March 29, 2007
4 Out of 5 Dentists Who Chew Gum Recommend
OK, I often get emails or comments from people who stop by this site with products or services that I should try. So I thought I'd return the favor and let you know some things I've been trying that I do or don't recommend. You know...in case you care.
And no-I'm not getting paid to recommend these things, but I can so be bought and would be delighted to be so should someone with an envelope of cash come along. I do remember a kids' show from when I was a child-for some reason I can't recall the name of the show, I just remember it had a patronizing woman and a very scary puppet (this is not unusual for me. Puppets (like clowns) are amongst the most truly frightening creatures in the world). The Patronizing Woman was asked to test a tea polishing set for a sum of money. She tested it, didn't like it, and so decided to uphold her morals and give the money back, rather than say she liked it. I not only never understood why she didn't keep the money and tell them she didn't like the product, but I also didn't understand why she couldn't keep shtum about not liking it. So she didn't like it, big deal, who polishes their silver all the time anyway?
At such a tender age, my morals were already questionable.
Anyway, these are just things I wanted to float past you.
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When we went to my friend's wedding in Atlanta last November, we met up with a fun couple for dinner. We went to their place and met their two rambunctious dogs, and one of them had one of these things, called a Kong Stuff-A-Ball (and the name of the product makes me laugh in an immature fashion every time).
Gorby can take or leave his Kong toys, it's those goddamn annoying squeaky things that he likes most, the ones which he won't stop squeaking until we either take it away from him for a sanity break or until he performs doggy surgery and rips out the squeakies himself. But we bought him a Kong Stuff-A-Ball and it's become a beloved toy. We call it The Cheese Ball because we like to put a bit of cheese rind inside of it. It honestly keeps him busy all evening, so a little adult action can be had without the background music of a squeaky toy.
Result - 4 Out of 5 Dentists Who Chew Gum Recommend the Kong Stuff-A-Ball.
***************************************
So I was suffering from IBS the other day, as you do. I've had a great deal of stress here lately and my insides wanted to inform me of such. The ulcer was going off, the reflux was bad, and I was having...um...issues...with being able to go to the bathroom. I decided that I didn't want to reach for the usual box of "We'll Get Things Moving Here, Miss", that I wanted to try to remedy this naturally.
I went to our local Waitrose and bought prunes. Yes, this officially makes me an old person now, I'm about 2 years from drinking Clamato Juice I'm sure, but when you have IBS there are days when you would be willing to take anything to make the pain go away. This was one of those days.
Now, regular prunes usually do the job, you just have to have quite a few of them. I saw on the shelf a new product in the fun and wacky world of dried fruits, a bag of something called Waitrose Organic Prunes. Being a crunchy granola chick, I thought: Hmm. Surely those are better for you AND stronger. I'll be like the Holy Woman of Healthy Colon-Land! Think of the holistic benefits! Let's chant and burn incense now!
OK, I didn't chant and burn incense (which is good, as Waitrose is a bit uptight), but as far as the Waitrose Organic Prunes being better and stronger, I was right. What I had failed to remember was that maybe I didn't need to eat so many of them for them to be effective, as potentially the organic prunes-like some other organic products-would have a stronger effect.
Let's just say I was glad I ate them while Angus was still in Stockholm.
The dog wouldn't even come near me, and he's the one with the record for being able to clear a room.
Result - 4 Out of 5 Dentists Who Chew Gum Recommend the Waitrose Organic Prunes...in small doses.
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I got one of the new Dove SkinVitalizers the other day. The product appealed, mostly because I am a real girly-girl when it comes to bathroom beauty products. When I was younger I could take or leave makeup, exfoliators, the lot. The only thing I was ever vigilant about was applying anti-wrinkle cream, proving that it's never too early to work on being vain (or at least preparing me to be the Katharine Helmond part in Brazil, where she just keeps going through surgery to keep looking younger.)
But now, yes-I love beauty products. I'd live within a three minute walking distance of a Sephora if I could. I'm always willing to try something new in my quest to find The Next Best Product. As I have dry skin and an oily T-zone as well, I usually have to battle to even out the face zones.
I also have to confess that I am a Dove fan. The reason is simple-they started that Campaign for Real Beauty series. I LOVE that they use real women of real ages and real shapes and sizes to promote their products. No double 0 size 19 year-olds here, these women in the ads look like people who could be my friends, could be people that I work with or blog with. As someone with pretty severe self-esteem and self-image issues, I have a lot of time for a company that thinks the everyday woman is beautiful and is willing to stake their products on them.
And the SkinVitalizer isn't bad. It smells really fresh and clean, it does indeed exfoliate (you have a choice of two different exfoliator settings), and I feel like I'm skipping school or something as it's the only vibrating beauty product I've ever had. It also does get all your makeup off, too, so you don't have to use two or three products (as I sometimes do and I don't even wear much makeup) to get it all. It's a newer version of a recalled earlier product, so if you read about the recall then don't panic. This new one works well. I feel like a commercial when I say this, but it really did make the skin on my face softer while not aggravating any oily zones - in fact, my nose and forehead look much better, too.
The box says to use it on the face and neck, but I'm one of those with Hideous Winter Skin, the kind that used to make me paranoid that the Crocodile Hunter would've wrestled me to the ground over. No matter how much I moisturize, my upper arms and legs get really dry scaly skin all winter long. You can use the SkinVitalizer in the shower, so I took it in there with me and disobeyed the instructions and used it on my upper arms and calves. I'll be honest-it got rid of the dead dry skin and I feel and look much better. If you go through their home page you can get money back as well, so if you're thinking of buying one, head there first.
I do have one criticism- I wish you could flush the exfoliating pillow down the toilet when you're finished with it, but hopefully that's a future development in the works.
Result - 4 Out of 5 Dentists Who Chew Gum Recommend the Dove SkinVitalizer
***************************************
Finally, Angus has built us yet another PC, which takes our desktop PC count up to 3 in the house (plus we have 4 laptops. We now have more machines than people by a count of 3 to 1. I know, we're sad.) The new PC works much better-it has a killer graphics card, the world's quietest CPU fan, and zips along.
He ordered Windows Vista for it as well, which came out the end of January. That's installed and in use.
And I absolutely hate it.
While it looks cool and the margins are trendily translucent, he had to single-handedly rebuild a load of our programs, because Windows Vista isn't supported on a majority of programs. It also has changed the way that Microsoft Windows, Excel, and PowerPoint behave, and seeing as these are the lifelines in our jobs, it's made it hell. I'm sure that there are a number of improvements and I'm just being an old stodge about it (see: Clamato Juice. See also: prunes), but making such fundamental changes really wound me up.
The real killer is that Vista and iTunes truly seem to hate each other. We've had to rebuild iTunes twice now, and all of our Playlists are so supremely screwed up I'm reluctant to go near it. Vista likes to manage Music and Pictures in a new way, and this new way apparently wants to give to iTunes up the ass.
I know they say never to take a Microsoft Product until the kinks have been worked out, and I'm sure that's the case here, but it really annoys me that Microsoft feel it's ok to launch a product which will run havoc on the many other programs (and even existing hardware) that customers will be using. I'd bet they'll sort this all out in the end, and maybe in 6 months to a year it'll be less of a headache, but still. Pure agony.
We're not the only ones who think so, either. Google this and you'll find plenty of others who agree. Surely it can't be a good sign to have that many haters of a new product, even if said product comes from a well-respected but well-hated company.
(And no-getting an iBook is not an option-the company we work for is not ok with that, so we'll be living with our good buddy Microsoft for some time.)
Result - 4 Out of 5 Dentists Who Chew Gum Do Not Recommend Microsoft Vista right now unless you like pulling your hair out and eating mass quantites of Tums to settle your exploding ulcer.
***************************************
-H.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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1
I love the Campaign for Real Beauty, too.
I think you've sold me on that SkinVitalizer. Well, that, or this did:
"You're going to love every minute that we're together."
Oh, I believe you, SkinVitalizer. I do indeed believe you.
Those folks at Dove are not stupid, are they?
Posted by: ilyka at March 29, 2007 08:46 AM (l/ZiE)
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Kongs rock! We have what amounts to a veritable trophy case of dismembered and desqueaked squeeky toys, and thus far the Kong is still intact.
Posted by: maolcolm at March 29, 2007 09:24 AM (2BL02)
3
iBook as been replaced by the MacBook
. I love mine but these days, no software or harware seems to work for the people that in the end have to use it. It´s usually a pain. But I would be in serious trouble if I had to jump to Windows right now - Vista or whatever.
Posted by: miguel at March 29, 2007 09:53 AM (Uojwo)
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I'm writing my shopping list now...
Organic Prunes
SkinVitalizer
Posted by: Akelamalu at March 29, 2007 09:57 AM (/xsua)
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Once you go Mac, you'll never go back.
Everytime I have to deal with the Misrocoft shit at work it's all I can do to keep myself ffrom putting my fist through the monitor. Vista has already irrtated me to no end simply because their ads spill out the frame on webpages.
*deep breath*
It's not healthy for me to get this irritated first thing in the AM.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 29, 2007 11:13 AM (G5FSP)
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Our dogs adore the Kong line of toys - I can't tell you how many we've been through over the years. We've not graduated to the Stuff-a-Ball one yet - they just like the little oddly shaped knobby ones.
In regards to Vista, my husband just bought a new PC for work not too long ago (right after the invasion..err roll out of the new OS). He was going to work _with_ the OS, trying it out to see what the new UI and such were like - but it would not let him put the PC on his office network (hardwired, no ISP involved). 30 minutes after getting it out of the box, it was re-imaged with an XP installation. His description of it? Well, there aren't enough *@#& keys to describe all the naughty words
Posted by: Kellie at March 29, 2007 12:18 PM (ur+d9)
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Dear Boyfriend just had to buy a new computer. We are both World of Warcraft freaks. He even installed a new graphics card...pretty killer one. The game lags in Vista so badly that I am sure he will end up installing XP there.....
BTW...early Happy Birthday, young lady!!!!
Posted by: Mitzi at March 29, 2007 12:23 PM (cB5ML)
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My girl loves her kongie wongie, and thank GOD you agree on the nightmare which is Vista, I am 2nd Level Tech Support for a software company and it SUCKS ASSSSSSSS
Posted by: Cheryl at March 29, 2007 12:48 PM (msF2q)
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The sad truth about Windows (and Microsoft) is that no matter how much it sucks, people will still use it, so they can pretty much sell any old crap they want.
Posted by: geeky at March 29, 2007 12:53 PM (ziVl9)
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But all good hippie granola girls use Macs!
You've sold me on the Dove thingy. Not so sure about the prunes, though.
Oh, for variety (or for when you want all the cheese for yourself), a little peanut butter also works well in the Kong.
Posted by: BeachGirl at March 29, 2007 01:07 PM (2SKFM)
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I'm giving Linux a try before I beg for a MacBook. Like your beef with Vista - Linux and iTunes don't play in the sandbox together well (or at all).
1 out of 2 dogs in this household love the Kong. We've been talking about getting the doggie version of Easy Cheese and another Kong for the other dog .... but it never seems to make it on the shopping list.
Babbling .... too early in the morning to leave blog comments.
Posted by: Michele at March 29, 2007 01:19 PM (5VGFA)
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Oh, where to start? I have no dog, but I do know the Kong toys are great for those of my peeps who do have dogs, so I agree with you there. As for prunes-as a fellow IBS girl, you can never go wrong with prunes as a natural remedy. You can, however, take too many, and apparently the organic is like the super-charged prune, so this is good to know. Dove. Dove how I love thee. The first soap to ever wash my young face, my mother told me always wash your make-up off at night, and it has been something I have done religiously since I started wearing (bad) make-up at 13. My house is stocked with Dove products (cheap too, always a bonus). The SkinVitalizer is pure heaven. A while back, Dove took some flack for their Real Beauty campaign. Some a-holes were complaining that the women were 'fat' and it was not going to sell any product. As a girl who has always had weight issues, this made me want to buy even more Dove.
As for Vista, I am not much of a computer person, but my hubby builds software and designs programs for a living. To sum it up, he equates Vista to Satan. His boss will never use it for the company, and we will never have it here at home. The whole program is a catch-22. Vista is supposed to protect against viruses, but it seems to take everything as a potential security risk. If you shut the program off, then there is no protection from viruses at all. So it is kind of a lose-lose situation. And no, you are not alone in hating it. This is a great ad.
http://www.apple.com/getamac/
I miss those old gum commercials though....
Posted by: Teresa at March 29, 2007 02:17 PM (HgmoQ)
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You need to try
http://www.ohmibod.com/
I want one, but need to see more reviews!
Posted by: kb at March 29, 2007 03:42 PM (lwsGF)
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Something else you can try with a Kong is to stuff it full of peanut butter and freeze it. It can keep a dog buisy most of the day.
Posted by: fred at March 29, 2007 05:00 PM (G80Bw)
15
Getting a MacBook actually is an option, since it will
run Windows for you as well.
Unless they randomly decided to not be happy with Apple hardware that runs Windows just like any non-Apple laptop; I'm assuming their requirement is not "not-Apple", but "must run Windows".
Posted by: Sigivald at March 29, 2007 05:57 PM (4JnZM)
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Ditch Vista and go back to XP. I'm never going Vista - I've sworn to switch to the 'dark side' first (mac). It should be noted that I make my living writing code for pc's.
We have 5 desktops & 3 laptops. One deskotp and one laptop missing from the photographic proof below:
http://www.oferrall.net/blog/archives/000237.html
Posted by: Clancy at March 29, 2007 08:15 PM (X+xFB)
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Ever since the Real Beauty Campaign, I will always choose Dove when it is possible. I look at the young women in my life and see the eight year old who is a bit curvier than her toothpick sister ask if her stomach is fat and I want to hurt the size 0 models and those that encourage them.
Kong goes on the list for Spencer--sounds like a wonderful thing.
Posted by: sophie at March 30, 2007 07:02 AM (1HOa8)
Posted by: Amanda at April 01, 2007 03:03 AM (C3ngu)
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March 27, 2007
One Year Down, 19 More to Go
Dear Gorby*,
Saturday was a special day. You probably don't remember a year ago, seeing as how I'm not sure you remember what yesterday was, but a year ago on Saturday, you came to live with us.
It was a a big day-we got the keys to the house that you have known as your home for almost a year now. We went to the kennel and picked you up. You were a terribly kind, needy little man. You had been rescued from sick sadistic fucks that ignored, neglected, abused and starved you. You went to a nice vet's office so that they could find you a home. You and your sister-border collie and Blue Merle collie crosses, were the two that no one wanted.
I will never understand that, for as long as I live.
And even though we went to see your sister (who I'm happy to report was also rescued, apparently by a home with a 5 year-old boy that has them doting on each other) it was you that we saw most. It was you, a 5-month old, scrawny, sweet dog. It was you, with your completely ridiculous nose. You were all we could see.
When you came home with us, you were terrified. You didn't untuck your tail out from under you for days. You were nervous and insecure. Mumin liked you right away, Maggie didn't, but one out of two ain't bad.
And slowly all of us started to become friends.
Your tail came out from under you. You began to wag it. You began to come alive, and it was amazing. We loved you right away. And soon, you began to love us back.
You've had so many adventures this year. You've been to Wales, you've been to visit family, you've been swimming in the lake. You've had your first snowfall.
You love Melissa and Jeff, and you always venture into the water with them.
You're an incredibly loving, patient and tolerant dog. You allow me to embarass you without a word of complaint.
Repeatedly, actually.
You're clearly still neglected of fun and love still.
You are the one who barks at the vacuum cleaner, the broom, ringing phones and bubble wrap. You hate the postman with a burning rage. You have to know where the cats are. You love macaroni and cheese (my kind of dog). You go crazy with delight when your father sings down a paper towel tube at you, and together you make so much noise they can hear you in New Orleans. You let me call you Cupcake (and you actually come to it when I call you). You follow me from room to room. We've gotten to know you in the past 12 months and three days, and you have more personality than we could ever have imagined. People tell us we should show you in the mixed-breed category, but we think of you as part of the family, you're not for show.
In short, it's been a fantastic year. We love you so much, you are such a huge part of our lives. You're a pain, a burden, a love, a delight, a joy, and a nuisance. I can't live without you. You have to live another 19 years, buddy, because there's no way I will ever let you go.
And you have my promise, Cupcake-no one will ever hurt you again.
Ever.
-H.
*What? Bloggers can write monthly letters to their kids, but it's weird to write your dog?
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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Happy Pet-iversary to the cutest dog in the UK. What a fabulous year it's been for you and your people. Good thing you picked them!
I wish you many more years full of fun and silly adventures, and of course, postman hating!
The Princess adds: Woof! Woof! (translation: YAY!)
Posted by: caltechgirl at March 27, 2007 08:10 AM (r0kgl)
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*What? Bloggers can write monthly letters to their kids, but it's weird to write your dog?
Not. At. All. I'll bet Gorby has fans the world over.
Posted by: ilyka at March 27, 2007 08:18 AM (l/ZiE)
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Ahh what a great post! Looks like Gorby got a great family there. Love the shot of him bounding in the snow. And the dinosaur suit he even LOOKS embarrassed!
Posted by: Elisa at March 27, 2007 10:49 AM (AlPvn)
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Wow, look at the transformation of Gorby from the kennel shot to the last picture- world of difference!! My favorite is Gorby running thru the snow :-)
Although the dinasour costume has him saying "oh mum do I have to wear this??"
Happy first year!
Posted by: Angela at March 27, 2007 11:04 AM (CfX1n)
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Dogs are wonderful creatures. All they need is to feel like they belong.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 27, 2007 11:21 AM (G5FSP)
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I'm not a dog person, but Gorby looks like a dog I might actually pet. (That's saying a lot from me.)
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at March 27, 2007 12:29 PM (+MvHD)
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My favorite picture is actually of you two snuggled together. It reminds me of those moments my kitty cat snuggles into my shoulder as we fall asleep together.
Posted by: Minawolf at March 27, 2007 12:44 PM (svbR5)
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Best monthly (annual) letter ever!
I love the look back through pictures. You guys love him and it's obvious that he loves you guys back.
Posted by: Michele at March 27, 2007 01:00 PM (5VGFA)
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Too early for teary eyes!
Posted by: SaraJane at March 27, 2007 01:10 PM (t5Xsa)
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He has learned how to smile in the last year! Yay! Our dog, Zoie, hates the doorbell, even when it rings on TV. Too funny!
Posted by: Steff at March 27, 2007 01:39 PM (uKuUC)
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happy adoption anniversary gorby!
Posted by: geeky at March 27, 2007 01:41 PM (ziVl9)
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What a wonderful tribute to Gorby!
And as someone who lives in New Orleans, I think I can say I've heard him over here once or twice.
Posted by: kitty at March 27, 2007 01:59 PM (Zl4mu)
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Of course you can write about your dog. They are just people with fur anyway.
I can not believe it has been a year. Seems only a few months ago that you were writing about
looking at dogs-now he has been with you a year. Wow-time does fly!
I love all those pics, but my fave is the one where you are holding him. The joy on your face says it all for both of you.
Posted by: Teresa at March 27, 2007 02:01 PM (l1R3v)
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what a wonderful letter! i adopted charley, a hound mix, about three years ago and he was the same way - scared, shy and very distrustful. today he's a little shit, but i can't imagine my life without him. it's good to know there are other dog people just as crazy about their adopted children as i am!
Posted by: copasetic fish at March 27, 2007 02:31 PM (P1qaC)
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Just came across your blog and had to say what a lovely tribute to your special friend. He's a very lucky dog to have found such a loving family, but that's something every dog should have. Love the photos - he's adorable!
Posted by: Akelamalu at March 27, 2007 02:47 PM (jLsb+)
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Oh, that's lovely. I volunteer at an animal shelter, and I like to think that every animal who goes to a new home will be as loved and happy as your dog is with you.
And what a cutie he is! I just love border collies, they have so much personality.
Posted by: lizvelrene at March 27, 2007 03:21 PM (wQ8l9)
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Awwww! Too wonderful cuteness! And it's been a YEAR already? Holy Cow!
Time is taking on science fiction like proportions for me. O_o
:::waves at Gorby:::
Posted by: Amber at March 27, 2007 03:31 PM (zQE5D)
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I much prefer letters to dogs. Congrats on raising such a sweet pup!
Posted by: chrissy at March 27, 2007 04:54 PM (BJxn7)
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We are forever responsible for what we tame...
Glad Gorby seems so happy.. and you seem to be too
Larry
Posted by: LarryConley at March 27, 2007 05:24 PM (il2KP)
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What a wonderful tribute to a beautiful and obviously very happy pup! All three of my girls were rescues but Libby was the truly abused, tossed away like trash, literally ditched, little baby. I got her at 5 weeks old and she will be 1 year old at the end of April. She is still learning to trust outside the boundaries of home but a more loving pup has never existed...except for maybe yours...The picture of your little Cupcake asleep with arms full of toys is my favorite. Bravo to you and your family for allowing this pup to love you. Bravo.
Posted by: Deb at March 27, 2007 06:29 PM (0lvli)
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I don't think it was weird at all to write Gorby a letter.
Such cute pictures of him, too. Jeez, he seems to have grown!
I want a puppy so bad.
Posted by: Jen(aside) at March 27, 2007 07:21 PM (NtnM5)
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Love him! That last photo absolute melted my heart. I can't believe it's been a year already.
Oh and Gorby? Hating the postman is quite cliche, you know. :-)
Posted by: donna at March 27, 2007 07:21 PM (Np8VQ)
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Awwwww.... this has to be one of your most heartwarming posts I've read in a while.
Nothing warms the heart more than a happy pet, particularly a dog because they show it well. Especially when rescued from an abusive hellhole and taken into a loving home. I'm sure Gorby would thank you for the life you've given to him, if he could find the words. Come to think of it he is already thanking you, without words. What's more, they are always happy to see you. They don't look down upon you or point out your inadequacies, they don't care how depressed you are or how worthless you feel, and they don't bitch at you. They are the perfect example of unconditional love.
If you don't have it already, I suggest you look for the poem "A Dog's Prayer" (do an online search if you have to) and post it above where Gorby sleeps. Or where he eats. Or anywhere in the house.
Great post, Helen.
Posted by: diamond dave at March 27, 2007 08:36 PM (jofqp)
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I think a tribute/letter to Gorby is a fantastic idea. He's such a precious little soul, isn't he?
Posted by: Mia at March 27, 2007 08:49 PM (Dlq0g)
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Love that dog! The photos are so cute; especially the one in the snow. Bless you for rescuing that sweet boy.
Posted by: kenju at March 27, 2007 09:00 PM (L8e9z)
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This is my kind of entry. I love to hear how an unwanted animal who had a horrid life before was rescued and then smothered with love. My favorite thing to hear!
He is such a cutie!!!
That snow pic....did you use a telephoto lens or did someone get bowled over 2 seconds after that shot was taken?
Posted by: Serenity at March 27, 2007 11:37 PM (8gtvD)
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OH and I love the before and after photos.
From sad, lonely, pitiful to happy, loved and smiling.
You're awesome Helen. You've made a difference in this world.
Posted by: Serenity at March 27, 2007 11:38 PM (8gtvD)
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Happy Pet-iversary, Gorby! You picked a great set of humans to live with!! =)
Posted by: Amanda at March 28, 2007 02:26 AM (Yc9Qw)
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Love the picture of you holding Gorby. What a sweet boy. So glad he's there for you, a tail-wagging bundle of love.
Posted by: BeachGirl at March 28, 2007 03:22 AM (2SKFM)
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It took us nearly a year to send that jack? I will be in the corner, hanging my head in shame.
Posted by: amy t. at March 28, 2007 04:03 PM (fm3Rv)
31
That's one lucky Gorbzilla!
Posted by: Heidi at March 28, 2007 10:51 PM (h6kyW)
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March 26, 2007
Green Green Grass and the Gilmore Girls
Yesterday I was at home, laid up with a very bad back. Angus was back from Stockholm, complete with goodies for us (sour wine gums! And cheese! And cottage cheese! Laugh if you want, but I don't like the cottage cheese you can get in the UK, so we bring it over from Sweden (it's called Keso there) whenever we can, because I love cottage cheese.) Yesterday he and Gorby went to his brother's to help cut down some damaged trees, and so I had the house to myself.
So I sat on the couch and watched TV, seeing as the back hurt so badly I really wasn't up for much else. I watched everything I had stored up on the hard drive, and then I pulled out DVDs. I drank fruit juice and I realized that actually I was feeling very, very blue.
It happens to us ladies sometimes.
At certain times of the month, some of us get blue.
(And if you're a guy and you ever feel the need to snidely say "Hmm...someone's on the rag", then know that it has been proposed to many legislative bodies that it should be legal for us to punch you in the throat for being insensitive, so don't say that to us.)
