On my current project IÂ’m working with a guy from Sheffield. This may not seem like relevant information, but in terms of communication and speaking the same language itÂ’s very important. Because truthfully itÂ’s not the same language, not at all.
We all agreed early on in this project that swearing amongst ourselves is completely ok. And in a team of six, all of us from different parts of the world, we do. And to say that things regularly get interesting is an understatement. For example, the other day Sheffield Man called me “Cock.”
“Well fuck you too,” I replied huffily.
“No, no, no, no!” he said, panicked. “Cock is a good thing, too.”
“But you use cock as a bad thing. You called the Coke machine a cock the other day when it ate your 50p.”
“Yeah, it was a cock. A bad cock. But cock can also be a term of endearment.”
Oh man. Cussing just got that much harder.
Swearing is a funny thing – get it wrong and you look like a real wally. Get it right and you go down in certain slang dictionaries and get copied across Facebooks and MySpaces the world over. People say that those who swear simply lack the couth or intelligence to use other words in their stead. I would refute that by saying that I am a manifestation of decorum and erudition. Then I'd tell them to fuck off.
I’m a big fan of swearing, and I like swearing to be creative. My key phrase for some time was “fuckshit”, which I callously stole from a horrible film, this phrase being the only redeeming quality from said cellular disaster. I’m a big fan of using “whore” but over here it’s the ultimate insult for most women, so I’m careful in who I use it with. I use the term "dweedle" a lot (as in "Stop being such a dweedle!") which I don't know where I picked up and would quite like to give it back.
I also like to swear in Swedish although Swedish cussing isn’t very creative. Their worst word is Swedish for “devil”. You can use anything else on TV but not that word. Interestingly, a friend of mine in Swedish introduced me to “Pucko javel” (pronounced “poo-koh yeh-vull”). Pucko is a Swedish chocolate drink exactly like the American Yoohoo. I detest Yoohoo with a fiery passion, so calling someone the equivalent of “a fucking Yoohoo” is popular with me.
Maybe I’ll just start using “fucking Yoohoo”.
No word is out of bounds with me, although you’ll be hard-pressed to hear me say “arse” because it makes me feel like a poser. The British language has opened my eyes to massive possibilities in swearing, and my vocabulary has grown exponentially. I now regularly use “git”, “wanker”, “twat”, “berk”, “tosser”, "bollocks", and my personal favourite, “pillock”. You can also combine phrases for further insult potential, for example the guys on the team call another man "Twatty Balls". Luckily he doesn't know this is his new moniker. I expect he'd have some choice things to say about it if he did.
Interestingly, most British insults seem to relate to only men or masturbation. I think thereÂ’s a message there. Stop punching the clown, lads.
IÂ’m looking to expand my vocabulary, though, so any input welcome.
-H.
PS-I think tomorrow should be International Internet Reveal Your Horrid Teenage Years Picture Day. Come on, I know we all have some of those photos. I know I certainly do, and I am rising to the challenge. Tonight I'll scan some of my more frightening photos and reveal them to you, and you will never ever again think of me as being anything that even borders cool. I appeal to you to do the same, only let me know in the comments tomorrow if you do so, because I want to gawk at your horrors just as much as you shall gawk at mine. No matter how bad you think your teen photos are, I will have you beat. Trust me.
1
I can't say that a movie where I get to hear one of the Golden Girls say "fuck" is a horrible film.
Posted by: Z. Hendirez at January 08, 2009 09:46 AM (otB//)
2
As a non-native speaker, I found a lot of things to learn from, e.g., Nick Hornby's "A long way down". Insults come in large flocks there
Posted by: Steffen at January 08, 2009 10:29 AM (GS8nT)
3
I can't seem to think of any to add to your list. After a cup of coffee I could probably come up with some in Italian and maybe French for you. It would be a interesting conversation with my Grandmother tho. Thankfully she would just be happy I called her, for whatever reason lol.
And, thankfully both our scanners are not working at the moment!!
Posted by: justme at January 08, 2009 11:47 AM (/Wh2+)
4
Assclown is my all time favorite...but I use it almost exclusively as a term of endearment for That Guy I Married
If I can get my freaking scanner to cooperate with me, I will post some photos of my youth. I can't wait to see yours
Posted by: justdawn at January 08, 2009 11:48 AM (IaIhm)
5
Don't need to scan anything. Old HS friends have already done that and I'm all over Facebook! But I'll post something.
Oh, and my kids have started to swear in front of me. I don't mind, but I can't imagine where they learned that shit.
Posted by: ~Easy at January 08, 2009 12:23 PM (ajz97)
6
One of my favorites has always been "ShitfuckPISS". the depth of meaning is more conveyed with the speed and inflection with which you say it.
Don't need to scan anything. Old HS friends have already done that and I'm all over Facebook! But I'll post something.
Oh, and my kids have started to swear in front of me. I don't mind, but I can't imagine where they learned that shit.
Posted by: ~Easy at January 08, 2009 12:26 PM (ajz97)
7
I usually refrain from swearing because I've hurt a lot of people with it before. You would prolly swear me under the table if we had a competition, LOL!
