My days are all laying out to be the same.
Thus is a day in Helen's life.
And through it all, I look around me and wonder what I'm doing here. Lives are being torn apart. Dear Mate and his Partner Unit are splitting up (in fact, Dear Mate will be staying with us over New Year's, which I am much looking forward to). Mr. Y and his Partner Unit are splitting up. Best Friend and his Partner Unit are headed downhill, and me and my Partner Unit are spiralling down as well. I'm thinking of starting a club for people that are in the midst of/headed for a breakup, let me know if you want to join. All that's needed is a cloudy head, a fuzzy heart, and the ability to leap tall gin and tonics in a single bound.
I look at Partner Unit and think about what a good guy he is, a good friend with a big heart (since you asked, Jiminy!). And then we try to talk about something that upsets me and it all goes to hell and ends up in a fight. There is perfect peace and we get along well, provided I never really tell him how I think and feel. If I am Surface Helen, with Surface Problems, then all is well. It's like sometimes we both get pulled back by who we are as a couple. I will start to tell him of my despair about being jobless, and then I see the stricken look on his face and pull back, thinking...Right...This is not who we are. He will take it personally and I will fuck it up, so better just deal with it alone.
Even though I love him, I am not sure that he and I can ever really make it. I can't talk to him. I never could. But whereas once upon a time that was what I wanted, a partner that didn't ask questions and didn't need to know, I find now that in order to get it all out and live life in the real zone, I do need someone that wants to know, that wants answers, that wants...well...me.
So I turn to Dear Mate. I turn to Mr. Y. I turn into myself and to my blog to seek answers. Mr. Y has come through like a star, as perhaps you expected to hear. We have daily contact, by email and text (although I am now paying for my phone bill, so I text rather less than I want to, but there you have it.) But I am not hanging my horseshoe on him in hopes that he will get me out of this mess-he has a mess to go through, and I have a mess to go through, but at least neither of us are doing it alone.
I am trying, anyway. I am trying to imagine a future that is not here.
-H.
PS-about the job: I am still waiting to hear back from the recruiter. We had a long chat last night, and since neither of the candidates that Dream Job wants are available, it looks as though we have the following options:
I hope the recruiter calls me back soon.
This doesn't solve my citizenship/visa issues. If I don't get my citizenship in time, Dream Job has to file with the government to get me a work permit, which can take up to 6 weeks (thereby I should have citizenship). I can imagine that they are not going to be excited to do this. I am faxing the Swedish government today urging them to speed up my application, but no idea what reason to give as to why they need to do this. The good news is the other candidate I am up against is actually employed, so likely couldn't start right away either.
PPS-am trying to decide if I should cut all my hair off or not. I present you with a current photo and an old photo, let me know if you like long or short (but I am not going back to red).
1
Short definitely. Very chic.
Posted by: Leela at December 16, 2003 12:15 PM (kf8oM)
2
Long hair! You should definitely not cut your hair.
Ever.
Posted by: Jim at December 16, 2003 12:20 PM (IOwam)
3
Leela is right, and chic is the word. Long hair gets your face a bit small and with less expression (judging from only two photos... lol).
Posted by: msd at December 16, 2003 12:23 PM (wW77H)
4
I can predict every answer here already:
Men will say keep it long (looks askance at Jim) and women will say either a) short or b) whatever floats your boat.
Men DIG long hair. Don't know why, but they do.
My advice? Never -- EVER -- get your hair cut while you're PMSing. No matter how/what you decide, you will live to regret it.
All that aside (assumes kindly mother-type face) -- I hope you are being good to yourself and thinking good thoughts. It DOES make a difference. Be well sweetie -- and if you DO cut or do something cool you MUST post more pictures. You're lovely no matter what!
Posted by: margi at December 16, 2003 12:58 PM (4jrV0)
5
Margi, I just love how supportive you are in your comments. It's amazing.
Jim-you read mojomarks' post!
Leela and msd-was thinking short bob, a la Natalie Portman's new look.
