So I know it's August 18, and it's still bright and sunny, mostly warm-ish, all that jazz.

But....um...am I the only one looking forward to the Fall and Winter?

Seriously. I know I should appreciate what I have right now, and I have indeed enjoyed the heat wave that I'll remember as Summer 2006 (aka, Oh My God, It's So Fucking Hot). The garden is now the pale yellow burnt color of a Krispy Kreme, we're still officially in a drought and I'm pretty sure a tumbleweed went through the front yard yesterday, but changes are coming. We've had to wear sweatshirts in the early morning and evening now. The fan hasn't been used in the house for a long time, and we don't need all the windows open to air out the house anymore. Trees are beginning to drop yellow leaves, whether from the coming change or the burnt air, I'm not sure.

I've reached a point with the garden where I look around at what has survived the drought and am mentally going through my own triage-You, Dahlia darling, you're making the cut, you'll be brought into the greenhouse in a few weeks. You, nasturtium seedlets? You didn't make it. Sorry, mates.

Angus' kids-visiting right now and heading home to Sweden tomorrow-go back to school next week. We spent yesterday school shopping and the sight of all those sharpened number 2 pencils, bright pencil cases and notebooks aching to be written in brought it all back. I remember the massive lists we used to get each year of things that parents would have to buy us-ruled paper, notebooks, an L-shaped ruler, Kleenex-and I remembered that back-to-school feeling.

It all smells fabulously like unused pencil erasers.

I can't wait to have our week in northern Scotland in October-we have part of our stay in a Scottish whiskey distillery and nothing says Autumn like oaked casks, roaring fires, and a glass of whiskey (which should be served neat, in my world. I don't dick around with cutting whiskey with ice or water). Scotland will be ablaze with color, the Highlands looking like they're on fire, the smell of coal and wood fires making the nose twitch. Scotland will feel like Fall.

A month ago I ordered Christmas ornaments that I plan on using this Christmas. We'll be hosting the family Christmas party, which means Angus' mum and stepdad, Angus' two brothers and their families, and one of his sister-in-law's brother and girlfriend. It will be a packed house, filled with 10 adults, 5 kids (including Angus', it's his year to have them for Christmas), and 2 dogs. People bring all their gifts for a massive opening session on the 25th. We eat too much and then they will all be staying over (as that's what you do) and there will be people in every available nook and cranny of the house. Angus and I will cook every meal, and it will be traditional English fare (but so help me God, we are not serving goose this year. Too much fucking work). My family's tradition of Christmas Eve lasagne will be upheld, and stockings will indeed be hung by the chimney with care.

I like to think about where the tree is going to go in our house. I like to dream about the smell of it drifting through the upstairs, and the idea of keeping the dog and Mumin from robbing the tree of its ornaments makes me laugh. A holly wreath will go on the front door, and Christmas cards will be strung up in the kitchen. We'll have mulled wine and gingerbread.

It's not even just Christmas that has me excited. Drifting leaves piling up make me grin. The idea of walking through the London street to my therapist, my cheeks red and my nose running, appeals. Eating soup by a roaring fire (note to self: get chimney sweep round to take care of the fireplaces in living room and study. So far, they've been hosting birds' nests and now the coast is clear). Decorating for Halloween, the pumpkins grinning merrily from our front porch and the pumpkin seeds roasting in the oven. We'll have Thanksgiving here, as we have done for years, and when we invite people round the hallway will be littered with boots and the recycling littered with bottles.

I'm looking forward to it all. I have been worried-there have been reasons why I possibly would not have been so excited. This Fall could have seemed like that longest one in history. Those reasons, so far, are being put aside as I just look forward to everything. Fall and Winter have historically been times that toy with depression, but this year? Everything is a different color and inside I just can't wait.

And maybe that's what is so unusual for me on this-I am looking forward to things. I suppose I've always just bounced along, heading to where I needed to be, getting stopped by a location or distracted by something shiny.

Maybe it's the fact that we have this house that I love so much. Maybe it's that I feel calmer, more anchored. Maybe it's that I do have things to look forward to.

I wonder if I'm alone in looking forward to the Fall.

-H.

PS-The work situation? It worked itself out. I sent over proof that I was innocent of the mistakes I'd been accused of. I got myself an apology, which honestly? Yeah, it made my fucking day.

PPS-I'm feeling nostalgic. I bought myself a penguin Weeble Wobble because it makes me laugh, and because the Weeble Wobble song (Weebles wobble but they don't fall down) is an epithet to me that life just is this way-things may suck, but nothing can knock us down. He sits on my desk as a reminder.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:36 AM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
Post contains 982 words, total size 6 kb.

1 Your holiday plans sound fantastic. I miss the days of a house full of family and the scents of wreaths, candles, and roasting dinner. I'm itching for fall/winter, too. I still have a couple months of sweltering, humid weather to go...

Posted by: selzach at August 18, 2006 12:05 PM (DquGr)

2 I want to buy bunches of school supplies, notebooks and and pencils and folders, just reading your post. And I want to buy sweaters. Maybe if I do, It'll bring on the first frost. I LOVE AUTUMN!!!

