So Sunday is my birthday.

No, that's not a joke.

I have NEVER enjoyed having a birthday located squarely on April Fool's Day, and apparently there was no chance of me even saying I cut it close-if I remember correctly from my baby album, I was born at about 2:00 in the afternoon, so I am indeed an April Fool's Day baby. There isn't a crack about April Fool's Day babies that you could make that I haven't heard, either, despite people always being willing to give it a try.

I have no idea what's planned for the day, only I can't help but feel something's planned, mostly because Angus has this undeniable sparkle in his eye as he denies all knowledge of anything planned. I love that I can read him like that, but at the same time it pisses me off that I can read him, but I can't see into the innermost reaches of his soul and find out what - if anything - has been planned. To be honest, nothing has to be planned - I'm just feeling a bit needy and would like some reassurance time.

It must be so great to be with someone with issues.

Angus asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, and I laid out my dream scenario:

- 5-star hotel.
- Champagne.
- Massage and facial.
- A great round of sex.
- Then all of CSI Season 6 on DVD while I'm laying chilled out on the 5-star hotel bed.
- Dinner of a great food (of course, my fave is mac and cheese, but I could admit that I should bring my game up a little for my birthday and all.)
- Falling asleep after an hour of him telling me how wonderful our relationship is and that time started moving finally the day he met me, or some such romantic shit in a similar vein.

I would've included something about John Cusack, but that's just unrealistic.

But barring any of that happening, I'd settle for:

- Him walking the dog so I can sleep in.
- A great round of sex.
- Him not trying to talk like an American at all for one day (he still sounds like someone battling a case of outrageous hemorrhoids when he tries to imitate us, so a day of not thinking about Preparation-H would be ok with me.)
- A nice meal.
- Loads of voluntary cuddles and compliments.

My stepmother keeps wondering what kind of cake I'll be having. Truthfully, Angus and I usually don't make each other cakes-that was a big thing he and his ex did, but honestly, most of the time I can take or leave cake. I honestly can't stand frosting and never have done, so when I was younger we always had Baskin Robbins' Ice Cream cakes. Ice cream? Good. Cake? Good. Ice cream frosting? Good. The ice cream cakes isn't really an option here, so I told him that ice cream sundaes instead of cake would be ok this weekend, too.

I've specifically requested no English birthday cake. Again, England is fantastic in many, many ways. They have (after many years of abuse) gained a great reputation in food, and I love many English dishes. But one thing I can't stand here is the cake-for Christmas, weddings, and Christenings they have that heavy, heavy fruitcake. For birthdays and other celebrations, they have a kind of "fruit cake lite".

I won't go near fruitcake.

Like frosting, I have never liked the stuff.

Fruitcake is banned from the birthday weekend (although maybe I'll make it for him, as he likes the stuff.)

So I'm Cake Neutral. Although weirdly, lately I've been craving yellow cake with the world's thinnest layer of chocolate frosting. This is seriously out of character for me because 1) I don't really like cake and 2) in case I haven't been clear, I can't stand frosting. He found a recipe for it online (you can't buy the mix here. In fact, there are only one or two mixes you can buy here, so anytime I've made a cake I've made it from scratch. It's more fun that you might imagine, actually, in a "god the flour exploded" kind of way.) So we'll see. I'm good either way-cake or no cake.

Apparently my birthday present arrives today, too, because Angus said that was the closest he could arrange it to my birthday. I gave him a list of what I'd like for my birthday, and I'm relatively certain it's not something like a new fridge or a new dishwasher, mostly because our appliances are still new but also because he is under strict instructions that he is never to buy me an appliance for a gift. This came about as his sister-in-law got an iron from his brother one year, and the other sister-in-law got a juicer (despite the fact that she hates cooking and anything to do with it.) I do not feel that appliances are appropriate presents in any way, shape or form. If I need an iron I'll fucking buy one. If Santa brings me one, he better take a running start because it's going airborne.)

(The one exception to that rule is this. I'd love to have one. I'd worship it for the rest of my life. No one would be in trouble if I got one, although there's a good chance everything we'd eat for a long period of time would have meringue on it, and I hate meringue, I'd make it just because.)

But my present is coming today.

And my present is big.

Very big.

He said that the delivery truck will be by anytime between 8 and 6 today. As he has a meeting this afternoon, if it arrives while he's out I'm to ask the guys to put it in the driveway, although apparently I'll know what it is right away.

I'm convinced it's that baby elephant I've always wanted. I'll name him Seymour, and I'll let Maggie and Mumin ride on him. He'll be so happy here, and I'll punch anyone in the throat that tries to call him Dumbo because I don't want Seymour to have a self-esteem problem.

The baby elephant theme is riding high in our house. I keep asking Angus when my baby elephant arrives, and he keeps rolling his eyes. The truth is, I'm not good with surprises-I hate knowing if one is coming, I'd rather just live my life cluelessly in the dark until something springs up. Warning me that a surprise is coming is like torturing a lactose-intolerant cheese lover with a visit to Neal's Yard.

So there you have it.

On Sunday, I have the unremarkable birthday of 33, which doesn't feel either old or young, I just accept that it is (I love existentialism).