Anyway, I was feeling blue. I didn't really know why I was feeling blue, I don't know what was behind it, I just had this overwhelming feeling that I was lost, I was drifting, I had come unanchored at a very deep port. And as I watched my DVDs, I realized that a part of me was homesick.
I was watching Gilmore Girls, Season 6 (shut up, I know. It's cheesy, and someone needs to tell Rory to dial it the fuck down, as well as to warn her that her body type is a pear just waiting for a depression so put those twinkies down NOW, but I do like the show. I fast-forward through all the Kirk and Taylor parts, because those characters should just be killed off in some kind of violent gas main explosion.)
Watching Gilmore Girls made me miss being in the States. I don't know why, I can't really explain it. I know it's just a show, and that Hollywood does its best to make everything kitschy cute and as soft as the Snuggle fabric softener bear's butt, but still. I missed home.
And what triggered it was simple. It was a no-brainer. It was a moment that the scriptwriter probably wrote in as a filler, or a low-paid product placement jaunt. It was meant to be thrown away, but typically I just couldn't do it.
Rory (the daughter) ate someone's Cheese Nips.
She finished off the box.
Someone lost a Nabisco product to her raging early adult ways.
And I felt completely sad. Not for the fate of the Cheese Nips, because that's what they're for (that, and crunched into tomato soup. They really belong in there.) They're for eating, that's the cheesy snack biscuit's meaning in life.
But they don't sell them here, and in a flash, I saw what any potential child I could actually manage to conceive AND give birth to would be missing out on.
My children (should I ever actually have any) will not have Cheese Nips in this country I now call home. Angus and I will never have a child that knows the great goodness that is Nabisco, from the simple Nilla Wafer to the complex Mallomar. That's not even including Chips Ahoy, Triscuits, and (my favorites) Teddy Grahams and Fig Netwons.
Oh, there's a fig-like product here called the Jacob's Fig Roll, and they're pretty good and all, but they're no Fig Newton. Just like Maltesers are not and will never be Whoppers. If you grow up on one side of the product fence, you cannot embrace the other (and don't even get me started on the peanut butter selections here. It will make you weep.)
And it hit me - all of the things that I knew and loved will be missing from the childhoods of my hypothetical children. Products, memories, food, events...none of them will mean anything. Those stored up Hollywood sheltered moments, the feel of a super market box of goods, the smell of the shiny coupons in the Sunday paper...they are meaningless.
The memories that my would-be children won't have started flooding me, as I sat there on the couch tuning out the Gilmores.
My kids will never walk through a pumpkin patch, wandering around trying to find which pumpkin it is that they are certain wants to come home with us. They won't have Halloween costumes and a large plastic pumpkin with a black plastic handle. The words "Trick or Treat" won't mean a thing to them.
My kids may be in football practice, but they'll not have soccer practice. I won't be a soccer mom, driving my soccer car to get my soccer kids. They won't play softball, T-ball will not make any sense to them, and with a quiet sob I realize that hockey to them will always be something played on a green grassy field, as opposed to something played with the solid metal smell of ice in the back of their throats.
My kids will never know what it's like to take a cardboard vacuum-packed tube of baked goods and unroll it. They won't get the distinct insane pleasure of whacking it against the side of the countertop to watch it explode as Grand's cinnamon rolls bulge out the sides. They won't get their fingers greasy as they put them on the baking sheet, and they won't get to pop the tiny can of frosting to glaze their own cinnamon roll. They won't know that they can have my cinnamon roll's share of the frosting, to not frost mine, that I don't like frosting. They won't know what the cinnamon roll tube of baking is like, and the rituals that go with it.
My kids will never understand what Thanksgiving is. For them, like for me here, Thanksgiving will take place on the last Saturday of the month. It will be certain foods, yes, but the other traditions are lost. No Macy's Day parade. No day of football. No Thursday off with a Friday to start your Christmas shopping engines. No papier-mache turkeys made in school and no cringe-worthy pageants of them dressed up like pilgrims. Thanksgiving will be just one of those weird holidays that Mummy likes to celebrate.
And I'll be Mummy and not Mommy. I can't explain why, but that kind of breaks me.
School will be different - the levels are called different things. They'll have forms not grades, and when they're 16 they have to choose something called O-levels, then A-levels, then hopefully university (not college, that's slightly different). Angus explains the school levels to me and I think I've caught on to them now, it's just they're all different. My kids will not go to high school. They will not have a prom. There will be no homecoming.
It's everything from the big to the little. Santa Claus is Father Christmas. Grilled cheese sandwiches have cheddar, not American slices, and surely every child has an obligation to go through that rite of passage known as the Kraft Slice. They will not know the excitement of the new NBC fall line-up. There will be no insurance co-pays, no car dealerships with giant American flags whipping in the wind and commercials that make you want to top yourself. There are no New England winters (which is ridiculous, as I've never lived in New England.) Dick Clark won't Rock the New Year's Eve and the Easter bunny is a figment of my imagination (which is probably true.) There will be no summertime fireflies caught in a jar and then released. The 4th of July-like Thanksgiving-will be one of those days that means something only to Mum.
I know that there are many wonderful, incredible things here, so if you're a native don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking England, I swear it. I love living here, I love working here, I love being here. This feels more like home than any place I have ever been in the world, and there are so many completely remarkable and fantastic aspects of this country. My kids (if I ever have them) will not have an American background, they'll have an English one.
My kids will have Guy Fawkes Day and hot cross buns and mince pies (which I love completely and utterly all December-long). My kids will be able to travel more, as living by one of the most central hubs in the world and having travel-crazy parents that get 6.5 weeks of holiday a year means that they'll get to see a lot, and that's not something to take for granted. They'll feel safer than I did-England is very child friendly and it's so amazingly safe and happy in our little house in the countryside. My kids will have family nearby and friends all over. They'll have Dora the Explorer and CBeebies and Blue Peter. They'll have pubs and double decker bus field trips and will look back with dread on the school uniforms they had (complete with neckties). They'll come from a family line on Angus' side that goes way back as natives and they'll have many wonderful and incredible adventures.
I just don't know what those adventures are. England is not my past, it's not my childhood, I have nothing to compare them to in my own personal footlocker. It makes me feel a little left out, and it makes me worry that everything I hold inside of me, all the good parts of my past, will be lost and forgotten as my family has different experiences moving on.
I don't even have kids, I'm not close to it. I know I was being hormonal as I sat there on the couch debating the future of kids I don't have. I know this is currently so far from being an issue that it's a non-issue, that there are one million more important issues that should be (and are) occupying my mind. But the loss of Slip 'N Slides, of bomb pops, of Fruity Pebbles and of Charlie Brown Thanksgiving specials...well, those stupid, ridiculous, non-sensical little things suddenly felt like a lot.
And all of it overwhelmed me and broke my heart just a little bit.
-H.
PS-I participated in an online art project called I'm Too Sad. You can see my contribution here. They're still looking for contributions, so if you're so inclined, there's a "contribute" link on the site.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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1
Your post really struck a chord. In October I will have been here for 3 years but have been feeling quite homesick recently. I was in B&Q this Saturday waiting on my boy and had picked up a magazine for outdoor furniture or something. The pictures of families outside barbecuing, etc made me think about how possible kids in our future would miss out on long hot summers filled with thunderstorms, trips to the local pool and July 4th fireworks. As you mentioned in your post - it's not that I don't love this country, it's just that I wish they could have both.
Posted by: Lee at March 26, 2007 12:09 PM (lN4Rc)
2
Helen,
If that's a contest at the too sad place.....you win. Wow! You were really sad. I hope you've bounced back.
Posted by: gemma at March 26, 2007 12:16 PM (uI0c3)
3
My parents moved to the US when I was about 1 and I think they went through something similar. Being unable to share the smallest things that they loved growing up with their children. Being so foreign to the new culture their children were learning. Some how though, they found a way to expose us to some of it. And those times were always a treat for us.
Posted by: Minawolf at March 26, 2007 12:21 PM (svbR5)
4
Damn...now I want to get a bag of Chips Ahoy cookies.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 26, 2007 12:28 PM (jm+bg)
5
I left America when I was 13... so I've been in Holland for nearly 10 years now. But when I hear my friends' stories about the prom, about getting their license at 16 ... I feel so homesick. I wonder what I missed. Sure, Holland's pretty cool most of the time, but that was to be me. That was what I was going to get, things that were supposed to happen, things I was going to experience. It's weird, sometimes, and it makes me feel so homesick and sad when I think about it.
My dad, who I haven't seen in 6 years, is coming this week. I wonder what he thinks, about what I missed. He always told me I couldn't get my drivers license until I could drive the tractor with trailor backwards. That never happened. Instead, for him, I grew up in this strange world that I'll be showing him.
It's all so weird and complicated.
Posted by: Hannah at March 26, 2007 12:58 PM (5w+E2)
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I appreciate what you are saying, there really are losses that you can do nothing about. Maybe it has to do with having your hypothetical children on the other team, and you feel like more and more of an outsider somehow. I felt something similar picking my children from Korea (they are adopted). The losses they face are immense, and they didn't ask for it. Something struck a chord in Malcom X's movie, "We didn't land on Plymouth rock, Plymouth rock landed on us." Or something to that effect. Our children didn't choose to be Americans they just are. I will teach them all about their Korean heritage but it will never ever be the same.
Posted by: Judi at March 26, 2007 01:06 PM (J+lNi)
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Don't miss the co-pays! Right now I'm paying $1,200 a month (A MONTH!!) for insurance and still have a $30 co-pay anytime we visit the hospital.
10 years ago, I thought nationalized health care was a bad idea. I'm not sure how else we can do it now.
Posted by: Solomon at March 26, 2007 01:33 PM (x+GoF)
8
I absolutely love all parts of Gilmore Girls and i own all the seasons. I can't even say it's a guilty pleasure because I feel absolutely no guilt.
As for the rest... it sounds like a sad realization that they won't have it exactly the way you did. The good news, though, is that when you do expose them it will feel like a treat, and instead of just passing it off as normal, it will be exciting. Or they'll just think you are weird.. but let's hope it's the first.
Posted by: Jen(aside) at March 26, 2007 02:08 PM (u973k)
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I can totally understand what you are saying. While I am still here in America, and probably always will be, I do have two kids and one of the things I enjoy is exposing them to things from my childhood. Yes, some of that is fireworks on the Fourth, or Cool Whip out of the tub, and of course chopping down the Christmas tree in December. Yet at the end of it all, it is not
what we did as much as we did it
together, and we made our own, new memory. There is so much laying ahead for you and the children you may have, and the unique thing is you get to experience it with them-and truly see it through a child's eyes.
Besides, you have lots of friends here State side who can send you a box of Nips or a Slip-n-Slide if you want it. Although the Slip-n-Side is never as much fun as it looks-I think I still have the grass 'burn' from last summer to prove it.
Posted by: Teresa at March 26, 2007 02:20 PM (bnQpV)
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My Dad is from Hungary via Germany (we are mostly German) and my parents made sure my brother, sister and I experianced the culture when we were small. We took trips to see family and family came here to visit. Anyway, now we have no trouble getting our hands on German products as there is a German goods store in every town. Too bad they don't import Cheese nips and Kraft slices to the UK.
Just think of all the care packages your Dad could send...and all the trips to the US with your kids to see their Grandpa. Sounds like great fun for any kid!
Posted by: Heidi at March 26, 2007 03:37 PM (AtlQP)
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I will totally send you some Cheese Nips, Fig Newtons (they make multi-grain Fig Newtons now, you know!), and whatever else your heart desires, dear. Just let me know what you want!
Posted by: girl at March 26, 2007 03:42 PM (eCQTJ)
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So, being somewhat of an Anglophile myself, I can tell you that I fantasize constantly about my children calling me "Mummy" and having adorable little accents and, totally unrelated, my children will always wear ridiculously adorable gaudy hats for as long as I can keep them on their heads...I'm not married, I live in Denver, there is a distinct lack of Brits here, but it will happen, oh yes, it will happen.
That being said, when I was living abroad I missed all of the things you mentioned, but mostly I wanted Ranch Dressing, which is completely ridiculous because I don't eat it here. Suddenly, when Ranch dressing was no longer an option, it was all I wanted. So, chin up and enjoy the fact that you get to eat all sorts of fabulous foods that I can only dream about...
Posted by: Amanda at March 26, 2007 04:06 PM (B5c+c)
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Any child you have, will have the coolest Auntie in the world, who will make sure they're outfitted properly with all the standard Nabisco products.
And Elmo.
Posted by: statia at March 26, 2007 04:30 PM (KcrOI)
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Dear Helen,
Thank you for reminding me of all the wonderful things we have here in the good ole' U S of A.
I know that wasn't your intention, but it really did take me down memory lane.
As for your maybe-children. They will grow up knowing all those things. Why? Because they are a part of you. They may grow up there, but they will get to experience your American side also.
How very lucky they will be, indeed!
grace
Posted by: grace at March 26, 2007 05:35 PM (SlJYu)
15
Although the differences are far more subtle, I'm often homesick for the Canadian things I grew up with, and wish the American holidays were on the correct days. You will pass on all of these things to your maybe children, and they will be the richer for it.
Posted by: Donna at March 26, 2007 06:17 PM (lQSbL)
16
I tried to explain sad moments to my husband after breaking down in tears while driving home once. He sat next to me, in the passenger seat, totally flummoxed as to what he did wrong. And it was nothing - I just got sad. And cried, which I don't do often. So he chose to go thru my email and google searches to see if I had something on my mind. Do you know how stupid that is to do to a PMS'ing woman?
Anyway - yeah, your kids may not grow up with those things around them all the time, but I'm just imagining you coming to the US for visits, and getting to introduce them to all those wonderful things...and having them sometimes think you're nuts, and other times think you've introduced them to godfood.
And if you get that PO box, I promise to send you cheese its. They have different flavors now, did you know? They're totally addictive. But I won't send Kraft cheese, because...well...that doesn't travel well.
Posted by: Tracy at March 26, 2007 07:39 PM (rpUdy)
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Heh, when I was in London I was amazed and delighted that one could get Cadbury Creme Eggs from a vending machine, at any time of the year instead of only Easter. And I almost broke down and bought an entire box of Crunchies...
Posted by: maolcolm at March 26, 2007 09:27 PM (lc5Ab)
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A friend recomended your blog as I am thinking of moving to England to work. I found your sadness very enlightening as the differences that I would face if I do venture over there.
Posted by: Ivan at March 27, 2007 06:46 AM (X0r9x)
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...I could be confused but, as a severe Gilmore Girls addict and owner of all six seasons that are currently on DVD, I have to question one point. Wasn't it not Rory who ate the Nips, but the last person who was freeloading at the band's apartment that Zach is talking about, and that's the reason he is on her case?
Aside from the Cheese Nip drama, yes! I'm from America, and I can only imagine how sad I would be to have kids and not let them buy a package of Reese's Peanut Butter cups at the grocery store, if they've been good the whole shopping trip, or have birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese, dress up as the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria for a Columbus Day parade in school by making paper boat costumes, or attend summer barbecues and wonder if the potato salad has been out too long to eat. I would be frustrated, wondering what to give them to comfort them, to bring them severe amounts of joy, to help them understand history, to reward them, or just to recognize that they're kids.
That said, aren't there websites where you can order classic American junk food and toys and other fun props of an American childhood and have them shipped to you?
Posted by: Meg at March 28, 2007 03:15 PM (MaXQ4)
20
I will send you big care packages, my friend. Including chili mixes, which you ought to have anyway.
Posted by: RP at March 28, 2007 04:21 PM (LlPKh)
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March 22, 2007
When the Cat's Away, the Mouse...
...plays Sims and eats Mexican breakfast burritos.
Angus is off to Stockholm today to go to his kids' Parent-Teacher conferences. As I'm not a parent, I hate his ex-wife with the burning fire of white hot molten lava (and the feeling is mutual, actually) and it's important for Angus to have alone time with his kids, I'm staying home.
Now once upon a time Angus and I both used to be away from home a lot for work. True, we were married to other people then, but we both recall the days where we worked two to three weeks out of every month in a foreign location. Angus recalls with particular dread how often he had to fly to Madrid about 8 years ago - as he was living in Sweden and there were no direct flights, he would have to change planes and would wind up flying over 6 hours to get to a place that really is only a 2.5 hour flight away, should a carrier be so kind as to fly there direct. I too used to be away all the time, and the luxury of it really wanes when you find out the truth, that a business trip consists of airport, taxi, hotel, office, taxi, airport. Lather, rinse, repeat.
These days we're generally away from each other maybe one night every other month or so, usually when one of us has to go to Upper Buttfuck. The journey is such a dog, we often elect to just stay overnight and retain our sanity. So our evenings apart are rare.
Now, it's not to say we don't miss each other while we're apart because we do (cue the "awwwwwwwwww" cooing soundtrack here.) But at the same time, I think we both quietly think that an evening or two away from each other is also healthy. We do what we want on those evenings, and they're somewhat restorative. By the time the other person comes back we are more than ready for them to be home, and tired of being the sole center of entertainment and affection for two cats and a dog, tired of hearing only our own voices for a few days, and tired of sleeping in the big bed alone.
So what wonders do I have in mind for the next couple of days?
- Play Sims until my ears bleed. Especially since Angus re-built the PC and installed a new killer graphics card.
- Eat macaroni and cheese. Often. Even though he too likes our homemade mac and cheese, I have a religious fervor for the stuff and can eat it without tiring.
- Eat Mexican breakfast burritos. Composed of tortilla filled with potato, salsa, cheese and scrambled egg, they're not everyone's cup of tea.
- Have waffles for lunch. He's not so much a waffle fan, but I love me some waffles.
(If you see a food theme here, it's because there is one. I do not hide the fact that I love food, and my tastes are a bit...strange.)
- Wear my favorite pajamas. Unless it's that time of month for me, in which case I wear granny panties and a pair of boxers, we both sleep in the nude. When he's away I like to pull out my favorite pair of boxers and my enormous oversized Calvin and Hobbes T-Shirt and sleep in them. I do not pretend I look hot in them, but man am I comfortable.
- Watch endless episodes of CSI, Gilmour Girls, and those Discovery Channel shows of the religious nutters who have 14 kids or more. I love those shows, I watch them with the fascinated horror one would have if watching a giant sea squid take down a school of fish. He and I don't see eye to eye on most TV shows, so this is my hall pass to go mad.
- Re-run Sense and Sensibility. I love that movie, I think I've seen it 100 times and I never bore of it. I also watch bad 80's movies that I know would drive him mad - Weird Science, The Breakfast Club, Outrageous Fortune, Real Genius...these kinds of things make me laugh and take me back (hey-I never said I was sophisticated or anything.)
- Sleep with a stuffed bear and a stuffed dog. WHAT? You find that weird? That an almost 33 year-old woman is sleeping with cuddly toys? Don't you know that stuffed animals present an invisible barrier of protection that bad guys and vampires cannot cross? Geez.
Surely it's not weird that I have my own routine when he's away. I'd bet you have a similar shtick, too.
So there you have it. An action packed plan. It's true I'm off to London first thing tomorrow for a meeting but then my schedule is my own. A lot of people are off work, winding down before the Easter holidays arrive, and so work is very, very slow.
If you're trying to reach me, be advised that for the next few days I'll probably be feeding my face with some bizarre carbohydrate concoction while watching something involving the Brat Pack while trying to play Sims at the same time.
-H.
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1
Sounds like a perfect weekend to me! I know exactly what you mean about having an evening or weekend to yourself - it is lovely but I'm always ready to welcome him back home!
Enjoy your carbohyrates, CSI and the Rat Pack!!
Posted by: Suzie at March 22, 2007 09:20 AM (YqqaU)
2
I gotta say, some away time can be an awfully good thing. My particular carb fetish is toasted cheese ravioli. Jen thinks they're vile and is convinced they're going to give me a heart attack by the time I'm 40, so I have actually eaten them three nights in a row when she was away for a week once.
Posted by: maolcolm at March 22, 2007 09:40 AM (76vF6)
3
I liked living by myself, because I could do what I wanted, when I wanted and not have to explain. Trust me I used to keep odd hours, and have a tendency even now to deal with insomnia. I would clean and re-arrange my entire house at 3 a.m. If I were to do that now I think the boy would kill me, well maybe not kill me but drug my water with a mild sedative!
I actually prefer to clean by myself, so when he's gone I try to take advantage. I know, clean, right? I especially enjoy mornings by myself because then I don't have to share the bathroom and my entire get ready process is so much more relaxing.
Have fun with your mac & cheese and CSI!
Posted by: Angela at March 22, 2007 11:47 AM (CfX1n)
4
Sounds like a fabulous weekend! Have a great, and relaxing time with the house ALL to yourself!
Posted by: wn at March 22, 2007 12:04 PM (MlWdo)
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I do the same thing when my husband is away! I'll eat all the foods he hates (mmm shrimp), and then watch girly movies and my favorite guilty pleasure junk tv shows (mostly on mtv). I like having the place to myself every now and then
Posted by: geeky at March 22, 2007 01:04 PM (ziVl9)
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When my boy is away, my thoughts turn to food as well. And now you've made me want mac and cheese.
By the way, would you care to share your recipe? I like mine, but am always up for a new one!
Posted by: donna at March 22, 2007 03:03 PM (Np8VQ)
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I loooooove me some alone time. You are going to watch
Sixteen Candles right? RIGHT!?
And remember, stuffed animals keep the scary clowns away too.
On a side note-I know you know this but Angus is fucking awesome. There are a lot of dads who wouldn't go to Parent-Teacher conferences even if they were across the street, let alone another country. You guys rock, seriously.
Posted by: Teresa at March 22, 2007 03:05 PM (OlIQC)
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Please tell me you got the Sims2 Seasons -- it's SO WORTH IT. I, the Simmer who only built houses for my fabulously wealthy Sims, get bored and quit playing, is on her THIRD GENERATION of Sims (remember Marcy and Michael? They're with Grimmy but their daughter just gave birth to twins).
Me. Doing actual game play. Who would have guessed?
Anyway. I can so picture your Aspiration Meter with the "eat mac & cheese" icon. Yes. I'm strange. Quit looking at me like that.
Heh.
xoxo
Posted by: jUST mE at March 22, 2007 03:41 PM (NKAcN)
9
P.S. [CTRL+SHIFT+C] and type "aging off" without the quotes.
I learned that the hard way after being so sad when my Sim Kitty turned into a ghost. Heh.
Posted by: jUST mE at March 22, 2007 03:43 PM (NKAcN)
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Sounds like a nice, relaxing time. I'm all for praising Angus on being a "great dad", too!
Posted by: sue at March 22, 2007 04:28 PM (WbfZD)
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No refried beans and onions in there? Tsk tsk.
Posted by: Sigivald at March 22, 2007 05:27 PM (4JnZM)
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Sims and breakfast burritos??? You are my kind of woman.
Then theres the mac and cheese and 80's movies...
I think you're my new girl crush!
grace
Posted by: grace at March 22, 2007 06:37 PM (SlJYu)
13
Real Genius? Excellent movie. I try to watch it at least once a year.
And while we're (I'm) on the subject of goofy 80s movies, might I suggest
Better Off Dead? A bizarre, yet very funny movie.
Posted by: physics geek at March 22, 2007 08:39 PM (KqeHJ)
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Physics Geek-Are you kidding? I LOVE that movie!
I still walk around waiting to get a chance to say: "Get your testicles off of me!" in a French accent.
Plus, it had early John Cusack. He-
llo...
Posted by: Helen at March 22, 2007 09:36 PM (bDVmH)
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Hum sounds like you could title this....
A Teenage Girl from the 80's.
Seems we all celebrate our down time the same way. PJs and bratpackish movies.
My VHS version of Sense and Sensibility finally bit the dust and I just upgraded to DVD.
Of course my favorite movies from the 80's are Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Sixteen Candles, but then again, John Hughes loved to film in Chicago...as he grew up and graduated HS in this area.
so.......
"No more yanky my wanky....THE DONGA NEED FOOD!"
Posted by: Heidi at March 22, 2007 11:12 PM (S9vcb)
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breakfast burritos ALMOST rule!! the good shit is Chilaquieles!... damn straight!. uh..you have heard of Chilaquieles?? Sure ya have. Texas right?
You may even have seen them made by some punk-ass sissy boy chef like emeril lagasse or some other limpwrist on the food channel. but their perversion would be something that my chickens would not touch with a ten foot beak. No. You have to stick to traditonal ingrediants and preparation. Ok ok.. I will give you my crunchy granola special that even my pescado vegan friends chow down.
start with 3 or 4 medium corn tortillas
shred them up into bite size pc.
heat up 3-4 tbl sp. corn oil in a well seasoned cast iron skillet.
chop onion, celery, (a good bit, enough for everybody) asperagus and or brocoli, maybe some shredded carrots.