Posted by: Helen at December 16, 2003 01:14 PM (WrdM/)
6
mmmmm....short hair....yep...most definitely....short hair.....
Posted by: eric at December 16, 2003 01:24 PM (CMCIS)
7
Damnit, Margi beat me to it.
That short pageboy was seriously cute and really brought out your features beautifully, so that gets my vote.
Posted by: ilyka at December 16, 2003 01:44 PM (cS56F)
8
If you do cut it, I'm not sure how long it is, you should donate it to locks of love (10 inch minimum), www.locksoflove.org. I suffer from the same long hair/short hair thing and I find that it makes it easier to think I'll just do both. Cut it off and donate it, then wait for it to grow out again. Then by the time it's long enough again I'm tired of it being long and I can cut and donate again. But personally, I'm a big fan of the way long hair feels blowing in the wind
Posted by: Erin at December 16, 2003 01:44 PM (ppLmF)
9
Now Ilyka and Erin have me torn again...Hmmmm...
The men in my life are evenly split about long versus short. Partner Unit and Best Friend vote long. Mr. Y and Dear Mate vote short.
Crisis. But it's not PMS time. I think it's the "transitional stage of life" haircut time.
Posted by: Helen at December 16, 2003 02:06 PM (WrdM/)
10
Short hair. You look cuter and younger.
Posted by: melodrama at December 16, 2003 02:07 PM (s8/I1)
11
Short. Long hair pulls your face down. Short hair brightens your face.
Posted by: Serenity at December 16, 2003 02:35 PM (4A/WT)
12
You tell the Swedish Government you love the place so much you just have to be a citizen right now! That'll do it. Seems like the interview problem isn't a problem at all. Phone on 22nd, interview in the new year.
Margi's right - all men like long hair. It's so we don't confused about the sex of our partner in bed. Long hair = woman. Short hair = man. So simple.
I know the difference between GSM and WCDMA. One's got three letters, and the other doesn't. No that's not it. GSM happens in the basement of those dodgy night clubs, and WCDMA was that song by the Village People.
Better send a suit you don't so much about. I've been enjoying too much Christmas cheer, if you know what I mean.
Posted by: Simon at December 16, 2003 02:38 PM (jthMt)
13
I personally like short hair, it easy to take care of, dry's fast, and doesn't get in your mouth and eyes at inopportune times =)
Posted by: Dane at December 16, 2003 02:38 PM (ncyv4)
14
Yes, keep the long hair -- if you are like me, you know that it is a bit of trouble to take care of, but it makes an effective screen to hide behind at times too ...
Then again, whenever I cut it, I miss it, and it takes that much longer to grow back ...
so, although in the end it is your decision, consider also that the long hair frames your face so much better, it give you the 'noble' forehead, and brings out your eyes.
Posted by: Kylan MacFiona at December 16, 2003 02:43 PM (d18ri)
Posted by: Sarah at December 16, 2003 03:05 PM (YXgfO)
16
Short hair gets my vote :-)
And then u'll have something to do and mull over your new look...
Keep it up Helen... u're a winner.
Posted by: Sid at December 16, 2003 03:21 PM (GfUOM)
17
LONG HAIR....gets my vote. Although, I think your beautiful no matter what.
Posted by: Tiffani at December 16, 2003 03:22 PM (0i1dP)
18
Ok I have to go against the grain...I think keep your hair long. Long is beautiful and fresh and vibrant. Short hair is for old people....you have plenty of time to have it short way, way in the future sometime
Posted by: nisi at December 16, 2003 03:25 PM (GP2IK)
19
Long hair I think. It makes you look sensual and intelligent, while the short hair makes you look perky. Perky is good, but it does not seem to fit your current mood. (Besides, you can put long hair up and have short hair for a day more easily than you can stretch short hair to have long hair for a day.)
Good luck with the job search
Ted K.
