. You don't agree to terms in England. You agree terms. 2. You don't get back to someone later. You revert to them. Oh, and a memorandum of a conversation is an Attendance Note. I enjoyed your primer very much. Brought back some good memories. And I don't blame you at all for not believing that the Newcastle accent is really English. I never could understand a word of it. At all.

Posted by: RP at January 07, 2005 12:43 PM (LlPKh)

4 When did Angus start commenting here...? LOL, this gets better everyday! I´ve been reading you since the Swedish days, and I have said before that your writing changed. Words and phrase construction et all. Thats not bad, its human.

Posted by: Miguel at January 07, 2005 01:13 PM (zQN05)

5 I'm Irish Scottish English and Welsh so I am really in trouble here.

Posted by: Drew at January 07, 2005 01:39 PM (CBlhQ)

6 Oh my, you just brought back some vivid memories... I moved from England to the US when I was eight and didn't quite understand some of the differences. Still have trouble spelling though. Especially words with Z or ones like gray/grey. .... sigh. 8 is a hard age to have to adjust to a new language.

Posted by: martha at January 07, 2005 01:39 PM (5HJ2h)

7 Thank goodness for accents! If you said those things here without the English accent Angus, you might get a bloody nose. Or would that be a "red hooter"? I could never get the Super Model Mrs. Solomon to move to the UK, but I sure hope to visit again in a few years. It's been 18 years since my only other vacation there...I mean "holiday there". On second thought, maybe I'll go someplace where the language isn't so different...like France. I hear they're really patient and accommodating with people who don't have a firm grasp of their language

Posted by: Solomon at January 07, 2005 01:48 PM (k1sTy)

8 That was so good Helen! It was so good I made my husband (who's not into the whole blog thing because he has a screw loose in my opinion) read it as well. You've been told this time and time again but let me repeat...you are a great writer and you amuse me to no end. Have a wonderful weekend!

Posted by: Jadewolff at January 07, 2005 02:03 PM (8MfYL)

9 Rumpy-bumpy, nooooooo its Rumpy-Pumpy!! Thanks for your kind words the other day. Have a good weekend. Hope its full of lots of Rumpy-Pumpy

Posted by: Mia at January 07, 2005 02:30 PM (Y9TPR)

10 Woo Hoo! Angus paid us, er, Helen a visit on her blog! Hi Angus! Thanks for the primer. For some of us who have never ventured across the water, it's quite an interesting (and sometimes intimidating) language that you English people speak. :-)

Posted by: Ice Queen at January 07, 2005 02:39 PM (F6gzK)

11 A wench is a spanner. Funniest missing letter I've ever not seen. LOL Oh, the undertones! Serious question - what's a quid? We watched The Full Monty (freaking hillarious but thank got for subtitles) last night and were thoroughly confused by the monetary descriptions.

Posted by: Jim at January 07, 2005 02:51 PM (tyQ8y)

12 How about the road names - the dual carriage ways and the flying somthing or others... those slayed me on my trip last year....

Posted by: cursingmama at January 07, 2005 02:58 PM (4Wb7X)

13 Dude! I missed the "wench" bit. Wrench! I meant wrench! A quid is slang for a pound. It's a coin here. Also called a squid.

Posted by: Helen at January 07, 2005 02:59 PM (QL3eA)

14 I wish you would have written this post before I went to London. I actually called Gloucester Road "GLOWCHESTER". The guy at the tube station didn't seem too pleased with me and just nodded his head. By the end of my time though I had figured out most of it, felt as if I could listen to everybody all day long. Did run into some wacky accents, and it is indeed true... they're speaking english but its not the kind I can understand.

Posted by: eelhardt at January 07, 2005 03:03 PM (GhfSh)

15 bwahaa! that was awesome helen. thank you for english 101. i scared my cats laughin so loud at all of these examples. but "how's your father?" really? do people really say that?

Posted by: kat at January 07, 2005 03:05 PM (3t8KQ)

16 Ah! It all makes sense now. Thank you for the quick response you fiesty little spanner. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at January 07, 2005 03:18 PM (tyQ8y)

17 HAHAHAHA I love it! I swear, this needs to be turned into a book, handed out at the airports and such.

Posted by: amber at January 07, 2005 03:38 PM (/ydz0)

18 I must admit, I now often refer to it as petrol and I say queue as well. I also say "wee" a lot. It took me a long time to get used to that trouser/pants thing, too. Some of my other favo(u)rites? It's not a closet or a cabinet. It's a cupboard. They don't have fish fill-ays, they have fish fill-etts. This is a constant source of argument between me and the man, largely due to the fact that they pronounce it Boof-ay, not Boof-ett. And my favourite? Aluminum vs. Aluminium. It took me two years to figure out that there was an extra letter in there. I couldn't say it at all until I finally figured that one out. An excellent post. And thanks for the shout out!