When the oil is hot.. brown tortillas then onion celery and veggies. season with sage black pepper and toss in sliced pickled jalapenos..you know the ones. in the jar or can. Ok.
When everything is nicely brown whip up 4-6 large eggs and stir in. salt and pepper some more.
Now here is Helen's favorite part.
turn off the heat.. sprinkle with half cup of your favorite shredded cheese.. to melt
salsa brava on the side - optional.
Hot coffee mmmmm
heaven.
Posted by: j.m at March 24, 2007 06:41 AM (0KGz0)
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Will you be getting the new Sony playstation now that it's out?
Posted by: Max Cady at March 24, 2007 06:59 PM (e98TC)
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Yum...mexican breakfast burritos...think we need to have those tomorrow morning.
Did you mention favorite pajamas with matching comfy socks?
Posted by: Steff at March 24, 2007 09:12 PM (EpjaR)
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March 21, 2007
Ben Gay and Chlorine
So with all the swimming I've been doing, I've noticed that occasionally my gym has Aqua aerobics classes. I'd be doing my laps and watch the folk in the classes. The classes are about 90% female, and about 99% senior citizen. I've seen the occasional young person in the class (always female), and these younger women seem to be either:
A) Knocked up
B) Carrying crutches
So really, the class is for the older folk.
Well, last week I decided I was bored with swimming laps and I was going to be adventurous. I was going to take the bull by the horns and instigate a change. I don't like the yoga classes, weights bore me, and laps were getting old. So I was going to try an aqua aerobics class!
(Cue trumpets here).
I signed up and went to the class today. With my entrance into the swimming pool, I lowered the average age by about 25 years. I was the youngest person there by a whole generation (in some cases, by two.) The instructor - they're land based creatures in this aqua aerobics world - came up to me.
"Have you ever taken aqua aerobics before?" she asked nicely. (It's pronounced "ack-wuh" here. I say "Ock-wuh", they say "ack-wuh", let's call the whole thing off.)
"No, but I'm a swimmer," I reply.
"Any medical conditions?" she asks.
"I've got a bad back," I say slowly, suddenly seeing myself with the old age pensioners (as seniors are called here) after all.
"Oh, so does most of the class," the teacher replied merrily. "You'll be just fine."
And we start off by jogging in place.
Now, let me explain aqua aerobics-the point is to keep moving in the water, which is about shoulder high. They give you those long floaty styrofoam tubes to use sometimes (which they call a womble and which makes me laugh in a most immature fashion every time) and styrofoam weights. It's a one hour class.
And it's so fucking hard you wouldn't believe it.
Seriously.
Grandma and Grandpa kick some water ass in this class.
I've been a swimmer most of my life. I started swimming from a very young age. I was on swim teams. I used to be a lifeguard. I'm a certified advanced PADI diver. One of my single greatest pleasures in life is snorkelling in warm water, looking at the little fishies. I love the water and generally consider myself very "water fit".
But sweet Jesus, halfway through the class I wanted to die. It was unbelievable. You think kicking your leg up in the water is easy, which it is...for about 30 seconds. You think using weightless styrofoam weights is a snap, which it is...unless you're using them underwater, at which point you're working them against the weight of the water and your biceps start protesting loudly.
A kind, matronly woman looked over at me, seeing me grit my teeth. "It's not easy, is it dear?" she asked sympathetically.
You keep making it look easy, Grandma, and I'll swap your denture cream with Heat Rub.
"It's harder than I thought," I admit.
I don't know how these people do it. They're supposed to be frail. They're supposed to be advancing years. Instead, they're laughing and talking about grandkids and TV and the latest book, while I'm just trying to keep the womble from shooting out of the water and taking my eye out. These people get my serious respect for being way tougher than the stereotype they're forced to live up to.
I owe these women an apology-it's not an easy class. It's fucking hard work. I'll definitely be taking the class again-while the work is hard, your heart rate remains steady (which I appreciate) and it's really more of a muscle development kind of work than anything else. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I also napped all afternoon after it.
So the next time you look in on an aqua aerobics class and smile at the grannies working away in there, know this-they could kick your ass in a heartbeat, my friend.
-H.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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1
Back in the day when I still had the gym membership I thought about giving it a try but never did. I have a feeling the class with grandma's would be a good thing for my brain. Regular contact with non-competitive, kind, & caring women has a way of putting lifes stresses into a better frame of mind.
I hope you'll keep us posted on how it goes -
Posted by: cursingmama at March 21, 2007 01:34 PM (PoQfr)
2
My mom had to take one of the classes as part of her PT. She often talked about how difficult it was, but her favorite part was the ladies in the class. That and the grandpas in Speedos who loved to do cannonballs and splash all the everyone in the class.
And wombles? Is that like water noodles? [http://www.poolcenter.com/pooltoys_noodles_water_logs.htm] If so I don't know how you keep them underwater. When we swim it is a bitch to sit on those things and float, but it is a lot of fun to shoot water out of the middle of them-and you can get some serious distance.
Posted by: Teresa at March 21, 2007 02:42 PM (U7BoD)
3
I took one class in the deep end of the pool and I thought I was going to drown! It was fun though!
Posted by: Steff at March 21, 2007 02:43 PM (uKuUC)
4
I did a water aerobics class once when I was younger. The woman who lead the class weighed about 250 pounds, which right off the bat was not a stellar endorsement. It ended up being more about catching up with other women than about exercise, which wasn't what I wanted, so I stopped going. If I ever join a gym with a pool again, maybe I'll give it a try.
Posted by: amy t. at March 21, 2007 03:14 PM (fm3Rv)
5
LOL! I've watched those classes too and you summed up perfectly the way I've always viewed them. Now I know how hard they are, I'll make sure to stay away. ;-P
Reminds me of my grandmother in her late 70's or so. She did yoga for most of her life and when I expressed an interest, she took great pleasure in showing me how to do this and that pose.
The only one I remember clearly was "The Plow" (I'm sure it has some more official Yogi-est name). She did "The Plow" like nobody's business; her legs went up and over and they were straight and everything perfect.
I, on the other hand, still in my early *20's*, performed The Plow like a dumb ass. Like I was crippled. She had to gently encourage me to bend my knees, 'cause otherwise, it just wasn't going to happen.
Yeah. Old people can kick ass in that stuff.
I'm looking forward to kicking ass when I get older! LOL
Posted by: Amber (the other one) at March 21, 2007 03:39 PM (zQE5D)
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I'm so jealous! I'm also a swimmer and I LOVE Water aerobics. Really hard stuff and you dont feel the sweat, plus you have to activate all the stablizer muscles..you really get a workout. I used to have a membership at this place [http://www.lifetimefitness.com/]. In the summer we'd be out in the outdoor pool...kinda felt like you were on vacation being out in the warm morning sun at 8am. Crap, I might have to renew my membership now.....
Posted by: Heidi at March 21, 2007 05:06 PM (/4RAe)
7
I love water aerobics. My doc prescribed them as part of my therapy for my RA, but the schedule is good for retirees only (9am or 3pm), so I can't go since we moved to CA.
The class we had in NC was AWESOME. Mostly college students, so very aerobic oriented, and believe me you could feel it when you hauled yourself out of the pool afterward. Not to mention the 2 flights of stairs up to the street from the loacker rooms... I didn't lose much weight, but I did get very toned doing it.
Posted by: caltechgirl at March 21, 2007 05:20 PM (/vgMZ)
8
Years ago, my mom forced me to go to the water areobics classes with her, and yeah, they were hard, but I'd take them any day over normal aerobics. Mainly because I didn't have to stand behind some woman with a thong workout outfit going up her butt crack...
Posted by: Tracy at March 21, 2007 05:31 PM (rpUdy)
9
I had to take a water aerobics class after my 3rd knee surgery to regain my conditioning and balance- you are absolutely correct, those oldies kicked my butt.
I now work in a hospital that offers WA classes in our therapy pool- I should take advantage of the proximity and discount and get my ever expanding rear into the pool again!
Posted by: Jen-Again at March 21, 2007 06:43 PM (9sYS7)
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Hi H,
Keep up with it. At least the water supports you so there is little risk of straining your back. Don't the Wombles get a bit waterlooged in the pool with all that fur..... ? What would Madame Cholet and Uncle Bulgaria make of it all ?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/classic/titles/wombles.shtml
Posted by: robin h at March 21, 2007 07:30 PM (bQHJk)
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I love being in the water but I have never taken a class. I used to watch them, and then I'd go into the pool after their class and do some of the movements. You are right, it IS hard. I should do that some more!
Posted by: kenju at March 21, 2007 08:39 PM (L8e9z)
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I took a water aerobics class in college, oh fifteen years ago...it was a kick-ass work out! After a semester of that class three times a week I was buff!
Posted by: Peg at March 21, 2007 09:27 PM (vBKqN)
13
Good Lord - I would have never guessed! Maybe I will have to check out a class....
Posted by: Richmond at March 21, 2007 11:42 PM (e8QFP)
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March 20, 2007
Drowning in Apathy
But getting there.
-H.
PS-not a great picture, it's a bit fuzzy, but I did warn you about the apathy.
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1
A most interesting horoscope....
Posted by: Teresa at March 20, 2007 05:01 PM (kfX/Y)
2
Yeah, sometimes apathy sucks
Posted by: Heidi at March 20, 2007 05:11 PM (xtjKQ)
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Here's to unsticking!
I'm uploading love and hugs, babe.
xoxo
Posted by: jUST mE at March 20, 2007 05:16 PM (O12Mu)
Posted by: justme at March 20, 2007 08:37 PM (3mCBU)
5
It will change, I assure you!
Posted by: kenju at March 20, 2007 09:04 PM (L8e9z)
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Is it ignorance or apathy? Hey, I don't know and I don't care
Jimmy Buffet
Posted by: Foggy at March 20, 2007 09:05 PM (WlHuv)
7
That portends something wonderful. Here's to a good week.
Posted by: caltechgirl at March 21, 2007 12:09 AM (r0kgl)
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March 16, 2007
Most Than Just Swim Time
After coming home from holiday in January, Angus and I both joined a local gym. We'd had a winer of indulgence really, and both of us had gained weight. Between the incredible food, the alcohol, and the sheer fact that the Holiday Season is inclined to add inches to your waist no matter how good you resolve to be, we needed to get fit.
We've given ourselves strict rules about exercise, food, and alcohol. No "bad for you" foods during the week, and on the weekends we aim to be good but do allow ourselves a few indulgences (mostly related to cheese, because everything in life is related to cheese). Week days-with the exception of a holiday, like Valentine's Day or a birthday - are not for alcohol. Alcohol is a Friday - Sunday evening event only.
So far something is working-we've both lost weight, and even though Angus' total weight loss isn't massive his body is definitely changing shape and people are commenting to him about it often. He wants to get down to a weight I don't approve of - I don't care for skinny men, much like he doesn't care for skinny women, we both like curves - but we all have goals, and his is to be happier with himself.
The gym gets visited a lot. Angus tries to go 5 - 6 times a week, and he's there for over an hour as he works on weights and gives himself the minimum target of burning 1,000 calories on the cross-trainer.
I'm not on the same level as him, mostly because I fucking hate the cross-trainer. I went to a few yoga classes there, but found that it just didn't have the enjoyable feeling that my other yoga class had. While my previous class had itself a fucking annoying Reena, it also had a camraderie of women like me-average, ordinary, everyday women that just like to bend and stretch. Yoga in my new gym is like some kind of reality TV show, where the yoga contestants try to see who will pass out first in a headstand and vote off the one who can't get their knees flat on the floor in Lotus (luckily I can do that, but I can't do a headstand to save my life, so that'd be me voted off then.)
Instead I've found myself in the swimming pool. I go at least three times a week and just do lap after lap after lap. I don't really vary my routine that much-laps of sidestrokes, laps of backstrokes, and laps using the kickboard to work my legs out. I know it seems unoriginal and even uninteresting, but I get a lot out of my swimming time. I go often enough that my two year-old swimsuit is beginning to wear out in the straps, and so I have to face swimsuit shopping today, lest I show a little more in my breaststroke than I'd intended.
This week I've only been twice (although I'll go on the weekend, too), but I've really treasured the time I've been there. Today the pool wasn't busy, and I was able to do laps in peace without worrying that the next chap was about to catch up with me. The pool is on the ground floor and one whole side of the wall is glass, so that you have a straight view out into the woods. The sun is shining, the pool is always a perfect temperature, and I just laid on my back, slowly backstroking, and closed my eyes from the brightness of the sun.
And when I swim, I think.
Sometimes I think about my past-my 33rd birthday is a little over 2 weeks away but I often feel so old, like I've been through enough to just say Right. This is me telling you, God, that I'd like to cruise for a while now. I've really put in my time, man. Let's dial it down a bit now, ok?
Sometimes I think about my present-job-wise things are very calm. My managers chose to give me quiet projects to let me emotionally and psychologically recover from the last project, which really did me in. I sometimes feel ready to take on a new, harder project, but at the same time I think cruising right now - something that, with the exception of the 3 months I didn't work when I was laid off, I have never done - might be ok. I've been working my ass off since I started working in the corporate world 11 years ago. A few months of a break can be a good thing.
Sometimes I think about my future. I don't know what to think about there. I work on being positive. It doesn't always work, but I try.
Stroke, stroke, stroke I swim in the pool. You can only be as strong as you think you are. Yes, I am strong, and I'm not boastful in saying this. Actually it makes me feel sad - I'm strong because I've had to be. I'm strong because the majority my life there was no one there to catch me but me. It's not a choice and I try not to think that strength is a limited commodity.
Because it's not. Strength is an infinite pool. You float in in and wade in it, and even when you think you're out of it, you find that you're simply at the end of the wall, it's time to turn around and keep swimming. Even when everything is so fucking hard you can't see how it can get harder, you can get through it.
Stroke, stroke, stroke....Can I get through this?
There is no other choice but to get through it.
The choice you have to make is if you want to get through it and be happy. The end of the journey might look nothing like the start of it, but there's no reason to think that what I find at the end can't be extraordinary. Different, yes. Trying, definitely. But the trick isn't to survive.
It's to thrive.
And I keep swimming, and keep trying to picture that.
-H.
PS - Private aside to L - I love you and you're in my thoughts. My mails to your work address get bounced, so I'm sending them to your hotmail, and I am here for you, no matter what. I will understand if you can't talk about it, especially now. Please know that I'm thinking of you.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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1
That reminds me of Dory's song in Finding Nemo...
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." (Not quite the same without the tune)
Stupid I know. I hope everything will turn out well for you.
Posted by: Gill at March 16, 2007 12:46 PM (uDpoc)
2
I'm glad you find peace in swimming laps in the pool. Depending on how busy it is, it can almost be hypnotic. Take care, Helen.
Posted by: amelia at March 16, 2007 12:56 PM (m+C+k)
3
This is a beautiful post.
Posted by: Anna O. at March 16, 2007 02:29 PM (60/Yz)
4
I love the water... won't look at it quite the same way again, tho'. Thanks... I needed that today.
Posted by: sue at March 16, 2007 02:37 PM (WbfZD)
5
I love your perspective on things Helen. I needed that post as well. As I've told you, I've had a rough year also. Sometimes we get so focused on making it through, that we forget that making it through with a good healthy outlook IS the objective. HUGS Helen......... THanks
Posted by: Terry at March 16, 2007 03:09 PM (YadGF)
6
As you have your swimming I have my running. I get the same sort of peace running on the beautiful trails where I live and letting my mind do the thinking it seems to need to do while not being directed by outside influences.
Posted by: Kat at March 16, 2007 03:16 PM (4g1jr)
7
That was a nice way to end the week. Thank you.
Posted by: Teresa at March 16, 2007 03:22 PM (hUVV1)
8
I miss swimming. I used to do competitive year round swimming when I was younger, and it was the best shape I've ever been in. My thoughts were clear and I found it relaxing - even when I was pounding the water trying to beat the next lane to the finish. The smell of chlorine is soothing to me. I used to date a swimmer in high school, and when I was stressed I'd lick his arm and smell the residual chlorine, which may seem weird, but it always calmed me down.
I hate that my gym doesn't have a pool.
Posted by: amy t. at March 16, 2007 04:20 PM (fm3Rv)
9
Laps can put you in the "zone". I am impressed with what you are doing at the gym. You cannot help but change for the better, both mentally and physically.
Posted by: kenju at March 16, 2007 07:02 PM (L8e9z)
10
And the Magnificent Amy just came in at comment number 15,000.
Thanks
Posted by: Helen at March 16, 2007 11:42 PM (aruIm)
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March 15, 2007
Light
I fumbled through the dark and found a match.
The match led me to a candle.
The candle burned as I found a flashlight.
And then I kept walking and finally saw the end of the road, and at the end of the road, there was light.
I'm almost there.
-H.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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1
Keep going, Helen! You'll get there soon and I'm here cheering you on. Keep going!
Posted by: Suzie at March 15, 2007 12:05 PM (YqqaU)
2
Glad things are looking up mate. Still sending virtual hugs your way
Posted by: Amanda at March 15, 2007 12:46 PM (HIMHu)
3
*whew*
It's a good thing you keep your matches dry.
If you need one, I have a spare flashlight.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 15, 2007 01:00 PM (jm+bg)
Posted by: sue at March 15, 2007 01:23 PM (WbfZD)
5
I knew you could. Good.
Posted by: kenju at March 15, 2007 02:08 PM (L8e9z)
Posted by: Teresa at March 15, 2007 02:10 PM (3/k5N)
7
Isn't it a great feeling to almost see the end?
A *tired*, "what the hell was all that?" feeling, but a great feeling, yeah.
Good for you.
Posted by: Amber (the other one) at March 15, 2007 03:40 PM (zQE5D)
8
::: takes a deep breath ::: Good to hear.
Posted by: Lisa at March 15, 2007 03:54 PM (ELUjU)
9
Waaaaaaay over here, see me? I'm holding a 5,000 candle-power floodlight.
Though it may not feel so much like it right now, things really DO have a marvelous way of working out.
Hug each other. It truly will be all right, love.
I love you SOOOO much! Hang in. Help is on the way.
Posted by: jUST mE at March 15, 2007 05:15 PM (XEgK2)
Posted by: stinkerbell at March 15, 2007 07:00 PM (O3iDX)
11
hug!!!!! its all about the hugs
Posted by: larryconley at March 16, 2007 09:37 AM (ylbNT)
12
Keep following that light, I'll keep sending happy thoughts your way. Hang in there.
Posted by: maolcolm at March 16, 2007 10:18 AM (ThEga)
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March 13, 2007
Pause
Sometimes, the world goes dark and all you can think is
Oh my God. How am I going to get through this?
The light goes out with the flash of an exploding bulb. You look for hope, but there's no one with hope with you. You dread these days, for when they come they remind you of how hard everything can be, and these days are the type that you can't see the end to see if there will be light again.
This is one of those days.
It might even become one of those months.
-H.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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1
A big hug sent through the internet to you.
Posted by: amelia at March 13, 2007 12:37 PM (tZQUq)
2
Oh honey. You'll pull through.
Hugs,
Rachel
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at March 13, 2007 12:37 PM (+MvHD)
3
Thinking of you, and sending you hugs to try and make your day a bit better.
Posted by: Suzie at March 13, 2007 12:38 PM (YqqaU)
4
Unfortuantley, I've had one of those weeks too, and it's looking like it could well get worse.
Wishing strength for you to help you get through it.
Good luck, and take good care.
Paul
Posted by: Light & Dark at March 13, 2007 01:19 PM (M9GWX)
5
Well shit-this is not what I want to hear.
Hold on. It may seem like cold comfort, but you always find the light. Take care.
Posted by: Teresa at March 13, 2007 01:33 PM (NM9uj)
6
Normally March is a much nicer month for me than it has been so far.
Here's to things looking up all around.
Posted by: amber at March 13, 2007 01:58 PM (+QIvh)
7
Isn't there some boxed saying about this? Like you have to have the dark to appreciate the light? (Granted I say fuck the dark give me light)Hang in there, and know lots of people are wishing you well.
Posted by: angela at March 13, 2007 02:21 PM (CfX1n)
8
Ah, fuck. *sigh*
There's another light bulb in the package. Just how many people will it take to screw it in? You will try to fiddle with it yourself but will realize that you need another hand to help. After some time and understanding you'll get that other hand and then the light will be a nice, warm yellow glow.
Just hang on. The light bulb is out there ... it's just hiding right now.
Posted by: Michele at March 13, 2007 02:41 PM (5VGFA)
9
This whole past week has been like that for me. Hang in there - good thoughts coming your way from way over here.
Posted by: Lisa at March 13, 2007 03:32 PM (ELUjU)
10
You've just got to let it work itself out. In the meantime, try to take it easy and get on to the next day. You never know what it might hold.
Hugs!
Posted by: caltechgirl at March 13, 2007 05:58 PM (r0kgl)
11
How are you doing, Helen? When swimming gets too hard, turn on your back and float awhile. And breathe, breathe deeply. Know that there are lots of us out here in internet land that care about you.
Posted by: amelia at March 13, 2007 07:16 PM (tZQUq)
12
You've been there before and you always find the way out. You're very strong, Helen, don't forget that.
Posted by: kenju at March 13, 2007 08:16 PM (L8e9z)
13
Hang in there. Good things come in twos. Wiht love all things will work out. You have that.
Posted by: Foggy at March 13, 2007 08:53 PM (xC3kW)
14
Hang in there. Times like these are likes storms, best waited out in the company of friends. Don't forget that even the worst of storms has to end sometime. I hope your sun comes back out soon.
-John
Posted by: maolcolm at March 13, 2007 09:31 PM (hNS8G)
15
I think you need new socks. Toe socks, if possible.
Email me (a perfect stranger - but I'm from Nebraska, so I'm probably not a serial killer) your addy, and I will send you some. Looking forward to socks in the mail could be something to help hold on 'til the sun comes up.
Posted by: Tracy at March 13, 2007 11:29 PM (rpUdy)
16
In fact, perhaps you could take out a PO Box, and post that, and we could ALL send you socks.
But I refuse to participate in any sock mail chains. My mother made me participate in a dish towel chain once. Do you know how unexciting dishtowels are, when they come from people who don't know you?
Posted by: Tracy at March 13, 2007 11:31 PM (rpUdy)
17
H no matter what know... that there are people who love you and will be there for you at the drop of a heart beat in whatever way they can.
Posted by: stinkerbell at March 14, 2007 12:21 AM (XrW9R)
18
....thinking of you too. And I'll gladly send some Target socks (or anything else to put a spring in your step) your way once you get that PO box set up.
Posted by: sarah at March 14, 2007 02:09 AM (T2tsp)
19
I'm sorry things are dark for you right now. Thinking of you.
Posted by: ZTZCheese at March 14, 2007 04:39 AM (GcuaU)
20
sorry things aren't going quite the way you'd hoped. big hugs. i hope things are seen from a new perspective soon.
Posted by: becky at March 14, 2007 05:51 AM (gxmeq)
21
Mate, I'm so sorry you are in a bad place at the moment, I wish I could teleport myself there to give you an instant hug. I'm thinking of you, and I'll wait with you for the light.
Posted by: Amanda at March 14, 2007 07:12 AM (HIMHu)
22
Sometimes there are no words. But you do have a lot of love out here in the electronic void. And all of us hope that the light comes back on for you.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 14, 2007 11:28 AM (zjve3)
23
My normal response would be to post another stupid joke in the comments. For some reason, that seems inappropriate this time.
Anyway, what everyone else said. Take care of yourself.
Posted by: physics geek at March 14, 2007 03:09 PM (KqeHJ)
Posted by: sue at March 14, 2007 05:49 PM (WbfZD)
25
You'll get through this, hon. I know you will.
Posted by: girl at March 14, 2007 06:26 PM (eCQTJ)
26
I hope it gets better soon. We are all rooting for you and hope everything ends up going your way.
Posted by: kimmykins13 at March 14, 2007 08:03 PM (HUKlZ)
Posted by: SuperSarah at March 14, 2007 11:13 PM (Bpu2f)
28
yep. I know. Just dig through it, babe. Keep looking for the light and pinch yourself--as long as there is pain, you are alive.
Wish I could be your flashlight....
Posted by: Marie at March 14, 2007 11:56 PM (VwZea)
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March 12, 2007
That Which We Call a Rose, By Any Other Word Would Smell As Sweet
Sidestepping my real life for a minute, there's something on my mind and I'd really like to get it out, not least because I simply don't want it in there, but also because I'm a little busy dealing with a few other things and would like to reserve my resources with those issues.
Over at Ilyka's is a post which has really fucked me off, and not just because of the reponse you get if you come out against the principle of the post (this is not the same as "Ilyka has really fucked me off", so no attacking). In said post I commented, and I'm afraid I did come out in the beginning with guns already blazing when I should have taken a deep breath and addressed it calmly (this is why I don't comment on most sites). Regardless I still stand by what I said, even if my delivery was off.