Today, my baby elephant arrives.

Life doesn't get much better than this.

-H.

PS-it's a day early, but it is a tradition, so happy birthday, Mitzi!

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:04 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment
Post contains 1183 words, total size 7 kb.

1 The first boy (I saw boy because we were both 7) I ever had a crush on had an April Fool's Birthday. So I could never make fun of that day anyway. Have a great Birthday weekend and I can't wait to hear about your baby elephant

Posted by: Minawolf at March 30, 2007 12:22 PM (svbR5)

2 I will celebrate your birthday with a beer while sitting in the stands watching my Cardinals start to defend their World Series title. A birthday on Opening Day. It really doesn't get much better than that!

Posted by: ~Easy at March 30, 2007 01:02 PM (G5FSP)

3 Hope you have a great birthday weekend, your idea of a birthday weekend scenerio sounds pretty perfect to me so I hope it gets as close to that as possible. Looking forward to hearing about the baby elephant!! Happy Birthday for Sunday.

Posted by: Suzie at March 30, 2007 01:18 PM (YqqaU)

4 Has Seymour arrived yet? Have a great birthday weekend.

Posted by: Akelamalu at March 30, 2007 01:36 PM (EpuXp)

5 Happy Birthday! And you are no fool. Can't wait to find out what the big gift is. 33 rocks-although I am leaving it behind in a few short months. Have a great weekend babe!

Posted by: Teresa at March 30, 2007 01:41 PM (qQJo6)

6 i'm just like you when it comes to surprises. i'd rather not know it's coming, because the wait is TORTURE. so of course, everyone tells me when i'm getting a surprise as far in advance as possible (see: my mom telling me about my surprise wedding gift 6 MONTHS before i would get it). but anyway. happy, happy birthday to you! i can't wait to see your baby elephant

Posted by: geeky at March 30, 2007 02:04 PM (ziVl9)

7 Oh, a baby elefant!? I've always wanted one of those. (P.S. I just realized I typed "elefant" instead of "elephant" and I squarely place the blame on years of Spanish and German. I spell things quite funky now.) I hope you have a wonderful birthday weekend.

Posted by: Jen(aside) at March 30, 2007 02:07 PM (u973k)

8 Aw, I want a Seymour! Happy Early Birthday, because I'm trying to hold to my "no internet on the weekends" vow.

Posted by: amber at March 30, 2007 02:14 PM (+QIvh)

9 Happy Birthday Helen! We'll be celebrating my FIL birthday on Sunday too; he doesn't think its the best day for a birthday either. Hopeing against hope that you will give us Flickr addicts a picture when the elephant arrives!

Posted by: cursingmama at March 30, 2007 02:28 PM (PoQfr)

10 I must have something wrong with me. People can tell me they have a surprise for me and I'm like, "Okay." No torture. I've never shaken a Christmas present before Christmas morning. I've never tried to find and peek at my birthday presents. Taunting me doesn't work. And yet, I'm totally nosy about other people's stuff. That's right. I'm the girl going through your medicine cabinet at dinner parties. I hope you get your baby elephant.

Posted by: amy t. at March 30, 2007 02:44 PM (3dOTd)

11 Happy Birthday Helen....I wish I were 33 again

Posted by: Heidi at March 30, 2007 03:17 PM (iDWYi)

12 Happy Birthday!! Ooh... a baby elephant, I promise I won't call it "Dumbo" if you send pictures:-) I suck at suprises too... I still shake the presents, and sneak a peak in my stocking, but I've gotten pretty good at guessing.

Posted by: Angela at March 30, 2007 03:49 PM (wi+Vy)

13 i'm the same way with surprises. Knowing he had a ring and not knowing when I was going to get it nearly killed me--and it wasn't about being engaged. Hope Seymour arrives safe and sound. I love elephants, but we currently don't have enough room for one--even a baby. Happy Helen Day, hope it unravels marvelously!

Posted by: sophie at March 30, 2007 04:23 PM (1HOa8)

14 Happy Almost-Birthday, Sweetie--I hope your next 33 years are fabu.

Posted by: Deb at March 30, 2007 05:34 PM (v2b6T)

15 Happy Early Birthday! I hope your big surprise lives up to your anticipation! Have a lovely birthday weekend, too.

Posted by: caltechgirl at March 30, 2007 06:01 PM (r0kgl)

16 Ooooooh!! ::: clapping hands excitedly ::: A baby elephant! Seymour! Perfect. I remember 33 like it was... well, several years ago. Heh. April 1st is no longer April Fool's Day to me (although occasionally I wonder...) because that's the day my stepson came home to live with my husband and me. I like surprises, but not if I don't know they're coming - I get horribly overwhelmed. I'd much rather know there's a surprise in the offing than be truly surprised. Weird, I know. But it's me. I hope your birthday is everything you'd like it to be and much, much more.

