I think I have sent out about 30 or 40 CVs (resumes) so far, and I have had five hits. One I didn't get (but didn't expect to, either). Three I am waiting on (one looks quite promising and I will hear back from them next week, one I won't get since I am not already in the UK, and one is a wild card). And one I have already had one interview on, and am waiting while the company dicks around and gets their act in gear to complete the series.
Interviews are ok, actually. I don't mind them. I think I interview well, and in general my experience has been if I can get the interview, I can get the job. It's getting to the interview that is the problem. I have been getting rejection letters, both in the post and via email (now there's the gift that keeps on giving), and even have a file in my email account called "Rejections".
Keeps me humble.
Sorry, but I have to tell you that at this time you aren't considered for this position. Well, it's not just at this time, it's really any time. See, you suck. I know that sounds harsh, but it's about time we came forward and told you how it is. Suck it up. We think you should stop sending CVs to anyone. Ever. Just go dig a hole and hide yourself in it. Really, think of the favor you will be doing humanity.
In the meantime, we have hired a babboon to perform this job, since a babboon is more interesting and a better conversationalist than you. The babboon also plays with himself during work hours, which we realize you will only do in the safety of the disabled toilet, if done during work time. It's an entertainment issue, see.
So we wish you the best of luck, but totally understand why Company X dumped you. Do yourself a favor, go into prostitution. It's really your only option.
Just kidding. My rejection letters look more like this:
You have some excellent skills- Thank you very much for your application which I have read with interest. Unfortunately I cannot shortlist you for this vacancy as I have received some applications which match more closely my clients requirements.
I would like to retain your details however so that I can contact you when something else comes up that suits your skills. If you do not wish me to include your details on our database please return this message with delete in the subject matter.
Once again, thank you for your application and I am sorry that I cannot assist you at this time. I hope to be talking with you soon though.
If you secure a position meanwhile could you let me know.
Job (that's as in "employer", not the biblical put-upon character): So, Helen. We see Company X made you redundant. Tell me about that.
Me: Well, Job, I lost my job a month ago due to length of service with the company. See, in my unit, I had the least amount of years with the company, so unfortunately I was one who had to go.
Job: Right. (Writes on clipboard) Waste of Space. Check! Now, I understand that there were a few rumors about you from other groups that centered on you. I understand that it was said you were crazy, scary, and that you were an absolute imbecile with regards to job knowledge. Care to comment?
Me: Well, I can state unequivocably that those allegations are false. I am neither crazy nor scary, and I am actually highly trained in telecoms.
Job: Got it. (Writes on clipboard). Delusional. Check! Now tell me, since you've been unemployed have you been depressed? Upset? Considered doing us all a favor and killing yourself?
Me: I have been quite down, yes. But I am also determined to rise from the ashes and succeed and not let this get the best of me. I have not considered suicide and will not do either. I attempted previously in my life, and I know that's not the path for me.
Job: (Writes on clipboard). Not a closer. Check. What's the maximum number of men you have had sex with in one day?
Me: What!?
Job: Just checking for efficiency.
I know that won't happen (but betcha' you're wondering what the maximum number is). I know that interviews will go well, I just need to get to them. And explain my visa issues. And get them to hire me. And start over.
You know. The small details.
Off to send more CVs now.
-H.
PS-Mr. Y has been thoroughly supportive througout all of this. More on him soon.
1
Hang in there, baby! I'm sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.
Posted by: Sue at December 11, 2003 09:02 AM (0SrUW)
2
I too know how cold and hard job application rejection is! 'They' say that you have to have 20 rejections before you get a job - well, it is consoling in one way!
Keep your chin up petal
Abs x
Posted by: abs at December 11, 2003 12:26 PM (lnpfn)
3
Two words: pimps suck. I've never gotten a job through a pimp, not even close. Of the 5 or 6 interviews I've had so far, three resulted in employment, while the one that came in via a pimp, well, it's been two years and I haven't even heard back from them (neither the pimp nor the HR drone)...
Hang in there!