Posted by: Teri at August 18, 2006 12:25 PM (K7jOL)

3 i look forward to fall every year. i love the warm weather in the summer, but that time between back to school and christmas is my favorite time of the year. i'm looking forward to it even more this year because my wedding is on the first day of fall, so it can only get better from there

Posted by: geeky at August 18, 2006 12:41 PM (ziVl9)

4 Definitely looking forward to the fall. This summer has been horrid.

Posted by: Minawolf at August 18, 2006 12:43 PM (75szC)

5 I would say I'm looking forward to fall, but honestly? We don't have fall. We go straight from summer into a few weeks of winter and then back into summer. You know how it is 'round here. I'm glad you are looking forward to so much. It's been a long time coming.

Posted by: amy t. at August 18, 2006 02:52 PM (zPssd)

6 Last year was the first year that I actually looked really forward to Fall and Winter. I vowed I would enjoy every fucking minute of it-and I did. Yours sounds like it will be fabulous-nothing is better than spending it with the people you love in a home that is your own. And when the hubby and I were house shopping years ago, the first thing on my list of "must-haves" was a good spot for a Christmas tree. That is how I know if it is a good house, by how well it will showcase a tree. Can't wait to see yours.

Posted by: Teresa at August 18, 2006 03:23 PM (f+o6m)

7 I'm going to be singing that all day (weebles wobble but they don't fall down)! I'm looking forward to the fall. I love sweaters and scarves, and soups and fires (the kind in the fireplace).

Posted by: Erin at August 18, 2006 03:43 PM (zw8QA)

8 Like Amy said, we don't get Fall. I'm looking forward to cooler temps, but it probably won't be cool enough to actually wear long sleeves until at least November, but more likely, December. I'm itching to buy new long-sleeved shirts too.

Posted by: girl at August 18, 2006 04:23 PM (ZIi+3)

9 I love fall... but after the harvest WORK! Then, I'll take all the fall I can get and on into winter...

Posted by: sue at August 18, 2006 05:43 PM (WbfZD)

10 it's been chilly here, too. I was about to ask if we should put a blanket on the bed, but so far it's not necessary. I love fall. The leaves falling, and the chilly air, and my birthday, and then Christmas. What a great season. Even if I will be 30 this year.

Posted by: caltechgirl at August 18, 2006 06:50 PM (/vgMZ)

11 Christmas???!!! There is a firm rule here that no mention is to be made of Christmas until AFTER Thanksgiving. And anyway, it's not fall until the World Series begins.

Posted by: ~Easy at August 18, 2006 08:38 PM (GIl28)

12 You are most certainly NOT alone in looking forward to fall. I always look forward to the changing of seasons (three months is long enough for one season for me), and fall happens to be my favorite. The crisp, cool air; leaves changing color; shortening of the days; having to throw a jacket in my car in case I need it; all those things I look forward to. Also, my birthday is in October. Not that I look forward to getting a year older, but I think the timing of my birthday has something to do with why I like the fall. BTW listened to your interview. Love your English/American accent. No, I'm not making fun of it. Seriously.

Posted by: diamond dave at August 18, 2006 09:01 PM (Qzy2g)

13 ... and college football... but hey, say 'hello' to Scotland for me... she and I were really close once....

Posted by: Eric at August 18, 2006 09:43 PM (r5XsL)

14 Fall? I had not wished for it at all until I walked my dog on our gravel drive this afternoon. I noticed a few stressed maples turning early which made me long for a seasonal change. My children are already in school and it seems as though they should wear turtlenecks and woolens like I used to. But instead, it is warm enough to dress in camis & flip flops. It is all just strange to me. Depressing? Not really, just different, I suppose.

Posted by: Marie at August 19, 2006 01:09 AM (DaNL4)

15 You may be on to something. Maybe depression is just the state of having nothing to look forward to. And getting out of it means you can look ahead and see good things coming your way. Oh, wow, I wish I had the kind of weather you're looking forward to. (For the forseeable future, I'm a California girl again. Job good, proximity to family good, but I miss Denver weather.)

Posted by: B. Durbin at August 19, 2006 04:25 AM (tie24)

16 How could I forget about the sweaters and the boots? Good call. Fall is comfy clothes and thick blankets on the couch.

Posted by: Helen at August 19, 2006 10:03 AM (jmgwY)

17 I moved from Denver to Orlando. I haven't seen or touched fall or winter in three years and I am longing, greatly, to play in crunchy, colorful leaves and to make snow angels. I love your penguin and what he represents to you. I think little reminders like that are what keep us trodding along, even when we're up to our knees.

Posted by: Dana at August 19, 2006 03:49 PM (uXuyq)

18 When you live in my part of the world, Fall is a salvation. Months of impossibly dry heat ebb into a bright blue sky and tilt of the sun that lets you know that the worst has finally passed... especially this year. It's unreasonably hot and my daydreams are focused on a corn dog at the state fair and painting my face for a Longhorn game. Ok - I'm too old for the burnt orange horns, but my kids can't yet outrun me... I've been reading you for quite sometime and I love how graciously you handled the brewhaha last week... write on...

Posted by: :Krista at August 19, 2006 09:43 PM (2fc3W)

19 Fall ? Sorry like my tan (read that sun) too much

Posted by: Mike at August 20, 2006 12:09 PM (2oVHZ)

20 I love the Weeble and he will be a good reminder for you. I think you are looking forward to the fall and the holidays because you have a new home and family traditions to establish now.

Posted by: kenju at August 21, 2006 03:23 AM (2+7OT)

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