I finally got a follow up with the joint specialist this week. I last saw her in December, when they took X-Rays and promised to get back to me in a week about the wrist pain. I kept calling and calling for an appointment and getting nowhere, until two weeks ago when I made it perfectly clear that I wasn't going to be calm about this anymore.

"You know that deductible I owe you?" I ask, referring to the £100 deductable I owed them as I visited that doctor using my private health insurance. "It's going to be staying with me until you get me some answers."

Hey, presto, the doctor's schedule opened right up.

I head into the same hospital that I give birth to Nick and Nora in. On my way to the specialist I pass a heavily pregnant woman wearing hospital gowns and thick leg pressure tights, her husband in scrubs, a nurse wheeling an empty bassinette to the theatre. It was exactly what we did on our way to the emergency C-section that would introduce our children to us.

As I watched them walk into the theatre wing, I wished I could go back to that day I had my two. I wish I could remember more about it, I wish I could do it all over again and record every single moment.

With a sad smile, I make my way to the waiting room, filled as I know it will be wih people 50+ years older than I.

When I finally get in to the doctor, she has all the answers. She doesn't explain why she hasn't contacted me in three months, and the letters on my file would indicate they knew what was wrong with me since 7 December. She smiles, wheeling the monitor around to face me, where I'm presented with a dazzling array of grey, white and black shapes that look like an inkblot test to me.

She points to a large white item. "This is the pain in your wrist!" she says triumphantly. "You have a cyst."

Hey, cyst-talk can never be good.

"A cyst?" I ask, hoping the way I ask it means she'll explain more.

"A cyst," she repeats, dashing my hopes of further explanation.

"How'd I get a cyst in there?" I ask.

"It's related to your joint disease," she replies. And then she goes into tendons, collagen, pressure on the joints, blah blah blah.

The good news is, I get to re-book an appointment and go back as they head into my wrist with a giant fuck-off needle and syringe full of steroids to try to collapse the cyst. If that doesn't work I get a visit with the surgeon. I'm not bothered either way - I just want the pain to go away. I want to be able to use my wrist again.

"What are the chances of this happening again?" I ask.

She smiles. "Your joints are failing," she says. "You'll have these kinds of problems for life now."

And I know she's right. My jaw is failing, for example. When I lay on my back I have to push in the sides of my jaw, where the mandible attaches, in order to open my mouth wide. I know it sounds dumb, but it's true - I can feel a little ball of some kind go into a space, and then presto! My mouth opens.

I ask her if it's ok if I do the London Marathon next year - I was going to run it on behalf of the NSPCC this year, but instead am earmarked for next year's marathon.

"Oh no," she replies. "No running. Running causes a jarring motion on the joints. Your running days are behind you."

Fuck.

"You can swim," she says brightly. "And even cycle. But things like yoga, running, martial arts, aerobics, things like that are all out. You may be 34, but you have the joints of someone at least 10 years older than that. "

I leave then, my heart heavy. My marathon days ended before they began and my running shoes are being retired. I have an option for the wrist but other things are failing (so hold on to those pain pads for me a little longer, ok, Melissia?)

It's not the end of the world.

There're a lot worse things in the world that can happen.

But I can't help being a little bit blue that at almost-35 my body's already aging older than my mind is.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 01:20 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
Post contains 765 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Although I think that running is a stupid activity unless someone is chasing you with a gun, I am sorry to hear that. (Hopefully at least there are no proscribed sexual activities)

Posted by: ~Easy at March 05, 2009 01:35 PM (IVGWz)

2 I've been told that there are ways to increase the strength of the muscles that support joints, as my shoulders have this fun tendency to try to secede from their sockets. I'm guessing that my prescription and yours are different, but perhaps there's something athletic you can do to at least alleviate some of the strain and pain? And maybe Tai Chi as a replacement for yoga? Is Angus easily swayed by guilt? Maybe you could talk him into some massage therapy...

Posted by: D at March 05, 2009 01:57 PM (9IvMd)

3 Ugh, poor thing. Not that this makes you feel any better, but The Dude is having his hip replaced in a couple of weeks thanks to a degenerative inherited disease. For years he has been dealing with issues of having a body that is aged beyond its years, so I know of this frustration, albeit indirectly. There are worse things, but then again, most people with problems could say that. There is always someone worse off, but that doesn't make your pain any less real.