Posted by: Gudy at December 11, 2003 12:54 PM (qO+Ft)
4
Yeah I know the feeling, before I landed this job I was on the recieving end of 2 years worth of "thanks but no thanks" letters. And I always used to follow up with the "why aren't I good enough" phone call only to be told "it was a particularly strong field" or "we had to consider our long term position" ... towards the end I was just gagging for some one to turn round and tell me what I wanted to hear...
"you didn't get the job because we don't like you ... get out of my office"
personal rejection I can deal with, professional rejection still hits me really hard.
Hang in there, something'll come up.
Posted by: rob at December 11, 2003 01:33 PM (kXZI6)
5
Thanks abs and Sue, I'm trying. And Rob? I totally agree with you. I wish they wouldn't feed me lines, just tell me SPECIFICALLY why I didn't get the role.
And Gudy? I'm with you 100%. Recruiting agents are causing me to tear my hair out, but it seems companies don't really work it any other way anymore. Guess there are too many of us unemployed wasters blitzing them with CVs...
Posted by: Helen at December 11, 2003 01:55 PM (00MB9)
6
Hang in there! I must have sent out atleast 500 resumes out when the dotcom I was working for went bust. Perseverance pays sometimes.
Posted by: Melodrama at December 11, 2003 01:57 PM (bQJmf)
7
ah, the rejection letters. such fun! as i enter the world of submitting slides to art contests, these bits of fan mail are to be expected.
what i've learned is to give them the finger, then laugh and move on. they don't know what they're missing!
hang in there!
Posted by: kat at December 11, 2003 01:57 PM (FhSIP)
8
Oh, the email rejection. Yes, I was just rejected by email...and it was only the job of my dreams. I said then that the rejection is one thing but I like the idea that the cocksuckers would at least invest a few cents in a letter...something substantive that I can hold in my hand and rip to fucking shreds or burn into a pile of ashes to take out a bit of frustration.
What the hell can you do with an email??? Click. Delete.
That's no fun.
Ugh.
Posted by: Rob at December 11, 2003 02:33 PM (pL1ga)
9
I just got another rejection email. I've been trying to get out of the place I'm at for a while, but my experience puts me in an in-between web designer and a developer. And no one seems to need someone who can do both. At least in Jacksonville, FL
Posted by: amber at December 11, 2003 02:35 PM (iJZeQ)
10
It hard when your the one doing the interviews as well. For every position we posted when I was in management we would receive a 100 resumes. At times it felt like the lottery when you picked one since most of the candidates had similar backgrounds and experiences but what was worse was when after the interview some of the people would call you daily (sometimes twice to see if a decision was made).
Of course it was even worse when the one you picked turned out to be completly different then on the interview.
Posted by: drew at December 11, 2003 03:06 PM (CBlhQ)
11
You're just going to need to be more flexible, Helen. If masturbating in the break room is what they want then tell 'em you'll get your shapely tail out of the bathroom! ;-)
On the serious side, I've only had one experience with a job pimp and it went very well. They got me a job that I stayed at for four years and that job gave me the schooling and skills to land my current fantabulous job.
I've never had a rejection email. The last time I was job hunting, email wasn't an overly common method to use outside of the tech fields and I wasn't applying for tech jobs. If you want to feel the pleasure of destroying it though, just print the sucker out and have at it. It's actually better than a rejection letter as you can do it over and over giving them a pleasurable "fuck you" each time.
Posted by: Jim at December 11, 2003 03:28 PM (fkewd)
12
Drew-did you then have to fire the guy? Just curious. If you did, then big hug from me, because firing someone would suck worse than rejecting others (I think, anyway!)
Jim-would do, if I had a printer. Big time!
Rob-sorry, man. But if it's worth anything, I know how it feels.
Amber-I would hire you. But I am unemployed too. And not in FL. But I sympathize
Posted by: Helen at December 11, 2003 03:46 PM (keskr)
13
I dated a guy in college who had a
wall of rejection letters. No shit. An entire wall in his room was wallpapered with rejection letters. If he was feeling frustrated, he would walk over and write down anything he wanted to tell that company on the bottom of the letter. Things like "fuck you!" or "Just you wait...I will have a better job than this someday." It inspired him to keep searching and also allowed him to work out some of his frustrations. Just a thought...