The truth is, I don't mind the word "cunt".
I know a lot of people consider it offensive, not least women. It's a base word, an edgy term. It's a slang term for female anatomy, but then many terms are. Some feminists, in particular, consider it an ad hominem attack. Attack a woman by her anatomy is, I believe, a double slander-you're attacking the gender twice, and using a vagina as an offensive term.
I get that some people are offended, I really do. I'm just not. I don't care if people use the term. The truth is, I honestly hear it a lot more living in the UK than I ever did in the States. This is the case for several terms-when Angus used the word "Jap" a long time ago I came unglued. The term is incredibly offensive to me, while the word "Jap" is used here and isn't really considered an insult. But as I was so angry about it that it has been removed from Angus' vernacular. There is a learning curve here, and it's not always easy.
But with the exception of Angus' parents (who still use the term "fiddlesticks"), everyone I have regular contact with uses that shocking "c-word". It's not like it's used in every other sentence, some people I work with use it once in a blue moon while one guy I know uses it a lot. But in my experience it is used more, and it's far less shocking here, than back in the U.S.
I even use it myself, and with one exception (the Swunt), when I use it I don't mean it in anger or in a derogatory way. I don't use any vulgar names in anger, actually, and neither does Angus. But I don't just randomly walk around using the word, and in general I do a "swear check" with people I meet-I won't curse until I hear them do so. If they swear I'll match it. If they don't I will refrain, just in case I offend. If they tell me a term is offensive, I make it a point to never use it. Amongst my friends and work mates though, we will swear. And of the entire range of swear words, we use them all.
I do consider myself a feminist. I used to be a very militant one, to the point where I did think the spelling of the word "women" needed to be changed to "womyn". I used to be very aggressive about my feminist belief structure, and violating that was not only a personal attack on me but I viewed it as an invalidation of women as a whole.
I've mellowed though. A lot. Now I just think names are exactly that-they're just nouns. They don't define me. As a result, I don't get remotely offended if someone is angry with me and calls me a bitch, a cunt, or a whore. Words like that said in anger simply go in one ear and out the other, I figure the person has brought it down to the level of a bar fight and this is the best they've got. None of those words used at me in anger phase me in the slightest. You want to call me a cunt? Whatever. Maybe I am.
I myself say the word. I also call other women bitches, particularly if I think they're being one (but I don't think I've ever called another woman a bitch to her face in my life, it's just something I think.) "Whore" is a word I use on a daily basis, but also never in anger. Anything can be labelled a whore, and the following list (which is not inclusive) are some of the things which have been called "whore" around me:
- the computer
- my London commute
- the cats
- the dog
- parking meters
- myself
- Angus
- my period
- the weather
and so on. It's not a personal attack on women to me. To me, it's just a word.
I'm pretty free with the use of the word "dick", "dickhead", and "dickass" as well. I'm liberal with my vulgar slang, generally because I like to swear (and if this is where you step in to tell me it's not eloquent to curse well, then, fuck off.) While I don't use the word "pussy", it's not because I get offended by it, I just think it's weird calling things by an improper word for "cat". I don't think of pussy as a synonym for women's genitalia, as to me that word could only be uttered by 50 year-old pervs with ridiculous mustaches who have been out of touch with the new slang. It's not offensive so much as it's pathetic (the same applies to the word "cock" to me. It feels like shiny exposed chest hair covered in gold chains rather than a demeaning term).
I don't think these terms demean women so much as they're simply demeaning, and demeaning to both sexes equally. All of these terms play the same game of riding the gender line. "Cunt" is perhaps as bad as "prick" which is perhaps as bad as "bitch" which is perhpas as bad as "dick". It's true a lot more negative terms come from female-associated nouns than male ones, and most of the male terms which were insulting have, over time, perhaps become less invective simply because fashion changed-men went around insulting other men by calling them "curs" in the Victorian times, but you don't see people throwing down over being called the equivalent of a hunting dog these days. Perhaps as the rise of the female role occurred, so did the insolence about female terms.
Angus and I are similarly aligned-he could care less if someone starts an attack on him and calls him a poof (English slang for gay), a cunt, a pussy, a bitch, or a dick. He figures they have nothing better to do with their time if they resort to bar slang. I understand many men find it highly offensive to be called a bitch or - perhaps worse - to be called a gay term. But to both of us they're just insults, and ones which can be attained once you hit the 10 year-old level or watch TV after 9 pm, either way. If I get called those terms I simply think someone isn't very creative at all, if this is all they can pull out of their ass.
To me an insult is more personal and more intuitive. A real insult to me is a clever one, one which hits home as a person, instead of as a gender. If you're going to use terms I can find written on the inside of any truckstop bathroom door, then I'm just going to tune you out. Call me crazy to my face, for example, and I will throw down. Tell me I'm selfish and chances are good that an epic battle is about to occur. Things that are incredibly mild said in anger can also really get to me-Saturday Angus was angry with me and called me an idiot, something which is a generally innocuous word. Said in anger though, it became hurtful, and he did apologize. Ironically, one of the most hurtful words I've had thrown at me is "American"-not because I'm embarassed about being an American or it's a derogatory thing to be so, but the context of the way it was sent my way assured me that the person did not mean it positively, and I took real offense to that.
Maybe I should be angry about using female anatomy as an insult. Maybe as a woman I should consider it an egregious affront. But the truth is, I simply find there are more important fights to battle against the establishment. Getting "cunt" removed from the popular battle lingo is your battle? OK then, and good luck. It just doesn't anger me. I'm more angry over the pay scale being unfair between men and women. I'm angry that the industry I'm in is far more likely to promote a man over a woman, even when the skill sets are the same. THOSE are my battles.
Now if you'll excuse me, work is being a whore, and I have to deal with it.
-H.
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1
I agree with a lot of what you've said here. When I moved back from Canada I was a bit shocked at the proliferation of the use of the 'c-word' here in Ireland, and I found it offensive. However having worked in IT for the last 12 years the air around my desk is normally a deep blue colour. I can swear like the saltiest sailor. I do the same thing you do though when I meet people - that is to refrain from swearing until I know if they are comfortable with it or swear themselves.
Posted by: Elimare at March 12, 2007 10:34 AM (NWmFg)
2
What an interesting commentary on international slang and insults.
I reserve the c-word for referring to the absolute worst examples of the female species, the kind that give the vast majority a bad name. It's not something I use lightly (and rarely do).
My personal worst is to call me an asshole. If I'm being a dickhead, say so, it's OK because at that given moment I just might be. Same goes for jerk, or anal, or even "Don't be an asshole about it" I can handle. But my wife once called me an asshole over something trivial and I deliberately slept on the couch for three nights. To me, "asshole" refers to the worst of the male species, the very ones that Ilyka claims uses the c-word. My wife was previously married to one, and I swore to myself and her that I'd never sink to that level, which is what made the insult more painful.
Be interesting to see other people's take on the subject.
Posted by: diamond dave at March 12, 2007 10:46 AM (jofqp)
3
I work with cops so the swearing is pretty much a part of the vocabulary. In addition, I regularly hear new and interesting combinations, and if one strikes my fancy I'll use it myself. "Bitch-ass" is my current favorite.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 12, 2007 11:31 AM (zjve3)
4
Wow just went and read the post and comments. That was interesting. I am in the belief that if a word offends a individual, I just don't use it around them. And I expect the same in return. That C one, thats a edgy one for a lot of people.
Posted by: justme at March 12, 2007 11:43 AM (3mCBU)
5
The word has never offended me either. I've actually felt badly that it didn't offend me. But it just doesn't.
Posted by: Minawolf at March 12, 2007 12:25 PM (75szC)
6
i have no problem with swearing, and have been known to turn heads with my frequent use of the f-bomb in public. i think the c-word, like any other word, can have different connotations and meaning depending on the context. for example, i don't mind if some random person calls me a bitch out of anger. i just don't find it that offensive. however, mr. geeky has been banned from calling me a bitch since the day we first started dating. it means so much more and is much more hurtful when it comes from someone close to you.
Posted by: geeky at March 12, 2007 02:26 PM (ziVl9)
7
I am much the same. Those words do not faze me in the least. I am much more hurt if someone I care about insults me with a personal insult. Cunt, bitch, whore-they mean nothing to me. They are just words in most cases, and around here hubby and I call the computer, weather, busted dishwasher, etc. 'whore', our male cat is often called a 'bitch', and the whole family-including mom and dad-all throw the word 'dick' around freely. Cunt is a word I never use, but not because I deem it offensive or hurtful, or anti-woman, but because I just don't use it. Then again there are a lot of words not in my regular vocabulary-that is just one of them. My parents told me a long time ago that words really only have the value you give them, and I have tried to live by that. I simply refuse to be defined by a certain set of terms. Most people who use that word as an insult to women already have a specific idea of women in general, and therefore are not worth a rat's ass to me anyway.
Swear check-that is priceless.
Posted by: Teresa at March 12, 2007 02:31 PM (q6spX)
8
I think that it helps to look at the history of words. My co-workers and I have had some good discussions about the N word. Like the word Cunt I think that many African Americans have been trying to reclaim the word so that the negativity is stripped from it. However, the N word holds a lot of hatred and terror to an older African American generation who grew up during the time of slavery and the civil rights movement. My co-worker was born in the 50's and dealt with those hateful words when they meant something entirely different. You can explain over and over again to her about how it shouldn't be hateful anymore but it still is.
Words are strong. Very strong. A close friend/lover calling you an idiot hurts. Idiot on the grand scale of words we have available to us is not really that strong. Words can pack a punch. And everyone has their own triggers. There have been days that I was called a bitch and couldn't care less. I remember another time when I was called a bitch and couldn't stop crying.
I realize for myself that I have seen the Vagina Monologues several times and that the word CUNT means nothing to me. Sometimes I feel it can be rather empowering. But I am sensitive that it might be extremely hurtful to someone else.
Fag is another harsh word here in the states. Fags were the wood that was used to burn gays at the stake. So while some may not even care about it, to others it can be extremely hurtful.
Good post on language. This discussion has been taking place at my work lately.
Posted by: Jane at March 12, 2007 02:41 PM (eihy3)
9
I have a good friend(female) who absolutely can't stand the word "pussy", but doesn't mind "cunt" at all. My guess is that she'd be pissed off at someone trying to dictate to her what is and what isn't offensive. As for me, I don't really have an opinion on the subject. I won't complain about other people's choic of words, especially since I tend towards the potty mouth myself. Except around my children, of course. I would hope that they turn out better than me.
Posted by: physics geek at March 12, 2007 02:58 PM (KqeHJ)
10
This is just hysterical to me since I finally posted again in my blog last week about this very word myself but I have a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT REACTION to it than yours, any of these commenters, or the ones at the other blogger.
Of course, I don't know why I expected anything different, since the subject of the chat I posted deals with the fact I know I'm a strange bird. The topic was more about my lamenting being wired so strangely rather than the word itself, heh.
That being said, there really isn't a "word" that offends me.
*Malicious intent with words* offends me, but not the words themselves. Michael Richards screaming, "You're a nigger" over and over again at his customers was extremely offensive because of his *intent*.
Friends calling each other "nigger" as a friendly salutation, not at all.
If Dan called me a bitch during a fight, woe be to Dan. I'd probably be so shocked, I'd yell, "I divorce thee" three times in a row. (Oh wait...only the guy can do that. And we're not Muslim. Well...rats!)
But if we're being humorous (or something else...heh) it is completely different.
Posted by: Amber (the other one) at March 12, 2007 04:06 PM (zQE5D)
11
I have a pottymouth so nothing shocks me, except my British ex-husband used to use the word "Dickshit" all the time...every time it flew out of his mouth I shook my head. I didn't quite understand what was trying to convey with that term.
Posted by: Heidi at March 12, 2007 04:09 PM (3I9Ia)
12
First, I'll say that I can cuss as well as anyone, but except at home, I choose not to. My mom always said when you resort to slang and cursing, it denotes a lack of vocabulary and self-control.
I don't like some of those words, but it has more to do with the anger and tone of voice used when they are spoken than the actual words themselves.
Only smart people can come out with good insults, and those don't usually make use of curse words, but words which are just a cut above the insultee's level of expertise (or intelligence).
Now, I'll go and read that post and the comments.
Posted by: kenju at March 12, 2007 04:12 PM (L8e9z)
13
Only smart people can come out with good insults, and those don't usually make use of curse words, but words which are just a cut above the insultee's level of expertise (or intelligence).
Exactly. Insults are clever. Hurling swear words isn't, which in my book, makes for boring insults.
Posted by: Helen at March 12, 2007 04:15 PM (VNoVx)
14
The words one chooses and how one says them say much about the speaker. How one chooses to hear and interpret those words says much about the listener.
Posted by: amelia at March 12, 2007 04:18 PM (m+C+k)
15
Insults are clever.
Churchill was famous for insulting people in such a fashion. I'll see if I can correctly remember a couple:
1) He once called a political opponent a "sheep in sheep's clothing".
2) Another opponent he called "a humble man, with much to be humble for."
That's how I like my insults: clever, but rhetorically slicing to the bone. Only my closest friends and family members know me well enough to insult me that fashion. Fortunately, most of them are nicer than me and choose not to.
Posted by: physics geek at March 12, 2007 09:32 PM (KqeHJ)
16
personally, I have a love-love relationship with the "seven words you can't say on TV", so being told that I Can't Understand Normal Thinking, doesn't faze in the slightest. Those words are almost funny, you know. And really, they're fun to say.
An insightful zip, however, can reduce me to tears in an instant. No "bad words" necessary.
Posted by: caltechgirl at March 12, 2007 09:53 PM (r0kgl)
17
I tend to change my curse of choice depending on where I am. In London I am fine using Cunt, in Boston or New York it's a variation on Fuck, here in California I find myself using Pussy a lot.
The boyfriend is quite friendly with men who fly planes for the military and he often has interesting combinations of nouns and verbs ie: a bowl of fuck.
I am a big fan of interestingly used curse words. I like 'em smart AND dirty.
Posted by: Some Girl at March 12, 2007 10:14 PM (EfxHp)
18
I can actually cuss in seven different languages - a consequence of having been a factory worker in Chicago. In Tagalog there is an insult that is unspellable but translates as "the cream that forms under one's foreskin". Have to agree with you Helen, the ones that cut the deepest are the ones that are the most personal.
Posted by: maolcolm at March 13, 2007 10:19 AM (KpKui)
19
A few thoughts are swirling around my head right now.
1. I am a total fan of the word cunt. I also really like the word twat, but it took the Scottish boys being over here for quite a while before I got used to hearing them.
2. You petitioned to have it called the winter ovester, didn't you?
3. As for good insults are clever... "Whatever... COCKBOY!"
Sorry. I don't know if you'll even know what those references are from, but I have faith that you do so I'm posting them. So there.
Posted by: amy t. at March 13, 2007 07:52 PM (fm3Rv)
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March 09, 2007
The Thin Line Between "Relationship" and "Relationship Counselling"
Angus and I are, in some ways, similar in the way we think and behave. We're both fiery Aries, we're both stubborn, and we both can turn on the charm if the situation is right. It's fair to say that we are both completely mad about each other. But just like if you put two fires together they burn each other out, sometimes we do each other's heads in, too.
Lemme' explain.
******************************************
Angus had to go in to the office in London, while I got to work from home yesterday. Not only did he have to be there all day, but his pc is sick and visiting the PC doctor, so he was feeling restless. I, in the meantime, was parked on the couch with my laptop, surfing travel pages and options and trying to put the holiday together. My mobile rings.
It's Angus. "Have you checked Opodo.co.uk too?"
"I'll check them too."
"OK, bye!"
A short while later, the mobile rings. "What about Jamaica?"
"I'll add it to the search list."
"OK, bye!"
And still later, it's him again "Can you check on Cape Town? You know-just in case?"
"OK HONEY." I say through clenched teeth.
When he gets home it continues. We're still surfing pages trying to get everything to work.
"What if we check Traveljungle.com?" he asks.
"I did, but you have to have a US credit card to buy from them," I reply.
"Check it again, just in case."
Grr.
Then he takes a long phone call from his Mum, my head starts pounding, and I close it all down for bed.
When it comes to travel, I stress just as much as I do for trains. I like my shit to be prepared. I like every detail done, underlined, and crossed off. I don't like to linger for days before booking something, I'll put some hours into it and then I want an answer. I like my seats assigned, my cars hired, and my hotels putting chocolates on my pillow before I leave the house. I'm sure I'm not easy to deal with when I get like that, but I like my travel plans to be tight.
That's just how I roll.
The boy, on the other hand, takes his time before booking. Even this morning, he was still checking options-"What if we just book all our tickets as singles, and try to put them all together that way?"
No.
More.
Motherfucking.
Options.
OH MY GOD. Just...OH MY GOD. Let's just get on with this, I will pay £50 more if I have to right now, just let's book something!
We have at least gotten the major part of our travel booked, the London to Miami portion (with a layover in Montreal, because it saved us several hundred pounds and a few frayed tempers.) As of this morning I was lined up to book the Key West and Bahamas portions of the trip, but a monkey wrench has been thrown into that and now it looks like the Bahamas has been replaced by Jamaica.
I'll tell you what, though-this will have to be booked by tonight or my head will pop clean off.
(And ok-I'm actually very excited about the whole thing, so it's really fine.)
******************************************
We've been trying to alternate certain housechores, because we've been set in our ways for a while. As such, I've been the general Animal Caretaker. While we both take turns walking Gorby, the cats are almost completely taken care of by me in terms of feeding and litter changing. So Angus has agreed it's his turn to change the litter.
We agreed this a week ago.
Nothing has happened.
I have reminded him four times now. Maggie sits angrily in the hallway-Dude. Seriously, what the fuck? Do you hate me now? Do you not understand how delicate I am? What about my needs?
Last night Angus was brushing his teeth. I picked up Maggie and walked up to him.
"Hello Maggie," he said through his mouthful of toothpaste. "How are you?"
"I'd be better, Dad," she said in a voice astoundingly like my own, "if you'd change my goddamn cat box."
He nods. "Remind me in the morning."
This morning he's looking out the window. "Should I go to the gym now or go into London to get my pc?"
I rub my chin. "Hmmmm....oooh I know! You can change the cat litter! That'd be a good idea!"
He looks at me with daggers.
I swear I'm going to win this one.
Or rather, the cats will.
******************************************
Angus got a new toy. This new toy is designed to help you understand your home's energy consumption in terms of cost, energy generation, and carbon footprint. This has become his hot topic here, the carbon footprint. The only thing we really blow our footprint on is flights, and we're going to do one of those deals where you contribute to environmental sites based on the footprint you use up.
Anyway, this device. It arrived yesterday and he's been working it ever since. It was very popular with me, as I had a headache, was plowing through holiday websites, and felt very cranky in general last night, and there he was fiddling with this infernal thing which wouldn't. Stop. Beeping.
Refresh webpage with new options.
Beep beep beep beep beep. "Oh my God!" he exclaims. "We're using 500 watts of electricity right now! What can we turn off?"
Oh, I dunno. That infernal machine you're playing with?
This continued all night. The machine went into every room with him as he turned things off and on to see readings and levels. When we went to bed he had the machine next to him. He turned the light on a number of times just to check what the reading was, up until the point where I lost my temper with him.
Love the man, hate the gadgets.
Then he made love to me, which I really needed. We haven't had the easiest of times recently, and while it's true that sometimes you just need a shag and sometimes you need a fuck, other times you really need the romance.
I got the romance.
Then the light went on so he could check his machine. "Since you're getting up anyway to go to to the toilet, I might as well check the reading."
Ah. True love.
"Don't turn the light on in the bathroom when you go!" he called to me, as I went to do the usual post-coital draining. "I want to monitor the meter!"
I fucking love this guy.
We may need some counselling.
Maybe they'll let us dress up like inflatable Sumo wrestlers and bounce around wrestling each other.
-H.
UPDATED-Cat boxes are cleaned. Maggie back on speaking terms with us. True love abounds.
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1
That's just how I roll.
As you roll, so too do I roll. Look: I grew up flying from California to New York every summer. That shit has to be PLANNED. It has to be nailed down and epoxied in place literally months in advance, and that set-in-stone-ness was required even more so back then, before e-tickets. Fuck up in the least bit, and you're spending a night or two in be-yoo-tiful downtown Detroit.
You don't even want to know all the events I have overslept, or all the bills I have forgotten to pay, or all the errands I have forgotten to run. But the one thing I have never overslept is a date with a plane. I have never forgotten a confirmation number or a reservation code. When it comes to travel details, everything is checked not once not twice but approximately sixty times. And if I am nervous about it at all, sixty-THREE times.
Guess whether Mark is at all like me in this regard. Oh, just GUESS.
I feel your pain.
Posted by: ilyka at March 09, 2007 01:20 PM (l/ZiE)
2
Seriously, I feel better about my husband. He's the same way with the kitty litter and if I try and remind him, I totally become the bad guy. I've gotten so upset with him for neglecting the kitty litter that I've considered hiring our pet sitter to come in even while we're around.
Posted by: Minawolf at March 09, 2007 01:24 PM (svbR5)
3
My partner can bug the living sh*t out of me with phone call after phone call like that, especially when I am at work all day and she is at home, interrupting me at work.
The romance and loving part can really help me put up with it all, though.
Posted by: amelia at March 09, 2007 03:04 PM (tZQUq)
4
Men and litter boxes. Must be some universal thing. I have seriously considered leaving a big pile of cat shit on his pillow, the only thing stopping me is the fact we share a bed-and well, you know how bad cat shit stinks.
Sounds like you two are great for each other. Balance and all that. But dude, travel plans need to be written in STONE before a trip-does he just not understand this? ;-)
Posted by: Teresa at March 09, 2007 03:07 PM (EA2aZ)
5
Sadly, I am the one who doesn't clean the cat box often enough. But I'm still more of a cat lover than Husband to Be because he's pro-declawing and I will never ever be!
I also love to dither before making travel plans because I'm always on the lookout for a better deal. And it takes me forever to put away laundry after doing it, which must drive HTB crazy although he never complains. Point being, I think I'm harder to live with than he is.
Posted by: felicity at March 09, 2007 03:34 PM (htE+1)
6
That's pretty funny. The Solomons don't wrestle with vacation plans...we just don't go. And I don't do gadgets, so the super-model Mrs. Solomon is happy about that...in fact, I don't even have a cell phone (although that hacks her off every once in a while).
Posted by: Solomon at March 09, 2007 03:51 PM (al5Ou)
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Send him over here next. I'm sure Storm and Eclipse would appreciate some new litter...LOL
Posted by: kenju at March 09, 2007 04:24 PM (L8e9z)
8
I'm glad the catbox got changed before the kitties decided to be really mad and left a little "present" on your pillow... or in your shoe. mwhaaa haa haa.
Has Angus not figured out that all his "testing" of the gadget is a little anti-productive? Just sayin'...
Posted by: sue at March 09, 2007 04:55 PM (WbfZD)
9
We're going through the same cat box vs the husband battle in this household. I'll have to lay the guilt trip on with some added incentives tonight after going downstairs and seeing the state of the poor thing.
I am glad to hear that your litter box situation was taken care of before the cats started pooping in shoes. (That's the threat I use whenever the husband is mean to the cats by "playing" with them or whenever he doesn't change their little box. "They're totally going to poop in your shoes! I even shhowed them which ones were your favorites earlier today just in case they needed to know."
They've never actually pooped in shoes or pooped anywhere they shouldn't poop ... but he doesn't know that.
Posted by: Michele at March 09, 2007 05:12 PM (5VGFA)
10
You crack me up.Seriously. I loved this. Thanks.
Posted by: Amber (the other one) at March 09, 2007 06:26 PM (zQE5D)
11
God, you probably wouldn't be able to stand me when planning a vacation. I confess I tend to have a 'whatever' attitude towards such planning. Except for the flights, those I am picky about.
And I admit that I'd be as slow as Angus to change a catbox, even though I don't own a cat and would never allow something that shits indoors into my house, unless it's toilet trained (and FLUSHES). And speaking of flushing I don't care if you turn on the bathroom light or not while I'm in bed as long as you CLOSE THE GODDAM DOOR SO I CAN'T HEAR YOUR BODILY FUNCTIONS. Sorry,personal issue and pet peeve around here.
BTW I do know the difference between making love and fucking, but what's the difference between having a shag and having a fuck? Just curious.
Posted by: diamond dave at March 09, 2007 10:04 PM (jofqp)
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I am completely hopeless at planning. However, I am fortunate enough to have an anal-retentive auntie (yes, she would take that as a compliment), an experienced traveller who gladly planned our honeymoon in London. She gave us a packet with a complete itinerary, tube schedules, museum open hours, directions on how to get anywhere from the hotel, how much to tip, the works. I wish it was always that easy
And as for cat litter -- you might not want to let Angus know that the've invented a gadget for that, too -- self cleaning litter pans.
