Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, in case you somehow have been in a coma the past few weeks and failed to see the barrage of Hallmark pink and red-related illness hung in every possible doorway.

When you're a kid, Valentine's Day is about giggling. It's about slipping a Valentine's card into the handmade pocket hung on the front of every desk, the Valentine consisting of a stiff glossy paper Winne-the-Pooh, Strawberry Shortcake, or Snoopy and Woodstock, all with perforations down three sides and the "To" and "From" written in silly red ink. Valentine's as a kid tastes like Pepto Bismol candy hearts, whose messages you would go through until you found the one you wanted, making your fingertips chalky and your tongue would feel like you licked the top of a pottery wheel. You counted your Valentine's and wondered if there was hidden meaning in any of them (generally, there wasn't). It was all very exciting.

As a teenager, Valentine's Day changed a bit. Instead of punched out Valentine's Day cards your guy or girl you were "going with" would casually hand you a cassette labelled in black Sharpie. It would invariably be some compilation that they made for you of "songs that meant something to us", and you'd listen to it with religious fervor every day, or at least until you broke up, at which point the tape would get chucked and every song on there would mean something bad to you from then on (my list includes Groovy Kind of Love (I know, I know!) and Thomas Dolby's Cruel. What can I say, I'm a Gen X-er?)

As an adult Valentine's Day takes on a special meaning. It's the day where you don't want to be single so you'll suck it up with Mr. Wrong just to have a Mr. Right Now. If your failing Mr. Right Now relationship made it past Christmas it'll creak past Valentine's Day, at which point there's no amount of bailing you can do as that ship will sink. You have inflated meaning in the day, and everyone walks around with eyes looking slightly strung out. Men seem miserable. Women seem over-expectant. You had to have an obligatory photograph taken of the two of you at dinner, looking wildly romantic and vaguely feverish, which will get framed immediately and then hidden if/when you break up with Mr. Right Now.

Zales would have you believe it's a day where every woman who is properly loved gets diamonds, and while diamonds are indeed welcome, I am one of those (among good company) who errs on the side that Valentine's Day is not the day for proposing. The whole world gets engaged on Valentine's Day, let your day as a couple be some other special day. What about Arbor Day, Arbor Day seems a good day to get engaged (I'm just saying. The second of January isn't too bad, either.)? Why doesn't anyone get engaged on Arbor Day?

For me, Valentine's Day has stretched and changed. I think it's about a good meal, some presents, and a cuddle. I am a believer in Valentine's Day, I admit, simply because I do think that some people need a reminder that every once in a while, the person that they're with likes a day to feel truly loved. Maybe I'm all jaded that way, I've had people in my past that needed a reminder, but there's nothing wrong with a little pink Post-It note reminder sometimes in the shape of a Hallmark holiday.

And as I get older, I think of Valentine's Day as the day where I would like to be pampered in some way (and am happy to offer pampering in return, I'm not that bad). My ideal Valentine's Day would involve a few presents, rivers of champagne, macaroni and cheese (you can take the girl out of the States...) and a back massage while being allowed to watch a CSI:Season 6 DVD marathon. I confess that's maybe not the normal view.

Valentine's Day isn't about chocolates and red construction paper and black Audiovox tapes, though.

To me, Valentine's Day as a grown up should be about letting the other person know that no matter what, regardless of the years or arguments or resentment or work life or problems or hassle or pain or who's going to walk the dog or how did the vacuum cleaner get broken discussions, you'd fall in love with that person all over again if you could, if it worked like that. Valentine's Day is the romantic way of shouting "Do over!" in the playground and looking up and still finding that person to be absolutely amazing. Valentine's Day is the day when you find that when you look at that person you still feel that fluttery feeling in the top of your stomach and ponies circling your head like an idiotic three-ring circus, all handed to you on the back of a perforated Winnie-the-Pooh card that lets you check yes or no if you'll be their Valentine. That's the ideal Valentine's Day to me (and I do know that I'm being an idealist on this one)-letting the other person know that you don't regret a moment of the falling in love with them, and that you wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again. It's not about the shadow-y Zales figures or the rivers of chocolate or those chalky candy hearts (good riddance to those!)

A CSI marathon would just be icing on the cake, really.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:37 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 926 words, total size 5 kb.

1 I'll go for the CSI marathon, too. Hope there is something to bring a smile to your beautiful face today...

Posted by: sue at February 13, 2007 10:46 AM (TtsA5)

2 I laughed at your GenX reference. "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" is one of those tainted songs from my teenage years.

