"It's not that I don't care about you anymore, because I really do," Angus says, his head down. "I'm sorry about this." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "It's just temporary, it's not that I'm tired of you, I just feel we need a break."

His shoulders drooping, he looks at me.

I shake my head.

"What are you on about?" I ask.

"I just can't bear any pain between us," he replies.

"They're just lights, Angus." I say.

"Shhh! Don't say that, they'll hear you and you'll hurt their feelings!" Angus admonishes, and then continues talking to his beloved lights - an experiment he did to prove that fluorescent lights can be dimmed - as he takes them down from the wall.

This weekend we hope to progress the kitchen, especially as we will be losing our piece of shit temporary kitchen sometime soon. We've chosen the tiles for the new floor (grey slate) and chosen flooring for the dining room and living room (oak floorboards) and have finally decided the layout of the kicthen. The cupboards will be purchased shortly, and the granite work surface still needs to be ordered.

The sink arrived earlier today (we didn't buy it from B&Q and we didn't pay that price. We're relentless about hunting down the lowest price and we have done so with every single thing we've bought so far.) The sink isn't to everyone's taste, but we both liked the look of it. It's different and it won't stain like our stainless steel one has, courtesy of coffee grounds and squash, the same squash which stains the babies' bums yellow. I do worry it's a bit Disco Stu though, and that people will expect lots of bachelor pad black leather furniture, chrome, and neon sculptures on the wall when they see the sink.

The sink was delivered by a courier company, the driver of which decided to strike up a conversation with me.

"You from the States?" he asked.

"Yes I am," I reply, moving shoes out of the way so he can move our sink inside.

"I want to go to the States but I can't get a visa," he says sadly.

"You don't need a visa if you have a UK passport," I say, rising from my shoe shuffling.

"I do though. I was convicted of a firearms offense."

Oh. My. God.

"Firearms are hard to come by in this country," I smile nervously.

"I know. That's why the U.S. won't let me in," he replies.

Look at the time! I want to shout. I have to go now, thanks so much for dropping off the sink and help yourself to any valuables you want in our home on your way out!

Naturally I don't say any of this. It's strange that a total stranger confesses this to me, but at the same time we all make mistakes, my mistakes generally being about relationships but hey - I guess firearms play different roles for different folks.

People with a criminal past don't stress me out too much, really. Two of our builders are on driving bans for drinking and driving offences. At least one of our builders has spent time "at her Majesty's pleasure", and he is one who honestly is keen to walk the straight and narrow. We all fuck up. Maybe I should make a deal with them, I'll promise not to marry the wrong guy again if they'll promise not to drink and drive.

We have, however, installed a lock on the study door, where we keep all of our valuables. It's not that we don't trust the builders because we do, and the Cowboy would kill any of his team who got caught stealing. I'm not kidding. The Cowboy takes his company's reputation very seriously, he would never stand for theft. But he has to use various sub-contractors that we don't know, and for that reason (and because our extra house key which we foolishly forgot in a flowerpot outside disappeared) we changed the locks on the house and installed a lock on the study. Never hurts, and might as well remove the temptation.

Anyway.

The drains are being installed in the kitchen so that we can shortly hook up the new sink, washing machine, and dishwasher. I have missed the dishwasher more than words can say. Reuniting with it will be like going to bed with the best lover in the world and making him sleep on the wet spot. I also miss the washing machine actually working - we have to stand by with an empty formula can in order to bail out the pipes when the washing machine is on spin cycle.

Admit it. You're so envious.

This afternoon I have to go pick up the cooker hood (aka the vent). We were completely out of ideas - having budgeted little for the hood we were shocked to find out how bloody expensive they really are. We couldn't find anything we liked for a decent price, so we decided to go to a posh showroom to simply figure out what styles we liked. Once there, we zeroed in on one we both loved. The vent, however, retails for £1500.

Oh how we laughed.

£1500 for a vent isn't even up for debate in this house.

The good news was the posh showroom wanted to display some new stock and told us we could have the display model for £400, which is cheaper than most of the cheapest, nastiest vents on the market today. Let's see now - uber cool and expensive vent for a ridiculously low price? Lemme' think about it.

We thought for about 0.5 seconds.

I go to pick up the hood today (Angus is in London).

And finally, I had to come clean to Angus. It was hard for me, but it had to be done. My feelings have been changing, and it has gotten to a point that I could no longer ignore.

I have actually fallen passionately in love with someone else.

And yes, I love him so much I do want to marry him.

His name is Steve.

He moved in with me last Sunday, and I can never love another again.

-H.