Posted by: maolcolm at March 09, 2007 11:58 PM (Up5J4)
13
you'll be in Miami? When? I'd love to meet you two for coffee or something...drop me an email.
Posted by: Amanda at March 10, 2007 04:16 PM (SPqjD)
14
This post describes my world. The details are different, but the dynamics are the same. Thanks for the candid peek at real life.
Posted by: stellalafayette at March 10, 2007 04:53 PM (lxjiv)
15
Maybe they'll let us dress up like inflatable Sumo wrestlers and bounce around wrestling each other.
Heh. That sounds like fun even if you don't need therapy.
And you'd absolutely hate vacationing with me. I do month-long driving trips, and I don't decide where I'm going until the night before. I love the open road, and I like not knowing where I'm going to be staying from one day to the next.
My solution to the cat-box problem? I got one of those ones with the automatic rake. It's a total piece of junk, and probably a fire hazard to boot, but it's still better than scooping it myself.
Posted by: Dan at March 12, 2007 09:05 AM (I04u+)
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March 08, 2007
Surfing and Turfing
This morning will be spent piecing together travel websites. It's that time of year again, you see-because of various commitments, we couldn't go with his kids on the Super Major Blow Out Holiday in February that we usually take, so we decided to take a Mini Blow Out Holiday at Easter time, followed by Let's Rent a Villa In a Cool Location Somewhere and Invite Friends and Family to Join Us in June (said cool locations include Greece, Tuscany, and France right now). So today I'm trolling the travel websites trying to piece together a Mini Blow Out Holiday.
I remember doing this in the years before the web, having a piece of paper and the Yellow Pages, making endless notes and trying to maneuver the best deal. Now I'm doing it via the web, and it doesn't help when we change our minds on destinations every five minutes. Thailand! No, Cape Town! Oooh, there's a good price on flights to Sydney! No wait-how about Costa Rica?
My brain hurts.
Current favorites are a combo Key West/Aruba break, a Key West/Bahamas break (the kids would love this place, where we stayed a few years ago), and Angus just rang and asked if we could put Cape Town back on the possibility list, so I'll look there as well.
I need a nap. Followed by a massage. And then maybe a 3 hour CSI marathon will do it.
But going away is exciting and fun, and we're suddenly finding ourselves slightly energized.
I could use the energy. Something about the endless rain we've been having has sucked me dry-the sun is peeking out this morning and every feline (and the lone canine) in the house is laying in every possible patch of sunlit floor. I'd join them, too, only I'm sure I'd fall asleep only to find the sun has moved without me. It's funny-I don't get depressed in Fall or Winter, when you'd expect this seasonal disorder stuff to hit. I get depressed in Spring, when the rain and the gale force winds just don't stop.
The manager for the job I interview for called me last week. Apparently, even though I'm not coercive encouraging enough, they want me for the job. The manager called to tell me that the job was mine, if I want it.
I don't know if I want it.
It's a little bit of a step down from where I am now, although the manager promises to promote me as soon as possible (where have I heard that before, I wonder?) The company used to always give you a 10% pay rise when moving jobs as a standard practice, but those days are over-no pay rises. So I'll be moving down, I won't get any money (in fact, my benefits get slashed), and I'll have to work with The Little Man again (truthfully, I'll be the customer in that scenario, but it just doesn't matter-I simply never want to see him again, in any situation).
I feel bad, but I think I'm going to turn the job down.
My own organization is unstable right now, and a re-organization is coming up. I think and hope it may help my situation, but I just don't know. Right now I'm on two projects I don't believe in that much, but you know? They're not that stressful. I'm working 8 to 5 right now, and when I close the lid of the laptop, I don't think about work for the rest of the day. I am not setting the world on fire...but my ulcer is better, my hair is better, and the twitch under my eye has disappeared.
Maybe that's enough.
Maybe it's enough to have two manageable, 40 hour-a-week projects. I've also talked to some of my former team about an idea I had, we're going to try to turn it into something, and I feel excited about that. It may not get anywhere, but at least I can give something a try without giving up my day job.
So I've got a lot to think about. I'm not 100% sure I'll turn the job down, but I have yet to receive an official HR offer yet, and I won't make any moves without something on paper. It's true the new manager is a great guy, and someone I could work with in less fear than my current manager, but I can't help but factor in that "better the devil you know" factor.
So today I'll work from 8 to 5. I'll search for sun-kissed holidays to take two frozen Swedish children and two sun-sick England dwellers to. And I'll feel really, really good that someone wanted me for a job, even if I turned them down.
My ego, it needed that little boost.
-H.
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I've always thought spring was worst then the official fall and winter. At least until the sun in shining on a regular basis. Winter you have the excitement of Christmas and such. But Spring is so blah. You're at the point where you're like "OMG the sun needs to come out already!"
Posted by: Minawolf at March 08, 2007 01:23 PM (75szC)
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i'm so jealous of all your traveling! someday i hope i can travel like that.
Posted by: geeky at March 08, 2007 01:46 PM (ziVl9)
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Good luck on your travel plans, there are so many options out there! I'm in agreement with Geeky that I too am jealous of your traveling. I don't think I've been out of the States in 6 years... wow.
Any chance you can pry a little raise or something out of your current position if you let on you're considering moving?
Posted by: angela at March 08, 2007 02:31 PM (Xmiub)
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Wow, all those options sound great for a getaway. I'm so jealous. I've always wanted to go to Atlantis. But I guess now it'll be a few years, until the Girl is old enough to actually enjoy it and be a bit less dependent upon us for her entertainment.
Posted by: donna at March 08, 2007 02:34 PM (Np8VQ)
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It sounds like you've got the right idea about your job situation. Work the job, don't let it work you over and all that...Can't wait to see pics from your latest adventure. Please go to Greece so I can live vicariously.
Posted by: Ice Queen at March 08, 2007 02:55 PM (Lyl8J)
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It is so funny, but last night while watching t.v. a commercial for the 'Atlantis' came on, and I mentioned that it would be a wonderful place to visit-and that kids would love it. Any of the places you pick would be great. Hell, just packing for a vacation gets me all excited.
On a side note, I told my therapist a few weeks back that it is Spring that is the worst season for me-none of that "renewal" BS here. She informed me that the most suicides(and attempts) are made in March. So I guess we are not alone. Spring officially sucks.
Posted by: Teresa at March 08, 2007 03:00 PM (hyflG)
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But, my birthday is in a week and that's something to be happy about! Ah fuck it, at this point I am dreading my birthday.
We're planning a trip for the summer but wish we were doing it now. We're either in the middle of a blizzard or socked in by the fog from the melting snow. I can see why you find it depressing.
Good luck with your travel planning! Wishing I could fold myself up in your luggage and escape for a little while.
Posted by: Michele at March 08, 2007 03:43 PM (5VGFA)
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I think turning down a job would feel every bit as empowering (maybe more so) than taking one you're unsure of.
The cut in pay and benefits might indeed be a good trade-off for the stress you might have to endure. Enjoy your vacation planning; I too enjoy living vicariously through your travel adventures and look forward to seeing pictures of wherever you decide to go.
Posted by: Lisa at March 08, 2007 05:42 PM (ELUjU)
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If you decide to take the job, get the promotion promise in writing!
A villa in a cool location sounds wonderful! We are going to Myrtle Beach with our whole family in June - somehow it doesn't sound cool...LOL
Posted by: kenju at March 08, 2007 08:41 PM (L8e9z)
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ooh ooh, choose Cape Town! I'm South African so slightly biased, but CT is such a brilliant place for a holiday! At Easter the weather will be cooler but still warm and there is LOADS to do with kids, and of course so much to do as grown-ups! I have loads of insider info if you want any help/suggestions!
Posted by: Sarah at March 08, 2007 09:59 PM (aYWtt)
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Yes, there are definate ego-boosts in just being offered the job!
Enjoy planning the trip. That's half the fun - dreaming of what to do and where to go.
Posted by: sue at March 09, 2007 04:54 PM (WbfZD)
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March 07, 2007
Three is a Magic Number
Yesterday was a London day, and this afternoon is a London afternoon.
This morning we woke early. I walked Gorby in the misty morning. He has a new toy and a new routine, so by the time we get back from the walk he's exhausted but still bouncy, the way a dog should be.
I make myself a bagel and check in on the pulse of the internet. Gorby jumps around the living room with his favorite annoying squeaky toy. Maggie sits upstairs, smoldering in annoyance at his juvenile antics. Mumin goes in and out and in and out of the newly installed cat flap in the back door. I drink a glass of juice. I take my vitamins.
I decide to go for a swim at the gym, and so grab my things and go. The traffic report is the usual-the M3 is gridlocked, the M25 is stopped anti-clockwise, and the Northern and Metropolitan tube lines are running with severe delays. I'm grateful I don't have to use any of those areas of transport today. The sun is peeking through filmy clouds, and the car is reassuring under my hands.
When I get to the gym I pad into the women's locker room and decamp my things into a locker. I take my clothes off, slide my swimsuit on, and head to the pool, where I do many laps pulling myself through the water using my arms, shoulders, and legs. I think alot when I swim. Sometimes that's a good thing, and sometimes it's not.
I shower and dry my hair. I put lotion on my arms, face and legs. I get my clothes on and drive home. Once home, I pet the dog. I hear the flap of the cat door. A Maggie toy flies down the stairs and I oblige her by winging it back up the landing for her. We make coffee. We login to work mails again. I ready a care package for my family.
He goes to a meeting this afternoon, I go to a meeting this afternoon. I'll head to the nerve-wracking train station and attempt to park. I'll pay a fortune for parking and for a ticket, and I will go into Waterloo and then walk to the office, crossing over the Thames, getting dazzled by the London Eye, Houses of Parliament, and Big Ben. This afternoon I meet some colleagues I love for a catch-up session. I'll be home tonight for dinner, Flickr, and the next episode of Desperate Housewives. I'll do dishes, I'll throw dog toys for a rabid dog, I'll make cats purr. I'll fill him in on my day, we'll talk about the news, I'll drink a few glasses of water. When we go to bed we both read-him a magazine, me Calvin and Hobbes.
And this is my daily life.
You might be wondering why the hell I'm boring you with this, and so I'll tell you-this is my daily life because it's become that way. I have had the possibility to make it this way.
Three years ago today I moved to England.
I left the snowy tundra of Stockholm behind. I walked away from shattered dreams, a shattered marriage, a shattered career. I pulled mysef up using my mental health strings and I got on an airplane.
So much has happened in three years that it hardly seems believable. The cats came to join me. A funky dog appeared on the horizon. I lived in three homes before tripping and falling into this one, the one that we keep talking about expanding but never do, but which I love unreservedly anyway. I've been all over the world. I've gotten back in touch with my father and stepmother, and I gained a grandma in the process. I have a therapist who has been making big changes in me, and I am grateful. I have a career that-while difficult and stressful-has made me a name for myself. I have a house full of toys and a plasma that I worship. I look through the eye of our Nikon and I see a whole new world. And every time I walk over the bridge at Waterloo, it still takes my breath away at how beautiful London is.
And of course, there's this boy I have.
It's as simple and as complicated as that.
My mornings seem mundane, I'm sure. Maybe all mornings are, I dunno. What I do know is that three years ago I could never have imagined I'd have an everyday life like this.
I am so grateful for my everyday life.
I mean it.
-H.
PS-there's a cute new man in town. Go say hi, if you haven't already.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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It's very gratifying, after seeing some of your posts from all those years ago, to see that you've finally come to this place. For those who've had torment in their past, a happy, mundane, everyday life can be an absolute delight. Days like that, I treasure.
Posted by: maolcolm at March 07, 2007 10:18 AM (TyBty)
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Sounds wonderful. And you DO deserve it. Never doubt that.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 07, 2007 12:03 PM (eVLXY)
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It's wonderful to see your progression, Helen. You DO deserve it!
Posted by: kenju at March 07, 2007 12:38 PM (L8e9z)
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Sounds like a great life to me. So happy for you.
Posted by: Teresa at March 07, 2007 02:55 PM (GIGVP)
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It is like watching you come full circle. I remember reading your blog back in those dark Swedish nights hoping that you would get everything you wanted.
I think you've done a great job doing just that.
Posted by: Michele at March 07, 2007 03:28 PM (5VGFA)
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Gosh. I can't believe how long I've been reading you every day. I can still remember sitting in my office reading about you getting laid off from Company X and my heart going out to you. And now? Now your whole life is different and I've followed along for the ride.
Congratulations on your mundane mornings. The little things can sometimes make all the difference in the world.
Posted by: amy t. at March 07, 2007 03:37 PM (3dOTd)
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Boring can be good. It has been a wonderful progression.
Posted by: sue at March 07, 2007 05:09 PM (9xR02)
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Wonderful boring life! One correction however:
"I have a therapist who has been making big changes in me..." I think it's more that you have a therapist who has helped you make big changes in yourself. That's what good therapists do.
Posted by: Kat at March 07, 2007 07:00 PM (4g1jr)
Posted by: caltechgirl at March 07, 2007 08:06 PM (r0kgl)
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It is amazing to see how far you've come. And it's even more amazing that you've brought me along for the ride. Don't ever believe that you're not an inspiration. Your a bright light shining across the pond on a girl in the Louisiana swamp.
Now that I'm done waxing poetic, let me just get on with the congrats.
Posted by: Ice Queen at March 07, 2007 09:36 PM (Lyl8J)
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It is amazing to see how far you've come. And it's even more amazing that you've brought me along for the ride. Don't ever believe that you're not an inspiration. Your a bright light shining across the pond on a girl in the Louisiana swamp.
Now that I'm done waxing poetic, let me just get on with the congrats on the wonderfully mundane life.
Posted by: Ice Queen at March 07, 2007 09:36 PM (Lyl8J)
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Sorry for the double post. Guess I'm trigger happy today.
Posted by: Ice Queen at March 07, 2007 09:37 PM (Lyl8J)
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It is not boring. As your friend, here, it is terribly beautiful.
Posted by: RP at March 07, 2007 10:17 PM (LlPKh)
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You made my heart smile with that post. Thanks for sharing Helen, it gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, after divorce and big life changes that life (or something like it) will return to normal and could be peaceful.
Posted by: Heidi at March 08, 2007 06:41 AM (0IL4J)
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oh god, I am suddenly desperately homesick for London. I walked over London Bridge most mornings at the time of course it was too hot/cold/wet/windy/busy, now its a romantic stroll with scenic views. Thanks for telling us about your day, it seems very real!
Posted by: Sarah at March 08, 2007 07:18 AM (aYWtt)
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March 06, 2007
Battling the Moral Monster Within
I think of myself as a very, very tolerant person of all religions and ethnicities. This isn't because I like to think of myself as a beatnik hippy singing Kumbaya at every chance or because I was brought up in an uber-tolerant household, because neither of those are true-I fucking hate the song Kumbaya and generally want to punch people in the throat that sing it, and both my mother's parents and my father's parents have strong veins of certain racism in them-in my father's case, it's important to point out that just because the world group them into a category of "Asian", it doesn't mean they get along (in fact, I think the Japanese are pretty universally hated amongst the Asian ethnicities, and the feeling tends to be mutual.)
I'm not writing here that I am tolerant and understanding to make myself look good in any way, shape or form, but because I honestly think I am. I have a very useless degree in anthropology, which is the study of human cultures. I find people fascinating and puzzling and frustrating and many other words ending in "ing". I'm not throwing this out there that I try to be respectful and protective of all religions and races as the foundation for my arugment.
I'm writing it because I'm currently struggling with it.
I'm not struggling in the broader sense, because I do still support tolerance and acceptance of differences. But suddenly, my own boundaries are being encroached in a way that stresses me out. I've been in countries where I had to go against what I felt because it was important to follow that country's social and cultural mores, and I did. But this is on my turf, and I'm struggling.
As you know, Angus and I live just south of London. This puts us squarely in one of the heaviest London commuter populations, where the majority of people live here but work in the Big Smoke. We're lucky we get to occasionally work from home, but when we do go in to the office, it's a real pain in the ass. We have a choice of three local train stations, but since we live in Commuter Central, all of our train stations become nightmarish from 7:00 to 9:00. The stations have a knock-on effect on each other, too-if one has a problem, the other two become unbearable. If you get to the station after 9, you can forget about parking, there just isn't any room. If you park illegally, you will get a ticket. So even if you don't have to be to a meeting until 11, you're taking an early train just so you can park. For this privilege of battling the train station parking lot, we get to pay £5.00 a day for parking (on top of the £30 for train tickets). If we park illegally and get caught, we get to pay £60.
It's really great.
The train alone is often enough to make my ulcer go off.
I find train commuting to be very, very stressful. Angus and I have had a number of arguments about it, because he likes to show up 0.5 seconds before the door shuts and the train leaves, and I like to be there at least 10 minutes ahead of time in order to calm myself down. I know it sounds ridiculous, and it probably is, but I can't handle the train travel well.
A few weeks ago, something happened at our local station. I had to take a super early train at 6:00 (so no stress for parking at that time of the morning), and I drove in the dark to the station. When I got there, I was amazed.
The parking lot had been taken over by Travellers.
Now, Travellers are something I'd only gotten familiar with since I moved to England. I don't know a great deal about them, but I'll impart what I do know (and apologies in advance if I get things wrong and offend anyone who may be a Traveller). Travellers (also called Gypsies, but apparently that's not an acceptable term) are a nomadic group. Travellers are said to be of Irish origin, while Gypsies are from Romany. In England, Travellers are recognized as an ethnic group, and so have the rights that go along with that.
And in practice, the Travellers seem to be universally hated.
I watched a BBC documentary about them, and while it's true that 72% of Travellers live an honest life (according to this government website), living on authorized land, paying taxes and abiding by the law, it's the 28% of the Travellers that give the rest a bad name. Travellers maintain that culturally, they have the right to be nomadic and move about, based on a cultural practice that apparently can be dated back to 400 A.D. Modern Travellers do so in caravans (trailers).
And the 28% who are hated, do so in unauthorized areas, like protected woodlands, people's private property, in country lanes, and on people's yards.
And now they've taken over the Railway Station parking lot.
When Angus found out, he groaned and rubbed his face. They had Travellers by his old home in Brighton, on the protected Downs. It took the court years to get them evicted as they claim ethnic rights. By the time they finally were evicted, the county council had paid a fortune, years had passed...and the part of the Downs in which those particular Travellers were staying were completely trashed. I used to look over at the Travellers as we passed them on the way to Angus' old home, in one of our monthly trips for upkeep. Plastic chairs flung about, junky cars, caravans parked at random...I was fascinated.
I understand that this is not the majority of the Travellers, but this is how the public views them. Everyone I know has been impacted by them-one of Angus' friends was done by them for work on his driveway (apparently fraud is a key to the less appropriate Traveller groups). Property values have fallen in a number of places because they are camped there. Apparently they have a high crime rate associated with them, and government statistics states they have worse health than non-Travellers and higher infant mortality rates..
Both the BBC and NBC have had documentaries about the Travellers. The NBC one showed American Travellers committing fraud and a number of other felonies. The BBC one showed that a number of Travellers aren't really of Irish Traveller origin, they're simply unemployed and want to stay that way. The press vilifies Travellers and Gypsies alike-apparently some groups of Gypsies promote wedding off the girls at a young age, and the Travellers are written of here in ways that always link to crime and the destruction of property. If they're on private property, it's almost impossible to get them off your land as you have to go to court, as they allege Human Rights abuses due to their ethnic status. I'm honestly not trying to put an unfair slant on the Travellers, I'm just giving you the feedback on what I have seen and read so far.
Until they moved in to the train station, and took up a third of the parking spaces.
And they don't pay the £5 a day parking fee, nor can they get tickets.
And the parking lot the day after they arrived was trashed.
I couldn't believe it.
Miraculously, a few days later they were simply gone. No sign of them. But then today, I dropped Angus off at the station this afternoon, and BOOM! They were back.
And they had reinforcements.
Now over half the parking lot has been taken up with Travellers, to the extent that they are blocking the path to the second half of the parking lot.
I do understand that the Travellers do have a historic background, I really do. But so did the Huns, and you don't see many of those agressive nomadic Asians running around anymore, do you? I also understand that they are discriminated against, but I wonder if it's not a vicious circle-they misbehave and don't get government support, and when they don't get government support they have no options but to misbehave.
But they're in our train station parking lot, making my super-high stress levels even more red-line critical, meaning that the window of opportunity to get a train at any of the stations now is much smaller.
And for this, my guilt is enormous.
It makes me feel like I'm ok about other people's plights, just not on my turf. Trust me, I do understand that most Travellers live the same law-abiding life that I do-paying taxes, paying bills, even paying for parking. Half of me knows this and accepts this. But the other half, the half viewing the other 28%, seethes, and this makes me feel terrible, as though I too am committing an injustice. If I was living through WWII and lived by a concentration camp, would I have turned a blind eye and been annoyed that all that noise was so nearby? During the internment of the Japanese in WWII (an event which affected friends and loved ones on my father's mother's side), would I have been pissed off that the trains I wanted to take weren't available as they were busy shipping the Japanese to POW camps? Am I ok about supporting underdogs, as long as they don't come into my neighborhood?
I know the answers in my heart are "no", and yet I look at the hideously cramped parking lot at the train station and despair, feeling my stress levels explode. Just because I am a schizo about train travel I feel like I am being encroached, and that's not what tolerance is about.
I've begun to question if I'm really as tolerant as I thought I was, if I get so fucked off that my train journey is even worse now than it ever was.
-H.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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I totally understand your conflict My job tests my liberal beliefs on a daily basis. You may need some time to sort out all of this new data. After all, it's one thing to hear about this in an intellectual fashion, it's another thing to experience it and have it impact you. I look forward to hearing more about this.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 06, 2007 12:03 PM (eVLXY)
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There is no conflict I see. No where is it written that another has the right to impose a burden on another. The Travellers have abused you and negatively affected your life. Their lifestyle does not affect you.Where they chose to park did. Parking is their problem. It is not your problem - my therapist always stessed problem ownership.
You have no moral or ethical conflict this excessivly tolerant liberal can see. Their parking is one problem you do not own.
Posted by: Foggy at March 06, 2007 01:01 PM (a7k6E)
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But, you are tolerant of their ethnic group. You are not peeved because this particular group of people at the train station are Travellers, you are peeved because they are causing problems, and you would be peeved no matter what their ethnic background. (And rightfully so.) To me, that is what tolerance is about. Being able to separate the act ("I'm annoyed these people are taking up parking!") from the ethnicity ("I can't stand Travellers - look what they do!"). Being tolerant of a culture or ethnic group does not automatically give them a "get out of jail free" card, where you are expected to tolerate every and anything they do just because of their particular ethnicity.
Posted by: geeky at March 06, 2007 01:56 PM (ziVl9)
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Can't we tolerate people and still dislike what they do? Tolerance means "to put up with" not "to accept completely", right?
It seems that we should tolerate people to the extent they obey the law. But when any group breaks the law (parks without paying, trespassing on private property, stealing,...), tolerance needs to give way to justice; otherwise we end up with anarchy.
By the way, my presence on this blogsite is a testimony to Helen's tolerance.
Thanks Helen.
Posted by: Solomon at March 06, 2007 03:35 PM (al5Ou)
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Wait...you're saying you pay ₤35 to commute every day? Is that for a round-trip train ticket? And for the both of you or for just one? Either way, holy crap, that's a lot of money!
Posted by: JC at March 06, 2007 03:40 PM (z2+Q8)
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I agree with geeky. You are not saying "Damn the Travellers-they are messing up my commute!" Rather you are mad at this group of people-whoever they may be-who are being rude and disruptive. If you ask me, they are using their ethnic status to do whatever the hell they please. Sounds like the majority of Travellers are good honest folk, but because of a bad rep needed some government protection. That is fair and necessary. Yet the people that decided they want to be crooks, the very ones that gave the Travellers the bad rep in the first place, are taking advantage of a status that was enacted to help the honest ones get a fair shake. Once a crook always a crook I guess. You are mad at some people that are being troublesome, and they are calling themselves Travellers in my opinion for no other reason than to raise hell without any consequences. The honest Travellers are surely just about as sick of this as anyone.
I know this is frustrating, but the very fact that it is making you examine yourself shows what a moral and good person you are,
Posted by: Teresa at March 06, 2007 03:48 PM (Z5IUv)
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If I was living through WWII and lived by a concentration camp, would I have turned a blind eye and been annoyed that all that noise was so nearby?
It's not the same thing; nobody is forcing them to live at the train station.
As for the "we're culturally made this way, we can't help it, it's our heritage, blah blah": Bullshit.