And that teenage picture thingy is a great idea! That might be my 365 for tomorrow too!
Posted by: ErnieE at January 08, 2009 12:32 PM (4pEUG)
8
I'm a big fan of swearing, but I have to say I've never heard cock used as a term of endearment.
And how fun, I'll dig out something to scan and post tomorrow for sure!
Posted by: Erin at January 08, 2009 01:10 PM (IPMSz)
9
I love swearing too! I think you just touched on the reason I like British films so much. Their swearing is just so creative and it really sounds good. It just rolls off the tongue.
Posted by: geeky at January 08, 2009 01:40 PM (FBNua)
10
Whereas
Mrs. Henderson Presents is a good movie, and Dame Judi Dench gets to say "fuck" and "pussy". How cool is that??
My recollection is that native East Londoners, i.e. Cockneys, use the appellation "me old cock" without any hint of double meaning. presumably this "cock" is a shortened form of Cockney (whose origin itself is somewhat disputed).
It's rather like the way we Brits use the word "fag" to mean "cigarette", without ever thinking of the pejorative American sense, even though we all know it perfectly well.
Posted by: Gareth at January 08, 2009 02:06 PM (dhdo5)
11
Here's my contribution from up north: knob head, bell end, numpty, baw bag, plonker, jakey, schemie radge, jobby, mingin'. All are best said with a strong weegie accent.
I have some seriously mingin' pics of myself from back in the day but sadly there are all at my mom's in the states...
Posted by: Lee at January 08, 2009 02:43 PM (cP0Yl)
12
Lee - excellent, thanks. I also use "plonker" and "numpty", but I absolutely adore "minging". I need to use that one more.
Posted by: Helen at January 08, 2009 03:05 PM (LewRx)
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I will see if I can find any teenage pictures, but I think I burned all the bad ones a long time ago....
Posted by: Jen R. (aaron-n-jen.com) at January 08, 2009 03:14 PM (J6HVJ)
14
Fucktard and Arsehat are new ones.
Bollocks is an all time Favourite.
You'd Love "In Bruges" hearing Ralph Fiennes say "Fucking cunt children", in a cockney accent multiples times, is phenomenal
Posted by: jayne at January 08, 2009 03:38 PM (q5uvl)
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I often call people either snatch or whore when I'm pissed and I'm quite fond of asshat too...
Posted by: Shannon at January 08, 2009 03:53 PM (DoWDa)
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I prefer Italian Swearing, like "Bastardo" or "Putana la Madonna" or "Porco Dio" (all with rolling "R").
When I gave birth to my son in hospital the women next door thought that there was a Sicilian woman delivering next door.
Posted by: Paula at January 08, 2009 04:05 PM (Nm4nm)
17
you may need to post a glossary of terms for us - I don't know what half of those british swear words mean!
and I'll dig in my archives tonight for a photo to scan. although I think most of the bad ones somehow met with an untimely end. ;-)
Posted by: Carol at January 08, 2009 05:52 PM (WLhT+)
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Helen, be careful what you wish for. You just might get it. Consider yourself warned.
Posted by: physics geek at January 08, 2009 06:03 PM (MT22W)
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We need a glossary for your words - some of them escape me!
Posted by: kenju at January 08, 2009 07:43 PM (shDit)
20
We need a glossary for your words.
Posted by: kenju at January 08, 2009 07:44 PM (shDit)
21
“git”: someone stupid and annoying
“wanker”: someone who, er, indulges in self-recreation; someone stupid and annoying; someone who works in a bank (see: Merchant wanker)
“tosser”: someone who, er, indulges in self-recreation; someone stupid and annoying;
“twat”: someone stupid and annoying (there is also a connection with a part of the female anatomy but I think that is long gone or else I refuse to acknowledge it)
“berk”: someone stupid and annoying
"bollocks": come on class, you did that one in first year!
“pillock”: someone stupid and annoying
I'll give the other list a go:
knob head: Someone whose head resembles part of the male anatomy
bell end: my Glaswegian is rusty but I assume as above
numpty: someone particularly stupid and hence rather annoying
baw bag: someone or something resembling a bag in which one would find one's, well, say it to yourself.
plonker: someone stupid and annoying
jakey: I'm not entirely sure but I think someone stupid and annoying!
schemie radge: a belligerent person who comes from a housing scheme (public housing project - I had to look up radge)
jobby: something you'd flush away
mingin': revolting
Posted by: Katie at January 08, 2009 11:37 PM (UaL+O)
22
The holy grail of bad words here in Canada is the 'C' word. (see I'm scared to write it) but in Scotland where I grew up, it was a swear word, but not _that_ bad. I often let it fly, but it tends to quiet a room very very quickly.
I love love love swear words.. rolling my tongue around them, putting as much emphasis on them as possible, enjoying every sylable.