PS-to anyone coming in from that website that is dumping traffic here - I don't know why you're here. Apparently it's from a link that includes the words "black chicks love white people's cocks", so lemme' 'splain: I am not black, first of all (not that there's anything wrong with that, I just hate to disappoint when you see my face, the color of which is akin to rice powder). Seondly, I never use the word cock because it's just a word I don't like. I prefer dick. Penis is ok. If you want, you can even call it a wee willy winkie, I don't care. And third, why is it "white people's cocks"? Shouldn't it be "white men", or are white women armed with special parts that I don't have? Whatever the answer, if you came here from that site just move along, pod people. Move along.

PPS-if you have an account on Flickr, comment here, and aren't linked to me and my baby photos, let me know. I think I missed a few names several months ago when the whole brewhaha went down (I've been dying to say that for days - brewhaha. So pointless and yet so good.)

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:16 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment
Post contains 1253 words, total size 7 kb.

1 Wo ... steve is one cool dude! Sounds like real progress in the house .. .woo hoo!! PS We just had loads of rain here in west london and it has cooled things down a little bit! )

Posted by: moira at May 09, 2008 10:12 AM (UGBIN)

2 For one brief shining moment I thought "maybe she means me." Then I clicked on the link. Oh well. It was a nice thought!

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at May 09, 2008 10:18 AM (R7LgM)

3 I am also possibly in love with Steve. I think my boyfriend would like him too though.

Posted by: Marian at May 09, 2008 10:25 AM (ZD4nv)

4 Yes, I can see wy you are so taken with "Steve". My anticipation waiting for the link to open was boundless. You are so talented.Thanx for all your posts

Posted by: Charles at May 09, 2008 10:35 AM (maQJG)

5 Ohhhh I love Steve too! My God I want one of those - can you ask him if he has any brothers?

Posted by: lucy pemberley at May 09, 2008 10:37 AM (esFVB)

6 Steve is, I must confess, gorgeous. I wouldn't mind a bit of Steve myself when I move into some kind of proper place. Love the vent too. By the way, I read and comment veeery rarely. Can I be added too?

Posted by: Vanina at May 09, 2008 10:37 AM (9GnPQ)

7 Man, Steve is all new, shiny and studly! Looks like an industrial strength unit used in restaurant kitchens. Wish I could have something like that in my home!

Posted by: Ernie E at May 09, 2008 11:51 AM (ZfrqE)

8 Loving Steve - we have one a bit like that. PS something has gone missing in the post between the builders doing time and the vent.

Posted by: Betty M at May 09, 2008 12:10 PM (q0m9f)

9 I don't comment often but I love your baby pics!

Posted by: gal_from_mich at May 09, 2008 12:23 PM (9AFu1)

10 It's different and it won't stain like our stainless steel one has, By definition (and name) shouldn't a STAINLESS steel sink NOT have stains? What toxic by-products are you putting down your sink to stain something that's stainless? I think you may have edited out something accidentally as you change thoughts in mid-sentence: At least one of our builders has spent time "posh showroom to simply figure out what styles we liked. I was just curious about the guy who spent time. Seriously.

Posted by: Solomon at May 09, 2008 12:59 PM (al5Ou)

11 Solomon and Betty - you're completely right. I got a little cut-and-paste happy. It's been fixed now.

Posted by: Helen at May 09, 2008 01:01 PM (JnKLH)

12 Too funny - the bit about Angus talking to his beloved lights reminded me of you coming clean about cheating on your books. I am horribly green-eyed with jealousy over your wonderful Steve and his vent-to-be.

Posted by: Lisa at May 09, 2008 01:11 PM (EcHBm)

13 I don't think I'm linked at Flickr. But must say, Angus and his lights! I think that is hilarious.

Posted by: oddybobo at May 09, 2008 01:30 PM (mZfwW)

14 You are going to have the slickest kitchen in the world, at the best price. It is not my style, but it is one I like in other people's houses. Does that make sense? And the bloody British-they even make prison sound posh. "Her Majesty's pleaure" sounds like the name of a sex toy. Like it would be purple and covered with some fancy jems and shit-which really when I think about it could be painful or pleasureable, not sure which. Maybe a little of both. The firearm sink guy? Yeah-glad he isn't coming to the States. Just what we need, one more person with a gun who shouldn't have one in the first place.

Posted by: Teresa at May 09, 2008 02:12 PM (uBmd7)

15 Oooh, I love Steve too! I am drooling on the keyboard. I am SO jealous. We couldn't get a gas stove in our new house (I tried), just a stupid electric one.

Posted by: Jen at May 09, 2008 02:22 PM (FYm8s)

16 Uhmm...does Steve have a sister? Perhaps I shouldn't ask. We just spent $9K on our kitchen. I should just be satistfied with what I have at home. (Not be a pedant, but isn't it spelled "brouhaha"?)