Posted by: barah boochie at February 13, 2007 12:12 PM (HpT/R)

3 I've never really bought into Valentine's Day very much. I never understood the appeal of getting flowers or candy on a day when your partner had to be reminded weeks in advance to do so. Little things throughout the rest of the year always meant more. Last week, we had an unexpectedly cold weather. Casey left for work while I was in the shower but he came back in to tell me to be careful, that there was ice on the steps. Something simple like that means more to me than any card or candy ever could. Now, I wouldn't COMPLAIN if he were to bring me flowers..or make dinner..or actually throw a coke can away, instead of just leaving it on the counter by the sink. : ) I hope things are going better for you today, Helen. I had a dream about you last night. I dreamt that I was telling my Grandma about you.(I don't know if you remember, her name was Adelaide Helen) and she said, "I wish I could just give that girl a hug." Then she gave me a kitten and said to feed it only chili. So. I'm not sure how I went from my deceased grandma wanting to hug you to a chili-eating kitten but..there you go. I'm blaming it on the grilled cheese and pickle sandwich I had before bed.

Posted by: Lindsay at February 13, 2007 02:34 PM (mHNC3)

4 I have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day. While I like the idea behind it (especially how you expressed it, as a romantic "do over!"), something about it just rubs me the wrong way (no pun intended). I tell my husband not to buy me roses on Valentine's Day, not because I don't like roses, but because I'd rather get them on a day when I know he had to put thought into it, not the day where he felt obligated to get them. Same goes for jewelry or any other standard V-day gift. I don't like the idea of having to buy gifts to express love. This year, we'll exchange cards, splurge on some yummy take-out, and perhaps I'll force him to watch a romantic comedy while we cuddle on the couch. Just spending some time together is good enough for me Hope today is better than yesterday...

Posted by: geeky at February 13, 2007 03:03 PM (ziVl9)

5 I love Valentine's Day, but not because I expect something great and big and shiny, but like you said, everyone likes to be reminded they are loved. An excuse to buy a sappy card and mean every word that is printed on it. I laugh at the V-day kid cards now. No mushy stuff- a lot of "Have a Great Day", or "Friend's Forever" kind of stuff. I was telling my 8 yr. old as she was filling hers out that in the 'old days' you had to be careful what card you gave to to who. Wouldn't want to give the "I have a crush on you, Valentine" to the wrong person. Or she could just do like my sister did. If she didn't like what the card said, she would write 'not really' or 'just kidding' under her name. For me, a perfect Valentine Day's would be a take-out meal, kids at the grandparents, and a Law & Order:CI(only with Vincent D'Onofrio)marathon on the tv, snuggling with my hubby on the couch. Sigh....

Posted by: Teresa at February 13, 2007 04:32 PM (FXOjn)

6 My husband made me the best valentine's day card last year - I'm a L&O SVU junkie and he searched out a photo of the characters, made it all valentine's day-sy and it said "we make a great team" and I just thought it was PERFECT! He took something *I* love, that he doesnt, and made it special for *me*!

Posted by: Jennifer at February 13, 2007 04:59 PM (CUAYI)

7 Like Lindsay, I had a dream about you. Or maybe I was awaking and thinking "I should check in to see how Helen's doing." I don't really know for sure because the dream/thought thing was interrupted by the feel of my puppy walking around the bed. I was only vaguely aware of her at first, as she usually just curls right up and goes back to sleep after my husband puts her outside for a bit. But just as I was drifting off again, I heard a little noise and felt a strange weight on my left leg. The puppy had puked her entire breakfast on my leg. Ok, truthfully it was on the blanket covering my leg. Still. Ick. So anyway, I'm glad you're hangin' in there, and I hope your Valentine's Day has cuddles and smiles galore. ALSO, will you share your favorite mac and cheese recipe someday? (Please don't say you eat that boxed stuff!)

Posted by: BeachGirl at February 13, 2007 05:11 PM (2SKFM)

8 So does that mean that a lot of people get dumped on February 15th? They all want to get thru Valentine's Day with Mr. Right Now, but once holiday season has passed, kicked to the curb they go???

Posted by: Shawn at February 13, 2007 06:05 PM (wEB76)

9 Shawn-I dunno. For me, my break-ups seem to usually happen in the Fall for some reason. Must be the leaves. Lindsay and Beach Girl-I think it's cute you dreamt about me. Clearly, the problem is that Lindsay, you fed your chili to Beach Girl's puppy. Mixed messages and all. An L&O card? I'd love a CSI card, but I have a feeling that if I said the word "Grissom" Angus would think I was referring to a fatty cut of meat. You know, as you do.

Posted by: Helen at February 13, 2007 06:40 PM (dNKyU)

10 I love CSI... but my boyfriend has got me addicted to the old Magnum PI series so a nice dinner together and Tom Seleck marathon wouldn't hurt my feelings at all. I was away for work Friday, and he left me a sweet message on my cell- completely unexpected and very much appreciated. Those are the moments I cherish.

Posted by: Everday Reality at February 13, 2007 07:06 PM (Xmiub)

11 I got engaged on Friday the 13th of September .... When I brought I brought it up later James told me that it had to have been after midnight. He feared he had jinxed the whole thing before it even began. Poor guy. LOL I never thought I could find someone talking about bugs sexy. Somehow Grissom makes this all possible. My life will never be the same.

Posted by: Michele at February 14, 2007 02:34 PM (5VGFA)

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