Posted by: Lisa at March 31, 2007 02:09 AM (ELUjU)

17 You'll know it when you get it? Sounds like a car to me. Maybe it'll come with a little elephant bobble head?

Posted by: Robert at March 31, 2007 04:16 AM (uV3Pe)

18 ok. here it is. your birthday surprise will be... Lloyd Fricking Dobler... standing on top of the baby elephant holding his big ass boom box above his fricking head while Peet-ahh Gaybree-ul wails his fricking sickly sentimental super-hit and annoying the fuck out of the neighbors because it will arrive at two O'clock in the fricking morning! Uhh..Happy birthday. p.s just saw that movie. got some cool points in that it was supposedly set in Seattle and the Cusack sibs were both in it.

Posted by: j.m at March 31, 2007 04:26 AM (0KGz0)

19 LOL, an iron or a juicer as a present looks really cool and thoughtful compared to what my Gran gave my Mum for Xmas one year... There was this really big parcel, very lumpy and exciting looking, we were all wondering what on earth it could be! Mum ripped off the paper, expecting something fsbuloud, to discover... A roller towel holder and a couple of roller towels. I don't think she spoke to Gran for the rest of the day! I'm sure your present will be something that you actually want, and can't wait to hear what the surprise is! Happy Birthday for tomorrow.

Posted by: Maggie at March 31, 2007 12:41 PM (J7P8D)

20 Well...as it's now offically April first where you are, let me wish you good health, long life, and the happiest of birthdays.

Posted by: maolcolm at April 01, 2007 12:21 AM (e7006)

21 Have a wonderful birthday! I hope you get your baby elephant - but I don't think that Maggie and Mumin want to ride him.

Posted by: kenju at April 01, 2007 04:08 AM (sXv99)

22 Ah, Lloyd Dobler. We've got a tiny bit of a Lloyd Dobler theme in our household— I introduced Evil Rob to that movie, which he promptly fell in love with, and before we were dating (but after he'd decided that he wanted to date me), I got him a still of the boom box moment, which is the moment when he'd realized he'd won. And as for elephants, I once had a coworker who had a part of her lawn where nothing would grow, "because of the elephants" her neighbors always said. Apparently, when the circus used to come to town, that's where the elephants were, and the ground was packed too hard for stuff to grow. At any rate, happy birthday. April Fool's has never been a big deal in my circle, so I wouldn't have realized it if you hadn't pointed it out. I just thought, Hey cool, another April birthday person!

Posted by: B. Durbin at April 01, 2007 04:20 AM (tie24)

23 Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday Dear Helennnnn Happy Birthday to you ~hugs~ and the best of birthday wishes.

Posted by: Mia at April 01, 2007 07:57 AM (Cyj6F)

24 Happy birthday, and many more. Give 'Seymour' my love!

Posted by: Marian at April 01, 2007 01:56 PM (ZD4nv)

25 Happy Birthday Helen. I hope this day is all you hoped for!

Posted by: Deb at April 01, 2007 02:20 PM (0lvli)

26 Happy Birthday, Helen! Can't wait to see what the "baby elephant" turns out to be! I'm sure because it is Angus' idea, it will be terrific. Have a great day and a fantastic life - you know what they say about today being the first day!

Posted by: sue at April 01, 2007 02:45 PM (xwgYX)

27 Happy actual birthday! I can't wait to see pics of Seymour. I hope your whole birthday weekend is wonderful.

Posted by: Lisa at April 01, 2007 05:12 PM (ELUjU)

28 Happy Birthday! I hope Seymour came with a giant pooper-scooper and jumbo bag of peanuts

Posted by: ZTZCheese at April 01, 2007 08:11 PM (JrfT4)

29 Suddenly I am worried that if Amy comes to visit me one day I'm going to have to hide all the good stuff. I don't know if I can have her knowing about my habits. Like...nair. And Happy Birthday Helen! I hope the elephant is lots of fun.

Posted by: Some Girl at April 01, 2007 08:19 PM (4rJYf)

30 Happy Birthday!

Posted by: jen-again at April 01, 2007 10:34 PM (8KuOF)

31 Happy Birthday!

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at April 02, 2007 01:19 AM (0Pi1o)

32 As they sing among the Kindergarten set - Happy Birthday to you (CHA CHA CHA), Happy Birthday to YOUUUUUUU (CHA CHA CHA).... April Fool's Day Birthdays happen to the most wonderfully wickedly brilliant people... Like you. Enjoy, enjoy!

Posted by: Elizabeth at April 02, 2007 04:13 AM (YFgUV)

33 Hope what Angus got you was better than what my bf got me. Nothing.

Posted by: Mitzi at April 02, 2007 11:09 AM (cB5ML)

34 Happy Birthday Helen!!! Can I have a ride on Seymour when I come to the U.K. in '09? I will bring mac and cheese and Cheese Nips!

Posted by: Mallory at April 02, 2007 01:39 PM (mLwaQ)

35 Hope you had a wonderful birthday!

Posted by: Amanda at April 02, 2007 01:43 PM (Yc9Qw)

36 Happy Birthday, Helen. Say hi to Seymour for me.

Posted by: physics geek at April 02, 2007 01:46 PM (KqeHJ)

37 Happy Birthday Helen! I hope you had a wonderful day and I wish you a fantastic year!

Posted by: Laura at April 02, 2007 03:13 PM (5BKDs)

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