I'm part American Indian, oops, I mean, "Native American". *rolls eyes* (Next year we'll be "Ethnic Reddish People of the Western Hemi" whatever. So I guess I'm supposed to have some kind of ethnic pride. Can I roll my eyes again, please?
The sooner we get rid of all these ancient cultural barriers, the better. It builds walls between us all and god knows we don't need any more problems than we already have.
They are being asses, pure and simple (I tried to put in "a*s*s*h*o*l*e" but your spam filter caught me
I suppose since "Native Americans" were nomadic too, I should be able to squat on my neighbor's porch tossing empty Starbucks latte cups all over his pristine lawn.
"I was here FIRST, buddy! So BACK OFF!" Oh give me a break...
I'm a Human Being. I live on this planet with other Human Beings. As a Human, I owe others respect and consideration and they owe me the same.
This group is not showing respect and consideration for others; it doesn't matter what their "heritage" is.
But then, I'm not very tolerant and I accept this. *grins*
Posted by: Amber (the other one) at March 06, 2007 04:50 PM (zQE5D)
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I'm with Geeky on this one. You are frustrated by their behavior--not by who they are. I think not holding any group of people accountable for their actions because of who they are is as bad as discriminating *against* a particular group. If we are all equal--the rules apply equally. It is the behavior--not the people that makes it unacceptable.
You would be peeved if a large group of crunchy granola eating dog and cat lovers were camped out and messing with what is already a stressful part of your day as well.
Posted by: sophie at March 06, 2007 05:29 PM (1HOa8)
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Helen I feel your pain, I used to do the morning scramble into Chicago on a daily basis. The money, the rush, the traffic, the parking all led to stress trying to make the mad dash to board the train. Parking was a nightmare and the lots were usually full by 7:30am. I waited 5 years to join the elusive Permit parking club for $50.00 a month, but even then was never guaranteed a parking spot.
Now as for the comment on racial discrimination, give me a break. You, like me, live in a culturally diverse melting pot of a country (isn't every country like this now). Are we not in 2007? The whole let's be PC has been taken too far, and the people who manipulate it to work to their advantage because they are LAZY make me sick. The whole of being Politically Correct was started to protect people, but now it's being used as a weapon if you ask me. The thing that kils me is what they fail to realize is that we like them have rights too.
So, the last time I checked the local train parking lot didn't turn into a KOA Campground...right? And squater's rights usually only work when you've actaully signed a prior lease and paid money on a proptery.
When I was married to my English half (lived in Chester)....in 2003 the travellers were camped on the HSBC headquarters land. They strug up a clothes line between two esthetic statues. At the time I thought it was funny and facinating. Now I just cant believe they get away with this crap.
Posted by: Heidi at March 06, 2007 06:22 PM (eE17b)
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sorry, one more thing....About 5 to 7 years back, a woman was caught in a shopping center parking lot severely beating her child...it was all caught on security cameras. Turns out she beat the child so badly they had to take her to the hospital. This all happened in a suburb of Chicago in northern Indiana. It was later reviled that they were Irish Travelers...and the media went nuts over it.
Posted by: Heidi at March 06, 2007 06:31 PM (eE17b)
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I don't see anything in what you've described that would make me think you're intolerant. I'm going to jump on the geeky bandwagin with this one, and say again.. it's the behavior of _this specific group of people_ that's bothering you, not all Travellers in general.
So far you seem to be handling this way better than I probably would.
Posted by: Erin at March 06, 2007 07:07 PM (VkeXi)
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With everybody else - you're disgusted with a portion of a group - not the whole thing.
Here's the thing - we all live by a "gentleman's agreement" that we live by certain rules. Those rules have been built up over the ages, so that we can all get along, and not kill our fellow travellers along the way. (As someone who commutes twice a week via plane to her job, I can relate). But the Travellers - at least that portion of them - say "screw everybody else, we're going to do what we want". I think THAT is what cheezes you off, not who they are, or their ethnic background. And do you think even one of them is sitting around their trailer, feeling guilty that they've made the daily commute that much more stressful for you or the other commuters? Not likely.
Posted by: Tracy at March 06, 2007 07:18 PM (rpUdy)
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haha i'm totally popular on your blog. i don't get this much attention on my own blog! can i borrow yours? hehe.
Posted by: geeky at March 06, 2007 08:45 PM (ziVl9)
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Ahh, Hel. You're oversimplyfying yourself. (Did I even spell that right?) You state several times that the majority of Travellers are law abiding and blah blah blah. They don't just take over and cause strife and shit. That it's the other 28% that do.
Helen, the other 28% are what's in the parking lot. The other 28% are what you're being exposed to, not the good ones. Of
course you're going to be fucked off. You've gotta deal with the assholes.
It's like that with every group, ethnic, social, whatever. There are the cool ones and the assholes. The ones people remember are the assholes. It doesn't mean YOU are an asshole, just that you've unfortunately been exposed to that side of the group.
Posted by: Ms. Pants at March 06, 2007 09:04 PM (+p4Zf)
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Think of it this way. You would be upset and stressed by people doing that, no matter who they were and where they came from. So I don't see it as an ethnic problem - but a people problem. Ergo - no racial or ethnic overtones.
Posted by: kenju at March 06, 2007 10:49 PM (L8e9z)
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Helen, you are being much too hard on yourself!
A person SHOULD be intolerant of criminal behavior. Otherwise, the day will come when we allow all sorts of criminal behavior in order to appear politically correct. Ethnicity has nothing to do with it. P.S. Love your blog, love your photos ... wishing you happiness and stress-free train rides!
Posted by: Evelyn at March 06, 2007 11:39 PM (YadGF)
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I agree with everyone. I saw the NBC piece and was appalled... partially, because being of Irish heritage I hated to be associated with that. I've always been proud of my heritage and found myself being ashamed of this group. Don't know why I should be any more ashamed of them than I am of what some women and mothers do to their children (and I'm a woman and mother...) so, go figure.
Posted by: sue at March 07, 2007 05:03 PM (9xR02)
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I'm late to this and everyone has moved on already.....
Is it really that you are intolerant of the group or you are intolerant of the rudeness?
I've often questioned myself with my own tolerance and every time, it's not a whole group or race or class, it's the rudeness that some individuals display, the selfishness, thoughtlessness and rudeness.
THAT is what makes me intolerant. If someone wants to travel around, be a gypsy, what do I care? Just don't be RUDE about it!
Posted by: Serenity at March 08, 2007 12:05 PM (tCvUH)
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March 05, 2007
Helen is Really My Alter Ego
So I've started watching this new TV show that just debuted over here called
Heroes. I'm sure in the States you're already on Season 15 of Heroes, where they battle the Superfriends (who have gone contract and, since getting unionized, are a little less on the "friends" side of the Superfriends). Here, we are hurtling towards Episode 4 tonight, which I am looking forward to-I've become hooked.
I love the show. I love the little Japanese guy (is it me or does he always seem to be shouting? I think he's shouting. Yes, my Japanese is appalling - I can only count from 1-6 in Japanese, I have no idea why the numbering ends there - but I'm going to ask my Dad for a second opinion. I think the character shouts a lot.) I like Nathan, the former Gilmour Girls character who needs to eat something. I like the cop especially, he seems like a sweet-hearted man.
There's something about superheroes that really appeals to people. Maybe we like thinking that there is something special and unique in the dork that is all of us-if you think about it, no Superhero's alter ego is cool, they're all a collection of nerds and geeks destined for few signatures in the yearbook. It's like knowing that those of us who live by the word "geek" have a chance, even if that chance is just to be able to push a pencil off the desk using our mind. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but a pretty fun diversion.
Since I started watching this show (which I confess, I only started watching it yesterday-I had three episodes recorded and the weather was so shit I took it easy and watched them all in one go) I've begun wondering in what ways I could be a Superhero. Not like I can walk through walls (in fact if history is any indication, I am spectacular at walking into them instead of through them) and not like I can start fires with my mind (although there has been an occasion or two where I started a fire with some candles, but we won't talk about that now) but little things.
I'll show you.
****************************
It was a windy and brisk morning. She looked out at the sky - currently sunny, but threatening to break at any moment - and sighed. It was going to be one of those days.
Walking into the study, the whirring sound of electronics took her mind off the sky. This was the hub of her operations, her domain which kept her linked in to the criminal minds of the world at large. She had to keep tabs on everyone at all times, and this throb of human interaction was the one place to do it.
All of a sudden, a choking sound came from one of the gadgets! Quickly, she donned her action cape and got to business! The world was no longer safe this morning.
From the hallway came the thud of footsteps. The intruder was in the house, and making his way to her hub! She vowed to stand her ground, when in walked...VEXATION MAN!
"Why the hell isn't the printer working?" mutters Vexation Man. She knows she has seconds until there's a blast of white hot molten anger from Vexation Man. She wraps her cape close to her.
"Ummm...it wasn't working yesterday, either," she intones in a calm voice, her last defense against Vexation Man. Vexation Man's nemesis is Any Computer Problems That I Have To Deal With Man, and if there's one sacred vow amongst Superheroes it's that A Superhero Must Never Interfere With Another's Battle To The Death With Their Nemesis, That's Just Not Done.
"So I spent all that time installing the drivers for it to disappear?" rages Vexation Man. She realizes the danger she's in, and with a silent pop!, she disappears completely. Vexation Man wrangles with his nemesis, the printer, and as he does she quietly absconds from view and lives to fight another day.
She is...InvisiGirl!
****************************
Logging on to the hub of operations, she observes that the world is continuing in much the same vein-McDonald's still hasn't brought back the Sausage Breakfast Biscuit in this part of the world, and until that happens, terror will reign in the hearts of all of England.
Or at least terror will reign in the hearts until the Biscuit arrives, then hardened arteries will reign.
She logs in to her super secret server, the one with the dastardly plans for the destruction for the cosmetics world. She must stop them, she knows she cannot live without lip gloss! She's been tracking and watching their actions for months now, time is almost upon her!
She logs in and....it fails! She gets an exchange error! The drama builds as the attempts to login again!
Vexation Man pokes his head around into her secret chamber of operations. "The server's are being upgraded at work, so email's down."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Left only with her personal email account, she has no ability to stop the horrible plot to eradicate all women of their slap! Will she live to fight another day? Can she survive without access to her work world?
She is....What The Fuck Is Wrong With My Computer Again? Girl!
****************************
She bites her lip and looks out the window. The howling rain - Day 10 of the stuff - is beginning to weigh her down. She knows it's all a plot to drain her of her energy by her evil Nemesis, Captain Spring, and she knows that his clever ploy of covering every possible surface with her own personal Kryptonite, known on this planet as Mud, is sapping her of her Superpowers.
She crawls to the couch, taking her remote communications hub with her (known in this country as a laptop, but it's truly a clever device that lets her keep her finger on the pulse of the world as well as watch ebay auctions.) Moving ever slower, the force of the mud on her, she feels completely zapped. Creeping towards the remote, she barely manages to click it on. Lagging ever more, she hears her phones ringing in the other room-it could be the commissioner! They could need her help! It could be the end of the world! Only...she can't make it to the phone in time, the mud and dreariness has sapped her! All that she can do is raise a weak fist at the sky and turn on CSI, and sit there and watch it in exhausted silence!
She is....Slow Motion Girl!
****************************
See? I can totally be a Superhero. You can, too.
-H.
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Don't worry. We're only just now about to wrap up the 1st season. But it is a kick-ass show. And it's going to take twists and turns that you will NOT see coming.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 05, 2007 12:12 PM (eVLXY)
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LOL you just crack me up! I have never seen the show but, now I will have to make the effort.
Posted by: justme at March 05, 2007 12:30 PM (3mCBU)
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If you like Heroes now, just wait - it keeps getting better with every episode! It's an awesome show. And you might be surprised to see some of your alter egos show up on the show....
Posted by: geeky at March 05, 2007 01:20 PM (ziVl9)
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I think we're still in the first season. Dink loves that show. But he watches them all online because seriously, I can't get into it. Then again, I'm weird like that and I hated Lost.
Posted by: statia at March 05, 2007 03:30 PM (KcrOI)
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As someone who absolutely is freaking fanatical about Gilmore Girls... (I own all the seasons and I've seen many of the shows way more than once.) ...I had to look up Heroes to see who it had in it. It appears Peter is actually Milo (who played Jess in Gilmore Girls). Now I'm thinking I may have to watch Heroes. After all, I already watch all of the other male ex-Rory boyfriend spinoffs. One Tree Hill (Tristan from Gilmore Girls, Chad Michael Murray) and Supernatural (Dean from Gilmore Girls, Jared Padalecki). I should add Jess/Milo to the list!
And Statia? I LOVE Lost.
Posted by: Jen(aside) at March 05, 2007 03:39 PM (u973k)
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As someone who absolutely is freaking fanatical about Gilmore Girls... (I own all the seasons and I've seen many of the shows way more than once.) ...I had to look up Heroes to see who it had in it. It appears Peter is actually Milo (who played Jess in Gilmore Girls). Now I'm thinking I may have to watch Heroes. After all, I already watch all of the other male ex-Rory boyfriend spinoffs. One Tree Hill (Tristan from Gilmore Girls, Chad Michael Murray) and Supernatural (Dean from Gilmore Girls, Jared Padalecki). I should add Jess/Milo to the list!
And Statia? I LOVE Lost.
P.S. I always have problems posting comments on this site. It makes me sad.
Posted by: Jen(aside) at March 05, 2007 03:41 PM (u973k)
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That was fucking great. This is why I love you.
I think most of the time, I am I'll Do It Later Woman.
Posted by: Teresa at March 05, 2007 04:24 PM (qOK7i)
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That was fucking great. This is why I love you.
I think most of the time, I am I'll Do It Later Woman.
Posted by: Teresa at March 05, 2007 04:28 PM (qOK7i)
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Heroes is a GREAT show! We are totally into it and yes, it's only the 1st season here, so you're not that behind.
Enjoy! It really does get even better; in fact, last week's show is one of the best TV shows I've ever watched in my life. Unlike "Lost" (the 1st season we loved, but we had to bail halfway through the 2nd when they refused to give enough answers to what was going on) with Heroes, so far they are maintaining the momentum and even better, they are giving answers and not just stringing the viewer along.
Posted by: Amber (the other one) at March 05, 2007 08:18 PM (zQE5D)
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Heroes is MY show, yo. Casey and I watch this every single Monday, it's our weekly moment of bonding. Okay, here's my geeky confession. Not only do I absolutely HAVE to watch Heroes live (I couldn't insult this show by tivo-ing it) but then I read the synopsis on televisionwithoutpity.com. It's almost as good as the actual series, lol.
Oh, Nathan Petrelli..you are so pretty. And stern. And pretty. And pretty.
My alter-ego? I call her Sleep Vixen. She can sleep anytime! Anywhere!
Posted by: Lindsay at March 05, 2007 11:19 PM (dzif/)
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Another total Heroes FAN-atic here! Last week's episode was so wonderful, I caught myself watching it with this big goofy smile on my face, like I was some 7 year old little boy or something...which I'm certainly not! I agree with everybody else - keep watching, 'cause it only gets better. And the coolest thing is - just like in real life, not all these "heroes" do good things with their "gift." It really is original.
Posted by: Linda Lee at March 06, 2007 01:39 AM (TlsPc)
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Funny stuff, Helen. Today I was slow-motion irl too. Working 12 hours a day will do that to ya'.
Posted by: kenju at March 06, 2007 04:16 AM (L8e9z)
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Warning....Warning....
STEP SLOWLY AWAY FROM THE TV....
They say too much television rots the brain.
Put the remote down NOW!
Posted by: Heidi at March 06, 2007 04:45 AM (EQKCj)
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I love Heroes, too! You have a lot to look forward to...it's fantastic.
Posted by: sue at March 07, 2007 04:54 PM (9xR02)
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March 01, 2007
Getting All Philosophical About Blogging
I've been blogging for going on four years now, and I've seen a lot in those four years, both in my own life and in the blog world. Blogs enable people to find jobs. Blogs also cause people to lose jobs. Blogs allow people to heal thyselves in the midst of troubled minds. Blogs provide a walkway for people to fall in love, blogs create some of the greatest friendships, and my blog has given me people that I interact with and really care about.
I get emails from people - sometimes I'm slow to respond, but I usually do. Sometimes I get some hate mail and in those cases I simply wonder what bug flew up their bonnet. I don't get a lot of spiteful comments on this site, but the other site I have can get edgy-I hate it when that happens, and in generaly just delete their comments. Life is too short to deal with abuse, especially on such a sensitive topic. Recently, I've had a few emails asking me to give a product a try and write about it, and I'm ok with that-I can't remember the last time a commercial prompted me to run right out and buy a product but a positive review by a blogger I like and trust certainly has.
There's an obscene amount of blogs out there, some of them regularly updated, some of them not. Half of them seem to have Skater Talk as their language of choice (kids, let's be clear- "L8r Dudez!" will not be a term used frequently here.) The majority of blogs seems to be political blogs who seem to have far fewer visitors than opinions. They are devoted to various other political bloggers, to the point where you wonder if and when they have their own original ideas, do they orgasm from the feeling of it or not.
I've been thinking about blogging platforms as well, as a very cool chick I know is going to start up her own blog now. Typepad and Wordpress blogs seem to be from those people who are middle of the line bloggers-they like to blog, and they enjoy to do it quietly and resourcefully. Blogger is for those new to blogging, and while it's a great intro platform (even though it seems to crash a lot) people seem to come and go from it with the haste of a Lemming, Party of 4. Mu.Nu has been evolving into the platform for the ultra-conservative nutters, and I feel like the real oddball in that group. I'd move Everyday Stranger from it if I could, but I haven't found a platform that I like enough to move to yet (but when I do, move I will.)
I wonder what non-bloggers get out of blogs. How did you find a blog? How did you come across my blog? Do you look at the blogging world and think: Dude. You folk are strange. Like, "charge people for admittance" strange. I would bet that blogging feels very clique-y to you, and indeed, it often is. But blogging is fleeting-generally speaking, the people you see at a site don't stick around for longer than a year. The people who do stick around, they become part of the fabric.
I like that.
As for me, I don't read an awful lot of blogs, and those that I do, I tend to just lurk at. I'm not good at commenting, I don't give good comment. I do have people linked, only they're linked privately. If you come here to visit because you like reciprocal links, I'm probably letting you down. Sorry about that. But it's not because I don't care. I read, I just don't say much.
I read your comments here, every one of them.
I remember 15, even 10 years ago-Inernet dating was uncouth. It was for the desperate and the sad. Or, at least, that was the perception-the truth is, Internet dating is a fantastic idea. I think about my life and dating circumstances sometimes-if I weren't with Angus, I'd be doing it. I think if you work a lot and don't live in a central area, meeting people is impossible.
Blogging is a unique creature. I'm not planning on quitting anytime soon, and when I do it will be for good, but for now I still get a lot out of it. Sometimes I maybe don't have so much to say, and sometimes you may not make a lot of sense at what's spewing forth from my head, but Everyday Stranger stays.
I'm glad I'm here.
I'm glad you're here, too.
-H.
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I have been reading your blog for a little over 3 years now and I have never commented, until now. I was told by an old collegue about your site and thought I'd see what it was. I became very interested in your writing (as I would one day like to write as well), and then it was like a story unfolding right in front of me everyday. Now I wish for good things for you and wait to see if the ever come true. There isn't another blog that I read and I'm guessing I never will. I do not feel the blog world is cliqueish at all. I feel if you want to make yourself a part of it and for people to know you read their blog, you'll speak up and let them know you're there....otherwise, it's your own fault if you feel ignored. I think you're a brave woman and I hope you get to experience every last one of your dreams!
Posted by: Jessica at March 01, 2007 01:32 PM (ii/lW)
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I found you through Jennifer, and if she never does anything else for me, that is enough. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're staying here. I also hope you get all your dreams to come true!
Posted by: kenju at March 01, 2007 01:35 PM (L8e9z)
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I found you through some random site that had blogs from all over the world. Sometimes I read consistently and sometimes I don't. I started reading when you were going through a rough period and I was fascinated by your explanation of things that before then, I had not understood. For the most part, I stick around because I love watching what an amazing person you turn yourself into each and everyday. I have the utmost respect for everything you've accomplished in life and as silly as it is, I'm so proud of you too.
Posted by: Minawolf at March 01, 2007 01:43 PM (75szC)
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I found you thru Statia. I read comments and if I find someone's comment is intriging I will click over to their site. I love to read other blogs but am horrible at maintaining my own. I lose track of time but you had just painted the living area in your old place when I started reading. I think the kitty pictures kept me coming back and now its Gorby pics! :-)
Posted by: Steff at March 01, 2007 01:50 PM (uKuUC)
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I, of course, found you through Ilyka, prior to becoming a small, self-obsessed part of that team. You are part of my daily reading, now--my husband reads the newspapers, I read the blogs. I think blogging is one of the most freeing ways to interact with people on a level you'd never manage in the real world. It allows me to cut straight to the heart of things from the beginning. As soon as I started reading blogs, I thought, "This is amazing! Here are all the smart, interesting, diverse people I want to have a cocktail party with!" It would be on heck of a party....
Posted by: gennimcmahon at March 01, 2007 01:58 PM (QqF9v)
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I found you because you kept popping up on other blogs I read. I guess we're in the same "blog circle"!
Posted by: geeky at March 01, 2007 02:02 PM (ziVl9)
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I'm glad you are here to stay. You are part of my morning routine. (And my afternoon routine, and my evening routine. What can I say, I get bored easily and just quickly run through my bookmarks list. ;P)
Posted by: Jen(aside) at March 01, 2007 02:09 PM (u973k)
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I've been here so long that I honestly can't remember how I found your site. It seems as though I just stumbled across it one day and I've been here ever since. As I recall, at that time, there was a bit less than a year's worth of archives for me to go back and read. The day you do decide to stop blogging will be a sad one for the internet, indeed. You are so much a part of my daily routine that I don't quite know how I'd fill that hole. Thanks for sharing your life with us.
Posted by: Ice Queen at March 01, 2007 02:33 PM (Lyl8J)
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Hello, I'm usually a lurker. Like you I don't feel I give good comments but I have laughed, smiled and cried while reading your blog...I got here from a link on one of your Flickr photos.
Now, you're part of my day, seeing how you are and how you cope with what life throws at you - you inspire me, and I'm amazed at your strength in dealing with the things life challenges you with.
Thank you for allowing us the privledge of sharing your life.
Posted by: Suzie at March 01, 2007 02:36 PM (YqqaU)
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Hi! I'm sort of a lurker, though I've posted a few comments here before. I'm from the 365 group on Flickr, and found your blog via your profile. You're witty, hilarious, but also poignant during difficult times. I enjoy your blog and hope you continue blogging for a long time to come.
Have a great day!
Heather
Posted by: hEATHER at March 01, 2007 02:54 PM (s0rhn)
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I am like geeky, you kept popping up on other blogs I read. But you became my favorite.
I gave blogging a try. I sucked. Or my days are just not enough to write about. I guess the real truth is I am not the best at putting into written word what is going around in my head. I am a fabulous speaker though. Go figure.
You are an excellent writer, so honest and elegant, yet funny and raw. So much that you write about is universally true, at least for me. I live in a small town full of small minds, and I am a "stay at home mom" in the worst way-I hardly ever interact with other adults. Reading blogs brings a variety of different people and experiences into my world, which I love. I would be lost without it. I grab my cup of coffee, sit in front of the monitor, and have a wonderful "conversation". It is not important that I often do not know what the person on the other end looks like, or sounds like, or if I even know their real name-it is the pain, the happiness, joy and sadness that we all share. My family that does not blog thinks I am nuts (well, they do anyhow, so no harm) with my adult equivalent of 'imaginary friends', but I know you all are real. Sometimes too real.
Unless you are not and the universe is playing some giant cosmic joke on me. Either way, I'll take 'em anyway they come.
Posted by: Teresa at March 01, 2007 03:03 PM (2vDC5)
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I'm glad you're here, too. Yours is actually the first (ever) I started reading when I moved to Los Angeles. I had intended to move to England, you see and somehow wound up here. One day I started looking for blogs out of England to see what I was missing and came across yours. I don't comment often, but am frequently grateful for your thoughts and what you write here and what they inspire in me.
Posted by: gigi at March 01, 2007 03:05 PM (dhWsb)
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I'm glad you're here too! I have to admit to lurking a lot. I read everything you post, but most of the time I am in awe of what you have written (you are such a fantastic writer) that I feel like my silly little comment coulnd't possibly do anything for you. I am trying to get over that and just show you comment love more often!
Posted by: donna at March 01, 2007 03:35 PM (Np8VQ)
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I am a steadfast reader, and occasionally I comment. I found your site three years ago in a list on the blog Rambling Rhodes. He was a regular commenter on the Plain Layne blog which I read everyday at that time. I investigated his blog and didn't like it but clicked on the links and found yours. I have read you almost every day since.
