"We need to talk about your behavior!" I shout. "I am so tired of these backhanded comments, I feel our relationship has denigrated to the point where it cannot be rescued, to the point where there is no justification for our feelings!" With that, I administer a slap to the pale flesh of the one I loved. I stand there, steaming and full of anger.

Angus looks stunned.

I don't blame him-he has just walked in from going to the shops to find me screaming into the ass cavity of an enormous turkey.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

I have my sleeves pushed up to my elbows. I blow a loose strand of hair off my forehead. "It's Joseph. I just can't deal with this anymore."

"Who's Joseph?" he asks, shifting the shopping bag to his other arm.

"The turkey." I say patiently. "We've been talking while you went to the shop. It started off well, while I removed any small pin feathers we talked about how things have been, his experience of Norfolk farm communities. But once I had to wrestle out the neck, it really went to hell. I just don't like his company anymore. I don't think our relationship is constructive anymore."

Angus nods nervously. Joseph the Turkey and I continue our dialog of love lost with me shouting up his back passage, and when I finally slide him in the oven it's with the knowledge that our relationship has truly run its course.

I find it fun, anyway.

Thanksgiving was Saturday. It went well, actually. I had overestimated the eating capacity of our 8 guests and bought a 10 kilo turkey (said Joseph, whose outer wrapper confirmed that he could feed up to 18 people. As long as I live, I shall never go hungry again!)

This is Joseph, after I had slapped him the final time and coated him with my traditional Thanksgiving basting.

We'd pre-set the table, with Angus' homemade starters (hors d'ouvres) on the table (which we'd accidentally forgotten to include ourselves on, so we had to hastily set another couple of places). You can see our vintage French street sign on top of our cookbooks, as well as a chili pepper wreath on the wall.

I served homemade biscuits, which caused much distress.

"I'm serving biscuits." I told Angus, my arms covered in flour.

"Cookies? You're serving cookies with dinner?" he asked, confused as "biscuit" means "cookie" in England.

"No. Biscuits." I replied.

"What are biscuits?" he asked.

"They're like bread rolls, only not bread rolls."

"So they're scones."

"They're not scones. Scones are sweet, these are biscuits."

"So...what are biscuits?"

I despaired.

But the pride and joy of the evening was not our lucious dinner, but our living room (Angus calls it the lounge, which to me conjures up images of us swanning around in silk pajamas and paisley cravats a la Hugh Hefner). After we lost The Blackberries, we had to sign a new lease on this house for another year. We did so, but decided it was time to make this place a home, instead of a stopping point between selling a house and buying another.

We were full of dreams and decided that the industrial magnolia walls, the hallmark of a rented property, had to go. We would re-paint them back to industrial magnolia when we moved out, but for now, we wanted to make this place a home. We decided to paint the walls a light green shade called Wind Chime, and buy shelves which were painted a dusky purple color.

It took a week.

I painted.

No, I have no idea why I was standing on the ladder that way.

And Angus constructed.

And naturally we had lots of help.

Our Quality Assurance specialists inspected the new work carefully.

And after loads of effort

we got to the finishing touches.

And now we have a space that we are utterly in love with.

The shelves hold Angus' old encyclopedias, pictures of us, DVDs, and dried artichoke flowers that Angus' Mum gave me. On our Victorian pine box resides a Christmas moose we bought in Paris and a vase I filled with glass Christmas bulbs. On the wall are two small shelves we fill with candles to make the wall light up with warm light. An antique chamber pot holds scraps for the fire, and our TV hangs from the fireplace, out of the way now.

The other side also has dried flowers Angus' Mum gave me, as well as a framed print from the London Underground in the 1940's. The red star is a Christas candle from Paris, and our surround sound and satellite receiver lines the shelves above more DVDs. On the floor, an antique enamel pitcher and a side table we use to rest laptops, feet, or wineglasses on.

And on the wall behind our newly covered sofa, we hung three pictures I brought back from Sweden with me nearly a year ago, pictures that I love.

They read "Dream", "Sanctuary", and "Magic".

Kind of like what this house is for me.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:01 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
Post contains 855 words, total size 6 kb.