Posted by: Ted K. at December 16, 2003 03:31 PM (bUIG8)
20
Short. Your life is changing, why not your hair. Sometimes things like that can help you face the world in a different light. Its not much, but every little thing helps.
Posted by: pylornrs at December 16, 2003 03:42 PM (fD1hc)
21
Long hair - it's a fun piece of vanity to have.
And I'll join the club, thanks.
There is perfect peace and we get along well, provided I never really tell him how I think and feel. Are you sure you're not psychic? I could have written that! Except that, really, he's getting along well, not me, so it's not perfect peace, is it?
A thought: If historically, you kept your emotions close, then that is who your partner unit married, isn't it? That's who he signed on for. So, you growing and changing into someone who emotes occaisionally probably scares the shit out of him - that's not what he wants. And it's nobody's fault.
Posted by: Courtney at December 16, 2003 03:50 PM (u6jpO)
22
Leave it long, because if you feel shortish, you can put it up. Best of both worlds.
I know this because every time I get emotionally wonky I want to cut it off off OFF and sometimes do, regretting it horribly later and spending even more time, more emotionally wonky, bemoaning the horror.
Posted by: LeeAnn at December 16, 2003 03:51 PM (HxCeX)
23
Definitely the long hair. It looks great!
Posted by: Ben at December 16, 2003 03:55 PM (U/JTQ)
24
haha...the age-old short vs. long debate. i love it!
personally, my feeling is that hair grows back. if you're feeling like a change, then go for it!
and i've had bf's where it was easier to just keep it inside. i do think you need someone to be yourself with.
despite all the chaos, it feels like things are looking up! which reminds me of another quote!
"One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." -Frederich Nietzche
Posted by: kat at December 16, 2003 04:11 PM (FhSIP)
25
The short hair makes you look cute and fresh and perky, and it accentuates your face exceedingly well, but the long hair gives you that oh so sensual, feminine beauty... You look wonderful either way, and it's a damn close call, but I'd have to vote for the long hair.
Posted by: Gudy at December 16, 2003 04:18 PM (SAQvx)
26
long! V LONG!!! down to your arse and beyond long!
Posted by: rob at December 16, 2003 04:27 PM (kXZI6)
27
Swit/swallow, long/short... choices, choices -you're killing us!
ahem.
As much as I normally love long hair, especially long, red hair (somebody get me a towel) I vote for that Natalie Portman one.
PC
Posted by: Paul USA at December 16, 2003 04:36 PM (bWfDG)
28
As a former hair stylist, I recommend just a trim, maybe a couple of inches. You want to drastically change your hair in hopes it will change your life. You will be dissapointed and hate your hair short. Changing your hair does not change your life, it just saves you money on shampoo. Your hair looks radiant and sexy long. The short hair makes your look too girlish. Keep it long BABY!!!
Posted by: Lola at December 16, 2003 05:25 PM (cHZIb)
29
This is awful, but I sit on a ton of interview committees, and shorter hair comes across as more professional. That said, have it trimmed up even if you do keep it long. *Healthy* is really all that matters!
I used to have butt-length hair - now it's about 4" at the longest. Lovelovelove it.
Posted by: Kaetchen at December 16, 2003 05:29 PM (WZyYB)
30
The short is very sophisticated on you. The long look is also beautiful, but I think I would go with the short. It's liberating when you do something new to your look. You're in control though, you should do what you like.
Posted by: Kandy at December 16, 2003 05:30 PM (fnOQ7)
Posted by: Marie at December 16, 2003 05:52 PM (fiFW3)
32
Holy crap. Masses of divided opionion. Holy crap. What do I choose-sensual or professional? Holy crap.
Someone said I had a noble forehead. Cool.
Posted by: Helen at December 16, 2003 06:06 PM (brq8M)
33
Long! Definitely long. Long hair is much more versatile than short and is easier to keep looking nice. Well, that's my personal experience.
Also, remember Portia Rossi in Ally McBeal? She had some kick-ass updos and looked very professional. Keep it long, Helen! There is always non-permanent hair dyes if you want change.
