Throughout all the baby talks, decisions, arguments, stresses, and choices, one thing has been 100% crystal clear to Angus and I - the babies, when they are born, will immediately be registered as American citizens by myself and British citizens by him. This is a point of non-negotiation for both of us. Our children will be dual citizens from Day One (ok, well, really more like Day Five, as we need to get home from the hospital first).

It's not that we worry there'll be an international incident regarding them or anything, but we are both keen to have our children be a mixed part of both of our lives. It's not ok for me to not register them as Americans, because that's where I'm from, that's what I am. It's not ok to not register them as British citizens, because that's who Angus is, that's where we live (and there's the side issue of the babies needing visas, etc.)

I did check with the American Embassy about the rules on this. For children born outside of wedlock to a U.S. citizen mother and non-U.S. citizen father, they absolutely can be American citizens as long as I have lived in the U.S. for 5 years after the age of 14 (it seems a strange rule, but I comply. I have official college transcripts to prove it.) So I need to turn up with the babies at the Embassy with my passport and birth certificate, as well as proof I lived in the States for 5 years after age 14 (if they even ask for it, I have a feeling once I open my trap it'll be clear I am, indeed, a Yankee Doodle Dandy), and voila-the babies get American passports and are Americans.

I checked on this.

I was worried about it.

My fears were assuaged.

Turns out I should maybe have checked on the British side of things, too.

Silly me - I honestly thought American citizenship rules would be more difficult than British ones. Seriously. Not because I'm having a go at America, but immigration in the States is so complex, I thought American citizens born abroad thrown into the mix would make it harder.

It turns out, as Angus and I aren't married, the babies cannot be British citizens from birth. Believe it or not, it's only because the British citizen in this instance is, according to Border and Immigration Control, "not relevant". Citizenship apparently passes matrilineally in this country, the fact that the father is British does not matter a jot. We can apply for British citizenship on the babies' behalf after they become Americans, but it's not a guarantee that they will get it, which I feel is really, really fucked up.

All this could be solved if we had gotten married.

I'm here on a work visa, not a fiancée visa, which means (we think) I'd have to apply to the Home Office for permission to get married because I'm not in the UK with indefinite leave to remain (I would have gotten that by March next year, only they changed the fucking rules last year and so I have to go through the hassle and stress of trying to renew my work visa for one more year before I can get indefinite leave to remain. This, because immigrants are BAD. Even immigrants like myself, who pays 40% of my salary in taxes and owns a home. We're all bad.) If I apply for a fiancée visa, I have to leave the country while it's being considered, and not only is that going to be difficult with regards to work ("Hey! Hope you don't mind, but I have to fuck off for a while as I'm being considered for a fiancee visa! See you soon!") but it'd mean our little family of four would be apart for a while.

God, the drama.

Add on to the fact that while Angus and I do want to get married and will get married, neither of us want to do it now, as it means we've loads of paperwork to do, a month of preparations, and then - how neat! - I can get married while 7 months pregnant and the size of a small island nation! I'm so happy! This is totally what I had in mind, struggling to get the paperwork in and avoiding getting married in a designated "U.K. Immigration Restricted Office", which in our case means Basingstoke, which is a town that's rather like the asshole of the U.K. We could go to the States, but something about flying at 7+ months pregnant kind of makes me wary of that idea.

All this, and I'd be seriously pregnant.

Shotgun wedding. Just what I'd always envisaged for myself.

You can take the girl out of the Deep South, but you can't take the Deep South out of the girl.

(I am not judging shotgun weddings. If you got married because there was some knocked-upness going on, then I promise you I am not having a go. I'm just talking about how I saw my future.)

So last night there we were, severely depressed. Neither of us want to HAVE to get married. And while I'm completely happy with an elopement on a beach somewhere, Angus is dead certain - a wedding for us will be an event with friends and family. I woke up at 4 am and tossed and turned for hours, my mind a riot - how would we get a cake? How would we get a first dance - there are two babies in the way? How would we get invitations in time? We didn't budget this in, what impact will this have on the nursery fund we're saving? For the love of God, how enormous am I going to be at my own wedding? I saw it now, me showing the photo album to the babies in the future: Here's Mommy and Daddy. Yes I know, we're looking pained. And Daddy looks hungover. And - what's that? Oh no, sweetheart, that's not a flower girl. Those are Mommy's pregnant cankles.