Posted by: ~Easy at May 09, 2008 02:23 PM (IVGWz)

17 I am linked on Flickr, but I just got to say - Steve would make me have second thoughts about my husband, too.

Posted by: Julia at May 09, 2008 02:39 PM (FNm/r)

18 Steve is one HOT dude. I'm very envious.

Posted by: cursingmama at May 09, 2008 02:49 PM (PoQfr)

19 I think I have Kitchen Envy!! I don't have construction envy though. Link me up with flikr (yahoo address though)

Posted by: Cori at May 09, 2008 03:22 PM (LumIA)

20 OMG! I want a steve, too. He's very pretty, but somehow I doubt A will be too jealous, as he can play with steve, too. Now there's a yummy menage a trois....

Posted by: caltechgirl at May 09, 2008 04:27 PM (IfXtw)

21 What a fine name for a fine cooker. I'm jealous on so many levels. I'm linked to you on Flickr, but when it all went down I thought it might be a bit intrusive to asked to be made a friend, or whatever Flickr calls it - but I miss seeing Nick and Nora. Please don't feel you have to, though... And why is my email address questionable? Whats wrong with being a UK ORGanisation?

Posted by: Steve at May 09, 2008 06:08 PM (BdC3G)

22 Steve, Steve, I want one! (We're building a house and I'm looking at a GE Monogram - but Steve, wow!) Would you mind sharing a web link so I can shop, shop, shop?

Posted by: Jennifer (aka Kidlicious) at May 09, 2008 07:07 PM (uTg5e)

23 That seems like... a few too many knobs for just six burners.

Posted by: Sigivald at May 09, 2008 08:18 PM (3iY68)

24 Steve is very admirable! I said that word brewhaha out loud. It was fun. That kitchen needs to be on HGTV or something it totally rocks!!

Posted by: steff at May 09, 2008 10:12 PM (hRVPr)

25 Delurking to say that I don't envy you and your renovations. I can't imagine doing it without any kids, let alone twins! Steve rocks, on so many levels! I'm on flickr, katybatyboo.

Posted by: Katy at May 10, 2008 01:36 AM (D1v+a)

26 That Steve is damn sexy!

Posted by: Heidi at May 10, 2008 03:59 AM (cR5BU)

27 I would give my left nut for that stove,(if I had one of course) you lucky duck, that is my dream stove!!

Posted by: Cheryl at May 10, 2008 01:31 PM (082BT)

28 I have a flickr account but am not linked to your photos. Would really like to be. I am so jealous! I heart Steve!!

Posted by: the mother hen at May 10, 2008 04:23 PM (AvESZ)

29 Happy Almost Mother's Day!

Posted by: Stella at May 10, 2008 06:27 PM (sFS+Z)

30 If you live in a hard water area then your lovely sink will show water marks really badly .. but you thought of that already. I had no trouble picking a sink but the taps were a chore, I wanted them all and that doesn't work so well unless you live with a plumber.

Posted by: Caroline M at May 10, 2008 07:11 PM (x3QDi)

31 Wow ... sounds like you got some great deals there. Having been through some house "renovations" myself ... I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that it all passes quickly!

Posted by: joy at May 11, 2008 03:49 AM (veojC)

32 From the states, just wanted to wish you a happy Mother's Day

Posted by: Robert at May 11, 2008 04:54 PM (vuNcT)

33 Hello Helen, I posted a comment and favorited one of your dog's pics on Flickr. You will find me as "MissElaine-eous." It would be nice if we could be contacts. We have exchanged places in a way, I am English born and live in California. Good luck with all your home renovations! Elaine

Posted by: Elaine at May 11, 2008 05:19 PM (R7Qc5)

34 Happy Mother's Day!!!!!

Posted by: Lauren at May 11, 2008 06:13 PM (iUfJz)

35 Awwww Helen, Happy 1st Mother's Day! (albeit a little late)

Posted by: Heidi at May 12, 2008 07:36 AM (cR5BU)

36 Happy Mom's Day, late... what a fun kitchen YOU are gonna have! Very nice. (I have a black sink, too, and love it!) I'm so envious. Steve looks way different than my Steve (aka Hubs) and appears to be much more functional...

Posted by: sue at May 12, 2008 03:22 PM (WbfZD)

37 heh, I think I'm in love with Steve too...didn't realized that I dug guys before, but six burners...damn! Happy Mum's Day!!! (belatedly)

Posted by: maolcolm at May 13, 2008 09:36 PM (OBIHM)

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