Two things occurred yesterday which gave me pause in my current thinking, which temporarily hid my blackened color walls with purple wallpaper-it's still dark, but it's different. The outside world is still cruel and evil, but for a while there was something to take my attention away. One thing I'll write about tomorrow after I've had a little more time to understand it, but I'm ready for the other thing.

It goes a little like this.

I take a shower and get in the car. I programme Dog's Trust in Newbury into the GPS and I drive, the radio off, the sun breaking through the winter rains over Berkshire's rolling hills. The heater is on in the car and I am wearing a hat pulled down low. When I get to Dog's Trust, I find it's an enormous expanded barn in the middle of nowhere.

I go in and fill out an application. As we haven't moved yet and our landlord company is a dirty rat bastard, there's no way we can have a dog until we move. But since the process takes time-they come to your house to check out your situation, they check the progress with the dogs-I think starting now is a good idea. We are the penultimate household-we'll have a huge house and a yard that's a fifth of an acre, all fenced in, with an enormous field just outside of our house for longer walks and games of fetch. I've had dogs all of my life, even "difficult" breeds, and have trained them before. It will be an only dog, and the only requirement we have is that the dog must like cats (as much as I want a dog, my girls have to come first. Since they were raised with a dog, I'm not worried about their part-they'll be pissed off, but I think they'll recover from that.)

The place is heartbreaking-throughout the place are older dogs, too old to adopt, who sleep on dog beds and look at you with kind eyes. They are not in the kennels or cages but take a small space in the hallway, under a bench, behind the desk. As they're too old to adopt the center keeps them until they pass away or have to be put down, and they are kind and gentle residents who seem so soft and grateful to finally have a place to call their own.

Dog's Trust is kind and friendly but they are a charity, and as such rely on donations (please, please consider donating. Please. That's my only plea for money, and it's not for me.) As Dog's Trust shelters are no-kill shelters, they take care of the dogs until they can find a home for them, and many of the little darlings were strays found lost and wandering, some were abused, some were abandoned, some just haven't found the right person that wants to love them as much as they want to love back. They work hard with the ones that were beaten, neglected, or have trust issues, working with them to teach them that not all people are bad, that sometimes the hand that reaches out is done so in kindness. Dog's Trust homes are being re-built with more lavish facilities, but for now it's the same as you'd expect at a shelter-rows and rows of metal bars and concrete. The English rain meant that everything was wet and cold, including the dogs.

I don't fault Dog's Trust one bit-at least they're trying. Most of the dogs had worn out toys and even though staff had come by to pick up their blankets out of the rain, the blankets were worse for wear and the wind blew the cold rain all over the place anyway. It was freezing cold outside, and the concrete was soaked through. I walked through the rows, reading up the stats for the dogs that hang on the outside of each cage. Even though there were a number of dogs whose dossiers said they couldn't be with cats (the center has a resident cat that can seriously hold his own. They let the dog out near the cat, and if the dog starts to chase the cat then the dog gets stricken off for homes with cats.) my fingers went through the bars to pet them all. With soft whimpering and pleading eyes, each dog wanted to get out of the rain, to have a house where someone would just love them and throw a fucking ball for them from time to time. Some of these dogs are trying to overcome the horrible things that have happened to them, to just have a second chance.

And I'm a huge believer in the idea that we all can have a second chance.

I spent an hour there, going from cage to cage and petting the owners of the wagging tails.

She was a sweetie, who nabbed my heart. She was painfully thin and extremely shy, but you could see in her eyes that all she wanted was to be on the other side of the bars and leaning against you.

He was a center-described cheeky chap. A nice Russell, and even though he was too small and a cat-chaser, he was good company.

But my heart was sold when I met Reggie. He was 5, and had been there for a while. He had a bright happy personality, isn't a cat chaser, and is housetrained. Apparently, he loves long walks and playing fetch. I looked at him and was hit by a strong feeling, an image of him and I going through obedience training. I would look down at him and say, "Hey babe. Are we ready to give this a try?". And in my image, he looked up at me, tail wagging, bright brown eyes grinning, and with a soft chuff he confirmed that we could do it.

When I reached through the bars to stroke his face he held very, very still, as though the action was something that he had to pay complete attention to. His tail went at 100 mph. He spent the entire time I was kneeling in front of his cage trying to push his body on the other side of the bars, to be on the other side with me.

I think I'm in love. But I am not kidding myself that I can have him now, we have to move first. So I'll go back often and spend time with him, and if he gets adopted I will be happy and sad. I hope for Angus to meet him, and if he loves him too, maybe we can see about being a family.

And when I go back, I'm going with toys and blankets.

Because it's not ok for them to be cold and wet, when the only thing they've done wrong is not be in the right place at the right time to find the right person to love them.

I know how that feels.

-H.

PS-I lied. Please, once more, if you find you have an extra $5 then consider winging it towards Dog's Trust. They're the kindest people who are simply trying to give a dog another chance. Spread the word, please-there are what, 6 million blogs? If we all gave a buck or two, wouldn't that mean that there would be no need for cold wet concrete?

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:42 AM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
Post contains 1242 words, total size 7 kb.

1 Shelters are the most dangerous place in the world for my family. No matter how resolute we are when we go to one we seem to end up with another pet.

Posted by: Jim at January 17, 2006 01:01 PM (tyQ8y)

2 You are brave to go there now. It would have killed me to leave that sweet dog there, knowing that he may be taken by someone else before I am ready. I hope that doesn't happen, Helen, especially since he so obviously wants to "lean into you". What will you name him?

