Sorry for the silence - I've not been doing so well.

But first! Le Weekend, you might wonder! Or, you know, you might not. Regardless, that is what comes first in this bloggy post of mine.

Melissa and Jeff arrived Friday night. My dad and Angus went to pick up the kids while my stepmom and I stayed behind and took it easy. The car showed up soon enough, and all 4 members arrived at the house in high spirits. Even Jeff. This was huge for me - I was so worried about Jeff but, apart from one or two moments of unease, he was back to his normal self again. He and I played a computer game all Saturday morning. He and my dad and stepmom played a game of Uno for an hour. He talked, he interacted, and although he was a bit shy, he was himself.

I can't begin to describe my relief.

We didn't cover anything remotely emotional, and I am a bit concerned on his next visit that he has to confront the fact he's been ousted from his room until the extension is done, but for the most part it was smooth sailing.

Score one for the Angus and the reassurance he's been providing his vulnerable son.

My father and stepmom were fantastic. I was shocked at how great with kids my stepmom is, not because she's not a kid-friendly type of person but because she's never really been around kids. She handled them with ease and grace, laughing at their jokes, being clear when there was a line to be towed, and handling them in ways that put them at ease. I find her more and more remarkable all the time, and once again I was reminded how she could have been a huge factor in my teens, if only I'd just let her in. Being as Melissa and Jeff are kids and wired towards playing constant rounds of board games, she slipped into the role with ease, always agreed to play a game, and never once complained. A better grandma could not be asked for.

My dad as well impressed me no end. When we were kids we had this "children should be seen and not heard" philosophy. My sister and I were quiet kids, and we didn't talk much and we certainly weren't noisy or opinionated. My father was not a patient man and he didn't handle questions very well. Melissa and Jeff have been raised to explore being inquisitive and opinionated, something I support now as I think it's what's right for kids - if they have questions about something of course they should ask about it. While I sometimes think they interrupt too much, the truth is I don't really know how to handle kids, and the comfort that Angus' kids have in conversations is evident. So having the kids around my dad made me a bit nervous.

I needn't have been.

My dad has changed more than I possibly realized.

For starters, Melissa and my dad got on like a house on fire. By the time they arrived at the house from the airport it was as though they were both best friends who had spent their life double dog daring each other. They talked constantly, teased each other constantly, and once when they went to the grocery store with my stepmom and Angus, they came back papered in price tag stickers, which apparently they'd been sticking on each other throughout the shopping expedition. They liked to abuse each other in joking ways during Uno. And Melissa even asked my dad to take her to Japan and show her around.

The kids both liked my Dad and stepmom and spent a lot of time talking to both of them, asking them about things in Japan, asking how to say things in Japanese, and playing games. My stepmom cooked dinner for us on Saturday (all of us love Japanese food), and then the kids and I ran around shouting "Tomkatsu! Yakisoba!" (breaded cutlets and noodles) in angry Japanese voices, much to the chagrin of my dad, who was not convinced our pronunciation was very good.

My dad was amazing. I couldn't believe it. I knew my dad had changed a lot, but I never once could have imagined that he had become something I never could have imagined he could or would pull off - he became someone who likes kids. I wonder if, in some way, his bond with Melissa is a second chance for him somehow, the opportunity to be close to a kid when he couldn't do it before. Something in him has grown up and grown out, and since he can't give it to his own girls, he can try to give it to his grandkids, be they here, in Sweden, or in the States. My dad talks about Melissa and Jeff and his other granddaughter in the States with joy, pride and light. The change in him is remarkable, and it's incredible to be a part of.

But it wasn't just Melissa my dad got along with - he also taught Jeff how to make a fire in the chiminea (with permission from Angus).

He's already planning on things they can all do together when he sees them next.

My dad and stepmom even removed Jeff's bed and put together one of the baby cribs for us, which they then put some of the baby things they bought for the Lemonheads in. The nursery isn't done - we need to paint, we need to move the rest of the baby things in - but it's a start. It's the first piece of furniture to go up.

It almost feels like something might actually happen now.

