The Alamo thing has, apparently, really affected me.

I'm not a very Bolshy person. It comes and goes with me in terms of standing up for myself. Sometimes I do it, more often than not I don't. I don't like to raise my voice to people I don't know and - this is the worst part - I don't like people to hear my American accent, not because I'm ashamed or anything, but I figure they'll simply dismiss my complaint and chalk me up to being "an American" instead of listening to me (and yes, this has happened to me).

But since coming completely unglued at the rental car counter I'm suddenly a lot less tolerant of people being assholes around me. Maybe it's just a phase, maybe it'll pass, but right now I call people on their shit and that's completely out of character for me.

Angus, he's a guy that will make a fuss. So will my stepmother. Both of them have had real bust-ups with managers of grocery stores, Angus over his views on the unjust cost of limes and English cheddar, my stepmother over a bad melon. They do not have a single problem with complaining about bad service or bad products - in their views, they have paid for a product or service and dammit, it better be good.

Me, I cringe. I don't really ever complain to staff or management about things because I'm not much of a "rocking the waves" kind of girl. I have eaten not great meals and never said a word. I have been left waiting in queue longer than Paris Hilton's list of one night blow jobs. People cut in front of me and I don't say anything, people are stupid and I don't let off.

Until now.

Maybe something's come unglued in me.

I've made no secret about the fact that commuting is one of my greatest stresses. The train station (which is now empty of Travellers, as they've moved on to a football pitch nearby) is one of my fiercest foes. My ulcer goes off nearly every single time I take that fucking train, and it never gets any better.

Add on to the fact that I'm suddenly dealing with a great deal of stress in another area of my life (more on that later), and I'm a ticking device ready to burst.

This whole week was set to be a London week (luckily today has become a working from home day). After months of very few London days, suddenly my project schedule is getting very busy-I have three projects now at work (two of them very interesting), and they're not stressful but will keep me busy. This week kicks it all off, and sadly Thursday and Friday I have meetings in Upper Buttfuck (proving that you can't have everything and sometimes that includes trips to the one place in the country that I truly hate). So the train station and I are going to be very, very close for the next several weeks.

I made it to the train station very early yesterday morning, as I had a number of calls I needed to make in private and quiet before my meetings started. I got to the station and just missed the train I wanted, but I knew another one was coming in 5 minutes, so I wasn't too stressed...yet.

The ticket queue was torture though, as everyone wanted to buy monthly tickets, a complicated procedure involving forms, photos, and all kinds of hassle, and which nearly every time makes me want to scream "Why can't you handle these transactions AFTER peak travel time?" I went to the queue for the ticket machines instead. The machines were acting up, dicking around, rejecting cards at random. Mine was such a card. By the time it accepted my card, the train was pulling up. And again, if you get on the train without a ticket you get a penalty fine, even though the Network Rail website says that you should never have to unreasonably wait to get a ticket to board a train, proving that Network Rail really are a bunch of bureaucratic cunts who get off on messing with commuters minds and wallets.

I ran for the train, tickets in hand and receipt still printing in the machine.

As I boarded the stairs (because naturally the train I needed was on the opposite platform to the ticket office), I passed a party of four old age pensioners taking an overnight trip to London (I know this as one of them felt the need to tell the ticket agent about said trip, and the details of the trip, and how fun the trip was, thus delaying the ticket queue even more. This isn't even including the fact that all the seniors had asked the one senior to purchase everyone's tickets, and made a real song and dance about dividing up the bill and who owes who money but do you have change for £20?) The seniors were slightly blocking the entrance of the stairs.

That, I could have dealt with.

I could even have dealt with the elderly group taking up time at the ticket window (despite a huge line of people waiting for tickets).

What I couldn't deal with was one woman in the group.

As several business suited men and I sprinted like hell for the train, she chanted in a sing-song childhood playground taunting kind of voice "You're never going to make it! You're never going to make it! You're never going to make it!"

Sure enough, we didn't make it. As we made it to the top of the stairs leading to the train's platform, the train pulled away from the platform, leaving 6 of us who were within site of the doors but the train conductor wouldn't wait for us, on the platform.

And I could still hear the old woman chanting. The men who missed the train with me shook their head in disgust. One man swore. The woman's taunts reached me from the other side of the platform.

And a blood vessel in my head burst right open like a very ripe peach.

I was fuming. Absolutely fuming. (I hated her sooo much, it, it the, it, flame, flames, FLAMES on the side of my face, breathing, breathle...heaving breaths, heaving....) My stress levels-both about the train and about other things-were threatening to take over my vision. I walked up the stairs and over to the woman. I couldn't believe what I did next.

"Do you think that's very helpful, to stand there and make stupid comments like that?" I demanded angrily to her.

I couldn't believe I had said something like that.

I NEVER talk like that outside of the safety of my own brain.

The old woman looked startled. "I was just talking, I wasn't really thinking about you."