Posted by: amy t. at January 07, 2005 03:46 PM (zPssd)

19 Should I even venture to your side of the pond, I believe I'll have to print all this out. For now, though, I laughed my arse off! I have often wondered how you were perceived over there, but hearing that you stopped talking like a Southerner explains a lot!

Posted by: scorpy at January 07, 2005 03:47 PM (44/F1)

20 Oh yes! Aluminum versus aluminium. Let me make one thing clear-I am never going to call it aluminium. Ever. And cupboard creases me up. It amuses me that linen closets are called airing cupboards-I think of an airing cupboard as a place where asmathics go. You don't call "dressers" drawers, either. They're called cupboards. "Drawers" is another word for underwear here. I once had a moveable work drawer-thingy at work. One day I was under my desk battling with it, and couldn't move it so I popped my head up at the guys around me and said: "Can someone help me? My drawers are stuck." Their laughter could be heard for miles.

Posted by: Helen at January 07, 2005 04:28 PM (QL3eA)

21 I'm a Canadian Lori (NOT a truck) who lives with colourful zeds (though I say zee) in our country as well - so we're midway between Britain & the US? My struggle is with wanker (not literally!), which can mean either 'goof' or 'masturbator', depending on how familiar one is with the Queen's English!

Posted by: Lori at January 07, 2005 04:31 PM (mjVtR)

22 Theres so many differences between New Zealanders and Okie Americans.They call things strange names.The first night I was here and we went out for dinner,James ordered biscuits and gravy...I thought eeww..imagining chocolate biscuits with gravy on them.But no,its was scones with white gravy!..they call our biscuits,cookies..They call the bench(where the sink is) a counter.They call the lounge,the front room. A 2 seater sofa,they call a love seat (dont ask me why).They call a bedroom suite,a bedroom suit...the power bill is the utilities....You have to be specific when talking about baked beans cos beans here can be black,green or red beans. A motorbike is a scooter,a car is a vehicle,pronounced..veehickle...A hairdresser is a stylist,a bakery is the bread shop... When I ask for a wine they think Im saying whine,beer is only 3% and tastes like weasel piss....a plaster is a bandaid,petrol is gas. And gas is cheap as! Smokes are $2-3 a pkt! A mechanic is a wrench,and they spell tyres..tires. A GP is an MD....the chemist shop is a drugstore. BUT..love is still love and sex is still sex..tho Mr Rooter is the plumber!!!!!! Its funny and entertaining and confusing all at once.You can go to a concert every week,but the liquor shops are closed on sundays!..You cant buy a lotto ticket but you can go play bingo at church.Theres a church on every corner and a tittie bar on another corner.The girls are happy to have a dollar note in their gstring.They call them thongs.Our thongs are jandals..their jandals are called flip flops....Okie language...well,Im getting used to it!

Posted by: butterflies at January 07, 2005 04:42 PM (sUcgQ)

23 Heh. Just thought of this. "Fanny pack" takes on a whole new meaning over there.

Posted by: Jim at January 07, 2005 05:00 PM (tyQ8y)

24 *delurking* And to think, I had such an easy time when I traveled to London a few months ago. I grew up in New England, so all the place names were terribly easy to figure out. My poor new husband was furious that there was another place on the planet called leicester...he never remembers how to pronounce it! *lurking*

Posted by: k at January 07, 2005 05:12 PM (5ubAZ)

25 This one is for Angus. Pretty please make the face and say PAAAAANTS for me. Oh, and a round of "helicopter" wouldn't hurt either.

Posted by: emily at January 07, 2005 06:24 PM (2zW8B)

26 You two are funny. One of my dearest friends is a Brit, a true on lol. So I do know some ot the lingo. And it helps that I grew up in New England and my family decendents are English and Irish.( don't have a hissy Angus, I know how Brits feel abut the NE thing lol) We get such a cackle out of people when we have a go in her lingo. We can tuely sit there and talk in front of my boyfriend and her husband and it takes them forever to figure out who or what we are talking about lol. I did learn quit a few new ones today! Funny post Helen!

Posted by: justme at January 07, 2005 06:27 PM (zdtiB)

27 Great post! I love to hear differences in lingo. My brother is dating an Aussie who calls all candy/sweets "lollys" or maybe it's "lollies"...Either way, it takes me awile to translate conversations sometimes

Posted by: Eli at January 07, 2005 07:00 PM (miSxP)

28 i meant awhile...

Posted by: Eli at January 07, 2005 07:00 PM (miSxP)

29 Ems, who are we to refuse? We just emailed you a clip darlin'...

Posted by: Helen at January 07, 2005 07:39 PM (QL3eA)

30 Okay, that video you just sent me is fucking priceless. I've watched it at least 6 times now and I'm starting to tear up from laughing so hard. Of course, what makes it so damn funny is you giggling in the background when he says helicopter and the shit eating grin on his face when he's done. Dude. Now I can show KW, because I've been telling him about Angus making fun of me saying "pants" and he just doesn't get it.