Posted by: amy t. at December 11, 2003 04:02 PM (Pdh6k)
14
Rejections hurt, but remember - you are not your job, and you are not yourself to these people - to them, you're just a piece of paper.
Posted by: Courtney at December 11, 2003 05:09 PM (u6jpO)
15
I've always had the desire to write on a resume:
Objective: To leap tall buildings in a single bound.
It seems like that's what they want. Please keep up your spirits - and your intake of spirits [vodka is recommended] right now, love! Here's a huge {{{{}}}} from one of the foursome partners. Slurp and kiss and all that good stuff.
Sheesh, it's a good thing I don't have to talk much at work today...clearly not fit for human interaction!
Posted by: Kaetchen at December 11, 2003 07:14 PM (W4Sb6)
16
Im sure that something good is going to come your way soon and it will be the job that you really want.To all those ppl who dont hire you..I say...blah,who cares,your job sux anyway!
Get into a career writing..you are brilliant!
Posted by: butterflies at December 11, 2003 07:25 PM (karT6)
17
Ah, Helen, what can I say that everyone else hasn't already said? And I second what Drew said, too. For several years, I did all the hiring for the law firm where I work part-time. Even hired the attorneys! And even though it's a small firm, we'd get a gazillion resumes for every job we'd advertise. Mucho difficult to tell people we weren't interested in them -- and I believed in writing to *everyone* even if we weren't going to interview them.
Posted by: jean at December 11, 2003 09:48 PM (Af9+w)
18
My husband the writer keeps all of the rejection slips he's ever received on his writing. They're alphabetized.
The binder is immensely large. He's proud of some of these - the ones where they actually write something back to him - some encouragement, some criticism. The binder is also a strange source of pride and general, basic sticktoitiveness.
Most are just form letters, though.
hln
Posted by: hln at December 11, 2003 10:21 PM (CWwGn)
19
I fired severial people. Most of them I was very happy to get rid of since they were unmotivated and ended up pissing off my bosses so saved me some grief. One guy we let go we had to call to police since he refused to leave and began scarring people with a crazy look in his eyes and telling them that if he was white he would be fired.
There was one lady who we had to let go. She wasnt the brightest or best at what she had to do but she came to work with a positive outlook and I tried to look out for her as much as I could (sent her back for training twice). The sad part of the story was that on the Thursday before memorial day I was told I had to let her go. The reason? They were fed up and since she had put in for a vacation day Friday and to save cash they wanted to let her go before the holiday. Of course the reason she took the day was because her son was going in for surgery on Friday.
I was sick to my stomach for severial days after that and helped to lead me to move to a non mangement position that I have now.
Posted by: Drew at December 12, 2003 12:33 AM (K/rfM)
20
"I have not considered suicide and will not do either. I attempted previously in my life, and I know that's not the path for me."
"Job: (Writes on clipboard). Not a closer. Check."
Oh my God was that funny. Surely you could get a job writing for a sitcom.
Best wishes m'dear.
Posted by: at December 12, 2003 02:15 AM (rZmE1)
21
Er, that last one was from me...in case you couldn't tell.
Posted by: Don at December 12, 2003 02:16 AM (rZmE1)
22
Thanks Don. Know of any sitcoms that are hiring?
Drew, I just couldn't ever fire a person. Unless they really deserved it. Come to think of it, I know a few I would love to fire.
But I choose to not ever be a line manager. Ever. That way, I won't have to face it.
Posted by: Helen at December 12, 2003 09:26 AM (czrXr)
23
IS it an Americanism that you have to have a respectable position in a blue chip company?
Your life marked out until the enforceable future?
Are you not taken seriously if you try and start you own small business?
Would this not be better then waiting for the ONE letter to pop through the letter box, I seriously believe I would gain more control and security in my life if I was to do this not to wait for the 11th hour,
Sorry Helen The crap has been on the wall for a good few years now, your a bright girl you should have seen it coming, I do and IÂ’m making plans.
Some people make me sick they dont went a company to give them a job they expect a complet lifestyle mostly taking out more then they could ever put in...
Posted by: paul,uk at December 13, 2003 10:17 AM (JW4Ws)
24
The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost.
Posted by: Jed Reinitz
at January 26, 2004 01:34 PM (4jehc)
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