Posted by: amelia at March 01, 2007 03:35 PM (tZQUq)
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Your blog is still my favorite to read.
I found it via Random Pensées, who I met when we were both still on Blogger. At one point he had a set of 5 questions he had to ask someone and I liked your answers a lot. I haven't left since. Does that mean I'm part of the fabric?
Yet I also wonder why people read blogs. I haven't managed to answer it from my point of view and the people I've asked just sort of look at me blankly. I am curious, though.
Posted by: Hannah at March 01, 2007 03:36 PM (5w+E2)
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boy, i've been around a while now, and i don't think i remember how i got here. it was a link or comment from somewhere, i'm sure.
btw, you should check out vox. (vox.com) it was created by the people that do movable type and it is pretty powerful. what i like most are 2 things. you can tag posts as friends only, family only, public, or just for you. and you can very eaily integrate flickr and other tools. if i weren't so invested in my site, that's where i would be.
i hear a lot of people loving on both typepad and wordpress. i don't think i'd do blogger or blogspot. i started out there, but it didn't offer me as much control as my own site does. if only vox had been around 5 years ago when i started blogging, i wouldn't have to worry about maintaining my own place. but there are pros and cons to all of them. i think you'll just have to decide what works for you.
i don't think i've been on any other mu.nu sites (not that i can remember). i don't think people will associate your ideals with the rest of them. (i don't even know what their philosophies are!)
Posted by: becky at March 01, 2007 03:36 PM (GXoYC)
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i don't comment that often, but i'm here reading! (((hugs))) to you.
Posted by: leah at March 01, 2007 03:58 PM (Msku8)
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Hey Amelia - I think that's the exact same path I took to Everyday Stranger. The Plain Layne phenomenon drew me to blogs, and I stayed as a regular reader even after she (well, he) was exposed. I've always been a voracious reader, and I find it fascinating how much of their lives bloggers are willing to share with us. I love reading their 'take' on life, their humour, and their outright bravery in taking on the tough stuff. But Everyday Stranger is my fav, and that's how I start each day.
Posted by: loribo at March 01, 2007 04:09 PM (aR6NT)
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I haven't commented much lately (anywhere) but yours is still one of the very first links I click on every morning (and sometimes even very late at night). I started reading just about the time both of us became unemployed - seems like ages ago now. I'm so happy you're still here and still sharing with us all. I will keep reading as long as you keep writing; I've just become a less than enthusiastic blogger myself lately.
Posted by: Lisa at March 01, 2007 04:13 PM (ELUjU)
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I wish I knew how I found you. A funny comment you left for Statia maybe (finding her from Vanessa?) What I do know is that a year ago, I was going through my first IVF cycle and talking to a friend about the process. SheÂ’s fertile but knew more than I did about the misery of a 2ww and asked me why I didnÂ’t check out bulletin boards and blogs. Huh? Because IÂ’m a scientist; I read journal articles. But damn if she didnÂ’t know a lot from poking around on the internet. So I gave it a try. And somehow that led me to your site, and IÂ’m hooked. I love your openness in dealing with so many issues others can related to-- love, depression, infertility, estranged family, past loves, being a professional woman. And the photos make it all come alive. YouÂ’re gorgeous in so many ways.
Gratefully,
BeachGirl
p.s. The look on AngusÂ’s face in yesterdayÂ’s flower picture was priceless!
Posted by: BeachGirl at March 01, 2007 04:35 PM (2SKFM)
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I've been reading you for years, Helen. Since 2003, I think. That's when I first starting blogging and I went crazy reading blogs. But for the life of me, I cannot remember exactly how I ran across you.
See, I'm 50 now and in my hormonal menopausal haze, I'm lucky if I can remember where the bathroom is.
Gimmee a second, though, and I'm sure I'll remember again. ;-P Like at 2am! hahaha
Anyway, back then I was tremendously excited about bloggers and the whole concept of it. I linked to anybody I found who could express themselves even a little bit in a frenzy. If someone linked to me, I'd link back, no questions. If someone commented on my blog and they had a blog, I linked, etc.
I either commented myself on everyone's comments or I emailed them privately. I answered all emails sent to me politely.
But I got much pickier over time. Over time I realized that Not All Bloggers Are Equal. And I don't mean style or expertise but content.
Although some might really enjoy the drama and fanaticism of the political bloggers or the sports bloggers or the bloggers who are continually looking for more "hits", aka, the Fame Bloggers, I was completely turned off by a lot of bloggers.
Nothing against that type if you like it, just not my cuppa.
So I cut back. A lot. I moved my blog and de-linked people and hoped they wouldn't get hurt (they did, anyway
).
But I always kept reading you, along with a few others, because the things you wrote about made sense to me. Your love of animals, your frustration with your job, your passion for Angus, your sorrows over your family, your excitement over going to special events, your humor. It all combined into a Real Person who made *sense* to me. So much out there did NOT make sense, but you always did.
Today I have only a few blogs left that I visit daily. But since I stopped blogging (from burnout and...other reasons), I found that I missed the contact.
So now I leave blog-length comments instead. HAHAHA! Sucks to be you guys hosting me, doesn't it? *laughs hard*.
I don't always comment, either. Like you, I often lurk.
As for Blogger vs. pay sites, I don't understand why anyone would want to pay for a domain. Blogger is free and perfectly acceptable. In the beginning, it was VERY limited but that's all changed. I don't remember it crashing very often before we left or now with the bloggers I read still on it; I do know that Google purchased it a while back and has been doing many upgrades and it's been down here and there while they've made their changes.
But I believe it has almost everything you might need these days. And, again, yanno...FREE! Can't beat that.
I think when people leave Blogger it's because of the "taint" of being on a free service; all the cool kids get Typepad, you know. *rolls eyes* Heh!
Anyway, I'm very very glad you are still blogging, Helen. Sometimes I miss blogging, but not enough to start up again.
I think. LOL! I'm getting pressured from some people to start up again but I don't see it happening.
If it does, I'll let you know and you can come lurk.
By the way, although you didn't comment often, I always thought you gave Great Comment. Really.
Posted by: Amber (the other one) at March 01, 2007 04:39 PM (zQE5D)
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Dude. You guys are making me tear up. Hormones suck.
Thanks
I remember Plain Layne. I too used to be a devotee of hers (his). I still miss her, but I don't miss him.
Posted by: Helen at March 01, 2007 04:51 PM (eNrfz)
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I don't remember how I found you. I used to just randomly click through blogrolls.. So I'm sure I found you from clicking off someone else's page it's just been so long (over 2 years maybe) I don't remember!
Anyways.. just wanted to say "hi!" because mostly I'm a lurker but sometimes I feel like actually contributing. Sort of. Not that this is much of a contribution, but anyways.. Hi!
Posted by: Erin at March 01, 2007 05:08 PM (HQy7k)
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Reading since 2003, commenting recently.
Posted by: Heidi at March 01, 2007 05:15 PM (PYocs)
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I once was a blogger. I didn't have what it took to continue. For me it was too draining. I did get to know a few people whith whom I'm dedicated to still. If it weren't for the Snooze and him helping me with my sad little stint. I would never have come across you. I love your blog and look forward to it everyday.
Posted by: Tiffani at March 01, 2007 05:31 PM (Vf34l)
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Comment from a stranger:
I have been reading your blog for almost 2 years I think. I donÂ’t remember how I found you but I love your writing and your pictures. I am fascinated to know about your other blog because if I remember correctly it is your infertility blog. I am going through testing and other things related to infertility right now. Why give out your other blog to someone you have no idea about? I have no idea. I have wanted to start a blog but I never can get my ideas off the ground. I find this blog to be encouraging and funny. I am thinking that your other blog will also be encouraging and hopeful to others that are battling infertility.
Posted by: Jenn at March 01, 2007 05:56 PM (1ojeu)
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I've been reading for a couple of years now and am very much a lurker, but a big fan. Your writing overflows with genuine, compelling emotion and that will always keep people coming back for more.
Posted by: felicity at March 01, 2007 07:04 PM (Q2Vug)
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Well, I found you through one of our mutual friends who is sadly no longer blogging the way she used to, and that was ages ago, back when I was still using blogger. :-)
As for the MuNuverse, I think it's pretty diverse, actually, just the loudest voices are all on one side. And Fluffy the spamhound is a real comment-blocking whore.
I think the bloggy world gets like the real world. You have your friends, and they have their friends, and when those are all the same friends, it gets like an echo chamber. Which is why people suck, in general.
But I love to hear your stories, good and bad, and I only wish my life was half so interesting some days. Or maybe it's just your writer's gift. Which I think you cruelly underestimate.
Posted by: caltechgirl at March 01, 2007 07:38 PM (/vgMZ)
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I can't remember if I foind you through Statia or the otehr way around, but I have been reading for about a year now. I went through your entire archive the first time I read a post of yours- love the way that you can make a feeling come alive with your words.
I wait to read your posts until I have several minutes in my day to really absorb the words- even a lighthearted post is written well, but the deeper posts demand my undivided attention.
I do not blog. But, I did meet my husband online- I travelled a lot for work at the time that I decided to give online a try. Met some creeps, some really nice guys that were not 'it' for me, and then finally met my husband.
Thank you for putting yourself out there for us to read-
Jen-Again
Posted by: Jen-Again at March 01, 2007 08:52 PM (9sYS7)
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Hi, I've only commented once or twice here, but I found you through Amber, who is not blogging anymore.
I've been reading for about 2 years. Your writing is what keeps me coming back. You say things that I think. I'm glad you're not planning on leaving any time soon.
grace
Posted by: grace at March 01, 2007 09:48 PM (SlJYu)
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I reading knitting blogs and spinning blogs (as in Sleeping Beauty wheel not sweaty gym wheel) because that's what I do with my time. Yours is the only blog I read with no fibre content. I have no idea how I ever got here but it took me ages to comment (there is no wool, what will I say?). I've done the rocket riding gerbil thing, I reached the stage where it broke me and I packed it all in (they replaced me with three people. Ha)
I'm here to see you get your happy ending (house of your dreams (tick), wonder dog (tick), Mr Right (tick)...to be continued)
I'm still having trouble looking at a salad without thinking "I just don't find it that hot" Thanks for that Helen.
Posted by: Caroline M at March 01, 2007 10:04 PM (x3QDi)
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I'm glad you're here too.
I'm also glad that sometimes you take the time to listen to us as much as we listen to you. I read but a handful of blogs, but yours is the one that I feel most comfortable to comment on. Even when the subjects slant towards "chick" subjects.
I've read this site for a little over two years, linking over from a local blog here in my neck of the woods which as of lately seems to be under new (meaning: seriously lame) management. I de-linked that particular blog, but I've seemed to found a home here. I never know what I'll find here, but it is always interesting. Plus, I think you could make a great writer someday.
Rock on, Helen.
Posted by: diamond dave at March 01, 2007 10:12 PM (Nn2hP)
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yup, been here for ages but I can't remember how I found your blog. I stop by most days and now have to check flickr too thanks to your awesome photography skills! Sometimes I think back and smile at how much your life has changed since I have been reading and then realise how much mine has too!
Posted by: Sarah at March 01, 2007 10:17 PM (aYWtt)
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I wish I could remember how long I've been reading you. A long damn time, that's all I know. Ahh...memories. : )
Pretty sure I found you wandering around in the swirly-twirly gumdrop forest somewhere, though.
Posted by: Lindsay at March 01, 2007 11:09 PM (dzif/)
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I found you quite by accident through Flickr - the thumbnail image of you in Explore bore some semblance to my ex (not an insult by the way, she's quite gorgeous). I found in your words and pictures a compelling story, not to mention a few parallels to my own life. Like you I've lived a number of different "lives" and it's comforting to know that others have too and can ride out some of the bad that comes with it. I share your struggle with depression and I take some comfort in your own victories. And I must say again, I envy your location - I get to live out my "living in England" fantasy vicariously through you. I must agree with Dave, you could make one hell of a writer. I will continue reading and wish you and Angus (lucky guy!) all the best.
Posted by: maolcolm at March 02, 2007 01:32 AM (qO1ai)
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I must admit, I am a comment virgin, I have been lurking since I found your site back in October. I think I was looking at pictures, just crusing the internet and POOF! I saw pictures of you in Greece. Those were beautiful places, beautiful pictures. I found your site and I was hooked on your story, and sometimes find myself wondering what you are up to during the week. It is SO weird for me, so unlike me to read some random blog (I have never read blogs, only yours...) But you make me laugh and cry and think, you have a gift for writing and your photos are usually quite interesting. When Angus proposed to you, I cheered! When you have good days, I am happy for you and when you have bad days, I feel sad too. I don't quite understand why I come back to read you, I have read all the archived blogs also, but it is something I enjoy. I am glad you do what you do, and see, your latest blog got me to de-lurk! Keep it up!!
Posted by: Bonnie at March 02, 2007 02:41 AM (2YYDB)
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Bloggers are unique creatures, too. And even though I don't say hello enough anymore, I do still stop by and have a glass of wine with you most evenings. You've a place in my heart, once and always.
Posted by: Jennifer at March 02, 2007 03:18 AM (RlFqM)
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I'm not sure how I found your blog, but it was the one that really struck me at the time. When I was blogging, you were the standard that I aspired to reach. I don't think I ever did, but I enjoyed trying.
I would dearly love to blog again, but for personal reasons I still can not. However, I still visit here every day. Your blog is always interesting, and honest to the point of brutality. That's what makes it--and you!--so special.
Posted by: ~Easy at March 02, 2007 12:32 PM (eVLXY)
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I found you around two years ago when, oddly, I searched for Walkers sausages on Google (I know, it's strange, but I was trying to find out if it was happy meat). You'd been to a barbeque and had veggie sausages made by a friend called Walker!
I didn't even know what a blog was and couldn't believe people actually wrote about their lives and left it all for everyone to see!
I've since read through your archives and have to look in every day. Through you, I found Snooze BD and Statia, but I don't really look at anyone else's.
(I don't know if I should really admit this...but sometimes, in conversations, I have been known to say "Oh, I know someone who..." but really it's you, shhhh!)
Posted by: Gill at March 02, 2007 01:01 PM (Mb5jZ)
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I've really enjoyed reading your blog. I'm usually pretty quiet, I think I've only commented once or twice (sorry, I'm sneaky like that). I have to say though, that I really appreciate your insightful and open writing. It's rare that you meet people who can be open and honest, and it's comforting to know that there are other people struggling in similar situations. Thanks
Posted by: M at March 03, 2007 12:47 AM (Mqav8)
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And I'm VERY glad you're here. That's all that really needs to be said about that.
Posted by: Serenity at March 03, 2007 02:33 AM (yKogb)
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I'm sure you know I found you through Statia as well. I love you because you share your dark parts as well as the colored bits. You aren't afraid to put yourself out there for us. And you are a brilliant writer who deserves to be making a living doing it.
Posted by: Donna at March 04, 2007 03:14 AM (lQSbL)
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Without getting too mushy. OK, what the heck, everyone needs a bit of mush from time to time. You were my inspiration when I started blogging nearly 3 years ago and still are the first blog I turn to each day.
Yes I'd like it if you answered my emails a bit more promptly, but mostly I'm just happy to have you as a friend.
Posted by: Mia at March 04, 2007 01:28 PM (ZxK0N)
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I found you through Elizabeth (Corporate Mom) who I found through Jennifer (Working Mom) ...you may be seeing a pattern there... :-) who I found through a ring my cousin Bonni belongs to.
I start my workday by eating breakfast at my desk and checking the three blogs I regularly read. It make sme smile to think I probably know as much about what's happening with you on a day to day basis as I do some of my closest friends!
Thanks for being here. You "get" things I think, you give me perspective on things I have never considered and you make my life a richer place to be.
Posted by: flikka at March 04, 2007 08:51 PM (puvdD)
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I found you through Eric, SWG. I think you'd given him a bear? I can't remember. Or maybe I found you through Beth Donovan. It's been a looooong time since I started reading you.
I liked blogger and never intended to leave. I just wanted a place I could write. Then someone nominated me for Munu. I don't read political blogs, so I'm not sure of everyone's political slant except for mine. (I'm a centrist. I have some very conservative views and some very liberal views... depends on the topic.) I don't do politics on my blog unless something really frickin' pisses me off.
Not a day goes by that i don't think of quitting. But I've met some fantastic people and it is part of my habit pattern. It is what it is.
And I come back here because YOU are a reminder to me that we women can do anything. Things are thrown at us and life sometimes really sucks wet socks... and you deal with your hand. I like that. It is hope.
Posted by: Bou at March 05, 2007 02:07 PM (PQFHD)
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I remember who I first found your blog: it was in Madfish Willie's "Champaign Room"(remember that?) roundup. He actually linked to 4 of your posts. I had no idea who you were, but started reading. Needless to say, I was hooked immediately.
I would like to comment on something you said:
I'd move Everyday Stranger from it if I could...
I'm sorry that you don't feel comfortable at MuNu. Let me say that MuNuviana will be less if you decide to leave. But if you leave, I'll follow.
That sounded stalkerish, didn't it? Eh, you know what I mean. Just leave up a forwarding address Post-It.
Take care
Posted by: physics geek at March 06, 2007 04:47 PM (KqeHJ)
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February 27, 2007
The Party Pooper
I'm just going to come out and say it, and I'll take my stoning-
I hate Spring.
Seriously. I just hate it.
I'm sure you're shocked by that. You think: Helen, the crunchy granola fruity hippy doesn't like Spring? Is that possible? That little Fruit Loop doesn't like the season known for the renewing of life, she of the interminable metaphors can't appreciate the loveliness of the end of the bitter cold? What did Spring ever do to her, huh?
Now, I know that there are differing opinions of when Spring is-Angus marks the start of Spring on the official start of Spring, which is March 21. Me, I note that Spring is coming when the temperatures start to rise, the chances of snow and frost disappear, and the flowers start to come out. I note Spring is coming when the air no longer has that touch of dry painful cold to the underside of it, when my hands can go for a few minutes without mittens.
And with Spring comes the mud.
Everywhere.
And this being England, it rains constantly. It's been raining for days, with more rain forecast until (if I am to believe the weather forecaster) November 2009. April (or February) showers may bring May flowers, but not if I have to build a fucking ark to see them.
And allergies. My allergies pop up with a ferocity normally reserved for NYC brides at that twice yearly bridal fair. My eyes turn red and swell up to the point that I don't even leave the house, for fear of women looking at me with pity. My neck gets covered in bumpy hives. My nose runs, but then my nose is always running.
And did I mention the mud?
I look at the garden with despair. This is the time when I should be doing something about the state of it, but I just can't face it. First of all, in case you hadn't noticed, there's the mud. Go into the garden and every square inch of me will be covered with mud in no time-I'm like that around substances. Paint a wall? Covered in paint. Garden? Covered in mud. Baking cookies? Covered in flour. I am the female equivalen of Pig Pen, I swear it (except I bathe. A lot.) Then there's the fact that while it's not freezing outside, it sure isn't warm, and I'm a fair weather gardener. I like my gardening to inlude an iPod, a tank top, and shorts, I don't want to be wearing three layers of clothing. And of course, our garden has a mind of its own, anyway. The greenery is taking over, I could either tackle it or I could shut the door and go watch CSI, and I'm sure you can guess which will win.
That said, I am buying up seeds and will be scattering them in trays to grow some seedlings. I'm sick of the green and want some flowers, which will of course be pointless if we have another drought this year, and I'm sure we will have another drought because we all used aerosol hairspray in the 80's. Are we all happy now? We just had to have bangs the size of the Berlin Wall in the 80's, and because of that all of the damn geraniums will die. Nice.
I get it that Spring is supposed to be full of laughter and light and making babies and little birdies and budding blooms. I see that Spring is supposed to make us long for the Easter bunny and have dreamy visions of Bambi being all twitterpated and Thumper being a pretentious dick. Spring is new growth and starting life and blah, blah, tree hugging blah. I just hate it.
Spring is mud on every available surface. It's wondering if the grass will actually grow back through the carpet of mud (it will, it always does). Spring is about itchy, watery, puffy eyes.
If you're not clear on if I like Spring or not yet, lemme' sum up:
I hate Spring.
I'll even share a picture of our budding garden to prove to you that Spring is coming.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get my Wellingtons on and kick Bambi's ass.
-H.
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As someone who is very much a "spring person" I must say spring stinks. Literally - everything that kicked the bucket in winter, and all those cow pies that seem to be a fixture of the landscape here, suddenly start putrifying, all at once. And don't get me started on the mosquitoes...
Posted by: maolcolm at February 27, 2007 10:30 AM (D51tl)
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Maolcom-you're right. I'd forgotten about the smell. And I remember in Stockholm it was even worse, as Spring revealed 6 months of frozen dog shit suddenly thawing on the sidewalks.
Posted by: Helen at February 27, 2007 11:34 AM (eNrfz)
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I'm right there with you on all of it. The mud, the allergies, the dog shit, etc.
The only good thing about it is that baseball is about to start up again.
Posted by: ~Easy at February 27, 2007 12:11 PM (eVLXY)
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Though I enjoy the break from the deep freeze, I feel the same way because of allergies. Before I was indifferent to spring, now I dread it. Give me Fall anyday over spring.
Posted by: Minawolf at February 27, 2007 01:16 PM (75szC)
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You are in the wrong country for spring - apparently! It's great here where we are.
I loved the line about bangs. I saw a photo on the web yesterday, of a woman in the late 60's. She had hair teased up so high it looked like a hat!
Posted by: kenju at February 27, 2007 02:35 PM (L8e9z)
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You are in the wrong country for spring - apparently! It's great here where we are.
I loved the line about bangs. I saw a photo on the web yesterday, of a woman in the late 60's. She had hair teased up so high it looked like a hat!
Posted by: kenju at February 27, 2007 02:35 PM (L8e9z)
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Haha I almost said something about hating Spring on your Flickr photo, but I thought you might be one of those people that like Spring. I hate Spring too! Like you said, it's generally cold and rainy for the entire season, and my allergies sap my will to live. The flowers are pretty, but I wish I could just fast foward to summer.
Posted by: geeky at February 27, 2007 03:41 PM (ziVl9)
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Hum, first you need to get the RX Allegra, if that doesn't work for you, try the homeopathic Alph Alpha tablets. They both work, and I am the allergy queen...I feel your pain.
Second, I'm sending all the snow from my yard to you so that you may enjoy the F#($*&G SNOW that we have to shovel out of our drive every F(*#&$@G damn morning.
Posted by: Heidi at February 27, 2007 05:56 PM (nVDdp)
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Maybe I'm the odd one, because I live for Spring. Winter time here in Ohio is very dreary, and it is a very dark time for me, in many ways. I wait for months for Spring to come, but lately we haven't had much of Spring, just straight from Winter to blistering hot Summer. I have to agree, though, Spring stinks something fierce.
Posted by: Jill at February 27, 2007 06:03 PM (6LZya)
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We just had to have bangs the size of the Berlin Wall in the 80's, and because of that all of the damn geraniums will die. Nice.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Dat's true.
Oh and I love Spring. Even though it's raining here too, but we need it for the grapes. Thank GOD it's been raining; it's no damn fun when we don't have enough rain, and then Wine Spectator or some hoity-toity wine critic does an article on "Northern CA's lack of rain causes stress to vineyards" yatta, BS, blah, and then nobody wants to buy wine from that vintage. That happened in '98 and sales fell dramatically.
Rain Good.
No rain, Bad.
Posted by: Amber (the other one) at February 27, 2007 06:06 PM (zQE5D)
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Spring? What is this season? I live in Arkansas and we go from cold in winter to the fiery pits of hell in April. Then we have about a day and a half of fall and then it's winter again. Good times, good times.
Posted by: Lindsay at February 27, 2007 06:45 PM (mHNC3)
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Well, I used to like spring, even though Dallas had very little of it before OMG THE HEAT.
But then I moved here. Spring here is much longer, which might be nice if it weren't also marked by daily 20-35 mile an hour winds. You know, the better to spread all the dust?
I admit dust smells better than mud, but that's about all it's got going for it. And mud seldom blows into one's eyes. I don't know how people who wear contacts can stand this season here.
Posted by: ilyka at February 27, 2007 07:36 PM (l/ZiE)
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Dude, I have one word: Michigan. Dirty snowbanks. Dried out roads that are white with salt residue. Mud that sucks your shoes off your feet. Snow in April. 50 degree weather in June that gives way to 100 degree heat in July.
At least there is a little color in your world. Besides, for some reason Fall has always been the season of renewal for me-everything hides away or dies and calmly waits for the sun to shine again. Morbid maybe, but that would be me in a nutshell.
Posted by: Teresa at February 28, 2007 04:29 PM (JRUHQ)
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What kind of a sick person are you? Not liking spring? Bunnies and buds( on the trees, not the type you smoke), green grass, and all that?