Wedding stuff seriously stresses me out. Not only is it very complicated by the fact that I may have to get permission from this country to get married (which is so fucking patronizing, but it's yet another fact I need to check on), but I just don't want to get married while pregnant. And we don't want the stress right now. And this isn't how we wanted it to be, either of us. But ensuring the babies are citizens of both countries is hugely important to us.

God. Once Adam finds out about this it'll be hell. Adam is already in line for an ear-bending next weekend, not only from myself but from Angus, Angus' other brother, and his brother's wife (the Filipina). We are all sick and tired of his crappy comments adding to the feeding frenzy that us foreign brides may spirit off the English babies. He's going to be told in no uncertain terms that he needs to think before he speaks, that the implications of his words are huge. I keep thinking he's assuming I'm going to go all Not Without My Daughter on them, except in our case it'll be Not Without My Daughter and Son. And this is the U.K, not Iran. And I'm no Sally Field. So, really, nothing like Not Without My Daughter, but you get my meaning.

So this morning we started phoning offices as soon as they opened. Angus got on to Border and Immigration Control, and I was ready to start ringing the Home Office. Border and Immigration Control say that the law has actually changed as of July last year, all their websites are out of date, and the babies born out of wedlock to British fathers can be British from the beginning, too. Angus has asked for it in writing.

It might be ok.

Until we get something in writing, we keep nervously feeling the metal edge of a 12-guage in our backs.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:59 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 1359 words, total size 7 kb.

1 Helen, The law did change last year - I don't have the link to hand at the moment to send you, but you don't have to worry about registering the Lemonheads as British. As for the fun of getting married while being on a work permit, there are a few hoops but nothing life threatening. You'll have to apply for a Certificate of Approval from the Home Office (yes it's silly but it has to be done). After that's approved, you and Angus only have to go and give notice at a designated register office, you don't have to get married there. (I got married at my local designated register office because the marriage room at Coventry was beautiful.) The people at Basingstoke can forward your notice to any place you wish to get married. I know all this paperwork makes your head want to explode (I get to slog through the stupid Life in the UK test and ILR paperwork in the next couple of months) but it's doable. I can't help you out with much in this world, but I'm pretty good with this immigration stuff.

Posted by: tanis at July 06, 2007 09:54 AM (6cH2N)

2 I hope it works out for you! Weddings are stress hell, and if you add pregnancy on top of that - UGH. That's like an aneurysm waiting to go off. Keeping my fingers crossed for you

Posted by: Heather at July 06, 2007 12:37 PM (s0rhn)

3 Looks like the unwed matrilineal citizenship law still stands? (note 4): http://www.ind.homeoffice.gov.uk/applying/nationality/advice/bn1 From my understanding you _don't_ need to leave the UK to apply for a fiance visa for the marriage approval if your current leave to remain (other than student) is for more than 6 months. If you are on a work permit then this should qualify (see guidance note #2): http://www.ind.homeoffice.gov.uk/6353/11406/coaguidanceapr07.pdf (Call the Home Office to confirm tho as immigration is very confusing - lol) How long have you guys been living together? If it is over 2 years then there is always the unmarried partner visa. Not sure if that would give the Lemonheads citizenship at birth but I would check though because it is a similar visa status to the marriage visa (in terms of 2 years and then can apply for indefinite leave). If you have been living together for over 4 years I believe you would qualify for indefinite leave immediately when you apply. If you do qualify for the indefinite leave then you wouldn't need to get approval for the marriage. Email me if you want any further details from when I went through it.

Posted by: Lee at July 06, 2007 01:27 PM (lN4Rc)

4 Wow. Just reading this makes my head ache. I seriously hope all of this works out with you. And I totally understand you not wanting to be pregnant at your wedding. I can think of 10,000 other things I would've rather done at 7+ months pregnant then standing in front of family and friends and feeling like a beached whale. Good luck-and I have a feeling this will all work out A-OK!

Posted by: Teresa at July 06, 2007 01:41 PM (0OxvL)

5 Ahhh.. someone else who has to have the huge wedding because of their soon-to-be husband. It's so nice to see I'm not the only woman who doesn't really like weddings. Well. Hopefully, I'll like my own. But I'm quite okay with not spending 10-30 thousand dollars on one night.