I love this hodgepodge family of mine - the grandparents, the stepkids, all of them - so much you wouldn't believe it. It makes me cry, and it's not the hormones. It's how far we've all come to get to this place in our hearts that does it.

Melissa and Jeff left Sunday night. My dad and stepmom left yesterday. And now it's just us here.

As for my quietness - I'm really sorry, I'm not trying to add to the drama. Maybe we need some kind of code, whereby I post a one-liner relating to an 80's TV sitcom and that way you know I'm fine, it's just my uterine occupants that are keeping me from the PC.

Sunday was a bad day for us, and as a result yesterday I was pretty much a zombie and unable to sit up for any period of time. We had Angus' Mum and Stepdad over for a barbecue on Sunday, and before they arrived I got a headache that came accompanied with stars in my vision. The stars didn't go away for most of the day and I knew it was my blood pressure. I also started having contractions at 10 am. The contractions came at 8 minute intervals but by late afternoon they were every 4 minutes. I didn't want to go to the hospital because I knew they would just admit me and I didn't think I was necessarily in labor. Sunday night the contractions were worse, and by 3 am I was up fighting off contractions so strong I had to keep myself from throwing up. I still didn't go to the hospital.

Good thing, too, as the contractions were Braxton Hicks.

I could kill that guy.

I haven't been doing well. Over a 48 hour period I got about 6 hours of sleep. The blood pressure is high. We had an antenatal visit today and saw a consultant I call Dr. Doom because he's so cautious - he's cautious in this aspect too, as he said that he feels without a doubt that pre-term labor is on my radar. After checking me out he's put me onto what basically amounts to bed rest - although I don't have to stay in bed, standing, shopping, carrying, etc is all banned. My blood pressure coming in first at 140/93 and then 160/85 (which is a personal all-time high for me) was what did it.

The consultant said they will probably induce me by 37 weeks instead of 38 weeks and that I should maybe consider a C-Section, which is something we are discussing at home now. In the meantime, rest, rest, and more rest, as well as monitoring even more than I had done before (which is in itself pretty stressful as there's nothing Angus dreads more than the hospital.) Dr. Doom says the babies will only put on a few more ounces until they're born, putting them in the 5-6 pound range, as they are out of room, but that they will almost certainly not have to go into the SBCU (NICU) if they are born now. They monitored the babies and sure enough, both of them are stonkingly healthy. And active. And got angry at being monitored (as per their usual) before being pronounced the "most active babies of the day".

From your mouth to my bladder, lady.

37 weeks then. As of tomorrow, I am 35 weeks. Two more weeks - max - that I have to wait until I can meet the newest members of my kooky little family.

And I hope and pray that he means it when he says they will probably induce me by 37 weeks, because I honestly can't go on like this.

-H.

PS-many thanks to Beach Girl, who bought the Lemonheads one of these - I love these carriers and fully plan on using them! Thank you!

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 12:30 PM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
Post contains 1613 words, total size 9 kb.

1 So glad the visit went well - I've been thinking of you all weekend. Which is actually weird and creepy since we don't know each other. Hang tight girl - it is hard but healthy babies are worth it!

Posted by: Laura at September 25, 2007 12:41 PM (U1yF0)

2 Oh good - I was also thinking about y'all (hey - it still slips out occasionally!) this weekend and worried. Glad to hear the (mostly) good news. Hoping the 'bedrest' alleviates the bloodpressure and makes you feel at least a little better.

Posted by: April at September 25, 2007 12:48 PM (xEWJq)

3 I figured you were quiet due to family visiting— I am so glad to hear it went well! And congratulations on making it to healthy time for the Lemonheads. I think we'll all understand if your posts are a little infrequent until they come.

Posted by: B. Durbin at September 25, 2007 12:55 PM (tie24)

4 I can comment on the asian parent phenom as I have one. When they become grandparents they change. Something in them changes. What was the norm for us as children is not applicable to the grandchildren. In fact, they, I think, substitute the grandchildren for us and allow them all the indulgences they did not allow us. It is grandparent code. It has happened with my family as well. I am happy your visit was a good one. Glad to hear those babies are healthy and ready to greet the world!