I think it stems from living in a temperate climte. Live in PA or Minnesota for a winter, and you'll be jumping up and down for spring.
Posted by: Tom Bux at March 01, 2007 05:37 PM (YuwDy)
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February 26, 2007
When a Statue Isn't Just a Statue
I have a confession to make.
OK, so, you know last night was Oscar night.
I know-in the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal. Oscar night does not change the price of your stock portfolio. It does not solve the problem of world hunger. It does not end that pesky little trouble of preventing tights from getting snags.
But what Oscar night is, is fucking great.
My confession? I love the Oscars.
I used to be huge on watching the Oscars. It was a big deal to me, and a routine went with it-I would have popcorn. The couch would be fully occupied by the space of my butt for the duration of the awards. I would - I can't believe I'm telling you this - cut out the list of nominees and categories from the newspaper and tick off the winners. I would then keep the list for ages, for reasons unknown even to myself.
I would try to see all the films nominated, or at least those in the main categories. The best foreign films were generally on their own though (unless I was dating an indie freak, then I seemed to have known them all AND could have told you how many times in total there were penis and/or beaver shots in the films), and the categories of Best Short Film and Best Documentary became known in my home as Best Time To Go Make More Popcorn. I went through untold amounts of Diet Cherry Coke (my drinking years really only kicked off once I moved to Sweden, although I like to think what my reaction would have been to the Oscars halfway through a bottle of cabernet - "Helly Billy! Yo! Crystal! Yeah, you! How about a few fewer musical numbers, you nutsack?")
In short, I loved the Oscars.
I also watched the Emmys, because I want to make one thing clear-I'm not an elitist. I worship both film AND television (except the Daytime Emmy Awards. I didn't care about those, I just tuned in to the results to check and see if Susan Lucci ever won.) I have equal amounts of time for both of them, my adoration to the celluloid world of people who don't exist is complete. The Grammys can go fuck themselves, and who the hell even watches the Tony awards? The Golden Globes weren't really a big thing yet when I left the States, but I suspect I would have been a Golden Globe junkie too. It had all the right elements-big party frocks and an "I'm an everyday kind of gal/guy" attitude that the Oscars don't have. I think you could even get by with drinking a beer at the Golden Globes, it's that laid back (rather like the MTV Awards, in which I'm sure even the theatre seats smell like pot.)
I even remember me some Oscars. I remember Geena Davis winning for Accidental Tourist, and at the time I adored her ice blue gown. Looking back now, that dress is clearly something she ripped from a 19 year-old Cinderella extra at Disneyland, but at the time, it was amazing. I remember Joe Pesci winning and giving the best speech in history - he went up to the mike, took the award, shook hands with the presenter, turned to the podium and said, "It's my privilege, thank you." and walked off.
Beautiful. Just the right combinations of "This is cool, thanks" and "Fuck off".
I laughed at Roberto Begnini's antics (what the hell happened to that guy? He just disappeared after that film). I remember being shocked with Whoopi Goldberg won, as well as wondering just what she was thinking when she left the house dressed like that. I was equally surprised when Marisa Tomei won (she later went on to haunt me with the following seriously crap films which I always seem to watch when feeling very hormonal, thus there I am crying at a very crap Marisa Tomei film. I clearly did something to her in a past life to get paid back like this.) I remember rooting for The English Patient and L.A. Confidential. I remember loathing James Cameron. I cried at every one of those montages where they showed the icons and stars who had died that year (I cried, as well as often exclaimed "He's dead, too? When did that happen?")
As a kid of course I used to have my own Oscar speeches. I was always thrilled to win the Best Actress Oscar, going up to the podium to accept my award in the world's most gorgeous gown and accepting my award from either Sean Astin or the New Kids on the Block (SHUT UP, I was a kid!) where I would wipe a few tears away, thank the cast and crew of my film, hold my hand on my heart and thank Meryl Streep (who would be crying and blowing kisses at me, her handkerchief clutched to her throat) as the world's greatest mentor, and I would dedicate my Oscar to all the little girls who want to be an actress, just like I used to. I would have a standing ovation (of course), and the orchestra wouldn't play their music before I had finished, because they were that nice to me.
I have to further confess that as I grew up, my Oscar speech changed. As an adult I would be presented the Oscar by George Clooney who would graciously kiss me (Mmmmmmmm......give me a moment here.) My Oscar would be for Best Screenplay, and I would thank Steven Speilberg (who would be crying and blowing kisses at me, his handkerchief clutched to his throat) for interpreting my words so perfectly with his direction. I would thank the main actor and actress of the film - Gwenyth Paltrow and Tom Hanks (both of whom would be crying and blowing kisses at me, their handkerchiefs clutched to their throats, in case you see a theme here) for bringing my beloved characters to life. I would choke and admit that my screenplay and book were my life, my dream, and the total embodiment of all my hopes. I wouldn't cry (like the aforementioned Gwenyth - you should never come apart like that on the Oscar stage, it isn't done) but I would be the epitome of gratitude and love. Once off-stage I'd do my press conference, and then go to a few after-Oscar parties snuggling into my man, and then get snapped going for tacos at Taco Bell and the headlines the next day would scream "Golden Winner Proves She's a Real Woman, Too!"
Yeah, OK. I know it'll never happen, but still. It was a nice diversion when in business meetings.
So I love the Oscars. They used to air the show in Sweden and I'd watch them in the middle of the night. Over here we don't get the coverage, but I devour the websites and will be buying the magazines (People magazines annual coverage of the Oscar gowns is always an orgasmic edition for me.)
So no Oscars for me here, although E! did air their Red Carpet pre-show (will someone PLEASE get rid of this Ryan Seacrest schmuck?) I feel pretty cut up about missing the Oscars themselves, but I'll get the magazines. I read the websites. I still pretend it could happen to me (it won't) and I still love the obscene glamour and pageantry of the whole thing, even if I don't get my popcorn and my checklist of winners anymore.
Hi. My name is Helen, and I'm an Oscar addict.
-H.
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We have a tradition at our house where al of us fill out our own Oscar ballots and whoever gets the most right gets their picture taken with an Oscar replica. My wife has won it the last 3 years, but I am pleased to announce that I won it last night.
So I'd like to thank the Academey. It has indeed been a privelege. Now, where's my goodie bag?
Posted by: ~Easy at February 26, 2007 12:26 PM (eVLXY)
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I share your addiction. I wanted last night to be the best ever, but alas, it was only mediocre. Ellen was good, but not great. Everyone behaved (for which I am glad; no protests, etc.) but they were almost too polite. Dresses were elegant and showed the trend to the old-world glamour of the 40's and 50's.
The chit chat written for the presenters was better than in past years - but boring. The only comic relief was when little Jaden Smith flubbed the lines he was reading and nearly jumped the gun on the next award. But he is so cute, we clapped for him anyway!
I was pulling for Eddie Murphy in Dreamgirls, but he didn't win. It's a pity; he was excellent in it! Oops, hope that's not giving info you didn't want yet.
I watched every minute of the 5 hours. The Barbara Walters Special was on at 7 pm and then there was 30 mins. of red-carpet chat (inane) and the show started at 8:30 and went overtime to about 12:15. Way too long, and there was only one production number. Any questions? I'll be glad to fill in the gaps for you.
Posted by: kenju at February 26, 2007 12:56 PM (L8e9z)
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Rejoice - they do have it over here! It is only live on Sky Movies at 1:30 am though unfortunately. I wasn't willing to shell out money for sky movies but some friends ordered it for a month just so we could all watch it. (We are fanatics just like you.) I am so tired today! But hey - heads up the 2 hours oscar highlights are on sky one tonight at 10 pm - thats what I ended up watching last year. Not exactly the same but it was nice to see something.
Posted by: Lee at February 26, 2007 01:19 PM (lN4Rc)
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And here I thought I was the only one with the Awards-show obsessions since I was a kid. It's been years since I've actually written out my ballots, though. I did have to stop myself from doing them for fear of the looks from my boyfriends at the time.
Posted by: amber at February 26, 2007 02:28 PM (+QIvh)
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Be sure to watch the Will Ferrell and Jack Black duet on YouTube!
Posted by: geeky at February 26, 2007 03:23 PM (ziVl9)
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Screw the awards. Just give me the shwag bag.
Posted by: amy t. at February 26, 2007 03:38 PM (3dOTd)
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I'm bewildered; I thought it was aired over there? I'm sorry you missed it, I'm also a huge "fan". It was more subdued this year than I think I've ever seen it before but perhaps appropriate considering how batshiat craz-ee the Rich and Famous have become recently. It was nice to see that there are still celebrities who aren't in rehab.
Okay, I fell asleep halfway through. Still...
Helen Mirren was SMOKIN' HOT, wasn't she?! I'm not kidding, we were all stunned at her beauty. And I don't *think* she's had work; if she has, I couldn't see where. Very nice to see a woman who isn't trying to look 20 when she's 60. Beautiful dress, beautiful looks, just wonderful.
Joan Rivers was hosting on TVGuide channel and OMG, what a difference! I know she's older than Mirren but she's had SO much work done, she looks like an alien poodle. Just...wow. I read somewhere that the reason people go back again and again to get plastic surgery is that as you age, if you've had work done on your face, your face doesn't age the *same* anymore. One side slips more than the other, etc. This happens with us all but at least if you haven't done anything to your face, the sagging stays somewhat together.
But when they go in there and start cutting and pulling the skin, it will never "age" correctly again. One eye will come down more than the other, one side of the mouth more, etc., you get the picture.
And Joan's face is doing that; one eye was below the other eye and you can see how the whole face has been pulled up but now it's slipping...gross.
Like Spielberg's wife who was so very beautiful and I'm sure she would have aged wonderfully on her own but she's had her face and lips done so much, she's ruined her once stunning good looks.
Okay, you weren't looking for a treatise on elective plastic surgery, lol.
And yes, please look up the Jack Black, Will Farrell thing on YouTube, funny stuff.
Posted by: Amber (the other one) at February 26, 2007 03:56 PM (zQE5D)
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OH MY GOD-the Will Ferrell, Jack Black and John C Reilly skit was brilliant. I just watched it on YouTube. I laughed until I cried ("MARK WAHLBERG! WHERE ARE YOU? I won't mess with you, you're actually kinda bad ass." Yeah, seriously-my Buddy loving just never ends.)
Posted by: Helen at February 26, 2007 03:59 PM (eNrfz)
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Excellent - so this is the place where I DON'T have to feel guilty that I sat my ass down on the couch at 3 for the pre-show fashion parade (two channels/flipping!!), and didn't get up 'til 10 when Baba Wawa bored me. I loved the whole show. And I'll take that George moment as well - yum!
Posted by: loribo at February 26, 2007 04:04 PM (d7BMO)
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You come sit next to me, Loribo. Popcorn?
Posted by: Helen at February 26, 2007 04:13 PM (eNrfz)
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Will do - microwave, no transfats
And you MUST check out the Fug girls live blogging of the Oscars. It's almost like being there: http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2007/02/fugging_the_oscars_1.html
Posted by: loribo at February 26, 2007 04:18 PM (d7BMO)
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Love the Oscars too! Can't miss it ever, which annoys my husband to no end. He's just glad now that award season is over. Because I? Have to watch them all. Golden Globes are actually my favorites, I also like the SAG awards too. Shorter and much more fun. But I thought Ellen was a great host last night. Hopefully you'll get to see some of her stuff.
Posted by: donna at February 26, 2007 05:10 PM (Np8VQ)
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I don't even know who you ARE anymore.
Posted by: statia at February 26, 2007 05:11 PM (NsnoE)
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Ryan Seacrest? Not going anywhere until the American Idol ship sinks (he hosts it). Even then, it sounds like he's taking over for Dick Clark on New Years Eve. He has a radio show and hosts E! News.
Overexposed much?
I actually stayed awake for the entire show last night. It dragged on until 11:30pm central for fucks sake. Ellen did a good job - kept things light but used "I'd hate to follow that!" too many times.
Posted by: Michele at February 26, 2007 05:11 PM (5VGFA)
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I grew up in Hollywood so of course I've always watched the Oscars. I still do, though I miss the rambling, drunken speeches from the 1970s and 80s.
Me? I love when it runs over, love when people keep talking over the music, wear stuff that is freakish. And yeah, the red carpet. Mmm.
Posted by: Ezpy at February 26, 2007 06:32 PM (foP5G)
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So do it then - Write your screenplay - You can, I have faith in you even if you don't. You say you want to write, No?
I watch the Academy Awards every year too. Unfortunately last night I fell asleep before the good stuff probably around 11:30pm and woke briefly just to see Helen Mirren get best actress.
Diet Cherry Coke!!! oh yes, Do they carry that in the markets over there. I don't see it much over here anymore (VA.) in 2 liters or even 12 packs but now we have Cherry Coca Cola Zero that has just come out. Love, Love, Love it.
Posted by: kimmykins13 at February 26, 2007 07:51 PM (iy13m)
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While we're "coming out" ...
I too am an Oscars addict and cry through all the speeches - even the ones for people I don't know and couldn't care less about. My husband despairs at coming in to the room and seeing me snivelling to some guy getting an award for "Best sound production in a Belgian Western" (ok ... you get the idea...).
The funny thing is that I'm actually married to an Australian film director and when we have done red carpet events (obviously in Oz on a much smaller scale) it's just lots of standing around! Only major upside if the free champagne is GREAT! :-)
Posted by: flikka at February 26, 2007 09:45 PM (VefMs)
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February 23, 2007
Dreaming and Recovery
It's been a bit of an introspective week for me-I swing from body functions to looking inward with the turn of a spindle-and I'm no different today.
I got an email from someone I consider a friend. They had lost someone that they loved very much, and they were spooling with grief. Grief, this is something I know.
The grief carried over into my dreams last night. Lately, I've been having very vivid, vibrant dreams which often veer on the side of Kafka. Even though I get healthier and healthier, the Kafka, they'll never leave. I think my night terrors are the pennance I pay for my actions either in this life or the last. I can tell you my penance is resolute, and someday when I die, I will be free from them.
Last night was no different. My dreams started off well, I dreamt I had mad crazy loving with Nick Stokes from CSI, before he got a call for a 419 and had to leave (I am clearly watching too much CSI). As he left he told me to take care of that veruca on the bottom of my foot (it still won't go away), and even though he was patronizing, goddamn he was hot in bed. Of course, the fact that we were shagging in an antique bed in a Medieval Mansion I was doing an archaeological study in was a sideshow, the focus was Nick Stokes in bed, really.
I'm sure my dreams are wildly uninteresting to you.
But here's the thing. What I read before bed carried over into my dreams, and I dreamt that I descended down a huge staircase (this is after soaking in the hot male scent of Nick Stokes, of course.) At the bottom was a swish party, and everyone was in tuxedos and fabulous dresses. Some had masks on. And at the bottom of the stairs, in a wheelchair, was Kim.
I haven't dreamt about Kim for a while. Kim has been dead nearly 7 years now, and I stopped looking for him in crowds a long time ago. In real life, the last time I did see him was in a hospital bed and in a wheelchair, as leukemia raped him and left him for dead. In real life, the last time I saw him his voice was quiet, and he didn't look like the man I remembered him to be.
Dying does that to you.
In my dream I descended down the staircase in a silk dress the color of buttercream. Everything moved slowly, and all I could see through the noise and hubbub of the party was him. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I had to talk to him, there was something I had to tell him, there was something I had been waiting so long to tell him about. It was a warning, and it was the one thing I had to give him.
I wrapped my arms around him. "You have to go to a doctor, before it's too late. They can catch it earlier than they did, they can save you if they find it now."
In my dream I look down at Kim again. He smiles at me. I smile back, and feel a thousand levels of ache for what I know is going to happen.
And then I woke up.
I don't know if forewarning him could have saved him. He hated doctors, and he waited until the disease was advanced before seeking treatment. The truth is, I simply think this was the way it was supposed to be. I used to rage against the world for taking him out of it and leaving someone like me in it, I used to think God had a fucked up sense of humor and karma was a piece of shit.
But even forewarning him wouldn't have changed the path of our lives. Even if he had made it I'd still be here and he'd still be there. Although I thought that he would be the one I would eventually die with, maybe that was never in the cards regardless of his death. He was a beautiful, extraordinary part of my life and always will be.
Warning him would not have saved him.
Even if it had, we still wouldn't have been together, although the world would have been better off for having him in it.
And so I get out of bed and I walk the dog. I laugh with Angus and go for a swim at the gym. When I leave the gym I drive home and feel my skin tingle, I feel alive. This is my life and I love it. I get home and find that Angus has booked us a short holiday to Iceland in May, and I am absolutely over-the-moon about it. I feel happy. I feel calm. Right now my life is a bubble that I hold gently and lovingly-I couldn't feel better about some aspects of my life right now, and I could never have believed I would ever be in this place.
I wish my friend's heart peace and comfort, and it will get there someday. I wish her dreams like the one I had, where you see the ones you loved once and you find ways to tell them you still care and always will. I wish her the chance to wake up from dreams, too, and find life embracing you in every way possible.
-H.
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What a good post. It is good that you understand that you couldn't have done anything to get Kim to the doctor sooner. It happened the way it was supposed to. Karma can be punishment for past life decisions but things can also happen so as to allow you to make different and hopefully better decisions in the future. I hope your friend can find comfort despite her loss, and I also hope that your dreams continue to bring you understanding and hope.
Posted by: kenju at February 23, 2007 01:03 PM (L8e9z)
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You know H..they say that when you dream of the deceased that it's their way of coming to visit you. Maybe it was he...that came to you. To tell YOU something. Maybe in that smile he's telling you that everything IS all right. And that you should be happy. Even if you don't believe it. It's a nice thought. No?
Posted by: Tiffani at February 23, 2007 04:09 PM (1hldt)
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That's exactly what I was thinking, Tiffani. Maybe it is Kim, just letting you know that he knows all that's going on with you. That's he's okay and that's it's perfectly fine for you to be okay, too.
Posted by: Lindsay at February 23, 2007 10:05 PM (mHNC3)
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Yes. I agree with the others. They just said it better.
Posted by: sue at February 23, 2007 11:37 PM (3Eu3B)
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that was beautiful. thank you.
Posted by: becky at February 24, 2007 02:24 AM (gxmeq)
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I agree with Tiffani, I've come to view
dreams of deceased loved ones as a gift they're sending us. For me, I was finally able to make peace with my father. I hope you can find the same as well.
Posted by: maolcolm at February 25, 2007 12:34 PM (fzfXq)
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February 22, 2007
It's the Little Things
Reading the comments the other day from the "Life is Short" post, I realized you were on to something. Maybe the best and greatest that we take with us when we go isn't a punch the air kind of day, it's a collection of tiny memories that will replay on a loop for us. And
Angela pointed something else out-a lot of the bigger days that you may remember are actually no good rotten very bad days.
She has a point.
In my ongoing effort to continue to get healthy (and if you read here, I'm going to drag you with me), I try to focus on the positive. I'm not happy in my career, but I have a great family. I may not like my looks but I sure like my dog. I have a series of failed relationships but I have a pretty good man now. I'm not getting any younger but my skin is holding up so bathing in vats of virgin blood can be put off for a while longer.
And even though my entire life has been one giant whirlwind, a series of lurching from disaster to disaster, I like to imagine that someday, when I'm old and gray and alone, I'll have little memories that I'll hold in my hand, memories like little marshmallows, and the longer I hold them the stickier they'll get.
I look around me and wonder what kinds of things people will hold close to them later in their lives. For Donna it's maybe the sweetest horse. For Statia, it's perhaps getting through the roadblock of infertility and making me an Auntie (for those who follow her, I'll spill the beans. She's giving birth on the 17th of March because it's St. Patrick's Day, and the truth is, she's giving birth to Lucky the Leprechaun-I hear her Leprechaun comes out not just magically delicious, but also with a bowl of cereal ready for the breastfeeding service. Shhhhh-you heard it here first.) For Teresa, it may be about knitting that perfect piece, and for Lindsay it may be pouring a bowl of General Mills cereal (Booberry FOREVER!)
Different things for different people.
So I thought about my life and my list. Now, there was this film I remember watching a long time ago called Brainstorm. The key point of this film (besides putting aside the disbelief that Natalie Wood and Christopher Walken could get it on) is what the memories on one's life look like when you cross from life to death (bear with me here, I'm not about to start peddling crystals or anything). A scientist in the film has a heart attack, and she records her memories as she's dying. Her memories are everything from the good to the bad, the young to the old, and as she passes away her memories become clearer and clearer...but they are everyday, ordinary memories. A lifetime of the day-to-day, little glimpses of just getting on with that thing called life.
You're probably right-the little things are the things I want to take with me. Of course I want to remember what it was like to get engaged in Whistler, but I also want to remember what it was like to feed the birds from my hand half-way up Whistler mountain. I want to remember settling in to this house we have, but I also want to remember laughing and painting the kitchen and drinking wine on the mattress in the living room as we dreamt big dreams.
My little memories maybe mean nothing to anyone-playing Frogger on the Atari with a braid swinging down my back. Swimming with Melissa in the freezing cold New Zealand waters as dolphins dove and splashed around us. Running through the bluebells with Gorby. Catching fireflies on a hot summer night as a kid. Drinking wine and watching a Santorini sunset with Angus. Having my hand held in Bangkok. Walking across Waterloo Bridge. Hovering as I snorkel, in perfect peace and quiet, in the Indian Ocean off the coast of the Seychelles. Making risotto. IM'ing with a friend.
These are what I want to take with me.
I've had punch the air days. I got jobs, I got loves, I got good tests, I got success. Those days, they may not stay with me. I had a punch the air day yesterday, actually, but in time that exact day may fade and be replaced by an ordinary image. And I'm ok with that. I'm going to try to imagine that my life is a big corkboard, and the soft crunchy sound that a pushpin makes as it gives way into the cork is where I place each memory. Riding a bicycle as a kid, with a banana seat and those plastic streamer things flowing from the handlebars - *crunch*. That night we stayed up all night talking, and I'd never talked like that before - *crunch*.
Maybe someday I'll use this blog to look back on the everyday, and in the everyday, I'll find amazing comfort.
-H.
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That's kind of how I look at my blog. It's not for anyone else. It's for me. It's amazing how much we forget just over the course of a year. I want something that I'll be able to look back on and see what my life was like, what I held dear at the time, and how my perspective has changed as I've grown. And it's an excellent way to track the little, day to day things.
May your bulletin board be full of pushpins.
Posted by: amy t. at February 22, 2007 04:01 PM (+FpFc)
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I so agree with you. I was just telling my husband this morning that my "dark" blog is a way for me to put down history the way it was before someone tries to tell me it wasn't that way at all. Yes, it was. I lived it. I know. The blog is an amazing way of recording these moments in our lives... the good, bad and the ugly... as well as the amazing.
I wish I could find the words to do it as well as you do. You are such a great "finder of the words". Happy Life, Helen. So much more to go...
Posted by: sue at February 22, 2007 04:26 PM (DIsMj)
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As I've gotten older I've learned that it really IS the little things that matter. Even within the Big Moments, its the little ones that you latch onto. You can't hold your entire wedding day as a memory, its made up of those moments that make up the whole. The sensory inputs, the revelations in your own head.
Posted by: Donna at February 22, 2007 07:13 PM (lQSbL)
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For me too. Like Sue and Amy. Each post is a note on a calendar, or a snapshot on a wall. My blog is like a mental version of the Flickr 365 thing. What I'm thinking and who I am TODAY. And it sure frees up space on the bulletin board for the quiet moments I want to remember alone.
Posted by: caltechgirl at February 22, 2007 07:42 PM (/vgMZ)
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You can do that without writing it on the blog. As I get older, the things I remember the most are the happenings that made me feel really good about myself or about someone I loved. That can be as simple as holding hands while walking on the beach. It doesn't have to be a punch-the-air kind of thing, as you know.
Posted by: kenju at February 22, 2007 10:31 PM (L8e9z)
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You're absolutely right - it's the little things. I was trying to say the same thing earlier, but ended up with some windy substitute. And what counts most are the memories - things which are meaningful only to ourselves (and sometimes others that we may have shared the moment with). The people I pity the most are those that can't remember the memories, the small snapshots of life as we grow. So hold on to those little things, they are what make you YOU.
Posted by: diamond dave at February 22, 2007 10:45 PM (XRIjq)
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You're so right, and I am very happy that you are savoring the everyday. Of course that is not to say that one day will be "your day"-a great big fist in the air day. Until then, the little steps are the ones that will take you there.
I want you to know that it would take more then clicking a little 'x' to put you out of my mind (not that I would try anything like that ;-)). Your words rattle around in my mind all the time-you have a real gift, and I am glad you share it with us.
And if I ever knit that perfect piece, you will surely be the first to know.
Posted by: Teresa at February 23, 2007 04:18 AM (pkfGe)
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