"No, clearly you weren't." I replied angrily. I walked back to the ticket office to get the receipt I'd left behind for my tickets. When I passed the old woman again she had a packet of mints in her hand.

"Well," she said snippily, popping a mint into her mouth, "looks like your day got off to a bad start."

I looked at her. "PISS OFF!" I snarled.

An elderly gentleman in the group shouted after me. "What did you say, young lady?"

And I made myself walk up the platform away from the group. I knew if I turned around to talk to the group there was a chance I could take the old gent and actually physically get into it with him, which I would ordinarily never do as I'm a serious pacifist. With the exception of the Alamo counter I can't remember being that angry in so long.

I caught another train twenty minutes later, which naturally got delayed and kept me waiting outside of Waterloo for 10 minutes. And I couldn't calm down. I recognize that I should have just shrugged her off as being a busybody who couldn't help herself, but I had had enough. It's possible I was taking my own stresses out on her, it's possible she meant no harm, she'd just disconnected that whole "brain-mouth" connection. But in that moment I felt that not thinking about others wasn't acceptable. Got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Instead of helping her across the road, at that moment I was tempted to push her in front of traffic.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:41 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
Post contains 1427 words, total size 8 kb.

1 You know, it seems to me that the Universe has been fucking with Helen for a long time. I see no reason for Helen not to start fucking with the Universe. You go, baby!

Posted by: ~Easy at April 24, 2007 11:26 AM (G5FSP)

2 I think you showed a lot of restraint. I would have said a lot worse-somewhere along the way a few years back I decided if the world was sometimes going to push me, I was going to push back. I need to wipe a tear from my eye. I am so proud of you Helen.... ;-)

Posted by: Teresa at April 24, 2007 12:20 PM (QNeTR)

3 I say good for you, damn it! No one need stand and take that crap from anyone, let alone some random stranger.

Posted by: Z. Hendirez at April 24, 2007 12:30 PM (ceOV5)

4 "You're never going to make it"? Did she think she was being civilized?

Posted by: B. Durbin at April 24, 2007 12:57 PM (tie24)

5 Our baby is all growsed up! Way to go, Helen!! Hey, I think your superhero powers are finally coming in. Except it's looking like you're developing along the Nikki/Jessica rage route more than you are the regenerating cheerleader direction. I don't suppose you're having any unexplained blackouts are you?

Posted by: lindsay at April 24, 2007 01:12 PM (mHNC3)

6 First of all, love the Clue movie! Love it! Second, I think sometimes you just have to do something to combat all the jackassery in the world. Chances are, that woman will not change her behavior but she'll also never forget the day some whippersnapper told her to piss off!

Posted by: donna at April 24, 2007 01:25 PM (0VoEe)

7 Gosh, and I thought unthinking fuckwittery was strictly an Americanism. ;-) ::waves from California:: Ach, seriously, I think that tactless biddies _should_ be called out when they misbehave. Just because it's been a hundred years since she had to work, if she ever worked to begin with... sorry, I'm projecting my own frustration agan. I'm sure that you've been thinking of other ways that you might have handled the situation, but I think you did just fine. You _didn't_ harm anyone, you _didn't_ pursue the issue beyond the moment of impact, and you reacted in an entirely understandable and reasonable manner. Just because they're elderly, doesn't mean they get to behave outside the bounds of common courtesy. best, L

Posted by: LynD at April 24, 2007 02:26 PM (2F9Ak)

8 Iron fist, baby, just don't go bursting into flames, it's not good for your hair. You know? I'm all about respecting the elders, but jackassery doesn't have an age limit, sorry to say. And an asshole at 70 was often an asshole at 20. And 30. And so on. And every now and again people need a good calling out for it.

Posted by: karmajenn at April 24, 2007 02:37 PM (OUTBp)

9 I was right there with you until you got to the part where the lady remarked on your day getting off to a bad start. Where you walked away, I'm pretty sure I would have spun around and punched her in the face. That comment was just uncalled for! Gah. I'm a calm person too. Most of the time, I'm the one telling my husband to calm down in situations like that (I wasn't there to calm him down the day of our wedding, when he almost got into a fight with a kid who was throwing rocks at them at the minigolf course - *sigh*). I almost never speak up, but put me behind the wheel of a car and it's like I have Tourette's! Lately, I've been getting better about speaking up for myself by firing off angry letters to companies that piss me off. I find it's good therapy, even though I'm sure most of them never get read.

Posted by: geeky at April 24, 2007 02:42 PM (ziVl9)

10 I have to say H,. this made me laugh out loud! Brilliant. I too had to wait in a train ticket line this morning at a platform not a million miles from you and i got particularly annoyed as i only have 4 minutes to get my train and the man in front was buying a season ticket and it is a TUESDAY!! i know that all the train travelling idiots get them on Mondays but on Tuesdays i dont have to plan for this... ...totally rational i know. Basically, what i am trying to say is...i get it. The old lady? She deserved it! Abs x

Posted by: abs at April 24, 2007 03:02 PM (+gJH8)

11 I'm the one who eats a lot of shit without saying anything... but I'm all for someone who will step up and tell someone off if they're being an asshat. Good for you, Helen! That biddy had it coming - and for the record, that old man had it coming too - good for your restraint.