Posted by: emily at January 07, 2005 07:47 PM (2zW8B)

31 Hellfire! I didn't know about the whole "fanny" thing. My Grandma's name is Fanny. We call her Granny Fanny. I literally cannot wait until the family gets together again. Thanks, Helen..I am going to have the best joke EVER at the next reunion. I swear, posts like this make me want to move to England and live with you and Angus. If you're looking for a roommate, I love to cook and wash dishes.

Posted by: Lindsay at January 07, 2005 08:24 PM (srIAp)

32 I would love to make all kinds of witty comments about the Brits, but being from Southern parents and born and raised in New Orleans, it's a wonder anyone can understand a word I say. How come I sound a bit dim and the Brits sound clever and sexy?

Posted by: K at January 07, 2005 09:08 PM (l751k)

33 At least it wasn't an adjustable ratcheting socket wench. Also, "mind the Gap"!

Posted by: Sigivald at January 07, 2005 09:17 PM (4JnZM)

34 K, I feel your pain about the southern accent. No one ever talks about how brilliant we sound when we way things like "do what?" or "fixin' to".

Posted by: Lindsay at January 07, 2005 09:19 PM (srIAp)

35 The one that most threw me for a loop when I was over there was the expression "pulling"..Like "did you just see Liz out on the dance floor pulling Jess ???" Thank god I had people to explain to me that it meant making out.

Posted by: Casey at January 08, 2005 01:40 AM (0M9ku)

36 Get all the way to the end only to find that the very last poster beat me to half of "Knock me up on Friday because that's when I get laid". Of course nowadays it is more likely to be "ring me up" which isn't as funny. I understand that "stuffed" is the equivalent of our "knocked up" which upset my sister's British boyfriend when he took her to a generous restaurant.

Posted by: triticale at January 08, 2005 01:48 AM (GYzrr)

37 Now I'm embarrased; haven't seen bottom up commenting since I hung out at In Passing years ago.

Posted by: triticale at January 08, 2005 01:49 AM (GYzrr)

38 the only thing that drives me completely nuts is Cockney. I couldn't understand that shit if my life depended on it.

Posted by: girl at January 08, 2005 04:01 AM (uZxXS)

39 Helen... AWESOME post... I noticed some of the same things while I was visiting England... it is a different language... sounds the same.. but no... I love the English people... I loved learning their little phrases... and I think they liked learning a few of the southern american ones from me.

Posted by: snidget at January 08, 2005 04:54 AM (p8ytA)

40 Damn Helen! Just when I thought I had the whole biscuit-cookie thing figured out you had to show us the rest of the messed up differences in meanings too! No wonder your head hurts! Mine hurt just over the whole biscuit-cookie thing. But what the blazes do you folks call brownies? Or do those even exist? And what about Fig Newtons? Are those mini-tarts?

Posted by: John at January 09, 2005 01:33 AM (ptf/u)

41 Excellent post! I think I'll print this out. I have several readers from the UK (and I read several UK blogs) and sometimes I don't think we're actually talking about the same things. This will save me from the inevitable "I have a stupid American question" comments I sometimes leave. Thanks!

Posted by: Catt at January 09, 2005 08:02 PM (FP3k0)

42 You still haven't quite got it...for example: resulting in a trip to hospital (bypassing even the surgery). There's no need for "the" before surgery either. You missed the crisps/chips/freedom fries. And you didn't really touch on the whole spelling game. Maybe another time. I have to say I do find the American dialect twee.

Posted by: Simon at January 10, 2005 12:54 AM (GWTmv)

43 Wonderful post! Dammit, I've been avoiding you because I get so wrapped up in your life that I find it hard to leave. This was too good though. Definitely a good start to an English-American dictionary.

Posted by: Almost Lucid (Brad) at January 10, 2005 07:15 PM (NOiRr)

44 Darling Hubby™ (who has a blog now! http://subliminalkoolaid.com) loves to tell the story of when he was stationed in England and lived on the economy. One evening, the neighbours were over for tea and, when Baby Girl™ was acting up was told: "Behave or I'll smack your fanny!" The neighbour lady went white as a sheet. Who knew? At any rate, we're Anglophiles and loved this post very, very much. xoxo

Posted by: Margi at January 10, 2005 07:46 PM (rKX9f)

45 Wonderful, wonderful post! Made me so homesick.... When I got home from living there, I found there was thing I couldn't for the life of me change back: Aluminium. AL-OO-Min-EE-Um. Can't say it the other way, the way Americans do. Makes my lips tickle and feels gobbedly coming out of my mouth. I've tried. So if trapped, I say instead (fuckit) OK - pass me the Tin Foil then.... Did I mention, funny funny right-on post? Elizabeth

Posted by: Elizabeth at January 10, 2005 09:58 PM (yJde8)

Hide Comments | Add Comment