Posted by: oddybobo at September 25, 2007 01:15 PM (mZfwW)

5 Not much to say,really. Just glad you posted as I was wondering if the lemonheads were making their debut. As for your hodgepodge family, I am insanely happy for you albeit jealous too:-) My best to your familia... and perhaps the kiddos will want a nap today... a nice 6 hour nap :-)

Posted by: Angela at September 25, 2007 01:29 PM (DGWM7)

6 * I am sorry to hear you've not been doing well. * But I am HUGELY relieved to hear that the kids ARE doing well and that your weekend was so great. I've been thinking about your family all weekend. * I wish my dad had changed so much for the better but I'm happy to hear yours has made such a remarkable turnaround in time to have a good relationship as adults. * Aww, even a picture of the back of Jeff's head makes him appear vulnerable and sensitive. I just want to hug him. He reminds me of my nine year old. * A crib!! I see a crib! And lovely teeny tiny baby things! How exciting! * "I got a headache that came accompanied with stars in my vision. The stars didn't go away for most of the day and I knew it was my blood pressure." - This worries me. Dr. Doom sounds maybe just cautious enough to keep all of us from hopping planes to come keep you off your feet forcibly (but lovingly, I assure you). * "but that they will almost certainly not have to go into the SBCU (NICU) if they are born now." Woohoo!! (I actually did that out loud.) You won't have to wait long now. The countdown is officially on. Hang in there, rest as much as you can manage, and think happy thoughts about little pink- and blue-wrapped bundles of sweet-smelling softness that will soon be in your arms.

Posted by: Lisa at September 25, 2007 01:38 PM (EcHBm)

7 I was little concerned when we didn't hear from you this past weekend, but I'm glad that, physical discomfort aside, that you're doing well. And it's good to hear that the family stuff is working itself out in a good way. Let other people take care of your for a while. You'll be busy taking care of others soon enough. Stay well.

Posted by: physics geek at September 25, 2007 01:39 PM (MT22W)

8 Glad to hear the visit went well. I'm so thrilled that the kids got along so good with your family. I, too, changed a lot from the time my kids were small until now. I'm much better now. Concerned, as always, about your health - but nice to hear the lemonheads are doing so well and won't have to be in NICU. Yay! I don't know why you had to go through such tough times to have these little darlin's, but wow... are you going to have guilt-trip ammunition for years and years. Take care... we're pullin' for you!

Posted by: sue at September 25, 2007 01:43 PM (WbfZD)

9 I'm so happy that this visit you were dreading went so fabulously well. YAY! I'm still sending good labor thoughts your way, my friend. Love you!

Posted by: RP at September 25, 2007 01:50 PM (op1yW)

10 Yeah for your great weekend. Glad to hear your little lemonheads are still doing well - hang in there - the end is in sight. Kelly in Canada

Posted by: Kelly at September 25, 2007 03:29 PM (5ix6G)

11 I'm glad you have a Dr. Doom. Cautious is very good. In fact, I'm not certain he's being cautious ENOUGH. Please stay on your left side and drink plenty of fluids. You're almost there! (I'm so very glad the visit went well - too much nervousness is not good for anyyone [especially you!] - to have a happy visit with eveyone will set your mind and heart to rest. I'm happy for that.)

Posted by: Margi at September 25, 2007 03:40 PM (wpu3a)

12 Please don't ignore the high BP symptoms, ok? It can go bad very quickly. Promise me that even thought you hate the hospital you'll go in the next time it gets scary. VERY VERY happy the weekend went swimmingly. I was hoping so HARD for you all. Enjoy your bad 80's TV/ Movies while you rest. Two weeks is a breeze compared to 3.

Posted by: caltechgirl at September 25, 2007 03:42 PM (IfXtw)

13 Sorry you're going through Braxton-Hicks and high BP; ugh, sucks. But you're right, it's almost over. Sort of. Doesn't sound "almost" to YOU, though, I'm sure. *grins* As for Jeff, I'm relieved as well. But that's kids for you. Time is a tremendous healer, along with you and Angus being solid and consistent. As for your parents changing...I wonder if that's because in today's world there is so MUCH focus on emotional support, etc., etc., than there was when you were being raised, you know? Then again, grandparents DO have this stereotype of being able to handle children much differently than they handled their own kids. Maturity and the wisdom that comes with it. So glad your family is happy and at peace at this time.