Posted by: MsPrufrock at March 05, 2009 03:34 PM (CA+L6)

4 The cyst thing is common in EDS I think. Mary, my eldest, also has EDS and she had a cyst removed from her wrist when she was about 18. We had it drained once but it did refill, so we booked a day surgery. She was in and out in about 15 minutes. Now they do it laparocopically and they is very little scarring. Hers was done the old way but still has only a small line about 3 inches long and with 6 stitches. She recovered quickly and wore a brace for 6 weeks. My son with EDS runs but just had to give up sprinting as he was having his muscles tear away from the shin during his splints. The girls could not run even though one daughter tried, because my husband clocks 80 miles a week and is an elite runner, so we live the marathon training lifestyle at our house. It is very hard living with the limitations caused my EDS. But, to be honest, the more you adapt now, the less pain you will have later in life. This I firmly believe as the joints will hold up better and longer. And yes, I have a box with your name on it!

Posted by: Melissia at March 05, 2009 04:12 PM (IBnue)

5 Aww... sorry to hear this. I have had my own "age awakenings" in the past few years, mostly related to herniated discs in my back, surgeries to repair, and subsequent shoulder problems tied in to my diabetes. Ugh. It is just a fact of life... we all are aging. Just some of us have to go through a little more pain along the way. Here's hoping they get you fixed up and relatively pain free (at least for the time being!). You have a lotta life ahead to face with your lovely family. (I'm with ~Easy on the sex, too!)

Posted by: sue at March 05, 2009 05:02 PM (0K+AI)

6 Good Lord, the misspellings! It cannot be blamed on the the Ehlers- Danlos. My apologies. Only my poor typing and misuse of spell check.

Posted by: Melissia at March 05, 2009 07:02 PM (IBnue)

7 Good Lord, the misspellings! It cannot be blamed on the Ehlers- Danlos. My apologies. Only my poor typing and misuse of spell check.

Posted by: Melissia at March 05, 2009 07:03 PM (IBnue)

8 well, fuck. I'm sorry Helen.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at March 05, 2009 07:22 PM (0Pi1o)

9 I gotta say, I'm with ~Easy over the whole only running if you're being chased by a dude with a gun notion. But I'm sorry that your dream got binned, because that's just really sad. I can hardly remember bugger-all about my labour, and it's a regret for me.

Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family at March 05, 2009 07:42 PM (h1dkP)

10 Is the yoga out because of the weight bearing or because of the stretching? If it's the weight bearing then Pilates mat work might be OK. (Can I also say that cycling is great, and if I had to pick one of cycling or running for ever I'd go for cycling every time).

Posted by: Katie at March 05, 2009 07:49 PM (UaL+O)

11 Mybe the machine based Pilates would be good - thats all about mproving core muscle stength isn't it and not so much about contorting the joints like yoga. Anyway it sucks to be aging quicker than you have to in any area of the body. Not sure I lile the Dr's breezy manner aboiut it.

Posted by: Betty M at March 05, 2009 07:57 PM (FnD0x)

12 That sucks! I am sorry that you can't run the marathon. You sounded pretty stoked when you heard they had an opening for you. I am like Easy on the whole running thing. Hell, I am hoping I am burning *some* calories just watching Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. So is Wii Yoga out too? That should be against the law or something.

Posted by: Michele at March 06, 2009 02:30 AM (rXEzC)

13 Wait, your jaw does that too? I'm currently waiting on an appointment with a geneticist, who will hopefully be able to tell me if I have EDS or not. Preliminary conversations with them have ended with them telling me that it's a good possibilty but they won't know until they see me. Over here though, EDS is virtually unknown, so who knows what will happen. I do know that regardless of what I get diagnosed with though, my joints suck.

Posted by: Veronica at March 06, 2009 12:07 PM (l5geK)

14 Well all this just sucks. I'm so sorry. I did my first marathon this year and I am nearly 10 years older than you. I am still hobbled and I did it in January. I have NO joint issues. I had no health related issues other than flat feet and I'm still an absolute disaster and have intermittent pain. She is right. It absolutely frickin' SUCKS, but she is right. Its not the marathon itself that tears up the body, its the frickin' training. You do hundreds and hundreds of miles getting ready for it and THAT is what has hobbled me... the marathon was just the icing.

Posted by: Bou at March 07, 2009 02:39 AM (vkUMO)

15 Hate it for you. At least cyst treament advanced from the Bible treatment days, Would smash the ganglion cyst with heavy Bible. Hope it works. Ex-wife had lot of trouble with TJM- hard to hold mouth wide open for long time. Interferred with things she and I enjoyed. A lot.

Posted by: Charles at March 07, 2009 05:21 PM (veOQI)

16 Hate it for you. At least cyst treament advanced from the Bible treatment days, Would smash the ganglion cyst with heavy Bible. Hope it works. Ex-wife had lot of trouble with TJM- hard to hold mouth wide open for long time. Interferred with things she and I enjoyed. A lot.

Posted by: Charles at March 07, 2009 05:26 PM (veOQI)

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