1 How nice to see into your little corner of the world. It looks lovely, and I am glad to see that you had help (the cats). The photo of the cat on the ladder is priceless!

Posted by: kenju at November 28, 2005 12:41 PM (+AT7Y)

2 "No, I have no idea why I was standing on the ladder that way." Showing off your yoga moves?

Posted by: Mia at November 28, 2005 01:14 PM (x2tAo)

3 What do you say that you bring some of that Trading Spaces stuff to Nebraska? I would love for my apt to feel that homey.

Posted by: SaraJane at November 28, 2005 02:46 PM (lvhnO)

4 So nice of the kitties to help you all out like that. Hope your dinner went well (and the biscuits were enjoyed!), it looked very nice!

Posted by: Erin at November 28, 2005 03:16 PM (BuifH)

5 I've seemed to always leave one box unpacked everywhere I've ever lived...always one foot in the next location. Recently feeling weary of this, but know I'll be moving on (again) in the not to distant future. I love what you two have done with your space...feeling inspired to try my own version. Have a cozy winter in your delicious new living room!

Posted by: gigi at November 28, 2005 03:20 PM (NzXqa)

6 aww, what fantastic pictures! i was gonna say something about that pose on the ladder, but then you covered that. i love how you got some kitty help in your project. surely that has some large part in why it all looks so fantabulous. :-)

Posted by: kat at November 28, 2005 04:11 PM (xJGrF)

7 Utterly beautiful. Eclectic. Interesting. Just like you. I LOVE your Quality Inspectors, as well. Aren't they wonderful helpers? *snort*

Posted by: Margi at November 28, 2005 05:48 PM (nwEQH)

8 It must be wonderful to go off to work and come home to a place that finally feels like it. And to have a room that feels so perfect for you. Yay for you and Angus.

Posted by: martha at November 28, 2005 05:48 PM (NjnSO)

9 So just what DO they call biscuits over there? Or do they not have biscuits? If not what do they put the country gravy over?? Hope that Joseph came out OK!

Posted by: ~Easy at November 28, 2005 07:11 PM (LN5gS)

10 I love it! Marvelous job! Did they like the biscuits?

Posted by: caltechgirl at November 28, 2005 07:13 PM (/vgMZ)

11 Scared me for a minute with that opening paragraph there. It wasn't 'till I scrolled down a little bit that I realized you were just taking out your work stress on the backside of a turkey. Maybe I should try that. By the way, is that a cabinet up next to the ceiling where you were painting? How the hell can anyone shorter than 6'8" use that? Or is it a truly "childproof" cabinet? Oh yeah, that's a nice pose on the ladder...

Posted by: diamond dave at November 28, 2005 09:50 PM (ntdZU)

12 The lounge looks great - very cozy. You are like a yogic painter! I could never get my leg that high without muscle relaxers. Me thinks I need to try yoga again. lol. I miss buttermilk biscuits. I asked people at work if the UK KFC has them but they didn't know what they were (similar conversation you and Angus had) so I guess not.

Posted by: Lee at November 28, 2005 10:58 PM (fZO7k)

13 Lovely, Helen. Just like its inhabitants. Happy days filled with homey stuff looks awfully good on you, yoga pose and all. P.S. I talk to my turkey, too. But I can't bring myself to name "it".

Posted by: Jennifer at November 29, 2005 12:28 AM (y4DOI)

14 Seeing you stand in that position on the ladder reminds me of a yoga pose that I had to do this evening. By the way, I only tried yoga because of the posts that you wrote about sometime earlier. I was in mortal fear of publically making noises the entire time...

Posted by: Marie at November 29, 2005 02:17 AM (DgfsK)

15 I've got TV envy. And fireplace envy. Damn, how did I end up buying a house without a fireplace?

Posted by: Jim at November 30, 2005 10:59 AM (oqu5j)

16 loved the pictures -- are they possibly by Antoine St-Exupery? I have a book of his, The Little Prince, and the artwork (by him) seems very similar. I always enjoy blogs with kitties!

Posted by: lambchop at November 30, 2005 04:34 PM (0bhhP)

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