Posted by: Jen(aside) at July 06, 2007 01:48 PM (u973k)

6 Geez, I had no idea it would all be so complicated! I guess I just assumed if the babies were born there, they would be British citizens. Obviously I don't get out of the country much. And yeah, everyone tells you about all the fun wedding stuff - dresses, cakes, flowers, etc. - but no one ever mentions all of the fucking paperwork, especially when it comes to changing your name.

Posted by: geeky at July 06, 2007 02:19 PM (RX+qr)

7 Hey Helen, Tanis is right about the Cert of Approval from the Home Office...I was trying to think of the name of it. But if your children will be British from birth anyway then that would be great. Try not to stress over it too much (I say that as I stress over my ILR process which isn't until next year!)

Posted by: Juls at July 06, 2007 03:21 PM (EuG5z)

8 As the parent of 2 dual-national UK/US kids, let me tell you that carrying extra passports and remembering which to use where is a hassle (the US is *very particular* that you use the US one to enter & exit; the UK is almost as bad). But it's a good hassle: I am always happy to think that my kids have the right work and live in two huge markets, the US and the EU...not mention that they have plenty of places to run to if things go pear-shaped where they happen to be. You can never have too many passports.

Posted by: A Reader at July 06, 2007 04:07 PM (62SBq)

9 Oh bloody hell. I'm sorry this is so stressful and complicated. Can the Office of Official Whatsits fax you what you need?

Posted by: Donna at July 06, 2007 04:16 PM (lQSbL)

10 Bloody Hell is right. If this is what you have to go through, it's a damn good thing you decided to wait to get married. I'm getting a stress migraine just reading about it. Just think, if you DO have to run off and get married now, you can still have a wedding later, and then you'll have TWO special days for Angus to give you presents, since he gives such nice presents, anyway.

Posted by: caltechgirl at July 06, 2007 05:29 PM (hQNjm)

11 Gah... I hope that the person you got on the phone today is right, because that would make life so much easier. You do NOT need MORE stress!

Posted by: Sarah at July 06, 2007 05:54 PM (cLdR4)

12 Aw puddin! I wish I'd known you were stressing over this. I could have actually helped out! A friend of mine did an internship at the US Embassy in London a while back and has kept up on all the passport and immigration laws with both countries since. (Because he's got this certain blond friend who was/is desperate to get dual citizenship and who constantly pestered him about it.) It will be okay. They'll be dual, no problem. xxx

Posted by: Ms. Pants at July 06, 2007 06:02 PM (BqBbJ)

13 It actually doesn't surprise me that the US law is easier— the US has a fairly weird law about citizenship by the standards of the world. But I think all will be well, particularly once you get it in writing. As for Adam, I suggest that every time he brings up the subject, start faintly singing "Foot-In-Mouth disease, Foot-In-Mouth disease..." until he figures out that he's being an asshole. If that doesn't work, apply a cricket bat.

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 06, 2007 06:05 PM (tie24)

14 So sorry that this is adding stress to you. If you absolutely have to marry (which I'm hoping you do not), maybe do a civil ceremony and save the family and friends for a later date. Sounds like you will be able to avoid it. Take care of you and the Lemonheads.

Posted by: sophie at July 06, 2007 07:16 PM (1HOa8)

15 Phew, I read through your entry and then right at the end, slight hope! I sympathise. My aussie bloke and I had our wedding planned for Jan '04 until his work decided not to renew his visa so we rushed off to Richmond Registry office (the one with the famous green door that celebrities get photographed in front of!) and got married one Tuesday, we didn't tell anyone except two friends we coerced into being witnesses. Very annoying that you actually need to know the witnesses, we romantically talked about grabbing two randoms from the street but were told thats not allowed! Our real (fake) wedding three months later was lovely and we have subsequently told a few friends the truth, but its kind of irrelevant to us, it was our paperwork wedding. When it came to my baby, we decided to stay in the UK so she could have her British citizenship, but this is where I am confused, I always thought it was maternal, so if the Dad was British it didn't matter, it was whatever passport/visa the baby's mum was on that influenced it. Some of my South African friends in the UK on ancestral visas have to apply for visas for the British born babies. I am lucky, I have a British passport from Birth so my baby has a British passport, an Aussie one through her Dad (easy - like the American, turn up and you get it) and I finally managed to register her birth in South Africa just last week so she has that as another option!' God, if she was a boy and played rugby it would be very hard to pick a country!

Posted by: Sarah at July 07, 2007 01:26 PM (/i+3p)

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