Posted by: Vaire at December 16, 2003 06:15 PM (CT9R+)
34
I'm going to break with my longstanding tradition of no advice, only because you asked ... LONG, LONG, LONG.
If there's a happy medium with the interviews with the new company, great. If not, I stick with what I said earlier.
And, Kat, Nietzche had to be on some serious drugs when he wrote that. Opium, anyone?
And, Helen, you deserve someone who wants YOU, not just Surface You.
Mostly, honestly, I want to kick you in the pants and tell you to stop beating up on yourself. Let me ask you, if someone were having a discussion with a friend of yours, and that someone was giving your friend as much guilt and other assorted crap as you're giving yourself, would you stand for it? Stop beating yourself up. Do the best you can in any situation. Search in yourself for what you believe is right, and do that, every time. Because most of the time, we know what the right thing is, in our gut. We just let what we *want* to be right interfere with what we *know* is right. But if you stick with what you know, no matter how things end up, you sleep peacefully. And, for you, that would be a major change.
Posted by: Jiminy at December 16, 2003 06:43 PM (bhLQn)
35
Long on one side, short on the other.
Or amaze us with a new and inspiring style!
Posted by: Nicki at December 16, 2003 06:57 PM (kvRzW)
36
Jiminy just made me cry. In a good way.
But then, Sid, Gudy and Tiffani also made me choke up.
I love you guys.
Long hair is winning thus far, 16 to 13.
Posted by: Helen at December 16, 2003 07:31 PM (FpwZc)
37
Both styles look great on you, but I'd stick with the long hair. I only say that because I chopped mine a few years ago and only now is it back to shoulder-length. Growing it out is a bitch.
Perhaps you could just trim a few inches off first, and see if you like it?
I disagree about long hair being unprofessional. It's all in how you wear it.
Posted by: Dawn at December 16, 2003 07:54 PM (rbCYD)
38
Long. I argued in front of juries with long hair and short hair, and I felt long hair gave me an edge. For one thing, I felt feminine and strong with longer hair. (But I only wore it down on rare occasions in court, too distracting. Women didn't like it.) I normally put it up in a french twist with gold earrings - sophisticated, but everyone - make that MAN - wondered what it would look like down. I just felt more powerful. Sort of like when you wear a suit with red silk underwear underneath.
You look cute with the short hair, but you have plenty of time for short hair later on. Like when you're my age! Just never wear a ribbon headband and you're fine.
Both women at my front desk have long hair. One looks extremely professional, even when it's down (uses big barrettes to hold it at her neck or wild Gucci fabric scarves for emphasis) and the other, sadly, is beginning to look like mutton dressed as lamb. The good thing about short hair is it emphasizes a person's eyes, but you can get the same effect by how you wear long hair.
Thanks for the pix and letting us contribute!
Posted by: Oda Mae at December 16, 2003 08:18 PM (dKKuC)
39
Judging on how your life is going right now i would say cut it off.
Last month i went through some major changes and one day in the midst of it my roomate and i had a blast chopping about 18 inches of my hair off. I had worn it long (about three inches past the back of my bra) for a few years and now it is just above my shoulder, short, piecey and so much fun. It was symbolic of letting go of all the things that were holding me back and i would definately reccommend it.
It's such a girlie thing, but when your life is upside down a hair cut can make you feel sooooo much better!
Posted by: Laura at December 16, 2003 09:24 PM (c7kPJ)
40
I'd like more choices. Can I see you as a platinum blond?
Posted by: Guinness at December 16, 2003 09:30 PM (5jKa8)
41
I like the short picture
Posted by: emily at December 16, 2003 10:05 PM (GpAPK)
42
Short. Definitely short. Not that the long is bad but you have a beautiful face and the long hair is kind of distracting.
Posted by: eris at December 16, 2003 10:06 PM (/dJNi)
43
I just realized the short red do reminds me of Rose McGowen.