Posted by: sue at April 24, 2007 03:04 PM (WbfZD)

12 The bitchy, rude lady didn't know what kind of day you are having, but that is EXACTLY the reason we should be civil and not say stupid shit to random strangers. Good fpr you saying something to her. Maybe the next time she will hold her tongue and not be an idiot!

Posted by: sophie at April 24, 2007 03:43 PM (1HOa8)

13 Given 2.5 hours on the phone (probably more then I do in a normal year) with the EAP people trying to get a Mental health person to talk too.. I get reccomended to 3 places... all of which 'specalize' in LONG term (ie permanent) care of patients... 'NOT' I'll take my help on my terms... not when my 'meds' are due thank you very much... This after being put on hold 3 times.. asked to hang up so she could go to lunch... .....hello?? and if this was an emergancy??? I was SOOoo tempted to press '1' just to see what would happen. On the other hand.. airports I have no trouble with... Even lacking an ID.. Went through AlbanyIA and Logan twice with no id at all.. Got there VERY early and was willing to bug em...

Posted by: LarryConley at April 24, 2007 07:22 PM (nnfi9)

14 I've had days like that, too. I'm usually not a complainer, particularly if complaining will obviously get me nowhere, or events are beyond the realm of human control (like the weather). If I do complain, it's usually along the lines of "How can we resolve this problem?" When I come unglued is when stupidity kicks in, or the "who gives a fuck, I'm off work in an hour" attitude. With this obviously rude woman, I probably would have muttered something blasphemous under my breath, rolled my eyes, and walked away. Then cheered and laughed like hell when someone like you gets in her face.

Posted by: diamond dave at April 24, 2007 08:33 PM (UrHbJ)

15 What a winch! The nerve of her.

Posted by: Steff at April 24, 2007 09:24 PM (fIFtd)

16 Will this woman's comments make one iota of difference in your life a year from now? Put it on your calendar and check then. Ask yourself the question before you ruin your day. If you were still enraged hours later, it's your problem, not hers. Please check your blood pressure. Unreasoned rage is not good. People are stupid. We all deal with it.

Posted by: Gal at April 25, 2007 03:25 AM (EUXkQ)

17 wow, i was getting mad just reading about it. i would've wanted to tell her to shove it. who taunts people who are going to work, anyway? don't they know that people hate commuting as it is? i hope you feel better after telling her off.

Posted by: becky at April 25, 2007 05:43 AM (gxmeq)

18 Ya know, I think once I hit my thirties, my bullshit tolerance dropped significantly. I used to be the meek, mellow type who would let things slide - not so much now. I guess I've come to the realization that life is too short to tolerate assholes. Seems you have too. I'm sure that everyone else on the platform (asside from crabby old fart) were quietly cheering you on. Way to go!

Posted by: maolcolm at April 25, 2007 10:11 PM (3aK3c)

19 Heh. Well...I've actually done this kind of thing too, once or twice. But I wasn't too happy with myself later. Felt great at the time to vent; felt like shit later, though. Fucking conscience, eh? Just gets in the damn way. ;-P

Posted by: The other Amber at April 26, 2007 04:13 AM (zQE5D)

20 A bunch of oldies behaving like schoolkids! I bet if some kids had taunted them you'd never have heard the end of it... "kids today have no respect blah blah blah... in my day ..." And when you (in a rather restrained and dignified manner) called them on it they acted like you were being rude! I would have pointed out to them that they were just giving young workers sh17 because they were pissed that they were too old to get laid anymore! That would have sorted them out >:-)

Posted by: Steve P at April 26, 2007 10:43 AM (pcmJs)

21 It's a good thing to let people know you won't take crap from them. I tend to moderate my language when my children are around. Absent them, though, and I'd like have told the breath mint lady, "If I wanted more shit out of you, I'd have squeezed your head." Fuuny, most people seem quite put out by that sort of comment.

Posted by: physics geek at April 27, 2007 08:54 PM (vKMFv)

22 Heather I had a similar experience yesterday. Husband and I decided to get a little culture and tackle the Hogarth exhibit at Tate Britain. Throughout the entire exhibit this annoying woman kept cutting in front of me to read the descriptions of the etchings on the wall. While everyone else was queying civily and slowly making their way around the rooms, this one woman kept having to be RIGHT behind me in my space or push in front of me and stand DIRECTLY in my line of vision. I almost said something like "Really, do you not see me in front of you?" But I was afraid everyone would hear my American NY accent and react to me like a freak. So I just tried to ignore her and get away from her, but I sooo wanted to scream at her!!!! Good for you for sticking up for yourself.

Posted by: Kimberly at April 29, 2007 03:05 PM (ipqeD)

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