Posted by: ig at January 09, 2009 02:30 AM (fCvsS)
23
One of my proudest achievements in life is being able to swear in eight languages (English, French, Spanish, Italian, German, Yiddish, Croatian, and Creole). This, of course, leads to often muddled phrases, made worse by having British friends, and so now I regularly call people "baising douchewankers" and other odd combinations of swearwords. The movie "Saved" caused me to begin referring to the female reproductive zone as "the muffin basket," and so now I have the habit of adding the word "muffin" to cursewords, most commonly making the phrase "cuntmuffin."
My favorite movie has got to be "Scotland, PA" because, sure, my favorite actress is in it, and it's a great film, but anything that combines Shakespeare and the word "fuck" in copious helpings is good in my book. I also love that someone aside from me has been known to utter the phrase "fuck fuckity fuck" (it was written into the movie after the director heard his wife, who plays the lead female, utter it at home).
I'll dig out my incredibly awkward high-school pictures, but I may black my face out. Don't worry, it'll still look really awkward.
Posted by: D at January 09, 2009 02:53 AM (bRx8a)
24
I like to use "that kick's a donkey's ass" for something funny. Don't ask me where I came up with it. I have no clue. :-)
P.S. apologies for the screwed up URL in my info. It wouldn't let me post without changing it.
Posted by: Ice Queen at January 09, 2009 03:51 AM (J27cy)
25
jackhole is one of my all time favourites...
Posted by: megan at January 09, 2009 04:01 AM (jy7KI)
26
"Asspanda" is a new favorite of mine, although I can't take credit for it. I read it online somewhere recently, probably in a blog. I'm sorry I can't remember where so I could give credit where credit is due, because it's a good one.
In French, my favorite is "putain salope", which loosely translates to "f***ing whore". You can also put the "putain" in front of other nouns, like "putain voiture", said in anger when your car won't start, or "putain patron" when your boss is being a wanker.
Similar to cursing, although not quite the same, are Southern colloquialisms. A couple of my favorites: "It's hotter'n two rats f***ing in a wool sock!"; "He's busier'n a three-legged cat on a marble floor with diarrhea"; "Shit fire and save the matches"; "She's so stupid she couldn't pour water from a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel".
Posted by: Sarah P. at January 09, 2009 05:51 AM (EeDct)
27
Dutch people say "shit" all.the.time, when you drop something, when you forget something. We say it without thinking, no one will be offended if you say it out loud.
However, when we visited our Canadian relatives this summer *they* turned purple when *I* hit my toe and blood was all over the door step and I called out shitshitshit. Bf and I even had an argument about it: he said I shouldn't have said shit and I thought my toe was more important than their sensitive souls.
Anyway, my fav British words must be wanker and tosser. Esp uttered with a fake posh accent. I watch this English show where girls who more or less live in bars have to try and become a lady at Egglestone(?) Hall. Great for my foreign vocabulary!
In
Posted by: Vita at January 09, 2009 08:31 AM (fZwgf)
28
Sarah P. (Does the "P" doesn't stand for "Palin," by any chance? That would be awkward...), I'm stealing "asspanda."
Oh, and I forgot to say that "asshat"
is a fave. I nearly cried with excitement when someone uttered it on "Brothers and Sisters," nearly one-upping when someone on the same show called someone else a "pantload."
Posted by: D at January 09, 2009 11:41 AM (bRx8a)
29
"Diptard"— from Evil Rob. Usually in regards to driving.
"Flash bastard"="swanky toff"
I actually really like "twit," especially if you imagine it as being said by Alan Rickman in his role as the Sheriff of Nottingham. (Incidentally, the lady who played the witch I most recently saw as playing Miss Marple. Talk about two diametrically different roles...)
Posted by: B. Durbin at January 09, 2009 04:59 PM (eauGZ)
30
It's "Perückenschaf" here, when it comes to stupid driving (sheep with a wig). And Arschgesicht, which is assface. "Arsch mit Ohren" means "Ass with ears", and if I'm totally pissed off it's "Scheißepissekackearsch", aka ShitPissPooAss.
The more hissing, the better.
Yours sincerely,
Lily:-)
Posted by: Lily at January 09, 2009 06:08 PM (LP4gz)
31
I've recently been introduced to anusbagel and twatweasel except that I think that someone just made those up. I especially like the first one because my son would report it as "a nice bagel" so I'd be ok there. I once shouted "you silly arse" in a driving incident and my son later reported (in hushed tones) that mummy had called a naughty man (imagine my sharp intake of breath) "a silly horse". Phew.
Posted by: Caroline M at January 10, 2009 08:20 AM (x3QDi)
32
I like asshat but my favorite insult still comes from the brits - "Your mother is a hampster and your father eats elderberries."
Posted by: That Girl at January 13, 2009 05:45 PM (hzryQ)
33
I worked in a factory in Chicago for several years, and learned to cuss in just about every language imaginable. There is a cuss in Tagalog, one word which I can't even begin to hope to spell, that refers to the filth that accumulates under one's foreskin. The Hindi cusses are really great, and they have a separate term for sisterf*cker, which they seem to save for those who are truly aweful. Personally, I'm quite partial to the term "Fucktard" and use it liberally when referring to my company's management.
Posted by: maolcolm at January 14, 2009 12:47 AM (S4HeD)
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