Posted by: emily at December 16, 2003 10:08 PM (GpAPK)
Posted by: Ash at December 16, 2003 10:47 PM (D0X9D)
45
Long, Definately Long !!
Posted by: sasoozie at December 16, 2003 11:19 PM (LnfL5)
46
Short! Much, much better short.
And: you're giving me goosebumps these days with what you write about Partner Unit. It's my life as well. I even have a sort-of Mr. Y. Amazing that we can feel so alone in our struggles but in reality there are others going through the very same thing at the very same moment.
Posted by: clara rockmore at December 17, 2003 12:26 AM (wrCOv)
47
hair - both look good on you so it comes down to your desires not mine.
Do I know you? You look familiar? What areas did you work while with Viking Boat (that Swedish telecom giant)? Have you tried your CV with Viking Boat again? I hear Montreal is external hiring.
Posted by: ozone ferd at December 17, 2003 12:32 AM (mefTt)
48
long hair please. no need to cut it off yet, even if you're searching for a change....unless your hair is in bad shape. i hadn't cut mine for about three years (i couldn't afford it) and it was down to my butt, and i had it cut off gradually. it's a chin-length bob now, but hey, i'm over 40, i can do what i want.
i think that until your hair makes you look old, there's no need to cut it off unless you really hate it. if you don't, then it's more versatile if you leave it long (sensuous, professional all in one. you're a hooker!!)
have fun making this decision.
Posted by: hilary at December 17, 2003 12:44 AM (qIqUu)
49
I'm usually a sucker for short hair. I keep trying to get the wife to cut her's short again. But I think the long looks better on you. Have you considered the "middlin" haircut? Like just lop off 2 or three inches?
Posted by: Mike the Marine at December 17, 2003 01:23 AM (r8Ldc)
50
i'm with guinness on this one. give us the platinum blonde, but definitely keep it long.
Posted by: stu at December 17, 2003 02:15 AM (jrs3j)
51
wowee, you've got quite a response to this one!
and jiminy, lol, yeah the opium is likely, but i still love the quote. ;-)
Posted by: kat at December 17, 2003 02:29 AM (FhSIP)
52
Helen, You look great either way.
Posted by: Ruburt at December 17, 2003 05:22 AM (0XwX8)
53
Clara, there seem to be a lot of us who are in teh perennial Mr. Y struggle. So welcome
Ozone Ferd, there is not a single chance in hell that I am going back to Viking Boat (which I call Company X). Never never never never never.
Posted by: Helen at December 17, 2003 09:06 AM (QNq2h)
54
Short...change is inevitable
Posted by: Claud at December 17, 2003 09:52 AM (OVym1)
55
I normally like long hair on women, but you look really good with short hair. I think if you want to go that way, go for it!
Posted by: Almost Lucid (Brad) at December 17, 2003 04:48 PM (sBiBb)
56
Great discussion you got going here(hair)!!!!
I think you are beautiful in both photos.Ive recently changed my life and Ive grown my hair.I feel more feminine and sexy with shoulder length hair.I dont want it any longer than my shoulders tho.I can wear a ponytail or a french roll or just leave it out...for some reason I feel more powerful and strong with a bit of length!
OH and it feels nice on bare skin too...
Posted by: butterflies at December 17, 2003 11:33 PM (karT6)
57
so i know that my opinion isn't necessarily the one that will make your decision.. however, i think you should cut your hair to shoulder length, if not a little below your shoulders and then do sideswept bangs... not MAJOR bangs just enuf to frame your face... i did that to my hair and i LOVE it - it gives the face a whole new look.
Posted by: jaime at December 18, 2003 12:01 AM (FOw2E)
58
With that color? Definitely long.
Posted by: dc at December 28, 2003 03:44 AM (8TUnS)
59
Hey my name is Corné Botha. Can u really predicts someon's life. Can u like predict my life? Because actually I'm struggling with my life and I don't know what to do next
Posted by: Corné at March 20, 2004 08:48 PM (j+dDl)
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