Posted by: The other Amber at September 25, 2007 03:46 PM (zQE5D)

14 I'm glad the visit went well!

Posted by: Jen(aside) at September 25, 2007 03:55 PM (/hnPN)

15 I am sooo happy for you-really I am. This weekend sounds fantastic, and Jeff's progress issuch a positive sign. If there was ever any doubt that you and Angus were doing the right thing then this weekend should have removed it. Great news about your dad and step-mom. They say being a grandparent is like getting to be the parent you never were but wanted to be, and that sounds exactly like what is going on with your dad. I am sure he is surprised by how different you are too-how much you have grown and matured-and I am glad that they are both able to be part of your life. The picture with Jeff touched my heart. I am sure the agony of what you are going through is a pisser. Very happy to hear the Lemonheads are doing so well. I guess it is the major prize for all your suffering. I know it is not easy right now, but just remember this won't go on forever. Having been there myself with just a singleton, I know that there is nothing that can really be said to comfort you-you just want those babies out! As for the c-section, they really are not that big of deal. Sure it is surgery, but going into with a positive attitude, and after all the shit your body has been through, I think having them will be such a relief that you really won't care how they get here. I know that is the way it was for me. You will be on your feet in no time. How about "Na-Nu, Na-Nu" to let us know all is well? Mork and Mindy was the shit man. I even had me some of those nifty suspenders like Mork wore. Wish I still had 'em.

Posted by: Teresa at September 25, 2007 03:56 PM (SvB7+)

16 I wish that you felt as much better as we all do now that you have posted! Please do not ignore the bp symptoms, that can go south on you very quickly, we don't want you having a stroke. Lay around, watch tv, drink plenty of fluids and bask in the fact that everything you've been doing about Angus' kids was right, and it will be smooth sailing from here on out. Whoo hoo for the weekend that was, yahoo for the time coming up!

Posted by: donna at September 25, 2007 04:34 PM (DDKIn)

17 I simply adore your family - you're right, it's not the hormones, because just your description of your dad's joy in the grandkids makes me misty and I am most decidedly NOT pregnant. (OK, it being my kid's birthday might have something to do with that... but who's counting?) You totally need a code... between your silence and another friend of mine in the UK who last I heard was in the hospital at 26 weeks with pre-e (she already has one micro-preemie) but that was a couple of weeks ago and TRex's birthday today, I have been a basket case. ;^) And now my role of knowing developmental stages. Dr. Doom is right - at 35 weeks, the Lemonheads should have their suck/swallow/breathe coordinated enough that they would be just fine. And to echo what everyone else has said, do keep an eye on the BP, because pre-eclampsia is scary, scary stuff for everyone involved.

Posted by: Sarah at September 25, 2007 06:54 PM (gZ16B)

18 Glad there is a timeframe now but lots of sympathy coming your way as it must be intolerable waiting. I am so happy that your weekend with the kids worked out so well! Wishing you some consecutive hours of sleep! x S

Posted by: Super Sarah at September 25, 2007 11:31 PM (HiUoN)

19 I am so pleased for you that the weekend went well and the various members of the family got on well. Your Dad now has a second chance and that bodes well for your lemonheads (as well as Melissa and Jeff). It is wonderful, Helen.

Posted by: kenju at September 26, 2007 03:17 AM (TiGru)

20 First, I'm so happy it went so well!!!! And last, I always dreaded the C-section. I was horrified, terrified, all of it. Different reasons each time. With the first it was a control issue, "I want to have my baby THIS WAY, NOT a CSection", but with the later kids it was strictly a "I have small children at home and nobody to help. I can't have a C Section as I'm on my own then with a baby and two preschoolers." But that was the only reason. By the time I'd had my 2nd and moved on to my 3rd, I just wanted healthy baby. I didn't care how in the hell they got it out of me. Keep the goal in focus... healthy Momma and healthy babies. All else is gravy...

Posted by: Bou at September 27, 2007 04:49 PM (fGpp7)

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