Posted by: kenju at January 17, 2006 01:11 PM (9dKZN)

3 hey, dear. any chance I could Paypal you a donation and have you make it for me so I don't have to register online? too many people already have my e-mail address.

Posted by: girl at January 17, 2006 02:35 PM (NDI2V)

4 I go to our local shelter once a week and play in the cat room..it is not only good fun for the cats but an destresser for me.

Posted by: Marie at January 17, 2006 02:55 PM (PQxWr)

5 Girl-absolutely. I'm already registered with Dog's Trust, and I promise you that any amount you want to donate I'll send right over to them. Just send me an email and we can go for it.

Posted by: Helen at January 17, 2006 03:26 PM (vNDkl)

6 I got my two kitties from the local animal shelter and I spent 2 hours there and I didn't want to take any cats because I wanted to take them all. I held every single cat for at least 15 minutes. It was heartbreaking to finally pick two but I did and I don't regret a day. I love my cats so much. Good for you for rescuing a dog! It breaks my heart to see all the photos so I can only imagine what it was like to be there! Jane

Posted by: impossiblejane at January 17, 2006 05:19 PM (gNyGH)

7 I am not allowed to go to the shelter. Between the wanting to take all of them home and the heartbreak when I finally realize I can't even take one right now, it's not a good scene for me. Reggie is adorable, and I hope that he gets to go home with you (Move it you slow estate agents!), but if not I'd like to think they all will get a loving home.

Posted by: caltechgirl at January 17, 2006 05:59 PM (/vgMZ)

8 Shelters are dangerous places. I can't believe Angus let you go by yourself and that you managed to resist the temptation to organize a mass jailbreak to fill your car with lots of needy dogs.

Posted by: RP at January 17, 2006 06:44 PM (LlPKh)

9 I was just talking with my partner the other day about us getting a dog, but we are in a first floor flat. We do have a large fenced garden in the back, however I don't know if that would be doable for the dogs trust application. I just went on their website for our area. I wish I could take them all in, especially the ones with special needs. It breaks my heart - I will make a donation. You are so kind to visit and bring back toys. Such a tenderheart as my mom would say.

Posted by: Lee at January 17, 2006 06:49 PM (PYZOC)

10 I have only commented here once before (I think), but I will donate to the shelter. Thank you for the opportunity. All of my animals have come from shelters & it breaks my heart every time I can't take all of them home with me.

Posted by: Mandy at January 17, 2006 07:58 PM (EPUyd)

11 oh, shelters can be so hard to go into, so heartbreaking, i just want to take every animal home. but we've got a full house right now. what a sweet puppy face. i hope he gets to come home with you soon. xooxo

Posted by: kat at January 17, 2006 07:58 PM (xJGrF)

12 I have always felt that people who don't want to love an animal really don't know how to love completely (no biting comment here about my MIL who hates animals). It is so heartbreaking and wonderful going into a shelter, and good for you for wanting to go back (with toys!). Any dog who gets you and Angus for parents is a lucky one. That last picture of Reggie was worth a handful of Kleenex alone. He is adorable.

Posted by: Teresa at January 17, 2006 09:08 PM (zf0DB)

13 Good luck on having Reggie come home with you! All the pets of my adult life are foundling or shelter furries. Spencer looks a bit like Reggie. He was also 5 years old when he came home with me. Percy tried to scratch him--but he got over his hurt feelings, and she hasn't tried it again!

Posted by: sophie at January 17, 2006 09:59 PM (yZwDD)

14 He looks like a great dog. We too are planning to adopt a dog as soon as we get a house. I have to avoid shelters entirely, as I leave practically in tears. I hope Reggie gets to come home with you soon!

Posted by: stephanie at January 17, 2006 10:17 PM (9G6jC)

15 Awww... this post really touched me. Love the doggie pictures! My parents have adopted abused or neglected dogs from animal rescue agencies several times. Every single one of those dogs were spoiled like favored grandchildren until the day they died. Hope you and Angus eventually find a nice, fuzzy bedwarmer (Reggie or otherwise) to spoil and love and play with the kitties.

Posted by: diamond davej at January 17, 2006 10:17 PM (ELcqj)

16 Helen, I don't think you are alone in your feelings: http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/994/593/1600/if.jpg I loved this post. I wish I could have a dog.

Posted by: Trouble at January 18, 2006 12:26 AM (R1snG)

17 Pound Puppies are the best! None of those fancy shmancy pedigree animals in our house. Our last beloved mutt died after 15 wonderful years and we're still not ready for another. I don't dare set foot in the local animal shelter...all those beseeching eyes...can't take it.

Posted by: Jocelyn at January 18, 2006 12:26 AM (jkRb/)

18 I know how much you've been missing Ed the Evil One, and I'm thrilled to see you looking for a new dog! I agree, pound puppies are wonderful. We got our dog, Maggie, from the SPCA and she's the best dog ever.

Posted by: kitty at January 18, 2006 01:06 AM (WxBdZ)

19 Oh my. Great post. My heart is both so hopeful and breaking for Reggie.... I will be sending *something* to dogs trust sooner than later... ::wipes eyes::

Posted by: Richmond at January 18, 2006 02:50 AM (e8QFP)

20 Doggies can have a marvellous and therapeutic effect. :-) Hope you'll get Reggie :-)

Posted by: bohemianlisa at January 18, 2006 09:08 AM (QbAmn)

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